#1: If given the chance, a manatee will talk your ear off about Scientology.
#2: Although they appear heavy, the weight of an average Manatee can be supported by a small child.
#3: Manatees are notoriously apolitical, rarely bothering to even vote.
#4: The ancient Druids worshiped the manatee as a deity. It is believed that each of the standing stones in Stonehenge was a representation of a different famous manatee.
#5: Manatees get a lot of chicks. Way more than you'd think.
#6: Young manatees are often mistaken for human infants.
#7: Seriously, a lot of chicks.
#8: Statistically, the US Postal Service employs more manatees than any other aquatic mammal.
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#10: Many Bloggers will go to any lengths for an excuse to post pictures of manatees because manatees are awesome.
#9: The Nation of Norway has more Manatees per capita than any other Nordic Country. A government program provides each Norwegian with a lifetime supply of Manatees.
Because, otherwise there's just no explanation for this:
“I’m very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota,” said Gov. Tim Pawlenty, pointing to his wife, Mary, who was standing a few feet away.
(speechless)
Seriously, why would a man who seems to be planning on running for president in 2012 publicly refer to his wife the way a fraternity brother might refer to a girl he'd seen naked on the internet?
Clearly, the poor woman must have been set ablaze somehow. And from what I gather, no one in the crowd had the decency to try and put her out.
Always the good sport, Mrs. Pawlenty tried to put a positive spin on her fiery predicament:
As the audience roared, she said with a smile: “Who, when they’re turning 50, doesn’t like to be called a red-hot smoking wife?”
Hey Beck, you think you sound nutty with your conspiracy theories about fascism and Black Panthers and the Weather Underground and Homer Simpson? (seriously, Homer Simpson)
Well Mike Huckabee will see your Obama-is-bringing-socialism, and raise you an Obama-is-bringing-on-the-end-of-the-world.
Lat Sunday, Huckabee had as a guest the super-creepy Apocalypse-porn author and Kirk Cameron sugar daddy Tim Lahaye to discuss, I don't know, something crazy no doubt.
Yes, Tim. I believe the signs of the impending apocalypse are plagues, earthquakes, false prophets, and a bailout of US automakers. Then the four horsemen, War, Famine, Death and Healthcare reform will ride in and do something not at all positive, and then the sun goes out, the stars fall from the sky, and Banking regulations will be proposed.
What the hell? Even if this whole "Raw Socialism" were actually happening, what does that have to do with doomsday? When is socialism ever mentioned in any part of the Bible ever?
And how did Jimmy Carter get dragged into this?
Oh, wait, I do seem to remember that apocalypse during the Carter Administration. . .
Oh, and by the way, Tim, you probably already know this, but for as long as there have been Christians, some of them have always thought that they were living in the "End Times" or the "Last days." Saint Paul thought that 2,000 years ago. And I'm pretty sure he was wrong. And every other person who has ever said that his times were the "end Times" was wrong. So it's a pretty good bet that you're wrong, too. Also, you're creepy and weird. Please go away.
The People's Choice for all your Plumbing & Electrical Needs
parked outside the local Home Depot.
It looked a lot like this van:
painted up with flags and bald eagles and "In God We Trust," and whatnot.
I would not hire this plumber/electrician service just because of this cheap tawdry display of superficial patriotism.
I'm not convinced that sincere, genuine patriotism isn't a vice itself, but I probably shouldn't open that can of worms.
The thing is, why would I want to hire a plumber based on his claims not to do the best quality work, or have the lowest prices, or most convenient availability, but because he loves America! And he trusts in God! who looks for that in a plumber? If Traitor McBlasphemy can get your toilet working better than Reverend Unclesammington, wouldn't you go with whoever does the best job?
It's so pathetic that a company would resort to cheap emotional manipulation to drum up business. It seems to me that if you're using the symbols of your nation to make a couple of bucks installing faucets, maybe you're not really all that patriotic anyway.
Just like all those businesses that work the Jesus-fish into their logo or promotional materials.
It's like they love Jesus so much, that they'll reduce him to the status of a company mascot.
And I guess they figure that people will see the fish and think "Now, that's the company I want to give my business to, because they seem to share my religious convictions."
It's tacky. And if you believe that Jesus sacrificed his life to save the world from eternal damnation, you think you'd be a bit more respectful.
The other day, I saw someone was quoted as warning that, should the Republicans retake the House, they would do nothing but "issue subpoenas and have one hearing after another"
Now, that seems like a bit of an exaggeration, it's kind of unfair to say that they would do nothing else. Who said that? Was it you, Keith Olbermann? Was it you, Micheal Moore? Come on, 'fess up!
Oh, here it is. Here's the quote from the Minn. Post:
What Bachmann thinks should happen if the Repubs get control of the House
BACHMANN: "Oh, I think that's all we should do...I think that all we should do is issue subpoenas and have one hearing after another.
Okay, it was Michele "I don't know how to spell Michelle" Bachmann, the pride of Minnesota!
And she's dead serious.
So, you've been warned, voters. At least one influential Republican has issued fair warning that she and her party have zero interest in actually governing. Here is what does interest Bachmann:
This is the year - this is it. All of our chips are on November. If we don't get it back and then starve the beast - the House, we have the power of the purse - so we can starve ObamaCare. We don't have to fund any of these programs and that's exactly what we need to do - defund all of this nonsense and then unwind it.
So that's the agenda. Do nothing positive, defund and unwind, and hold hearing after hearing to try to take down the administration. The goal is not to use government for what they think is positive ends, just to prevent the other guys from acheiving what they think are positive results. It's childish destruction as a legislative program.
And it doesn't matter that what she wants to unravel only exists in her overheated crazy little pea-brain:
one thing that you should is that the most dramatic story that's happened in the last 18 months is that the federal government - before 18 months ago, the private economy was 100 percent held in private hands. But today 65 percent of the economy is now held in government's hands - either in direct ownership or in control. This is your future we're talking about. So we got to unravel that.
This is obviously false. She could not be more wrong about this, but it's not going to matter. If this moron crackpot has subpoena power, she will use it to haul witnesses into the House chamber to grill them about their part in her paranoid daydreams.
I know it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling that there's no real difference between the parties, and a pox on both their houses. I know I fell that way a lot. And it's hard not to be really disappointed with Barack Obama and the Democrats. We should be disappointed, what with soldiers still dying in Iraq, Gitmo still open, and universal healthcare still a pipe dream. But if sane and decent people sit out this election and leave the field to the Teabaggers, this is what will happen. She's given us fair warning.
