Sunday, February 27, 2011

The Real Names of Common Foods

1.Canola Oil

There is no such thing as a "Canola." The name was made up because the actual source of this oil is the RAPESEED.

Now I don't know what the fuck a rapeseed is or what horrible crime it committed to get that name, but no one is going to buy "rapeseed oil."
"hmm, let's see, there's corn oil, olive oil, oh, here we go rape seed oil! That's just what I need for my molestation cake with genocide frosting!"
This is apparently the plant which is the source of the rapeseed. It doesn't look dangerous, but I wsouldn't want it moving in to my neighborhood.

2. Chilean Sea Bass

The fish known as "Chilean Sea Bass" is not a bass at all. It is a fish known as the Patagonian Toothfish, which I guess sounds less appetizing, although people will eat smelt, so I don't see what the big deal is. I think I'd be more concerned with the fact that it looks like this:

Patagonian toothfish

3. Orange Roughy

Sounds tasty! Less tasty sounding? The fish's real name: The Slimehead. Ooh, fillet of slimehead? With mango salsa? Probably not going to be a real big seller.
Oowee! We're havin' us some slimehead tonight!

4. Sushi

The name "sushi" was invented to disguise the fact that this cuisine is essentially bits of raw fish wrapped in seaweed. Which is understandable. It's pretty hard to market raw fish wrapped in seaweed.
"Would you like to try my restaurant? It's seafood. How is the fish cooked? It isn't cooked! No, totally raw. But don't worry, we wrap it up in seaweed. Yeah, you know that gross slimy stuff that gets wrapped around your ankles at the beach? Yeah, we wrap it in that. No, it tastes pretty much like you'd think it would. Hey, where are you going?"

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