Thursday, January 5, 2012

Good Job, Iowa!

This is the guy whose campaign you just resurrected.

Way to go. You just catapulted this vile, loathsome worm back into the national spotlight in all of his sex-obsessed glory.

Now, there's nothing necessarily wrong with being sex-obsessed. If you are say, Wilt Chamberlain or Ron Jeremy, or every teen-aged boy ever. But combine sex-obsession with a healthy dose of self-loathing and a double helping of Catholic Guilt, and you get shit like this:

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country,”

People using contraception face the danger of not being impregnated or not exposed to HIV. Are you brave enough to take that risk?

“It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

ie, having sex without being punished for it?

It’s supposed to be for purposes that are yes, conjugal but also immunative but also procreative. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen.

Yeah, I didn't know what the word "immunative" means either. In my defense, neither did Dictionary dot Com.  I did find a definition of sorts on Trade.Mar.Cx:

Pharmaceutical preparations in tablet and liquid form of the treatment of infectious diseases, namely bacteriae and fungus diseases; dietary preparations for use as nutritional food supplements; anti-fungal and antibacterial preparations in tablet and liquid form; antibacterial and anti-fungal wound dressings; antiseptics; medical plasters; medicated mouthwashes; veterinary preparations for warm blooded mammals; in tablet and liquid form for treatment of pulmonary and dermatological diseases

So apparently, sex with Rick is a lot like that. Medicated mouthwashes, warm-blooded mammals, and dermatological diseases. Sounds pretty hot!

That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. When we take any part of that out, we diminish the act. If you can take one part out, when it's not for purposes of procreation, that's not one of the reasons, then you diminish this very special bond between men and women.

Because you can't really have a special bond with a non-pregnant woman! Am I right, fellas? This guy knows what I'm talking about! 
Look how close they are!

So why can't you take other parts of it out? And all of a sudden it becomes deconstructed to the point where it's simply pleasure. And that's certainly a part of it, and it's an important part of it, don't get me wrong. But there are a lot of things we do for pleasure.
For example.

And   this is special and it needs to be seen as special. And, again, I know most presidents don't talk about those things. And maybe people don't want us to talk about those things. 

Also, otters do not want you to talk about such things.
 La la la la la I Can't hear you making sex sound totally creepy!

I'm not running for preacher, I'm not running for pastor.  But these are important public policy issues.

Yes, important public policy issues. What folks do in private is important public policy. That's the guy you voted for, Iowa! Nice going. Do you know how close we were to never having to hear from this despicable little ratfuck ever again? His numbers were in single digits, he was looking up at Bachmann. BACHMANN! And once he was out of this race, that was it for him. It's not like he has the charisma to start picking up a paycheck from FOX. He was gone. Until you geniuses let him finish a close second. Way to go, Iowa!