Bad Ads - Bud Light

Where to begin?

First of all, I'm not sure that you really want your tag line to be that if you're holding a Bud Light you're obviously "up for whatever." Like, obviously this guy has no standards, no concern for his safety. . . he'll obviously try anything once if he'll drink this swill!


Secondly, Jimmy  Johnson is creepy as hell, especially since he did those ads for penis-enlargement pills



which I assume are a total fraud, or otherwise the men of America would all be walking around tripping over their wieners all day. And for a man as rich as Kimmy Johnson, former college and NFL coach, current television broadcaster, to sign on to a cheap con like this is shameful. Bad enough to do ads for a legitimate product, but do you really need to scrounge up a few more bucks taking advantage of gullible insecure saps?

Anyway. . .

The black  guy sitting with "Sean" is also holding a Bud Light, so he should also be "up for whatever," but as soon as Johnson walks in, the black guy immediately gets up like "this guy's obviously here to meet you, Sean" and gives up his seat so Johnson and "Sean" can play football. Like it never occurs to anyone, not even the black guy, that the black guy might enjoy a game of electric football with a gross, creepy former NFL coach. No, he just wordlessly stands up and gets out of the way so that his white friend can get the celebrity treatment.

Also, there is a woman in a 49ers shirt who is all excited to see Jimmy Johnson. 49er fans HAAAAAAATE Jimmy Johnson. Hate him! 49er fans hate Jimmy Johnson the way Republicans hate Obama. Deeply,  viscerally, irrationally hate him. There is no way this woman is cheering the appearance of Jimmy Johnson.

Also, too, no one has ever enjoyed electric football. I wanted one of those games so bad when I was a kid, and I found one at a garage sale, and it was even the 49ers against someone. I was so excited. then I took it home and plugged it in, and immediately realized I'd been ripped off. The players just sort of vibrate around aimlessly, occasionally falling down.  There's no real way to run any actual plays or have any kind of defensive strategy or really do much of anything other than watch the little players buzz around pointlessly until the one who has the tiny ball falls over or happens to stumble across the goal line. No one has ever found this stupid game fun.

But then again, no one has ever enjoyed Bud Light, either.

Come on, it's Lovely Weather. . .

. . . For a Slave-Ride Together With You.

I'm very sorry.

Troublesome Christmas Song Lyrics - Vol III

In what is becoming a holiday quasi-tradition (here and here ) The Daily Irritant once again presents Questionable Christmas Songs:

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Why does the song begin with this?

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

So basically you're saying that in order to keep Santa happy you must not express any emotion?  Okay, I get pouting as a behavioral issue, maybe, but crying? Why is a healthy expression of sadness or frustration or pain be considered the kind of wrongdoing that would result in one being placed on Santa's naughty list?  That can't be a healthy lesson to teach a child. Santa knows if you've been bad or good, so you better keep a smile plastered on your face no matter how you feel!





Which reminds me of another popular Christmas song

Away in a Manger

The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes,
But little Lord Jesus no crying he makes.


 Why? Why wouldn't Baby Jesus cry? He's a newborn infant, if he doesn't cry, something's wrong. Why do we associate a lack of crying with goodness? We all do it. When someone has a baby that doesn't cry much, we say "oh, he's such a good boy!" But we can't even assume that because the Baby Jesus is the holy, sinless son of God, that somehow means he wouldn't cry, because:

Luke 19:41
As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it


John 11:35
35Jesus wept. 36So the Jews were saying, "See how He loved him!"…


So, if we know that adult Jesus cried, why would we assume that the baby Jesus didn't?

I don't know. But there is apparently something about Christmas that makes people want to suppress any negative emotions.

Presented without comment

Except to say skip forward to about 1:10 to skip the interminable opening credits.

Why I should never be a parent

because, based on things I've said to or thought about my friends' kids, I'm pretty sure I would say things like this:

Oh, sorry  kiddo. Didn't you hear? Yeah, the Disney Channel went off the air. But don't worry, they're showing a John Ford marathon on Turner Classic Movies!




You don't like Taylor Swift. No, you don't. Now go to your room and listen to your Wilco CDs!





No, they don't make Barbie dolls anymore. But here, I got you this cool Michone action figure! Check out her awesome katana!



No, I didn't get you a princess costume for Halloween. You and your brother are going as Franklin and Eleanore  Roosevelt. Yes, again!

Harry Potter? Never heard of him. But since you seem interested in magical realism, may I suggest The House of the Spirits?


The Times was right, it is quite spectacular.