Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Worst Song I Heard at Work This Week

As previously discussed, the muzak at work provides us with an all-you-can-eat doodoo buffet for the ears. It's not easy picking out one song to earn the title of most annoying, but this week, I think the honor goes to a little ditty called "Life Less Ordinary" by a band with the unlikely moniker "Carbon Leaf.".
(seen here looking all serious with their groovy '70's hair)

But what makes this song more irritating than the others? you might well ask.

Well, I'm glad you asked. (and by you, I mean my imaginary version of you whom I imagined asking.)
Mainly, it's lyrics like this:
The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
So, are we to understand that the night you met the young lady she removed your skeletal system from your body, then shook it? Took it then shook it? (Good to repeat the most ridiculous lines for emphasis!)

And these four lines are repeated two more times later in the song, beacause their author was just so gosh-darn proud of them!

Then the line that follows this super-pretentious statement?
By the way, I do know why you stayed away...
I will keep tongue-tied next time

No! You just can't follow that ostentatious, grandiose bit of pseudo-poetry with "by the way," you just can't!

Honey understand (honey), honey understand

I won't rest in stone all alone

"rest in stone?" what the hell does that even mean? Did you just need something to rhyme with "all alone?"

If I could make you dance for joy
Could that be the second-chance decoy?

Oh, you do just throw random words in there to make rhymes. Wow! That's some impressive hackery!