Showing posts with label Michelle Bachman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michelle Bachman. Show all posts

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Gee, Bristol Palin's Kind of an Asshole!

I guess the nut doesn't fall far from the tree?

Hail to the Chiefs – Malia and Sasha Obama
May 10, 2012 By Bristol Palin

Is anyone really surprised by the fact that President Obama came out of the closet for gay marriage?

Well, I am. I can't remember the last time he had the balls to take a potentially controversial stand on anything.


What was most surprising is when he explained how his position (supposedly) “evolved,” by talking to his wife and daughters:


"Supposedly" because obviously nothing has ever evolved. Duh!

“It’s interesting, some of this is also generational,” the president continued. “You know when I go to college campuses, sometimes I talk to college Republicans who think that I have terrible policies on the economy, on foreign policy, but are very clear that when it comes to same-sex equality or, you know, sexual orientation, that they believe in equality. They are much more comfortable with it. You know, Malia and Sasha, they have friends whose parents are same-sex couples. There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and, frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.”

Um-hum, and let's see how you can spin a nice family discussion about treating people decently into something horrible. . .

Let’s pause for just one second. When Christian women run for high office, people inevitably bring up the question of submission. Once, Michele Bachmann, for example, was asked during a debate, “As president, would you be submissive to your husband?”


Once/inevitably, tomato/tomahto!

Ms Bachmann was asked that question because she has expressed those kind of trogolodyte fundamentalist views before, not for whatever insidious fake reason you're going to assume.


People automatically assume that a Christian female President isn’t capable of making decisions without her spouse’s stamp of approval.  (I should add female Republican candidates –liberal women don’t get the same kind of questions.)
 
Goddamm right we don't, bitch!

Maybe because people know that liberal women are unlikely to espouse such ridiculous beliefs?


So are all those reporters who feared excessive family intervention in the White House all up in arms over the President’s announcement yesterday?  Um.  Not quite.




Because it's totally the same thing, a president listening to his family's point of view and a president having to get her decisions approved by a self-loathing closet queen. Yeah, totally the same.



 So let me get this straight – it’s a problem if my mom listened too much to my dad, but it’s a heroic act if the President made a massive change in a policy position that could affect the entire nation after consulting with his teenage daughters?


Jeezus! How did you work your mom  into this? You do know Michele Bachmann is not your mom, right? I know other people get them mixed up, but you. . .

 

See, the stupid, empty-headed one is. . . no, that's not helpful.
Um, the batshit crazy one. . . oh, never mind.

.
And no one ever said that the problem with your mom was that she listened to your dad. She's got 99 problems, but your dad ain't one. No one ever accused your mother of listening to anyone except the voices in her head.

While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads.
LEVI!!!


In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage.


Yes, we must continue to think about things the way our anestors did thousands of years ago, That's why w must throw virgins into volcanoes to kep them from erupting, and consult the goat entrails before going into battle.


Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.  Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.

         LEVI!!!


 In this situation, it was the other way around.  I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox.


Yes, because the actual living, breathing, human parents of their friends are exactly the same as a cartoon character.


Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking.  In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.

I'm sorry, how many episodes of Glee does it take to give someone the idea that gay people are, um, people? People who should have at least the same rights as an ignorant hillbilly hatemonger whose sole accomplishment was figuring out a way to make money off of getting knocked up by a human meth PSA?

 
Not Even Once.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Yes, and Troll 2 was a nearly flawless film.



Bachmann: Campaign was 'almost mistake-free'
By Justin Sink - 05/04/12 01:04 PM ET

Michele Bachmann said that aside from a few minor stumbles, her short-lived presidential campaign was "extremely careful" and "almost mistake-free."

Minor stumbles? Seriously? I don't remember any minor stumbles. I remember the most perfect campaign since President Bartlett's re-election. So what were these couple of minor stumbles?

Michele Bachmann: I think one thing I learned is a person has to be extremely careful with what they say. Make sure you have Elvis Presley’s birthday down, because that’s very important, and know where John Wayne was born. Those are two extremely important pieces of information.
Oh, right. I guess maybe there were a couple of things you might have done differently, like:
Maybe don't try to blame Jimmy Carter for Swine Flu?
Or maybe don't suggest eliminating the minimum wage?
Or maybe don't sign a pledge that contains language about how much better black folks had it during slavery?
Or claim that the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery?
Or state that the shot heard 'round the world was fired in New Hampshire?
Or trash Medicare while your husband's "clinic" collects thousands of dollars from them?
Or claim that the hpv vaccine causes retardation?

 But, yeah, it was pretty much the John Wayne thing and the Elvis thing. Ohter than that, perfect. Just ask whoever this hack interviewer is:


David Brody: You ran pretty much an impeccable campaign, in terms of a mistake-free campaign.

Michele Bachmann: Thank you, it really was.

David Brody: It pretty much was.

Bachmann: It really was, we were extremely careful, and we were almost mistake-free, but for those two points, Elvis Presley’s birthday and John Wayne’s birthplace. I’ve apologized, and we moved beyond.




So who is this David Brody? Well, according to his CBN bio,
David Brody
David Brody is an Emmy Award winning 23 year veteran news journalist

Oh, no, wait. We're thinking of David Broder, it does not go on to say.

David is also a political contributor to Glenn Beck's GBTV network  

Oh, okay. Got it.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Other positions for which Michele Bachmann would be an Equally Perfect Candidate

Background:


The Minnesota congresswoman was asked by Bloomberg TV's Al Hunt which of the remaining candidates was the most conservative during an interview Friday, and said none of them measured up to her conservative credentials.
"I was. I was the perfect candidate," Bachmann said in response. 


Other positions for which Ms. Bachmann would be just as perfect a candidate include:

Replacing Peyton Manning in Indianapolis

http://caucuses.desmoinesregister.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/dmrdc5-61cbocrkz83i32uxb2l_original.jpg  



Guest on special "Help. my husband can't keep his hands off me" edition of Maury

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7NClPcV1xRRv9SZeWKum8zpvjeQ3ihjgzhIrB062U8DrustJkLdnmPA17IHsRcANj6WrwweT3rPlIlV_NzDHhfkoS1hh5THYxpPTrd54FfefsLgCA-3R_2T3OQ9fy7EUr8JZGztD6Avs/s1600/thebachmannsatSD56_2010.jpg 

Late Night talk show sidekick

http://load.kovideo.net/s/raw/n/michele-bachmann-jimmy-fallon.jpg 
Hey-oh!

Smart person

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDP0Vz8LXP-hcFD_X3sfVnpgE8KcXAom6DLMVVDXqtuk1QZyLZJU2L_BGdpd70ZNHq7hiX9vs0dKfDDxjj5NouWsYhLNcZ6Z_ei2N6Fc35JK7PtqrSO-lXv45BViCylChuhifU-VYdc3Js/s1600/michele_bachmann_crazy.jpg

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

It is now officially OK to vote for Michele Bachmann. God said so.

From the geniuses at Wing Nut Daily:









Michele Bachmann's 2nd surge

With Herman Cain out of the race, is Michele Bachmann poised for a second surge? And is there a biblical precedent for electing a woman president? 

Well, since there are exactly zero elections in the Bible, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that no, there is no biblical precedent for electing a woman president.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51CTA1VK8WL._SL500_AA300_.jpg
I know I didn't vote for him, did you?

Many people forget that Michele Bachman had a first surge that briefly made her the GOP presidential primary frontrunner. 

No, we haven't forgotten. Our sides still ache from laughing.

She appealed to secular conservatives due to positions espousing smaller government and low taxes. Evangelical Christians loved her unashamed positions on issues of faith. 

Ignoramuses loved her steadfast refusal to "know things."

But somewhere along the way, "buyer's remorse" set in. Some evangelicals questioned the biblical teachings on women submitting to their husbands, wondering if they might be sinning by supporting and voting for a woman president. 

Oh, that must be what scared people off of Bachmann. Not her insistence that the founding fathers had ended slavery or her desire to eliminate the minimum wage. No, it must be the boobs.


So, the question is: Is there a biblical precedent for a woman president?
Yes. In a word: Deborah. 

http://www.truthwinsout.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Marcus-BachmannX390-300x211.jpg
(Artist's Rendition)

Yes, anyone who has ever been to Sunday School remembers the stories of the Deborah Administration!

The book of Judges, in Chapters 4 and 5, explains an eerily similar pattern to today's political and economic state of America. Ancient Israel had fallen on tough times.
The only other time in history during which a country had ever fallen on hard times. Eerie!
They had rejected Yahweh God and embraced the ways of the world.
Just like America with our one atheist in the Congress. That's 1/135th of the House!

http://freethinker.co.uk/images/uploads/2011/02/pete-stark.jpg 
Pete Stark trivia: He was my Congressman when I lived in Northern California.
They were surrounded by their enemies,
Canada, Mexico, the  Pacific Ocean. . .
They were surrounded by their enemies, and their men didn't have the moral fortitude to do what was necessary to survive.
Um, most of us seem to be surviving somehow. But whatever, do go on!
Enter Deborah, a prophetess, a righteous judge and a "Mother in Israel" (read: Rep. Bachmann with five biological children and 23 foster kids).  
A mother in Israel, a foster mother in Minnesota. Tomato, tomahto.


Nancy Pelosi U.S. Speaker of the House Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) (R) shakes hand with Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) (L) June 25, 2008 on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. Clinton joined the House Democratic leaders to speak to the media after she spoke to a closed House Democratic Caucus meeting. 
We know how much respect you have for mothers!

A man named Barak – really, we're not making this stuff up – was supposed to lead the Israelites to fight evil Jabin's Canaanite army commander, Sisera. But Barak wimped out, refusing to go unless Deborah went with him.
It's not so much that he was "supposed to" lead the Israelites as Deborah seemed to pick him at random, but whatever. And since Deborah was the one that God supposedly spoke through, wouldn't it make sense that he would want her to come with? 

Ultimately Deborah's ally, Jael (another woman), killed cruel commander Sisera by hammering a tent peg through his temple, ushering in 40 years of peace for Israel.
Great. Except Jael was not Deborah's ally. See Judges 4: 17 - 

17 Sisera, meanwhile, fled on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, because there was an alliance between Jabin king of Hazor and the family of Heber the Kenite. 
The family of Heber the Kenite was allied with Jabin of Hazor, dummy. Everyone knows that! And Jabin King of Hazor was the enemy, the king for whom Sisera worked. 

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzK8l3CzeWWxZEkyE8RihAaTIjM9U988bTCBimJmHlA6sIi4yalgnP31rxZrFvB7OEEJbIThLNW38pUAJOidN4wGT7G_1njpChDisOxZzlGEE_6iReOvRxotm6vAl125UbBaV8fGNoNXlE/s1600/sisera_jael.jpg 
Also, Jael wife of Heber was a fuckin bad-ass!
The conclusion: There is a biblical precedent set for God sending a woman to do a man's job when a man isn't willing to boldly step up to the plate to get the job done.
 http://korkedbats.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/madonna-a-league-of-their-own-movie-still-0015.jpg 


 Today, in our quest for a moral champion, we have witnessed a long line of conservative men who had their shot and failed. Rick Perry entered both barrels blazing, but floundered. 
http://www.ifimages.com/photos/3ogRY4V6TdKF5dUW98LuAaPnZo/author-641/Old-beer-barrels-crates-cellar.jpg
(pictured: Both Barrels)

Herman Cain went from frontrunner to a perceived moral failure.
Perceived? A PERCEIVED moral failure?
While Ron Paul is a professing pro-life Christian, he refuses to end abortion, and being of the "libertarian" denomination, he leaves important moral matters like abortion and drug use to individual states to decide.
Conservatives hate states' rights!
Robotic Romney with never so much as a hair out of place, has double trouble being from two problematic denominations to Christians: 1) He's a Mormon and 2) he's a liberal.
http://teenangster.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/snake-handlers.jpg 
Mormons are weird!

And with Cain quitting amidst suspicions of moral failure, how will Newt Gingrich survive the public scrutiny over cheating on his first wife and marrying his mistress, only to cheat on her and marry again? 
I don't know, but with Cain dropping out, Captain Adultery is now in first place. Surviving doesn't really seem to be a problem for him. Oh, by the way, I can never keep track, do we not hate Catholics anymore?

And alas, Huntsman is a younger version of Bob Dole. 
http://blog.heartland.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Jon-Huntsman-2.jpg

Oh, come on! That's it? That's like10 words! No respect!

That leaves Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann. And while Santorum stands for the right issues, he has proven to be shaky in the heat of battle, inexplicably backing a string of liberals, including the infamous liberal Republican Arlen Specter in Pennsylvania instead of staunch conservative Pat Toomey.

http://whyy.org/cms/radiotimes/files/2010/10/toomey.jpg 
Could you support this thing?

Bottom line: The only man left standing is a woman. Her name is Michele Bachman, and she's set for a second surge. 
So it's good to know that if you have absolutely exhausted all male possibilities, God will apparently forgive you, just this once, for voting for a lady-type person. Thanks, WND!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Bachmann Slaps the Shit out of Perry

Not literally, unfortunately, but she kicked his ass on this exchange. (gets good around the 2-minute mark)
This was so good, it almost makes me want to like Michele Bachmann, if it weren't for everything else about Michele Bachmann.



Oh, snap! So you're offended that someone would think you could be bought for a mere $5,000? How much does it take?

Of course, Bachman is right for all the wrong reasons. Her main objection seems to be that this was a "government injection," which means, what exactly? I'm not sure. Either the immunization was a good idea or it wasn't (hint: it wasn't. You can tell because Rick Perry was involved) but the government's involvement doesn't make it bad. Nor does it make it good, but if you're going to just dismiss something out of hand because it comes from the government, well, I hope you like not driving on paved roads, or getting your mail, or having a police department, etc. etc. etc. . . .

Oh, but don't worry, parents, you can opt out! If you don't want some durn guv'mint giving your young'uns no government vaccine, you can choode to let them go unvaccinated the way God intended!

Of course, when parents start opting out of vaccination programs, this sort of thing starts happening:


Whooping cough cases on rise

There seems to be a trend in this country of parents distrusting vaccines. And both the right and the left seem to have an equal problem. On the right, anti-intellectualism and anti-science attitudes have been well documented. The idea seems to be that "if we admit that doctors are right about vaccines, then we might have to concede that the scientists have a point about the global warming thing. Then we might end up believing that we're related to monkeys, and we just can't have that! So it's whooping cough for you, Junior!"


On the left, I think that the thinking is that since vaccines are produced by big pharmaceutical compamies, and big pharmaceutical companies are evil, then by the transitive property of evil, vaccines must be bad.

http://www.terawarner.com/hhh/images/jimmy.jpg 
Plus, they're not natural, man!

You want to know what it's like without vaccines? Find an old person. Ask him about polio. Ask him what it was like when whole neighborhoods went into panic mode because someone had polio and no one was safe. Ask anyone who lived through that what they think about opting out of immunizations for your child.

Or just ask the parents of this child if they're proud of their decision:
(Warning, hard to watch)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Michele Bachmann "Proved Right?"


http://celebpromoter.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Michele-Bachmann-celeb-promoter.jpg

The other day, on the way to work, I heard a quick soundbite of Michele Bachmann claiming that she would not have raised the debt ceiling and that she had somehow been proven right on that score. And I assumed that I must have mis-heard, or that the damn liberal media had taken her out of context, or something, because there's no way that even Bachmann could think that that claim made any sense at all. But, no. I underestimated her delusionality once again. Here is the quote, according to Think Progress:



We just heard from Standard & Poor’s, when they dropped our credit rating and what they said is we don’t have an ability to repay our debt. That’s what the final word was from them. I was proved right in my position. We should not have raised the debt ceiling.

So, how does that make sense, even to a looney like Bachmann? How is it that she thinks she was "proved right?" I don't pretend to be an expert in the field of economics, but those who are experts have repeatedly stressed that if the debt ceiling had not been raised, the consequences would have been much much worse. The only way that Bachmann could have been "proved right" is if we had in fact NOT raised the debt ceiling, and things had turned out fine. Since we did raise the debt ceiling, there's really no way of knowing whether Bachmann could somehow have been right in believing that the US should default on its debts. (Although, come on!)

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Michele-Bachmann-shrug.jpeg
Hey, it could happen!

So, really the best possible construction she could put on this is that she had not been actually proven wrong. That is not the same thing as being "proved right."  It's like watching a baseball game and saying, "I would pinch-hit for Smith, I would send in Jones, he'd hit a home-run for sure." Then, when the manager leaves Smith in to bat, and he strikes out, you say "See, I told you they should have sent Jones in there. I have been proven right!" You may feel vindicated, but there's no way to know whether Jones would have, in fact, homered, or struck out, or even grounded into a double-play. Things might have gotten worse if Jones had gotten into the game. especially if Mr. Jones is the baseball equivilant of letting the nation default on its debts.

http://redriverpak.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/strikeout.gif 

Yer out! And so is your credit rating!


Of course, her entire argument is based on a premise which is either a lie, or a stunning show of ignorance, this idea that S&P lowered America's credit rating because we raised the debt ceiling, or because they were worried that America might find itself unable to pay its debts. In fact, S&P haver been quite clear that what concerns them is that there is a large faction within the government which is unwilling to pay. That's you, Ms Bachmann. You and your whole teabagger coalition

 
 



. Standard and Poor's is worried that you and your army of ignorant mouthbreathers seem willing, if not eager, to allow the US to go into default. And they worry that you and your imbecille caucus will be completely unwilling to raise the revenues required to pay our debts. The downgrade of our credit rating is YOUR FAULT, you pea-brained lunatic! You and all the other true-believer idiots who decided to play chicken with the US's credit, and got the corporatists to go along with your hostage taking.

And now I hear that Bachmann has won the Iowa straw poll?

http://kidstar.com/kidstar/kidstar/ProductImages/Memory%20Straws.JPG 
All in favor of Bachmann?
Aye!!!

See, Iowa, this is why no one takes you seriously anymore.

Also this:

http://www.mancavesports.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/herky-hawkeye.jpg

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

And Cue Phony Right-Wing Outrage in 3. . .2. . .

Michele Bachamnn's loony mug is adorning this week's issue of Newsweek (motto: Yes, they still make newsweek!)


 

Alternate titles: The Face of Catatonia
The Queen of "Hungh?"
The Lunatic is in My Head.

And of course, of course the picture isn't flattering enough for the wingnutosphere. No picture would have been. I mean, granted, it's not the most flattering picture, but A: Try finding a picture of Bachmann in which she doesn't look baboon-ass crazy.  B: Shouldn't you just be glad that a publication is treating her as if she were a person of importance? and C: you don't really need to say anything about it, no one reads Newsweek anymore.

But no. No, instead you get the sadly predictable phony outrage, with headlines like this one in Slate:

Is Newsweek's Michele Bachmann Cover Sexist?  

Or this bit of tortured logic from one of Breitbart's idiotic websites:

When your premise is an unflattering photo (and if you don’t have them you’re a liar or Miranda Kerr) to sell your bias, you just might be a chauvinist.

Or you just might not be a good enough photographer to make Bachmann look like a sane person?

That was written by someone named Dana Loesch, who also crapped out this brain-diamond:

I don’t know about you, but when I want articles on women that read like bitter Summer’s Eve scripts, I turn to Newsweek. Under the editorial control of Tina Brown, the rice paper magazine barely struggles against its bias towards conservative women to view them with anything other than contempt.

Oooh, sorry. You were so close. What you meant to say was "bias against conservative women."
Also, the "Summer's Eve script" reference? I have no idea what that's supposed to mean,nor do I want to. Please, for the love of God, I don't want that line explained.


Then there's some site called "freedom's Lighthouse" that asks the question that everyone is thinking:
Of all the photos of GOP Rep. Michele Bachmann they could have used, this is what Newsweek has chosen to feature on their cover. Notice they call Bachmann,
“The Queen of Rage.”
Can anyone really say with a straight face that the Mainstream Media is not totally biased against conservatives?

You know they didn't have a lot to choose from, right? I mean, which picture of Bachmann would you have preferred?

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieKGZqDm1mXHgetMK87jwjm_JM3eRwdYLaOnnhetJ2L3ElQ76-ClkhetafswrWArOcEwAnZsfV0Xp5AM_F408aU6LmGHztLH6VuXRHYkYdAAeonFMIhNXWJRt28yTx77NUCGUl9PZ5itY/s1600/bachmann.jpghttp://www.dickipedia.org/images/Bachmann.jpghttp://www.mnamb.com/bachmann-crazy.jpghttps://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8myXwvLr01-rahPqJwBa-rx_JKCyyKfw3-davlIWCowcML0-Kfi8p2pYjRmnldGYNBVF0RYZnrWcDCJ8ScXmtBFi5Hh4t0FA2REDFqaYCrEnoi6Y1LmndUXS7mISwkionIgRUJ3BWKnAB/s400/m_michele_bachmann_crazy_eyes1.jpg 
http://static5.businessinsider.com/image/4e4170e1ecad045b0300000c/michele-bachmann-crazy.jpghttp://talkingpointsmemo.com/assets_c/2010/03/bachmann_cpac_1-cropped-proto-custom_2.jpg

Seriously, do a google search and just see if you can find a picture of Michele Bachmann in which she doesn't look poo-throwing crazy, bag-of-doorknobs stupid, or both.

And after the horrible horrible things the righties have said a bout Hilary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, et al, they really have some balls throwing around charges of sexism.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

That's So Bachmann!

http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/bachmann.jpg 
First, Michele Bachmann gets handed an idiotic "pledge" from some Iowa-based Family-Something organization and she actually signs the damn thing! Completely what you'd expect from our Ms. Bachmann.

The pledge requires candidates to vow to not cheat on their spouses (mysteriously, Newt Gingrich declined to sign the pledge), to do everything possible to make life harder for the gays, and defend us against the imaginary threat of Sharia law.
http://www.ifapray.org/CC/111010/Sharia-law-Billboard-400.jpg 

So, of course she signs it, of course she does! But either she didn't really read what she was signing all that closely, or she didn't realize that some people (decent people) might take some offense at this statement in the vow's preamble:

(yes, it has a preamble, of course it has a preamble. That's how you know it's good, like the Constitution)

Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA‟s first African-American President.

That line is probably not meant as an endorsement of slavery, but any candidate with any sense would realize that it kinda sounds like the "they were better off as slaves" argument that you sometimes hear from racist assholes. Michele Bachmann is Not one of those politicians.

http://0.tqn.com/d/atheism/1/0/9/8/3/MicheleBachmann-170x170.jpg 

Then, as only she can do, our Ms. Bachmann finds a way to make it worse.

A Bachmann spokeswoman said earlier Saturday that reports the congresswoman had signed a vow that contained the slavery language was wrong, noting it was not in the “vow” portion.
“She signed the ‘candidate vow,’ ” campaign spokeswoman Alice Stewart said. . .

Okay, you could just stop there. Admit that your candidate didn't really know what she was signing, but pretend that that isn't one of her many disqualifications for public office. It's a pretty weak argument to claim that she only signed the "vow" part, not the adjoining text, but whatever. You work with what you got.

“She signed the ‘candidate vow,’ ” campaign spokeswoman Alice Stewart said, and distanced Bachmann from the preamble language, saying, “In no uncertain terms, Congresswoman Bachmann believes that slavery was horrible. . .


 Okay. You really shouldn't need to state that your candidate is anti-slavery, but considering the current political atmosphere, it probably is a good idea to get that on the record. Show your candidate's sensitive side, she understands that slavery is horrible. That actually might come a s a surprise to some observers. Okay, you're probably going to want to stop there.


But, no. This is Michele Bachmann we're talking about. Of course she won't stop there.

“In no uncertain terms, Congresswoman Bachmann believes that slavery was horrible
and economic enslavement is also horrible.”

Economic enslavement? Really? By which you mean what, having to pay taxes? Having a government that runs a deficit? I'm not sure what she considers "economic enslavement" but did she really just equate it to actual slavery? Actual manacles whips and human auction slavery?


http://honolulunotes.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/michele-bachmann-shrug-sized.jpg
Of course she did! What the hell else would you expect from Michele Bachmann?

You can read the entire text of the "vow" here: http://www.thefamilyleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/themarriagevow.final_.7.7.111.pdf
It's actually pretty short, and fairly entertaining in a freakshow kind of way. Even the footnotes which state things like:

No peer-reviewed empirical science or rational demonstration has ever definitively proven, nor even has shown an overwhelming probability, that homosexual preference or behavior is irresistible as a function of genetic determinism or other forms of fatalism.

No studies have ever proven that gay folks don't purposely choose to be gay, therefore, we can only conclude that they do!

That's so Bachmann!

Friday, July 1, 2011

The Worst Thing About the Bachmann-Medicare Kerfuffle


Republican presidential hopeful Rep. Michele Bachmann has decried Medicaid for swelling the “welfare rolls”, and charges that President Obama wants to bankrupt Medicare to force seniors onto “Obamacare.”
But a “quality Christian counseling” clinic run by Bachmann’s husband has collected more than $137,000 in Medicaid payments for treating patients over the last six years, according to an NBC News investigation.




It's not the hypocrisy. The blatant, stunning, shameless hypocrisy of Bachmann complaining about Medicare while profiting from it. That's pretty much what you would expect from someone like Bachmann. This is the same Michele Bachmann who is all up in arms about government spending and "socialism" while collecting thousands of dollars in federal farm subsidies. There's nothing even surprising about someone like Bachmann trashing a program while taking money from it. That's to be expected. It's also not surprising that she sees absolutely no irony in this.
http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/michelle_bachmann_102108_9a546.jpg



Here's the worst thing. Bachmann's husband's psychology practice specializes in de-gayification.

"Bachmann and Associates believes in providing all clients with quality counseling in a Christian environment," reads the mission statement on the business's website. Some of the listed specialties of the clinic and its counselors include "abuse issues," "co-dependency," "men's and women's issues," "shame," and "spiritual issues."
But some observers claim that the mission of the practice includes counseling homosexuals in an effort to "ungay" them. "It is absolutely sincere," adds former school board member Cecconi. "They specialize in 'reparation' regarding sexual orientation."  (source)

This is not only bullshit, it is hate-based bullshit, and Medicare dollars should not be going to such a practice.

This is him, by the way, addressing the topic of what to do about gay youth:





If you are a psychologist, and someone comes to you and says "help me, doc, I'm gay!" your job is to say "let's see if we can't help you to accept yourself. You need to come to grips with who you are and learn to love yourself." or something like that. Your job is NOT to pray the gay away. Your job is NOT to say "don't worry, I can help you become straight!" It's bullshit, it doesn't work, nor should it. Gay people don't need to be "fixed" or "cured" or "converted." And the taxpayers of Minnesota should not have their tax money wasted on this this type of horrible faux-therapy.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Oh, FOX. You Have no Sense of Irony!

How nutty are you when Ann Coulter thinks you're crazy? How nutty do you have to be for Ann Freakin' Coulter to have to step in and be the voice of reason? Well, you have to be "birther crazy," apparently.





Of course, she's full of shit about a lot of things, like "I don't even know if these are conservatives pushing this." or "It's the liberal media. . .   You haven't heard that on Fox News." Especially because like three days later, Hannity had Batshit Bachmann on to say this:

Monday, April 4, 2011

Teabaggers in Action -- Chapter the Fourth

Today's Teabagger is Minnesota state senator Dan Hall.

http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/senator%20don%20hall.jpg
Dan Hall claims to be able to read at a sixth-grade level, but that seems a bit dubious listening to this rambling word-goulash of a speech.

Oh, and here's a tip for aspiring public speakers. If you hear yourself beginning a sentence with "My friends are minorities. . ." just stop. There is no good ending to that sentence. There is no way that thought ends without you looking like the ignorant racist that you probably are.

Especially if your speech is anti-integration. And extra-especially if you use the words "segregation " and "integration" interchangably like Dan Hall seems to do in this clip.




So good job, Minnesota teabaggers. This is the guy you put in the State Senate. Were you trying to make Bachmann look like a reasonable choice by comparison?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Michele Bachmann comes Through Again


When we are living in a world in which we may be staring down the barrell of a nuclear catastrophe, in which there are actual human beings trying to blame an 11-year-old girl for her own gang rape (really), and the governor of Michigan has decided to give himself the power to take over any city or school district and run it like his own private banana republic (really), it's a relief to know that Michele Bachmann will keep opening her ignorant lunatic mouth and saying crazy nonsense to lighten the mood.


Speaking at an event held by the Republican Liberty Caucus on Saturday, Bachmann invoked the founding fathers and offered a historical account in lauding the early presidential primary state.


"What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty," she said, according to Politico. "You're the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord. And you put a marker in the ground and paid with the blood of your ancestors the very first price that had to be paid to make this the most magnificent nation that has ever arisen in the annals of man in 5,000 years of recorded history."



Oyyyyyyy. . . . .

Jeezus, Bachmann, really? The shot heard 'round the world? In New Hampshire?  Everyone knows that happened at the Polo Grounds!

 

Oh, and there was another shot heard 'round the world" earlier, but it wasn't in New Hampshire either. It was in Massachussets. And I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the people of New Hampshire probably know that. They at least know that it did not happen in their state. Do you not have a staff? Or access to Google? Or any memory of Schoolhouse Rock?



Also, how does one pay with the blood of one's ancestors? It doesn't make any sense. Your ancestors' blood was spilt before you were born. You played no part in their decision to sacrifice their lives and/or limbs in the cause of making America magnificent.
And are you absolutely sure that the US 0f A  is the " most magnificent nation that has ever arisen?" Have you done a magnificence comparison with the splendors of Ancient Rome, or the grandeur of Paroahic Egypt, or even theBritish Empire of the 18th-19th centuries? Hell, have you ever been to Paris? The French know how to do magnificence!

  
 
 
I guess we should just be glad that she was able to invoke the founding fathers without putting her hand down her pants and whispering "yes, Alexander Hamilton, yes!"
 
P.S. And the Fox/teabagger contigent spins Bachmann's stunning ignorance as a positive in 3. . .2. . .

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Mind-Numbingly Stupid Quote of the Day

From Michele Bachmann, of course.

Speaking of the founding of the United States:

"How unique in all of the world, that one nation that was the resting point from people groups [sic] all across the world," she said. "It didn't matter the color of their skin, it didn't matter their language, it didn't matter their economic status."
"Once you got here, we were all the same. Isn't that remarkable?" she asked.

 Um, I can think of a few people who might dispute that assessment.

http://www.veteranstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Slavery.jpg 

Seriously, how the hell do you make a statement like that? Has she never taken an elementary school history class? Never saw Roots? Never read anything ever about any subject?

Speaking at an Iowans For Tax Relief event, Bachmann (R-MN) also noted how slavery was a "scourge" on American history, but added that "we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States."

Oh my God! Really? Does she really not know that all the founding fathers were long dead when slavery was finally abolished? Does she no know that a whole lot of the founding fathers were themselves slaveholders?

"And," she continued, "I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly -- men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country."

Unless by "rest" you mean "die," then yeah, he did rest before slavery was extinguished.

Oh, Michele Bachmann's version of history, what a wonderful place you must be!



All will be welcome in this new land, whether their skin be white, ivory, or beige! 

And whether they come from London, Manchester or even Liverpool!

Or Dublin!

All right, who said that? Who's the wise guy?

You're out of the club!

Also, we must banish the scourge of slavery from these shores!

That's all for tonight from Founding Fathers Theater. Join us next time when the founders insist that women be allowed to vote!