As If Working At Colonial Williamsburg Didn't Suck Enough

Now the place is being invaded by teabaggers!

"Tea party" activists drawn to Williamsburg and its portrayal of Founding Fathers

By Amy Gardner

Washington Post Staff Writer

Amid the history buffs and parents with young children wandering along the crushed shell paths of Virginia's restored colonial city, some noticeably angrier and more politically minded tourists can often be found.

They stand in the crowd listening closely as the costumed actors relive dramatic moments in the founding of our country. They clap loudly when an actor portraying Patrick Henry delivers his "Give me liberty or give me death" speech. They cheer and hoot when Gen. George Washington surveys the troops behind the original 18th-century courthouse.

Okay, so they love historical re-enactments, or maybe they don't even realize that it is a re-enactment, they might think they're really seeing Patrick Henry and George Washington, but I guess all in all they seem pretty harmless.

And they shout out about the tyranny of our current government during scenes depicting the nation's struggle for freedom from Britain.

Oooh. shoulda seen that coming.
Yeah, that's a totally apt comparison, an overseas monarchy levying taxes without any input from its subjects is pretty darn similar to a group of democratically elected representatives lowering taxes for most Americans. Boy, history repeats, as they say.

"General, when is it appropriate to resort to arms to fight for our liberty?" asked a tourist on a recent weekday during "A Conversation with George Washington," a hugely popular dialogue between actor and audience in the shaded backyard of Charlton's Coffeehouse.

Seriously? You're going to ask some actor for advice about when armed insurrection against the United States government is "appropriate?" Really? You know he's not really Washington, right? And if he were Washington, he would kick your sorry ass back to whatever hickville you came from for suggesting such a thing. You do know that when a bunch of whiskey distillers tried to pull this kind of shit he federalized several state militias to crush their tax-hating little asses, right? You all seem to know so much about the founding fathers, try reading up on the Whiskey Rebellion of the 1790's

Standing on a simple wooden stage before a crowd of about 100, the man portraying Washington replied: "Only when all peaceful remedies have been exhausted. Or if we are forced to do so in our own self-defense."

The tourist, a self-described conservative activist named Ismael Nieves from Elmer, N.J., nodded thoughtfully.

Oh, he nodded thoughtfully. That's great. Did he stroke his beard pensively, or cluck his tongue earnestly, or do any other thing that dumb people do when they think that they're smart?

"We live in a very dangerous time," Nieves said. "People are looking for leadership, looking for what to do. They're looking to Washington, Jefferson, Madison."

Oh, hey, yeah! Let's ask some dead guys to lead us! Or better yet, some actors pretending to be those dead guys! Oh, also, the times are only dangerous because of nutbags like you. You teabaggers are the ones talking about violent revolution and watering the tree of liberty with the blood of patriots and whatnot.

"I want to get to know our Founding Fathers," he added. "I think we've forgotten them. It's like we've almost erased them from history."

Um, only in Texas. Everywhere else, the history books are full of the Founding Fathers. Oh, I'm sorry "history book." It's a bunch of pieces of paper with words on them that tell about things that actually happened in the past. It's like a Glenn Beck book if it were written by someone not insane and dishonest.

"They all should come here and listen," said Bob Rohrbacher, a retired plumber from Floral Park, N.Y., who opposes President Obama and was inspired to visit Williamsburg while watching Glenn Beck on Fox News. "They've forgotten about America."

No, no. We remember America. "Horse With no No Name," right?

Sometimes, the activists appear surprised when the Founding Fathers don't always provide the "give 'em hell" response they seem to be looking for.

When a tourist asked George Washington a question about what should be done to those colonists who remain loyal to the tyrannical British king, Washington interjected: "I hope that we're all loyal, sir" -- a reminder that Washington, far from being an early agitator against the throne, was among those who sought to avoid revolution until the very end.

Ooh, that's not going to go over well. Everyone knows that George Washington would have hated everything in Washington and would have totally shot someone.

When another audience member asked the general to reflect on the role of prayer and religion in politics, he said: "Prayers, sir, are a man's private concern. They are not a matter of public interest. And nor should they be. There is nothing so personal as a man's relationship with his creator."

But, but. . . Mr. Washington, you founded this country as a fundamentalist theocracy, remember?

And when another asked whether the Boston Tea Party had helped rally the patriots, Washington disagreed with force: The tea party "should never have occurred," he said. "It's hurt our cause, sir."

This just in. . . George Washington, the dirty Commu-Nazi, is no longer considered one of the founding fathers. Clearly, he is a secret Muslim who wants nothing more than to destroy America. And he hates God!

Crazy Candidate Of The Day: our first two-time winner!

Today's Crazy Candidate is for the second time, Nevada's Sharron Angle!

Here's what Ms. Angle had to say during one of her super-rare appearances on the TV:
(with friendly FOX "news" guy Carl Cameron)

SHARRON ANGLE: We needed to have the press be our friend.

CAMERON: That sounds naive.

ANGLE: Well, no. We wanted them to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported.

Wow! Do you really not get how this works? Do you honestly think that the press is supposed to be PR hacks for your campaign? I know that's what you're used to getting from FOX, but in the real world, reporters are supposed to ask the questions they think are important, not the ones you think you might help your campaign. The press is there to help us, not you. And by us, I mean the American public, the voters, your potential constituents. It is not their job to put softballs up on a tee for you. This isn't the Tonight Show, you're supposed to be able to handle tough questions. What are you, channeling Sarah Palin?



And legitimate reporters are sure as hell not supposed to let you solicit donations on the air.

I guess this explains why Sharron Angle won't talk to any press but FOX.

Hell, she won't even take questions at her own media events



Oh, and here's what happens when Angle does get legitimate questions:



How this woman is considered a legitimate candidate for the US Senate is beyond me.

The Final Nail in the Coffin of American Journalism

Fox News gets front row White House seat

The White House Correspondents Association agreed to move the Associated Press to the front row, center seat, which had been held by Helen Thomas, who retired in June at age 89 after coming under fire for controversial remarks about Israel.

The new arrangement allowed the conservative Fox News to snag the front row seat previously occupied by AP. National Public Radio got the second row seat previously held by Fox, next to Bloomberg News.

"It was a very difficult decision," said the association, which is a self-governing body of the correspondents assigned to the White House.

Really? Was it a difficult decision, White House Correspondents Association? Really? Really agonized over this one, did ya? Really put a lot of thought into this? And you came up with this? Really? FOX moves to the front row? You decided to replace Helen Thomas with what, Hannity? Doocey? Beck? Really? Your decision was to piss on the grave of Helen Thomas's distinguished career before her chair is even cold?

Because I would think that the difficult decision would be whether to allow FOX to have a press credential at all, seeing as how they're not even close to a legitimate news organization. You couldn't have moved NPR up to the front? Mara Liasson is not worthy of the front row, but Greta Van Sustren is?

I mean, I would have liked to see Amy Goodman up front, or Greg Palast, but I wouldn't expect you to have big enough balls for that. But FOX? How do you look at yourselves in the mirror?

Little Known Manatee Facts

#1: If given the chance, a manatee will talk your ear off about Scientology.



#2: Although they appear heavy, the weight of an average Manatee
can be supported by a small child.



#3: Manatees are notoriously apolitical, rarely bothering to even vote.




#4: The ancient Druids worshiped the manatee as a deity. It is believed that each of the standing stones in Stonehenge was a representation of a different famous manatee.



#5: Manatees get a lot of chicks. Way more than you'd think.



#6: Young manatees are often mistaken for human infants.



#7: Seriously, a lot of chicks.



#8: Statistically, the US Postal Service employs more manatees than any other aquatic mammal.

.



#10: Many Bloggers will go to any lengths for an excuse to post pictures of manatees because manatees are awesome.

#9: The Nation of Norway has more Manatees per capita than any other Nordic Country. A government program provides each Norwegian with a lifetime supply of Manatees.

Apparently, Mary Pawlenty Has Caught Fire!

Because, otherwise there's just no explanation for this:

“I’m very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota,” said Gov. Tim Pawlenty, pointing to his wife, Mary, who was standing a few feet away.

(speechless)

Seriously, why would a man who seems to be planning on running for president in 2012 publicly refer to his wife the way a fraternity brother might refer to a girl he'd seen naked on the internet?

Clearly, the poor woman must have been set ablaze somehow. And from what I gather, no one in the crowd had the decency to try and put her out.

Always the good sport, Mrs. Pawlenty tried to put a positive spin on her fiery predicament:

As the audience roared, she said with a smile: “Who, when they’re turning 50, doesn’t like to be called a red-hot smoking wife?”