Friday, May 22, 2009

The Worst Songs I've Heard This Week

Cha-Cha Slide by DJ Casper

Because it's not so much a song as a set of instructions with a beatbox.

You Were Meant for Me by Jewel

Because I don't need to hear about every mundane detail of your day.
"I got my eggs and my pancakes too"
"I break the yolks and make a smiley face."
"I brush my teeth and put the cap back on."
"put on my pj's and hop into bed."
Good God! If you knew someone like this, would you voluntarily spend a second with her?

Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen
I generally like Bruce. I think he's written a lot of very good songs, OK? This just isn't one of them.
because A) he makes no effort to make the lyrics fit into the meter of the song, and
B) he says his baseball player friend "Could throw that speedball by you" Where I come from, a speedball is what killed John Belushi. The pitch is called a fastball. Who doesn't know that?

Lullaby by Shawn Mullins

Because he recites the words instead of singing through most of the song.

Invisible Touch by Phil Collins

Because its sung by Phil Collins. Also because it was written by Phil Collins.

Always the Last to Know by Del Amitri

Because, as if this song didn't suck enough balls, they put in this lyric:
". . .If you're happy now
or if he's cheating on you, like I cheated on you
oh, oh, oh"
(I swear, the lyric is oh, oh, oh, check if you don't believe me)

then the singer goes into poignant, sensitive mode and sings
"you were the last to know, you were the last to know"
Dude! Don't use your sentimental, heartfelt voice when you're talking about being a total dick!

I'm sure there were more. Our Muzak system at work is programmed by sadists, but that's all I can think of right now.

Stupid Quotes of the Week

Something weird was going on this week, there were even more stupid quotes this week than usual. here are a few highlights.

Micheal Steele:

Steele said, “The problem that we have with this president is that we don’t know [Obama]. He was not vetted, folks. … He was not vetted, because the press fell in love with the black man.

Riiiight, the press loves the black guy. That must be why you are so popular and respected and not at all the object of constant ridicule.

John Boehner:
"It's hard for me to imagine,'' Boehner said, ''that anyone in the intelligence areas would mislead us... I don't feel.. that I have been misled.''

Perish the thought! The CIA stooping to deception? Why the very idea!

Lindsey Graham:

Senator Lindsey Graham basically defended the Spanish Inquisition, saying:
“One of the reasons these techniques have been used for about 500 years is that they work”.

If by "work" you mean "get people to confess to witchcraft," then Yeah, good point, Senator!

Joe Barton:
“I would also point out that CO2, carbon dioxide, is not a pollutant in any normal definition of the term.

“And something that the Democrat sponsors do not point out, a lot of the CO2 that is created in the United States is naturally created. You can’t regulate God.

Right, anything that's naturally occurring can't be harmful. Oh, you know what else is a naturally occurring substance? Arsenic! Just saying.

(Barton's CO2 diatribe deserves its own post. if I get the time, I may give it one.)

But this is probably the stupidest story of the year so far:

Republicans on Wednesday abandoned an effort to label their opponents the “Democrat Socialist Party,” ending a fight within the GOP ranks that reflected the divide between those who want a more centrist message and those seeking a more aggressive, conservative voice.

Supporters of the resolution asking the Democratic Party to change its name instead agreed to accept language urging Democrats to “stop pushing our country towards socialism and government control.”

Wow! You just got thumped in the last two elections, you've got the ghost of Cheney popping up on TV every couple of days, Your chairman is Micheal Steele, and this is what you're spending your time on? This is the resolution you're debating? Don't you want to be relevant again at some point? Unbelievable!