Wednesday, April 7, 2010

So, Sandra Bullock Married This, huh?

Imagine you're Sandra Bullock. You're attractive, successful, probably perfectly pleasant. Basically, you've got options. Lots of options for fellas to spend your time with. So how do you end up saddled with this tool bag? I mean, seriously, just look at this owl casting of a human being.

Honestly, if you somehow ended up married to this enema nozzle, wouldn't you just expect that screwing porn stars would be the least awful thing he was likely to do during the course of your marriage?

And would you be surprised to read this:

Adding another potential bombshell element to the sudden explosion of Sandra Bullock’s marriage, has learned exclusively that Jesse James has more than 12 homemade sex tapes.

The tapes Jesse made with other women are shocking. “Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia,” an insider tells “It’s all really quite disturbing.”

So, what, did sandra Bullock lose a bet? Is she secretly awful? Maybe she thought she was getting this Jesse James:

Jesse & Frank James

At least we know that that Jesse James had a hand and a heart and a brain

Happy Birthday, Ya Nut, Ya!

Yesterday was Michele Bachmann's birthday!

Somehow I missed it, but won't you now join me in singing Happy Birthday?

Cartoon of a Singing Duet

Happy Birthday to youuuuu

You are completely insaaaane!

You're an embarrassment to the State of Minnesooootaahh. . . .

And by extension, the nation at large!