I'm sure Oprah is a good person. I've heard she does a lot of nice things for people. I know she built a school and all that. I have nothing personally against Oprah Winfrey. But dear God, it's just a talk show. Why are we acting like Oprah retiring her silly fluff-TV show is some sort of national tragedy?
On the way home from work, I caught a bit of the Randi Rhodes show (not really a fan, but it's nice to have a progressive voice on the air in Atlanta) and I had to turn the station. She spent two segments getting verklempt over Oprah and how much she means to people and on and on. She actually said that when people ask why she believes in God, she answers "Oprah." And I don't think she was joking.
I don't think she was joking because she also said, and I'm probably paraphrasing a little here, but she also said "If Oprah isn't God, God definitely works through her."
God. Seen here working in mysterious ways.
And here's the thing about Oprah. Before she became the queen of afternoon fluff, she ushered in an era of trash TV from which the industry has yet to recover. Before Oprah came along, there was Phil Donahue. And Phil Donahue and his guests and audience would talk about the things which in those days were known as "issues." Oprah took Phil's format, dragged it down to the local carnival and put it to work in the sideshow.
Instead of discussing issues, Oprah's show was about trannies and fetishes and extra-marital affiars.
And freaks. Lots and lots of freaks.
Soon, there came Geraldo Rivera
And Jenny Jones
And Sally Jesse Raphael
and Maury Povich
and Montel Williams
And on and on until you get to Jerry Springer, then Tyra Banks, and even Wendy Williams.
None of that is possible without Oprah Winfrey paving the way.
In fact, you could arguably draw a straight line from Oprah to Snooki.
Also, she gave us these folks:
So, please, let's not act like Oprah is some sort of national treasure. Again, I'm sure she's a very nice person who does many nice things. I have nothing against her personally, but for fuck's sake, it's just a dumb fucking talk show.
Scottsdale, Arizona. A place where the damned congregate to acclimate themselves to the brutal heat and desolation which they will be facing for the next eternity.
Now Sarah Palin has purchased a home walled compound in this barren wasteland.
Seriously. This is it.
For some reason, people are taking this as a sign that she is seriously going to run for president. I can't see it. She wasn't willing to put in the work to be a halfway-decent vice-presidential candidate, I can't see her doing the exhausting work of a presidential campaign. Also, I can't really picture her giving speeches for which she is not paid.
So why would she purchase a $1.6 million home in Arizona, of all places?
Here are a few possibilities I thought of:
# 1: She bought a $1.6 million dollar walled-in compound to get away from all those darned elitists.
'Cuz she's jes' plain folks!
# 2: Living in a walled-in compound in the middle of a god-forsaken desert is a great way to meet some of those hot Navy Seals. (Reason #1 for Todd Palin)
# 3: Needs concrete walls to feel safe from Katie Couric.
# 4:Because it's all about Alaska. And Family. And America. But mostly her love for Alaska. And it's sad that you just don't get that.
# 5: Because the Constitution, the Founding Fathers, God, America, Reagan.
# 6: Lots of room for free-range Mama Grizzlies.
# 7: To be closer to Bristol, because someone's gotta lug Trig around when the cameras are off!
# 8: Because living in Alaska was one more thing she could quit.
# 9: Going to live in all 50 states alphabetically.
Patricia Heaton Says Her Politics Have Cost Her Possible Roles
Really? Because I seem to remember something about a TV show. . .
Heaton stars in the ABC hit sitcom, “The Middle,”
Yeah. That's the one.
Also, there was "Back to You," with fellow discriminated-against-conservative actor Kelsey Grammer.
So, since the end of "Raymond," you've been given lead roles in 2 prime-time sitcoms. Compare that to your co-stars Ray Romano (1), Brad Garrett (1) and Doris Roberts (0). Although, really if anyone has reason to complain about his post-Raymond acting career, it's Peter Boyle.
Too soon?
The 'The Middle' actress - who is best known for playing Ray Romano's wife in 'Everybody Loves Raymond' - explained her conservative views on topics that include abortion and stem cells have led to her not being considered for certain acting roles.
She told website PopEater: "We know for a fact there are some people who have said they wouldn't want to work with us because of our politics."
Yes, that's it. That's why you haven't gotten more roles. Usually, movie studios are lined up to throw starring roles at 52-year-old sitcom actresses.
Especially when they're aging so gracefully!
Yikes!
She added: "My feeling is all these things come from God and as long as I know I'm staying in line with him, I don't have to worry if there is backlash.
"God will open any doors he wants to open and if he closes doors that's fine too."
Yes, if your acting career falters, blame God. Why not? God, conspiring with the godless heathens who run Hollywood. Sure, that's reasonable.
Sure, FOX is great for misinforming adults, but they use a lot of big words that kids might not understand, like "deficit," "apocalypse" and "Santorum." Fortunately, Mike Huckabee has the answer.
New, From Mike Huckabee!
Give Your Kids An Exciting Way To Learn
The Facts About American History
With Learn Our History and The Time Travel Academy, your kids gain an understanding of important concepts and how those concepts play a role in our everyday lives. From understanding the role of government and taxes to national security, democracy and more, your children will learn to appreciate what it means to be an American and how fortunate they are to live in the the home of the brave and the land of the free!
No, really. This is totally serious.
At Learn Our History, our mission is simple.
We're dedicated to celebrating America's contributions to the world and making it fun for kids to learn our history.
It's widely accepted that kids learn best through experience. But, unfortunately, the only way kids are experiencing history today is by having it force-fed to them through dry text books, monotonous lectures and boring lessons. On top of that, our children's classes and learning materials are often filled with misrepresentations, including historical inaccuracies, personal biases and political correctness.
See, according to Mike Huckabee, the problem with today's history teachers is that they inject their own political biases into their lessons. These videos will totally not do that. They will inject Mike Huckabee's political biases instead. Just like the founding fathers intended!
Learn Our History aims to promote the learning of America's history and the celebration of our great country by telling the stories of our shared past.
Because that's what history, real history, is all about. It's not supposed to be an objective analysis of the events of the past. It's supposed to be about how awesome America is and how that is due largely to Ronald Reagan!
The time traveling teens go back to see the lives of their parents and grandparents to explore the problems of America in the 1970s and how one great President was able to make a huge impact.
Each Time Travel Academy film utilizes history that is carefully documented through a three-step process.
First, our lead researcher goes through various primary and secondary sources, including printed and online resources to determine the most important events and themes that will be included in each episode.
Okay, let me stop you fight there. If your "lead researcher" doesn[t already know what the most important events in US history are, then I gotta think that he's not much of a researcher. Probably not what you'd call an "historian."
Those events and themes are then woven into a script in which the animated characters experience the history first-hand. After its completion, the script is reviewed by at least two members of Learn Our History's Council of Masters, who suggest changes to make the film as historically accurate as possible.
Council of Masters? What kind of cult are you running here? Do you know what you get when you google "Council of Masters?" These guys:
We work hard to make each Time Travel Academy film as accurate as possible, often using direct quotations from historical figures. However, given that the Time Travel Academy is an animated children's series about a fictitious group of time travelers, we sometimes make slight modifications to the presentation of historical events
Yes, we make them as accurate as possible, but we change shit to fit in with the fictional story. That's just how responsible historians do things. Isn't that right, Leopold Von Ranke?
Ich spreche kein Englisch
Our current Council of Masters is listed below.
Professor Larry Schweikart, Author of A Patriot’s History of the United States, #1 on the New York Times Non-Profit Paperback Best Seller List, and Professor at the University of Dayton
Dr. Alan Corlew, an experienced high school and middle school history teacher with 20 years experience; he served as Head of School at Orchard Hills Academy and Principal at Harvest Academy
Andrew Howell, a high school history teacher at Spring Creek Academy and the Founder of Howell Academy, a private instructional organization
Assumption College? Harvest Academy? Well, why didn't you say so? With those kind of credentials, you gotta have confidence in the Council of Masters! If I knew you had actual high school teachers on the council, well, that just puts all doubts to rest!
The Australian government recently unveiled plans to make all cigarette packages look the same, with the brand name written in simple block type. Naturally, the cigarette companies are not happy about this. So they are resorting to blackmail.
Tobacco Companies Fight New Regulations By Threatening To Slash Prices
British and American Tobacco Australia (BATA) have threatened to slash the price of a packet of cigarettes, if the government implements its plain packaging policy. BATA laid down the gauntlet when its representatives said that more people would end up smoking if cigarette packaging is whitewashed.
This is what BATA Australian chief executive David Crow had to say:
"Could (the price of) cigarettes halve over time? In the longer term, potentially yes," he added, saying the cheap prices "basically means more people will smoke, more kids will smoke"."It's going to backfire and go bad and lead to more people smoking, which is just mad if you're sitting at a government desk," he told the Melbourne Herald Sun.
Wow. If you make us change our packaging, we're going to get your kids to start smoking. That is just an unbelievably blatant threat. I thought American companies were shameless.
