Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Weird law-Enforcement News

While Sunday's thrilling NFL Playoff game was going on inside the Georgia Dome, outside Federal Agents were busy conducting an undercover sting.
Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agents, (ICE) tell Channel 2 Action News they were searching for illegal NFL products being sold by vendors. 

Okay, that seems pretty straightforward. But a couple paragraphs in , it gets weird.

At a later date, Homeland Security Investigators are expected to bring the sellers who were detained during Sunday's Falcons-Seahawks game, in for questioning. 

Homeland Security. The Department of Homeland Security, which is tasked with, as I understand it, securing the homeland from terrorists, is being used to enforce copyright laws?  Nice priorities, Homeland Security! There are still Al-Queda creeps out there, the right-wing militia movement is gearing up for another 1776, and your big concern is that the Falcons might not be getting their cut of the T-shirt sales? I know I feel safer!

Ask GOPPY, the GOP advice elephant!

Note: GOPPY is not an actual elephant. He represents the personification of the problem-solving skills of today's G.O.P.

Question #1:
Dear GOPPY, the Bush tax cuts created huge deficits. What should be done to correct this?

I know, make the tax cuts permanent!

Question #2: 
Dear GOPPY, de-regulating the banks led them to take huge risks with other peoples' money, crashing the economy and leading to a taxpayer-funded bailout. How can we ensure that this doesn't happen again?

Hmm, let me think. . .

I know, fewer cumbersome regulations! 

Question #3:
Dear GOPPY,  A bunch of kids got killed with guns.
What would you recommend to prevent this from recurring?


That's an easy one! More guns!

Question #4:
 Dear GOPPY, My marriage is in trouble because my husband can't forgive me for having an affair.
What can I do to regain his trust?

HMM. . .That is a difficult issue. . .

I know! You should fuck a bunch of different dudes!

Question #5:
Dear GOPPY, I think I may be an alcoholic. I want to stop, but I'm afraid I can't. What should I do?

Try drinking lots of booze!

Goppy the GOP elephant! Doubling down on bad ideas since at least 1980.