Thursday, April 22, 2010

Restoring Stephen Baldwin?

Apparently, Stephen Baldwin needs help.

I don't know what my favorite part of this is. Maybe it's the fact that they plan to show those doubters who think that God isn't helping Stephen Baldwin by helping him themselves. Wouldn't that just prove that they really don't believe that God is going to help Stephen? If you think that God is going to help Stephen Baldwin, why not save your money?

Maybe it's the fact that they think that Baldwin's faith has cost him acting jobs. Not his poor acting skills, his general douchebagginess, or the fact that he looks like this:

Hmm, he used to get plenty of roles when he looked like this:

What could have changed? Probably it's those damn heathens running Hollywood punishing him for his faith!

Or maybe it's at the end when they refer to giving your spare change to a Hollywood D-lister as a "movement."

Then they ask you to go to the website, so for some reason I did.
And here's what I saw.

How This Movement Works


Long ago, when God restored Job he used Token Gifting as the mechanism for his restoration. The scripture says "everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house...each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring" Job 42:10-11

So, God took everything away from Job, including killing his children, (just to win a bet with the devil) and then HE didn't even give Job his stuff back? His friends and neighbors had to take him on as a charity case? I can't believe that anyone who takes that story literally would want to associate with that god!

What if 10% of the 159 million Christians in America gave a Token Gift? What if 10% of the worlds 2 billion Christians gave a token gift? What would the media have to say about such an event?

I think they might say that Stephen Baldwin has come up with the greatest scam of all time. Let's all show our faith in God by sending Stephen some money? And that will bring glory, not to Stephen's grifting ability, but to God? They should glorify God by showing that they have no confidence in God to help Stephen get back on his feet? You'd think they might at least trust God to get Stephen an acting gig. I mean, it apparently works for Kirk Cameron. I guess God liked "Growing Pains" better than whatever it is Stephen Baldwin is famous for.

Oh, and there's a Q & A section:

Q- Why doesn't his family help him?
A- His family does not perceive Stephen’s predicament as a matter of spiritual warfare. They see Stephen’s outspoken Christianity as poor choices therefore they will not help.

Really? They won't help him because they think he's too outspoken? Did anyone actually ask his family about this, or is this just an assumption? I think Billy and Daniel can't help him because all their money goes to the various rehab centers around LA. And maybe Alec just thinks Stephen should quit whining and begging strangers for money and get a damn job!

Q- What happened to his wealth?
A- When he became an outspoken Christian in 2002 his income went down by 70% when he refused roles with gratuitous sex and violence.

And got fat.
Also, if you know you're going to be turning down roles with sex and/or violence, wouldn't it behoove you to cut back on your lavish lifestyle, maybe live within your means? Because 30% of a movie actor's salary should still get you a decent middle-class lifestyle.

Q- If Stephen was not involved how did you get permission to do this?
A- Daniel Southern is Stephen’s spiritual advisor and the President of Stephen’s ministries. We contacted Daniel who gave us written permission to build the site .

God, that must have taken a lot of arm-twisting. "hey, broke guy, would it be all right if we collected a bunch of money for you and you could pass it off as some sort of religious work?"
"Oh, I guess so. If it will help God.'

Q- Why does Stephen need personal wealth?
A- Stephen’s influence is in Hollywood. Hollywood worships money and without it you are seen as a loser and cannot be an effective influence to this group.

And Goddammit, I am not -- I mean Stephen is not going to be a fucking no-money loser! Because he needs to be rich. To help God. And to throw it in that bastard Alec's face, oh he thinks he's soooo great, with his Oscar and Emmys and popularity. But mostly to help God!

Q- How much money does he need?
A- From what I read in public court documents Stephen needs several million dollars to pay all of his creditors but he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution.

Oh, my God. That is just shameless! This asshat runs up millions of dollars in debt. On a movie actor's salary, and we're supposed to look at him as some hapless victim of godless Hollywood? And reward his idiocy with "Hundreds of millions?" Get a job, you bum! You seriously can't get work on the PAX Network? They built a show around Billy Ray Fucking Cyrus! Where he plays a doctor! A doctor! They have no standards, and no cussing or naughty business. You can't latch on with ABC Family or the Disney Channel? Are you even looking?

Q- What percentage of a gift actually reaches Stephen?
A- 100% goes directly into his bank account through online gifting. The bank account was arranged by Daniel Southern. Daniel was Billy Graham’s Crusade Director for almost 20 years.

Oh, that's reassuring! 100% goes directly into the accounts of Deadbeat McPanhandler? No one is even getting a paying job out of this scam?

Stephen Baldwin has just moved into first place in the voting for biggest turd in the universe.