Thursday, November 21, 2019


Marriage comes with certain responsibilities. For instance, it is my wife's responsibility to ensure that I don't leave the house looking like a complete twit.

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Without eternal vigilance, this could absolutely happen here.

Also, she is responsible for making sure that one of us pays the bills so that we don't have to live in a cardboard box. At the movies, it's her responsibility to tell me when the scary part is over so I can safely open my eyes. And she is responsible for preventing me going to the SPCA and coming home with a dozen kittens and a dozen puppies.(she knew who she was getting when she married me.)  And I thought that was pretty much the extent of her marital responsibilities. But apparently, I missed one. Apparently, it is the responsibility of the wife to ensure that her husband does not associate with known sex traffickers.
Which, I guess, if left to his own devices, any man would do? Apparently, it's pretty easy to accidentally stumble into the apartment of a pedophile pimp and just decide that it's too inconvenient to leave so you stay the night and then Scandal!

Well, according to the Spectator's Toby Young anyway.


Prince Andrew should have married someone like my wife 


Yeahhhhh, that's the problem with Prince Andrew. He didn't marry well. You know, you meet someone, you fall in love, you get married, and you never stop to think "is she the kind of woman who will keep me from spending the night in the apartment of a procurer of underage sex slaves?" You know how it is, when you're in love, it seems like she can do no wrong, next thing you know, you're waking up in Epstein's guest room and you think you may have accidentally committed a sex crime of some type and you're all "Dammit, Eileen! Why didn't you stop me?"

Like many people, I watched Prince Andrew’s Newsnight meltdown with mounting disbelief. Why had he agreed to do it? It wasn’t as if the general public was clamouring for an answer about what he was doing on the night he’d been accused of having sex with a 17-year-old victim of Jeffrey Epstein.

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The day after Prince Andrew’s interview was broadcast I got a call from Good Morning Britain. Did I fancy coming on to defend Prince Andrew in a debate? Instead of saying no, I started to discuss what I might say. If he believes himself to be innocent and has a good alibi, as he appears to have, it’s kind of understandable that he would want to clear his name. 

Because I guess in the British legal system, as long as the perpetrator believes himself to be innocent, no crime has been committed.

At this point, I’d pretty much talked myself into it, but before saying yes I glanced up at my wife who was sitting opposite me. Caroline was shaking her head furiously and running her finger back and forth across her throat. ‘Can I call you back in a minute?’ I said.
When I hung up, I got the force nine gale. ‘Are you fucking insane? He’s the most reviled man in Britain.’
See, now if Prince Andrew had been married to someone like this Caroline, instead of Fergie, she would have told him "are you crazy? Epstein is the most vile scumbag in America. You can't go hang out at his apartment!" And that would have been that!

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‘Are you fucking insane? He’s the most reviled man in Britain.’
‘But I feel a bit sorry for him. He’s being subjected to the Two Minutes Hate and I know what that’s like. Literally no one is defending him apart from Fergie.
Oh. Yeah. It's just awful how no one wants to defend a sex offender who victimized teen girls. It's really hard to understand.

‘Yeah, and there’s a good reason for that. Honestly, you amaze me sometimes. It’s as if alienating 99 per cent of the country isn’t enough for you. You have to hunt down that last 1 per cent and make sure you piss them off, too.’

Okay, I don't know anything about this Toby Young character, and I didn't really care to. But now, I really need to find out what this man did to piss off 99 percent of Britain. But let's put a pin in that for the moment.

I called the booker back and politely declined. But this exchange left me feeling even more sympathetic towards Andrew. If only he’d married someone level-headed and sensible like I did.

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Really. The person to whom you are sympathetic in this situation is not the victim, Virginia Giuffre, but the perpetrator, Prince Andrew. Really.

And yes, again, the problem with Andrew is not that he associates with a pedophile pimp. The problem is not that he forced himself on an underage girl at least three times. No, the problem is that he didn't marry someone level-headed and sensible enough to warn him off doing those things.

Okay, so let's circle back to the whole pissing off 99% of Britain thing. I can probably guess why people hate him, I already hate him and I've only just met him, but maybe a quick Googling will shed some light on this.


Here are a couple things he tweeted about his Top Chef co-host Padma Lakshmi:

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And not just hers, this dude seems to think he is entitled to comment on everyone's bosoms.

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What else has he found appropriate to post publicly on Twitter? Glad you asked!

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Just think of what this sick twitch would have put out there had he been married to a less level-headed and sensible woman!

This wasn’t the first time Caroline had saved my bacon. When she learned that my career had been derailed because of sophomoric things I’d said on social media, she literally snatched the phone out of my hands and deleted the Twitter app. Admittedly, she did let me reinstall it about a week later, but only after I’d promised never to tweet after I’d had a glass of wine. 

Jesus Christ, this is you sober?

I'm  not sure Caroline is really fulfilling all her wifely responsibilities after all.