Least Surprising Headline of the Day

(from Daily Kos)

Leno's Tonight Show adds Laugh Track

to Sarah Palin Appearance

That makes sense.Because when i saw clips of her "comedy" routine and heard laughter, I was sorta perplexed. I mean, if my five-year-old nephew had told those jokes, I would have had trouble conjuring up any real-sounding courtesy laughs, and I like my five-year-old nephew.

Her material reminded me of an alleged cominc who goes by the name of "Ant." He was a contestant on the first season of "Last Comic Standing." All of his jokes basically boiled down to "Hey, guess what? I'm Gay! Isn't that hilarious?"
Palin's jokes all seemed to be variations on "I'm from Alaska. Alaska's really cold. Isn't that hilarious?" Well, no. No it isn't. Cold weather isn't really funny, being gay isn't really funny, and being fat isn't really funny (looking at you, Louie Anderson)

So, fine, a marginal political figure sucks as a comic. Big deal. Who would have expected her to do well? Why dub in a laugh track to make it seem that she did? Or better yet, why have this nitwit on the show at all?

from the AFA:

Bible ignored, trainer dies

You are aware by now that a 12,000 pound killer whale at SeaWorld Orlando killed his trainer Dawn Brancheau yesterday by pulling her into a pool and dragging her around until she drowned, in front of a crowd of stunned guests.

Chalk another death up to animal rights insanity and to the ongoing failure of the West to take counsel on practical matters from the Scripture.

Wait, what? What did the Scriptures have to say about Orca-training techniques?
And since when does keeping a whale in a glorified swimming pool and teaching it to do tricks qualify as animal rights?

But mainly, what about Scripture?

If the counsel of the Judeo-Christian tradition had been followed, Tillikum would have been put out of everyone's misery back in 1991 and would not have had the opportunity to claim two more human lives.

Says the ancient civil code of Israel, "When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner shall not be liable." (Exodus 21:28)

What the???? Stoned?!?! Seaworld should have STONED the Whale?

So, your animal kills somebody, your moral responsibility is to put that animal to death.

That's your moral responsibility? You capture an unsuspecting wild animal, drag it away from its home, keep it in captivity and force it to put on shows, and when it finally remembers how to act like the wild animal it is, then your MORAL RESPONSIBILITY is to KILL IT????

But, the Scripture soberly warns, if one of your animals kills a second time because you didn't kill it after it claimed its first human victim, this time you die right along with your animal. To use the example from Exodus, if your ox kills a second time, "the ox shall be stoned, and its owner also shall be put to death." (Exodus 21:29)

If I were the family of Dawn Brancheau, I'd sue the pants off SeaWorld for allowing this killer whale to kill again after they were well aware of its violent history.

No, you know what, fuck that. No one gets sued in the Old Testament. Everyone involved in the SeaWorld business get fucking stoned! I might accept drawn and quartered, but a lawsuit? Hell no! This is clearly a capital offense.

Also, we should stone anyone who commits adultery (Leviticus 20:10 ), any stubborn or rebellious children (Deuteronomy 21:18-21), or anyone who ignores a priest (Deuteronomy 17:12). source
Stone 'em all!

Oh, killing things, is there no problem you can't solve?

Sarah Palin Finds Something Else She Can Quit

Press Release: Palin Book Deal

HARPERCOLLINS ANNOUNCES PUBLICATION
OF A NEW SARAH PALIN BOOK

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Sarah Palin's new book, currently untitled, will be a celebration of American virtues and strengths. Palin will reflect on the key values—both national and spiritual—that have been such a profound part of her life and which continue to inform her vision of the future. The book will include selections from classic and contemporary readings that have inspired her, as well as portraits of some of the extraordinary men and women she admires and who embody her love of country, faith, and family. She will also draw from her personal experience to amplify these timely (and timeless) themes.

So, Sarah Palin's new book will be a collection of excerpts from other books?

So I guess Sarah Palin has found something else she can quit. She can quit even pretending to write her own books.

Fred Thompson Makes a Funny!

Who decided it was a good idea for political figures to have Twitter accounts?
Even marginal figures like Fred Thompson should probably leave the teen-based technology alone.

Because here's the sort of thing that Fred Thompson thinks his followers might enjoy reading:
(Oh, God. Fred Thompson has followers!!!!)

Ahahahaha!!!!! Oh, my God, Fred, that was so so so funny.

See, it's funny because, um. . . well, I 'm not sure why it's funny.

I guess the idea is, see, if that tennis player was in charge of interrogations, all we'd have to do is challenge the terrorists to a tennis match , and then the guy would hit such a good shot that the terrorist's ankles would break, and then we could ask him questions, and he'd be all like "Death to Amer. . .oh, fuck it, my ankle hurts, here's where Bin Laden's hiding."

Or, I don't know, maybe it's just funny when some lady that you don't like for some reason experiences a painful injury? Maybe that's it. Oh, Fred Thompson, what a clever, witty man you must be!

A question from a young lady

Yes, you in the front row. You had a question?


Um, how embarrassed am I going to be in a few years about my love for the Jonas Brothers?

Well, let's ask some women of various ages what they think.

Hey, don't feel bad. When I was your age, I was in love with the Backstreet Boys!

When I was in junior high, I had a huge crush on the New Kids on the Block. So, you know, it could be worse!

Don't worry, I was head-over-heels for Donny Osmond and Shaun Cassidy when I was young. And I turned out fine.

Hmm, when I was a teen, I was crazy about The BEATLES!
So, um. . . yeah.

Ouch!