Monday, May 31, 2010

Now can we stop pretending that Israel is the "good guys?"

From Reuters:

Nine dead as Israel storms aid ship

JERUSALEM (Reuters) – Israeli marines stormed a Turkish aid ship bound for Gaza on Monday and at least nine pro-Palestinian activists were killed, triggering a diplomatic crisis and an emergency session of the U.N. Security Council.

European nations, as well as the United Nations and Turkey, voiced shock and outrage at the bloody end to the international campaigners' bid to break Israel's blockade of the Gaza Strip.

Let's see, the UN, Turkey, Europe, who's missing from that list? Oh, I know. Us!

Well, surely President Obama must at least have had harsh words for Israel, right?

'Obama wants facts on tragic aid raid'
Mon, 31 May 2010 17:56:12 GMT
US President Barack Obama has called on the Israeli premier to launch an investigation to find "all the facts" surrounding the attack on the Freedom Flotilla.

Yeah, he wants Netanyahu to go ahead and investigate this himself. Israel gets to do the investigation into Israel's actions. Which is sort of like asking Ken Lay to investigate whether there was any wrongdoing at Enron.

I don't get it. Why do we always have to take Israel's side no matter what they do? They can keep expanding further and further into Palestine, and we pledge our support to our good friend Israel. They can bulldoze Palestinian homes and we just send them more foreign aid. An Israeli bulldozer killed American citizen Rachel Corrie, and Israel faced exactly zero consequences.

It doesn't make sense. Israel can only survive with the monetary and military aid of the United States. We should own them. We should be able to tell them to withdraw from the occupied territories, tear down the separation wall, etc. etc. and they should ask "how else may we serve you, oh master?" But no. We prop them up, we defend them in the UN, we arm them and we still have to kiss their asses. What the hell? What has Israel ever done for us? Or for anyone for that matter? We don't need them, they need us.

I should take a second to be clear, I am not criticizing the Jewish people. I assume that your average Israeli is a perfectly nice person. My neighbor is an Israeli immigrant and he's a perfectly nice person. In fact, his criticisms of the Israeli government's policies are harsher than anything you'll read here. Judging the average Israeli person by the actions of their government is as unfair as judging the average US citizen for the actions of the Bush administration.

That being said, fuck Israel! I don't understand why the defense of Israel is the US's problem. They've done nothing to deserve our help, and our support of their thug government is one of the major reasons terrorists see us as a target. (Although the Bush Doctrine gave them much more powerful reason to hate us.) Nothing good has come from our unwavering support of this country, it certainly isn't in our National interest to be their protector, so what gives? Why is support for Israel the sine qua non of American foreign policy? Hell, you can't even suggest, as Jimmy Carter did, that Israel might bear some of the blame for the violence in the region without being attacked as if you had slandered Uncle Sam and Jesus. It makes no sense.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

For Memorial Day: Erick Erickson's Unassailable Logic

Okay, here's the background on this:

Barack Obama is attending a Memorial Day service in his hometown of Chicago. VP Biden will be laying the wreath at Arlington. To Erickson and the rest of the nutsos, this is proof, undeniable proof, of the President's disdain for the troops.

Media Matters pointed out that this was hardly unprecedented:

In 1983 President Reagan attended a "summit meeting in Williamsburg, Va." on Memorial Day while Deputy Secretary of Defense W. Paul Thayer laid a wreath at Arlington Cemetery. In 1992, George H.W. Bush attended a ceremony in Kennebunkport, Maine (where he also reportedly played a round of golf) while VP Dan Quayle laid the wreath at Arlington. In 2002, President George W. Bush commemorated Memorial Day at Normandy.

So Erickson came up with this argument. It's different for Obama because we have been slandering him with bs about his supposed hatred for the troops.

Then there's this,

From Erickson's ridiculous

The problem for Barack Obama is simple.

The troops don’t like him no matter how much the White House propaganda machine tries to gin up staged pictures of Obama voting soldiers fawning all over him. But see the tepid response from cadets at West Point or talk privately with lots of soldiers and sailors and you get something else — they fundamentally do not respect their Commander in Chief.

Obama may talk about the government in the first person, but the men and women lying at Arlington know differently.

Yes, the corpses in the cemetery know differently. That's how you bolster your argument, with an appeal to the knowledge of dead people? The dead bodies know differently?
(grammar police: I think you mean they know "different" not "differently" To know differently would be to know by a different means of acquiring knowledge. For instance, I know about the battle of the bulge because I read about it in history class, whereas Grandpa McVet knows about it differently as he came by his knowledge by being present at the actual battle.)

Of course, Obama really doesn’t like the military, does he. [A period there, not a question mark, is intentional]

He doesn't like the military because we say that he doesn't like the military which proves that he doesn't like the military. It's hard to argue with logic like that.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

There is Something Wrong with The American Public.

From Yahoo News:

In the five weeks since an explosion on the Deepwater Horizon rig sent hundreds of thousands of gallons of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico, Obama had largely escaped political fallout. But as BP attempts yet again to seal the leak, a new USA Today/Gallup Poll finds a majority of Americans unhappy with Obama's handling of the spill. According to the poll, 53 percent rate Obama's handling "poor" or "very poor"; 43 percent believe Obama is doing a good job.

43% think that President Obama is doing a good job handling the oil spill? "Cuz I really can't think of anything that he's done besides wagging his finger and clucking his tongue at BP. 43% of Americans think that's a good job? God, I'd like to work for one of those people!

But wait, it gets better! (or worse)

Yet the poll also finds that the public tends to blame others in the mess more than it blames the White House. Asked broadly about the federal government's role, 60 percent rated the response "poor."

So 7% think that Obama is doing a good job, but that the Federal Government is not.

BP got the lowest marks: 73 percent of Americans gave the company's handling of the spill a "poor" rating. Still, a whopping 68 percent say BP should remain in charge of the cleanup.

68% think that BP is doing a poor job, and should reamain in charge. Wow. I gotta look into moving to Canada.

PS I will be in Charleston, SC for the next couple of days. I don't plan on being able to post until I get back. I don't think they have computers in Charleston, I think there's a city ordinance banning anything that can not be described as "quaint."

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

How Could Anyone Possibly Be Offended By That?

From Today's Atlanta Journal Constitution:

Catherine Ariemma never intended for students to be offended by the sight of four Ku Klux Klansmen at Lumpkin County High School.

Wow! Really, I just don't have anything to add to that. I've just been sitting in stunned silence since reading that opening sentence.

Ariemma, a six-year veteran with the Lumpkin County school system, said the students, who were working on a film project for her advanced placement U.S. history class, meant no harm.

She admitted that she may have made a mistake by letting the students film the Klan reenactment on campus.

Yeh, ya think? You think maybe that might not have been the wisest course of action? You sure?

"I feel terrible that I have students who feel threatened because of something from my class," Ariemma told the AJC. "In hindsight, I wouldn't have had them film that part at school."

Oh, well hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it? I mean, who could have possibly foreseen that any students would take offense at the sight of robed Klansmen walking around campus?

Ariemma's students were filming reenactments of various historical periods last week, and four donned Klan outfits, superintendent Dewey Moye told the AJC.

She said she walked with them through the cafeteria, but forgot students were there eating lunch.

Oh, my God! I totally forgot that the cafeteria is used by students as a place to eat lunch!

"I told them, ‘I don't want you to walk through the building by yourselves because I don't want people to get the wrong idea," Ariemma said. "I failed to think about that there was a lunch track in the cafeteria when they went by."

How could anyone get the wrong idea? Four guys in Klan robes? Do you think someone might somehow mistake them for actual Klansmen? Seems pretty far-fetched to me!

Ariemma is an award-winning teaching.[sic] Last year, the Georgia Senate passed a resolution lauding her "dedication to her students and her profession" after she was honored as Lumpkin County High School's 2009 STAR Teacher.

And that is why we steer clear of Lumpkin County.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Let Me See If I've Got This Straight. . .

Sarah "Drill Me, Baby, Drill Me" Palin on the Obama Administration's reaction to the BP Oil spill:

“There is perhaps a hesitancy I don’t know how to say this the oil companies who have so supported Obama why the media hasn’t asked if there is any connection there to President Obama to take so doggone long to dive in there and grasp the complexity and potential tragedy that we are seeing there in the Gulf…if this were President Bush or Republican who hadn’t received the support form the oil companies as Obama, the msm would be all over his case, askin’ why he didn’t get in there to make sure the regulatory agencies were getting in there to make sure the oil companies weren’t getting away with this..”

So, let me see if I've got this. . .
Big Government has not done enough in the Gulf.
There wasn't enough regulation of the oil industry.
Those are your complaints here.

The problem here is, that this is your model that the administration followed for whatever reason. No government interference, let BP solve the problem on its own, the free market solution, blah blah blah. . . this is what you and your free-market conservative brethren have been preaching since at least the 1980's. Get government out of the way, let business have free rein and the market will solve all our problems with an invisible hand job.

And this is what happens when people are stupid enough to believe in this claptrap.

And it's not like this is some isolated incident. Remember when they de-regulated the Savings and Loans? We got stuck with a taxpayer-funded bailout.

Remember when they de-regulated the Airlines? We got ValuJet.

Remember when California de-regulated their Electricity Market? They got rolling blackouts, and eventually Arnold Schwarzenegger.

When they de-regulated the Accounting Industry, we got Arthur Anderson helping turn Enron into a giant con game.

When they de-regulated the banks, we got another taxpayer-funded bailout.

When they stopped enforcing the regulations on Coal Mining, we got the Sago diaster in 2006, the Upper Big Branch disaster in 2010, and lots of other smaller disasters. (see: link)

And yet, you people are continuously wailing about industry being over-regulated and how we need to get big government out of the way of these poor businesses who only want to do the right thing and create jobs and blah blah blah. Of course, whenever your advice is taken, big business proves itself to be completely untrustworthy, totally irresponsible and absolutely incapable of self-regulation. But apparently, you already know that, hence your criticism of the Obama Administration's reaction to the current disaster.

So, Congratulations, Sarah Palin! You were right about something. I'm sure it was completely accidental, but you were finally right about something. The regulatory agencies should have been much much stricter about safety precautions.

It's as if you were trying to pass the ball to a teammate, and your pass was so errant that the ball accidentally went through the hoop. Don't feel bad about how it happened, just be glad you got the two points.
Maybe the expression "pulled a Homer" could be replaced by "pulled a Palin." (h/t Simpsons)

Friday, May 21, 2010

One More random Thought About Rand Paul: He's a Total Tool

From the AP:

Rand Paul: WH criticism of BP sounds 'un-American'

WASHINGTON — Kentucky's Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul is criticizing President Barack Obama's handling of the gulf oil debacle as putting "his boot heel on the throat of BP."

Yeah, that's a pretty typical tea-bagger insane overreaction. Criticizing someone is pretty much the same as crushing their windpipe with your boot. (a jackboot, one assumes)

Paul says Obama's criticism of the oil company sounds like an attack on business and "really un-American."

Um, you do know that "BP" stands for British Petroleum, right? They're a British company. So criticizing them is really more un-British, if anything.

In an interview Friday on ABC's "Good Morning America," Paul says the president's response is part of the "blame game" that's played in the U.S. Paul said that leads to the thinking that tragic incidents are "always someone's fault" and added, sometimes accidents just happen.

I thought that these Libertarians were supposed to be real big on personal responsibility. Apparently, not when it comes to large British corporations, I guess. Then, demanding that they pay for the damage that they did, for which they are responsible, is an un-American boot to the throat. So, what? we should pay? The American taxpayers should pay for cleaning up BP's mess? I don't get it. If I crash my car into Rand Paul's house, can I say that "sometimes accidents just happen," and it's not "always someone's fault," so stop playing "the blame game" and asking me to pay for the damages I did. God! It's like you're crushing my throat with your boot!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

This seems like it could be Important

I'm re-posting this from Phydeaux and Phriends 'cause it seems like a story that should be getting more coverage. Or any coverage.

19 May 2010

It's Not News Unless It Fits the Narrative

Did you hear about the terrorist attack in Florida last week? Unless you live in Jacksonville, you probably haven't. Outside of local news (and, now, online), there's been no mention of this act -- even dismissed as a "deranged individual" or a "one-off".


This is the direct result of profit-driven news divisions.

In case the links don't work, here's the story from Crooks and Liars:

Florida mosque bombed; FBI calls for help; national media mute

On May 10th, a middle-aged man carried a can of gasoline and a pipe bomb into the Jacksonville Islamic Center of Northeast Florida during evening prayers and detonated it. Fortunately, there were no injuries to people, though the bomb did damage property.

The surveillance video above gives a fairly decent picture of this man, who is clearly white, middle-aged, and on a mission.

The local news is all over it, of course. reports the FBI investigating it as a hate crime and possible domestic terrorism.

"It was a dangerous device, and had anybody been around it they could have been seriously injured or killed," says Special Agent James Casey. "We want to sort of emphasize the seriousness of the thing and not let people believe that this was just a match and a little bit of gasoline that was spread around."

Casey says surveillance video from the Islamic Center shows the arsonist carrying gasoline and the pipe bomb. When the explosive went off, parts of it were found 100 feet away on 9A.

So, a mosque is bombed by a white guy and the bomb isn't exactly small, but the national media sees no value in reporting it? Really? And yet, that is evidently the case.

Random Thoughts On Rand Paul
Random thought #1:
What kind of a douchebag names his kid after Ayn Rand? How does that conversation go?

Mrs. Paul: Honey, I was thinking that if it's a boy, we might name him after my father.
Ron Paul: Nope. Gonna name 'im after my favorite pseudo-philosopher! The woman who put a quasi-intellectual sheen on being a self-centered asshole, Ayn Rand.
Mrs. P: But what if it's a boy?
Ron P: If it's a boy, we'll name him "Rand." "Ayn" if it's a girl, "Rand" if it's a boy.
Mrs. P: But what if he doesn't grow up to be a narcissistic bag of greed?
Ron P: Oh, he will, honey! He will!

Random Thought # 2:
What kind of a tool gives an acceptance speech at a country club? Especially when the teabaggers make such a big deal of their phony populism, it seems a little politically tone-deaf to give your obligatory "standing up for the common folk against the Washington fat cats" speech at a place whose name is synonymous with elitism.

Random Thought #3:
Why do we have to pretend that this victory is some sort of a big deal? It's a primary. Primary voters tend to be those on the right wing of the Republican Party, it's not surprising that they would choose the nutty libertarian. And I gotta think that having a famous/notorious father probably did at least as much to propel him to victory as his affiliation with the Teabaggers. (See Bush, George W.)
If/when a teabagger candidate wins in a general election, then maybe, maybe that might be an indication that the Tea Party is a significant force in politics. Right now, you've just got an extremist candidate being nominated by Republican voters. Quell Surprise! The bigger story is that in Kentucky of all places, there were nearly 200,000 more votes cast in the Democratic Primary than in the Republican one. (Source: Pensito Review) That doesn't bode well for Rand in the general election.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Here Comes The Crazy!

I don't normally pay any attention to who wins the Miss USA or Miss America or Miss Hemisphere or whatever, because I kinda find the whole thing pretty creepy, women being paraded around and judged like livestock at a county fair, seems sort of, um I don't know, not good?

But I happened to see the new Miss USA mentioned on the Yahoo News homepage and when I saw her picture and her name, I figured we were about to enter a new chapter in the book of craziness.

Rima Fakih? Oh, God, here we go!

Turns out, I was wrong. Debbie Schlussel had already started the crazy train rolling before Ms Fakih had even won the crown.

May 12, 2010, - 1:59 pm

EXCLUSIVE: Miss USA Contestant is Shi’ite Muslim Hezbollah Supporter, Used Pageant Name to Promote Muslim Female Subjugation

A couple of years ago, I told you that Donald Trump moved the Miss Universe pageant, which he owns, from Dubai because it would not allow Miss Israel into the country to compete.
But now, Trump has brought the Islamic intolerance INTO the Miss USA pageant, rather than escaping from it. Rima Fakih, Miss Michigan USA, who will compete in Sunday Night’s pageant broadcast on NBC, is a Dearbornistan Shi’ite Muslim who is a supporter of Hezbollah. . .

Really? What evidence do you have to back up this claim?

She was born in the Hezbollah stronghold of Srifa in South Lebanon,

Well, it's hard to argue with that logic!
Okay, that wasn't fair. I was just being a wise guy. She has more evidence than that!

Her devout Muslim family comes from the Hezbollah-controlled South Lebanon.

Okay, there. See? That settles it.

Intelligence sources confirm that at least three of Fakih’s relatives are currently top officials in Hezbollah and that at least eight Fakih family members were Hezbollah terrorists killed by the Israelis in past Israel-Lebanese wars and interventions.

Yeah, I gotta figure the odds that Debbie Schlussel has "sources" in the intelligence community are about as good as the odds of her making it into the WNBA. (pretty pretty tiny)

Don’t let her lack of a headscarf and her donning a bikini in public fool you. Miss Michigan USA, Rimah Fakih is a Muslim activist and propagandist extraordinaire. She recently participated, using the Miss Michigan USA name to promote Islamic subjugation of women, in a Henry Ford Community College’s tax-funded forum promoting Islam, featuring many Shi’ite extremists.

Now that sounds serious! I clicked on the link Ms Schlussel provided to find the story of this College Forum of EVIL EXTREMIST TERROR WOMEN!!!!!!! (Dum Da Dum!)

The many faces of Arab women
By Dijlah Assayegh
Sunday, 04.25.2010, 12:30pm

DEARBORN — Henry Ford Community College's (HFCC) Arab Cultural Studies Program on April 8 hosted a conference entitled "The Many Faces of Arab Women."

The conference was an opportunity to discover new possibilities for growth, dispel some old assumptions, and develop network connections for future use, such as business organizations and community resources.

Oh, wow! Yeah, nothing says "subjugation" like business networking!

Rima Fakih, Miss Michigan USA and former HFCC student, explained what it means to her to be the first Arab American Miss Michigan. After each speaker, smaller break-out sessions were organized and led by Arab American women experts in their own fields who discussed in detail several areas of interest and encouraged further audience involvement.

Clearly, discussing what it means to her to be Miss Michigan is the same thing as promoting the subjugation of Arab women! And the subjugation continues with these discussion groups organized and LED BY WOMEN who are experts in the subjects being discussed.

My intelligence sources [the voices in my head] laugh at the overwhelming praise and bragging over Fakih on several Lebanese Hezbollah Arabic language blogs. After all, she will be parading around on-stage–as all Miss USA contestants do–in a bikini, a complete no-no according to Hezbollah’s strict Muslim rules about covering women up. But, as we all know, and as one source confirms, Muslims frequently go against Islam in this way for propaganda purposes. It’s a form of taqiyyah, the Muslim concept of deceiving infidels.

This is really a no-win situation. Debbie says you're a Muslim extremist. You stryt around in the least Muslim of outfits, which only proves to Debbie how committed you are to your Muslim extremism. If there's a flaw in that reasoning, I sure can't spot it!

Former Giuliani adviser, Campus Watch founder and all-around moron Daniel Pipes, eschews the phony "Oh My God Terrorist!" theme in favor of the more sophisticated "Oh My God, White Girls Didn't Win!" approach.

Affirmative Action in Beauty Contests?

Right, because there's no way this girl:
could win a contest for being pretty! It must be a fix!

News that Rima Fakih, 24, of Dearborn, Michigan, won the Miss USA beauty pageant today prompts me to recall some prior instances of Muslim women winning beauty contests in Western countries.

Juliette Boubaaya, 19, was Mlle Picardie in 2009.

Julliette Boubaaya.

Nora Ali was America's Junior Miss in 2007.

Nora Ali.

Hammasa Kohistani, 19, was Miss England in 2006.

Hammasa Kohistani.

Sarah Mendly, 23, was Miss Nottingham in 2005.

Sarah Mendly.

They are all attractive, but this surprising frequency of Muslims winning beauty pageants makes me suspect an odd form of affirmative action.

Four pretty Muslim women in the last five years? And that's only in the US and Europe! How could this be possible? Will further research bear out this suspicion?

My suspicion is borne out by the selection of Anisah Rasheed as Miss A&T at North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University.

Oh. My. God. It's true! It's all true! If an Araby sounding woman is chosen prettiest student at North Carolina A&T, then what local beauty queen is safe? I assume Miss Canada-Plus is their next target,

followed by Princess Pedophilia.

And someone wrote this comment in response to Pipes' post:

No surprise here. Affirmative action was first applied in beauty contests for black women to win in the 1980s, then it was the turn of Latin, brown skinned women, and now it's Muslims. That's why most people ignore these rigged "events." They are money losers and require controversy.

Because anytime the white girl doesn't win, it must be fixed!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Here's Something Interesting I Learned

While writing that last post, I wanted to be sure I had spelled "Merkin" correctly, so I typed it into Yahoo.

And this came up:

Origin of term

According to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language the term stems from a corruption of the obsolete word malkin, meaning a lower-class woman or mop,

Yes, Malkin means " a lower class woman or mop," and is the basis for the word "merkin."
I'm never going to be able to look at Michelle Malkin the same way again.

Every time I see this:

I'm going to have no choice but to think of this:

And now, neither will you.

You're welcome.

Was This Really Necessary?

Donald Trump Proves His Hair Is Real

After years of speculation as to the true nature of his hair, Donald Trump cleared up all speculation Monday when he sat in studio with Ryan and let Ellen K. feel the famous golden locks.

Really? Was there really a lot of speculation about Trump's hair?

Was anyone really looking at this:


and thinking, that looks like something a wealthy man would pay good money for?

Why, if I had that kind of money, I could have a dead muskrat to sit atop my head, too! How stylish I would be, how chic! Oh, if only I could afford a large, lumpen rodent pelt to carry about on my head. I would stroll down the finest avenues with such insouciance, a coyote merkin perched jauntily upon my cranium! Oh, how the ladies would flock to me!

Seriously. If Trump was going to wear a toupee, he could afford a good one. Not even a bald hobo would pay money to have his hair look like Trump's.

Was this investigation really necessary?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Leave Britney, I Mean Bushie, Alone!

Neil Cavuto, perhaps the tooliest tool in the FOX news tool chest, thinks we should stop blaming W for the things that he is, um, responsible for.

The Statute of Limitations for Blame

Tuesday, May 11, 2010
By Neil Cavuto

Is it me, or is George Bush the gift that keeps giving? Now he's the reason for this big old Gulf oil spill.

Today, Massachusetts Democratic Congressman Ed Markey saying: "For years, the Bush administration's oil strategy placed the granting of drilling leases ahead of safety review."

Ipso-facto — Bush to blame for the big leak-o.

If you can't refute the accusation, you can always fall back on sophomoric rhyming! I think I learned that in Debate class.

Just like he's apparently behind that big thousand-point swing-o.

Just like he's to blame for the unemployment rate that's higher than when he left office, and the deficits that are much higher than any year he was in office.

All problems, all Bush, all the time — probably until the end of time.

Right, why would he bear any responsibility for policies enacted by his administration? Why should a recession that began on his watch be laid at his feet?

It's the NCAA recruiting violation principle. See, if a coach for State U. breaks the rules, say, offers recruits money, hookers, and booze to come play for State, and the NCAA finds out, there are sanctions to be levied. So the first thing that happens, is the dishonest coach leaves State U. and gets a job at A&M Tech, where there are no sanctions, because A&M Tech's previous coach didn't break the rules. Meanwhile, the new coach at State U. gets saddled with a program that has lost its right to offer scholarships or whatever because his predecessor was a cheater. See, once the old guy leaves, the new guy gets held responsible for whatever shit the old guy pulled. In the world of college sports, this is considered totally fair.

cavuto_sumos.jpg image by martin_fierro

So Cavuto is not being a dishonest, whining little douchebag here. He's just following the NCAA's example. Once Bush left office, he is no longer responsible for things that he did. Whoever occupies the Oval Office at this moment is culpable for every mistake ever made in that office. So I look forward to hearing Barack Obama's excuse for Teapot Dome. And I will never forgive him for the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. How dare he?

I've heard him ripped for everything from making our kids fat, to our allies furious. Everyone still furious at him for destroying us, all the while forgetting how he might have had a tiny role in protecting us.

You know, except for that one day in September, but that's really such a minor blip on the radar. Also, offer not valid in New Orleans.

But those in power now seem to be admitting they were all powerless then — pretty much useless then. Mere marionettes then, whose strings were apparently pulled by a guy they're calling an idiot now.

Yes, those in power now were not in power then. How is this a confusing concept? Just because the Democrats are in the majority at this moment does not negate the fact that they were recently in the minority.

Oh, I'm sorry Neil. "Fact." It's a noun meaning:

1. something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact.
2. something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact.


Think about that now, and ask yourself this: When does the statute of limitations run out on blaming someone?

I don't know, when it stops being true? When will it no linger be my fault that I sideswiped another car and took off the sideview mirror? God! That was like five years ago. It's not my fault anymore! Once someone else is in the driver's seat of that car, it's their fault that the mirror is missing!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Conservative Mad Libs!

The Republican objections to any Democratic nominee are starting to feel like a game of MadLibs.
Okay, fill in the name of the nominee, then choose from this list of words & phrases:





Outside the Mainstream.


Reverse Racism.

Legislating From The Bench.




Out Of Touch.


And go!

Here's Kathleen Parker writing in the Washington Post (and when did the Washington Post become such a joke? Didn't they publish the Pentagon Papers? Weren't they a good paper even pretty recently?)

Elena Kagan is miles away from mainstream America

Much has been made of Kagan's career path and her professional trailblazing. Despite a lack of any judicial experience, she is the first of her sex in two previously male-dominated domains -- first female dean of Harvard Law School and first female U.S. solicitor general.

No small accomplishments. But though we are what we do, what we do is not all of what we are.

(we are, we do we are to dee too? Is this just mental gymnastics to justify minimizing her accomplishments?)

We are also products of place. Where we grew up and how we experienced the physical environment of our formation are also a part of who we are.

What is Kagan's geography?. . . Coincidentally, she shares the same home town as the other two women on the court. Assuming Kagan is confirmed, all three women will hail from New York. Kagan grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, Sonia Sotomayor is from the Bronx and Ruth Bader Ginsburg is from Brooklyn. If diversity on the court is our goal, we may be missing a region or two.

I think anyone who has spent any time in New York can tell you, they may be the same city, but those are three different worlds. But still, Three New Yorkers? Yeah, it sounds way better to object to that than to object to having three women or one kinda butchy woman, if you know what I mean. . . Yeah, let's go with the New York thing so we sound less like assholes!

These facts ultimately may be more anecdotally interesting than significant in terms of how a justice might perform.

Or, or, um they could be neither!

Then again, spending one's formative years walking past the infamously crime-riddled Murder Hotel en route to school, as Kagan did -- and, say, walking past the First Baptist Church to ballet class -- are not the same cultural marinade. The latter hypothetical is proffered only for the sake of contrast and metaphor. It seems remote to unlikely that a woman whose life has involved Baptist churches and ballet slippers would find herself on a track to today's Supreme Court, though that ought not to be the case.

Oh, I don't like where this is going! Let me just skip ahead a little bit, and. . .

with Kagan, the court will feature three Jews, six Catholics and nary a Protestant.

Oh my God! You're really going to go with the "there are too many Jews and Catholics" argument? I thought we agreed we were just going to trash New Yorkers, and everyone would just know that "New York" is code for "Jews and swarthy immigrants." You can't just come out and say, "hey, we've already got two Jews!" without sounding like a paranoid racist asshole.
And if you're going to claim that there are too many Catholics, you're gonna sound just a tad disingenuous considering the Catholics are:

Scalia (Reagan Nominee)

Kennedy (Reagan)

Thomas (Bush I)

Alito (Bush II)

Roberts (Bush II)
Sotomayor (Obama)

So, if you have a problem with all the Catholics, seems like you should have objected a while back. Just saying.

Also, having a problem with too many Catholics? Kinda makes you sound like this guy:

Roman Catholics control the US Supreme Court

The members of the US Supreme Court are papal soldiers.

When the One World Government is introduced to solve an emerging global crisis in the Great Tribulation, a papal controlled US Supreme Court will not object to a US President handing over his executive powers to the Vatican. Even today, both the Vice President and The Speaker on Capitol Hill are Roman Catholics.

Not to be outdone, GOP Chairman Michael Steele put out a statement which reads in part:

". . . what Americans want is a justice who will stay true to the Constitution and defend the rights of all Americans, adhering to the rule of law instead of legislating from the bench. Given Kagan’s opposition to allowing military recruiters access to her law school’s campus, her endorsement of the liberal agenda and her support for statements suggesting that the Constitution 'as originally drafted and conceived, was defective,’ you can expect Senate Republicans to respectfully raise serious and tough questions. . ."

Of course, the statement he refers to was made by none other than Thurgood Freakin Marshall, but yeah, let's pretend it's some radical hippie commie thing.
Mr. Steele, here's a quick rule of thumb, just for future reference. If, during a discussion of Constitutional Law, one finds that one is in agreement with Thurgood Marshall, one can pretty much go ahead and assume that one is right.
Also, the particular defect to which Justice Marshall was referring was the enshrinement of slavery as legal in the original Constitution, so um, you know. Kinda tough to argue that one.

And also, even if you don't bother to find out to what defect Marshall was referring, the mere fact that the Founding Fathers felt the need to amend the Constitution 10 times before it was ratified (Bill of Rights? Maybe you've heard of it?) and that it has been amended several times since, would indicate that Marshall wasn't the only one who saw a few flaws in the document.
But hey, good job working "liberal agenda" and "legislating from the bench" into one short paragraph.

Nice Work!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Happy Birthday, Steven Colbert!

Today is the 46th Birthday of National Treasure Steven Colbert.

If he had done nothing else before or since, his speech at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner would be enough to put him in the political/social satire Hall of Fame.

Is there a satire Hall of Fame? There should be.

Mmmmm. . . . President Colbert. . . . . what a beautiful dream. Don't wake me!

I was so Sick

Oh, man is it great to be feeling better!

I was sooooooooo sick!

How Sick Were You?

I was so sick, Newt Gingrich had me served with divorce papers!

But seriously, I was so sick, John Boener took one look at me and said "I'm a little worried about your color!"

Seriously, I had such a high fever, Sarah Palin started to make sense!

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

If I am ever found in a clocktower with a high-powered rifle. . .

. . .it will be in some small part because this:

Meet SJP's New Shoe Guru

Forget Blahniks and Louboutins. The only shoes for Sarah Jessica
Parker right now are Brian Atwoods, or "BAs" as they’re known to
obsessed fans like Demi Moore, Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz. The
coolest shoes you’ll see Carrie wear in Sex and the City 2 are all the
handiwork of the Milan-based former model who began his shoe career
sketching for Versace.

is considered a "news" story.

Brownie Gets To Be On TV

For some reason, Micheal "Hsckuva job Brownie" Brown is being asked to comment on President Obama's handling of the BP Oil Spill.

Only on FOX!

Also coming up on FOX:

Our new baseball expert critiques the Major League pitching staffs

And Ted the Tech guy gives you tips on which computer is best for you!

And don't miss Eliot Spitzer's secrets for keeping his marriage strong!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Alas, poor Professor Chaos! I knew him, Horatio (actually married 15 years) . A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. ....

....He hath borne me on his back a thousand times (well given me a few back rubs anyway). I am sorry to report that our dear friend, the Professor, is as deathly ill as I have seen him in the seventeen years that I have known him. He asked me to provide a guest post, but I suck at this. I AM worked up over the damn oil spill in the gulf, but am not clever or informed enough to entertain you people who deserve so much more than my rantings. So, send well wishes to our dedicated reporter; he is currently taking an Epsom salt bath, worrying about you. In case you were wondering; doctors recommend that one who has this flu should drink enough fluid to keep their mouth moist and their urine light yellow to clear. As the diarrhea and/or vomiting subsides, one may slowly introduce soft foods into the diet. Soft foods are jello, saltine crackers, pudding, rice, bread and soups without meats. It is important to watch for abdominal cramping, retching or liquid stools while trying to resume a normal diet, these symptoms could indicate the intestines are still inflamed from the infection and need more time to heal. We will all probably be feeling these same symptoms real soon because of the effects from all of the OIL IN THE GULF (see what I did there?).
Word to your Mother, Mrs. Professor Chaos

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Some Meeces Have No Respect For Caturday

The extraordinary scene was captured by photography student Casey Gutteridge.
He said: 'I have no idea where the mouse came from - he just appeared in the enclosure after the keeper had dropped in the meat for the leopard. 'He didn't take any notice of the leopard, just went straight over to the meat and started feeding himself.

but even a gentle shove does not deter the little creature
from getting his fill.
'It was amazing, even the keeper who had thrown the meat
into the enclosure was shocked - he said he'd never seen
anything like it before.'
Project owner Jackie James added: 'It was so funny to see -
Sheena batted the mouse a couple of times to try to get it away
from her food.
'But the determined little thing took no notice and just carried on.' the mouse continued to eat the leopard's lunch.

Friday, May 7, 2010

No, Thank you.

Hello Kitty & Pokemon Fetish

I do not wish to attend your party.

wtf photos videos

Nor Yours.

Thanks anyway.

Finally, Some News!

Well, this just clears everything up:

Gwinnett County Friends Say
They Were Making Bombs For Fun
Gwinnett County News 8:10 a.m. Friday, May 7, 2010

Top row, from left: Michael Brewer, Phillip Ray Duncan, Shirley Maddox. Bottom row, from left: William Dale Parten, Matthew Henry Rothove
Now that's a fun crowd!

A Gwinnett County man insisted he and his friends decided to build a bomb for “play” and they had no sinister plans for the black powder, sulfur, screws and drill bits police found packed into dynamite-like cylinders, an investigator testified Thursday.
According to the Gwinnett Daily Post, four men and a 62-year-old woman only wanted to blow up stuff in one of their back yards

So, just like the Fourth of July! But with more shrapnel.

Parten, Maddox, Brewer and Rothove were in a 1997 Dodge Stratus he stopped because the car had a cardboard tag.
None of them admitted to building the devices found in Duncan’s basement but Burnette said Duncan told him they used the devices for amusement. The group said they stole materials from a residential property with trailers somewhere in Buford.

Thus fulfilling every Georgia stereotype but moonshine and havin' a real purty mouth!

And that is why we rarely venture outside the city limits of Atlanta.