Who's Stupider? Tournament of Champions Edition

Recently, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin joined Sean Hannity on his crap show, which is sort of the equivalent of Stevie Ray Vaughn and Jimmy Page joining Jimi Hendrix on stage, if they all forgot to bring guitars and just sat around saying stupid shit that made no sense which, given the ammount of drugs ingested by these three, is actually fairly plausible.

But anyway, this meeting of superstars of stupid gives us the opportunity to play

Who's More Stupid?

Let's go to the transcript!

First up, Sean Hannity:

HANNITY: Alright. So I have to tell a funny story as we get started here. I'm interviewing Congresswoman Bachmann and I said to her — I said, Congresswoman, you know, you are the second most hated Republican woman in the country. We know who gets the most press. And she goes no, I would like to think of it as I'm the second most loved Republican woman in the country.

Okay, that story is not funny at all, so calling it a funny story is in itself stupid. Well done, Sean! Unfortunately, Ms. Bachmannis really the one who comes off looking stupid in your story, so that's a point for each of you!

Ms. Palin, you're up next. Care to comment on the "reload" controversy?

PALIN: Absolutely. It's a ginned up controversy I think by too many in the media making it sound like we're inciting violence. We are not. We want people to have their voices be — made known their arms are their votes this November.

All right, that assault on syntax is worth one point, and we're all tied up!

HANNITY: What do you think the reaction would be if things that were said about either of you were said about either Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama or Nancy Pelosi? Would there be a difference?

Well, it wasn't your turn, Sean, but that question was so profoundly stupid, that it earns you two points! As if horrible, hateful, offensive things weren't said about Ms. Clinton, Ms. Obama, and Ms. Pelosi just fucking constantly! That's going to be hard to top! Ms. Bachmann?

BACHMANN: I think you'd see some alternative cable stations blow up. I think — I think they'd be very, very upset about that. We all know that there's a double standard.

Ooh, judges can we accept that?
I'm being told that that statement was either a paranoid delusion, or an outright lie. Not stupid. Assuming that the audience is stupid, but not actually stupid in and of itself! Sorry!

You're up, Sean!

HANNITY: Is this about Western European socialism? Is this an appeasement mentality the president has adopted, Congresswoman?

Nicely played! European socialism and appeasement have nothing to do with each other, and neither are part of this healthcare bill! Impressively stupid question? Ladies, who has a stupid answer?

BACHMANN: Sure it is. And it's even more than that. This is the most radical president, the most radical speaker, the most radical Senate leader we have ever seen in the history of the country. And the American people are out-of-pocket rejecting everything that they're putting forward.

Well done! That is just wrong on so many counts, that it earned you a bonus idiocy point!
Ms. Palin?

PALIN: No. No, I don't think it's within him. I don't think it's within his DNA. He would have already done that through Obamacare. He would have moderated a little bit and compromise. He did not do that.

Ooh, I can't tell if you're actually stupid enough to believe what you just said or if you're aware that the opposite of that statement is actually true! I'm going to go ahead and give you the point based on your past record of obliviousness and willful ignorance!

You're up, Sean!

HANNITY: What do you think — what are the odds because I've spoken to a lot of people. For example, Karl Rove who I admire a lot and I think he's one of the greatest political analysts. He knows every district in the country.

Rove? Karl Rove who's been wrong about every election since 2004? Greatest political analysts? Now that's a stupid statement! You're back in the lead!

And now, the lightning round!

And the subject is National Security!

HANNITY: But the president apparently now is going out there and — report out today that there's no such thing as radical extremism.

And the president is saying that if there is a biological, chemical attack against the United States of America or any type of cyber attack, major cyber attack, if it is a country that is part of nonproliferation treaty, that America has taken nuclear weapons off the table.

Sorry, that's just a lie! No point. Ms Palin?

PALIN: It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. No administration in America's history would, I think, ever have considered such a step that we just found out that President Obama is supporting today.

Forgetting that Ronald Reagan negotiated the same sort of arms reduction treaties with Russia when they were still our sworn enemies? Spectacularly stupid, considering that Reagan is your hero and idol!

PALIN: I don't know but we miss Ronald Reagan who used to say when he would look at our enemies and say, no, you lose, we win.

Bonus point!

Congresswoman?

BACHMANN: Well, I just — I want to thank Governor Palin for breaking the barrier by being a woman as a vice president on the ticket.

Oh my God, that is amazingly stupid! Getting Sarah Palin mixed up with Geraldine Ferrarro? Absolutely pathetic! We have a winner! Michele Bachmann is the champion of stupid once again!

Um, Ms. Bachmann? That means you won.

And the people of Minnesota's Sixth District lose.

Take That, Ferguson!

Guys Who Could Use a Good Kick to the Crotch

#1: Mohammed al-Madadi

A federal official said that the man went to the bathroom to smoke a cigarette, and was confronted by air marshals on board the plane. The passenger understood he had diplomatic immunity, and made sarcastic comments that the marshals took as a threat

Two F-16 fighters from Buckley Air Force Base, in Colorado, were scrambled to intercept the plane, the authorities said. They escorted it for the last five minutes of its flight, and it landed safely in Denver.

#2: Virginia Governor Bob McDonnel.

WHEREAS, April is the month in which the people of Virginia joined the Confederate States of America in a four year war between the states for independence that concluded at Appomattox Courthouse; and

WHEREAS, it is important for all Virginians to reflect upon our Commonwealth’s shared history, to understand the sacrifices of the Confederate leaders, soldiers and citizens during the period of the Civil War, and to recognize how our history has led to our present; and

WHEREAS, all Virginians can appreciate the fact that when ultimately overwhelmed by the insurmountable numbers and resources of the Union Army, the surviving, imprisoned and injured Confederate soldiers gave their word and allegiance to the United States of America, and returned to their homes and families to rebuild their communities in peace,
[Wow, that's some revisionist history!]

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Robert McDonnell, do hereby recognize April 2010 as CONFEDERATE HISTORY MONTH in our COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA, and I call this observance to the attention of all our citizens.

#3: Dr. Jack Cassell:

Dr. Jack Cassell, an Orlando-area urologist and part-time Republican crank, probably couldn't have imagined what he was getting himself into.

This week, Cassell's medical office posted a sign for patients and their families: "If you voted for Obama...seek urologic care elsewhere. Changes to your healthcare begin right now, not in four years."

The ethically-challenged physician told the Orlando Sentinel he wouldn't deny care to patients who support the president, but Casell wants those patients to feel unwelcome and seek medical treatment from doctors who don't care how they voted.

But perhaps the most important coverage was an interview between Cassell and Alan Colmes on the radio Friday night.

Cassell: Hospice cuts in 2012…Does the government want people to die slowly?
Colmes: Do you really think the government wants people dead?
Cassell: Well I think that they’re cutting all supportive care, like nursing homes, ambulance services…
Colmes: What to you mean they’re cutting nursing homes?
Cassell: They’re cutting nursing home reimbursements
Colmes: Isn’t what they’re cutting under the Medicare plan what was really double dipping; they were getting credits and they were getting to deduct them at the same time.
Cassell: Well you know, I can’t tell you exactly what the deal is.
Colmes: If you can’t tell us exactly what the deal is, why are you opposing it and fighting against it?
Cassell: I’m not the guy who wrote the plan.
Colmes: But if you don’t know what the deal is why are you speaking out against something you don’t know what the deal is?
Cassell: What I get online, just like any other American. What I’m supposed to understand about the bill should be available to me.
Colmes: It is; it’s been online for a long time; it’s also been all over the media…

So, Sandra Bullock Married This, huh?

Imagine you're Sandra Bullock. You're attractive, successful, probably perfectly pleasant. Basically, you've got options. Lots of options for fellas to spend your time with. So how do you end up saddled with this tool bag? I mean, seriously, just look at this owl casting of a human being.

Honestly, if you somehow ended up married to this enema nozzle, wouldn't you just expect that screwing porn stars would be the least awful thing he was likely to do during the course of your marriage?

And would you be surprised to read this:

Adding another potential bombshell element to the sudden explosion of Sandra Bullock’s marriage, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that Jesse James has more than 12 homemade sex tapes.

The tapes Jesse made with other women are shocking. “Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia,” an insider tells RadarOnline.com. “It’s all really quite disturbing.”

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So, what, did sandra Bullock lose a bet? Is she secretly awful? Maybe she thought she was getting this Jesse James:

At least we know that that Jesse James had a hand and a heart and a brain

Happy Birthday, Ya Nut, Ya!

Yesterday was Michele Bachmann's birthday!

Somehow I missed it, but won't you now join me in singing Happy Birthday?



Happy Birthday to youuuuu

You are completely insaaaane!

You're an embarrassment to the State of Minnesooootaahh. . . .

And by extension, the nation at large!