Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween Isn't all fun and games!

Just ask "Traditional Catholic Priest" Father Peter Carota, whose website header has one of the most disturbing pictures I've ever seen on the internet, and dear God, have I seen some disturbing shit on the internet!

Traditional Catholic Priest

by Fr. Peter Carota

    One year I was in Mexico for halloween.  I saw so many mothers holding the hands of their children as the walked to them school.  All the children were dressed up as little devils in red suites and horns.  It was so sad to see Catholic mothers dressing their kids up as satan.  I do not think they want their kids to be little devils at home causing all sorts of trouble.  Who wants a devil for a child?

For that matter, who wants a pirate for a child? Or a ghost, or a Power ranger or any of the other things kids dress up for at Halloween that they are not in any danger of actually becoming in real life?

This, on the other hand, would be totally awesome!
Also, not every mother in Mexico is Catholic and it's kind of racist to assume that they are.

That night, in the property next to my parents house, there was a satanic gathering with a huge bonfire.  All night long they screamed satanic incantations.  It was the worst night I ever spent in my life, having to hear this over and over all night long.  

Yes, I believe that gathering happened in the remote village of Nunca Pasó.
Also, I thought we were assuming that everyone in Mexico was Catholic?

Halloween is the night of satanic sacrifices and witch spells.  I know this for a fact from hearing it from a wiccan’s mouth.  

Also, I have never met a wiccan. The person told me that Halloween was the night of costumes and candy, which I assume was wiccan for "Satanic sacrifices and Witch Spells." And since this person spoke wiccan, I assume she must be an actual wiccan, case closed!
Seriously, that may be the stupidest two sentences I have ever heard from anyone not wearing a tricorn hat and holding a misspelt sign. No wiccan told you that. If someone did tell you that, that person was not a wiccan. Wiccans have nothing to do with anything "satanic" or with what you think of as "witches."

Pictured: Not a Wiccan.

Eight years ago, I was on retreat with all the priest from my diocese at San Damiano Retreat house in Danville California.  I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament in their chapel when a group of people came in.  I knew it would not be good because earlier I had seen them dancing around the peace pole.

Peace? Egad!

 It was an ecumenical group (with a catholic Franciscan priest whom I know personally).  That year their motto was “opening the circle”.

Oh. That sounds nice. But I'm guessing it wasn't!

To my horror as I knelt praying, the witch began a guided meditation.  I remember very well when she said; “On Halloween we witches burn away the old and begin all things new.”

Um, okay, still sounds kinda nice. When do we get to the scary part?

“On Halloween we witches burn away the old and begin all things new.”  I reported this to our bishop and the staff at the retreat center.  I should have stopped them and kicked them out of the chapel, but I am a coward and will pay for it after I die.

Holy shit, you're going to hell for a lack of courage? Nice religion you got there, Padre.

What do you see when driving around neighborhoods before Halloween?  Spiders, ghost, witches, skeletons and tombstones.  People have me bless their houses to get rid of devils and then they decorate their houses for him to come back, “just out of fun”.

Yes, because when Satan, the Prince of darkness, wants to come to your house, he first has to see fake skeletons or spiders hanging up somewhere or he won't show up? Because it's rude to show up uninvited?

I also bring a nice bottle of wine. It's just good etiquette!

Trick or Treat” is fun.  Dressing up in costumes is fun.  Parties are fun.  But does it please Christ the King?  NO NO NO.  It only pleases the prince of darkness.
If there's one thing I can't stand it's costumes!
Costumes and parties. The two things I can't stand!
I can't stand costumes and parties and free candy- Three things! Three things I can't stand.
Amongst the things I can't stand are costumes, parties, and free candy. . .

In the public park here in South Phoenix, where we went for the Altar boy hike. . .
Wait, what? The "Altar Boy Hike?" Okay, now this is getting scary.
In the public park here in South Phoenix, where we went for the Altar boy hike, I ran into a “Meat Market” for Halloween.  It has human body parts plastered all over the front, ground human meat in the tray and a baby about to be ground up like they do at abortions.

Yes, that's exactly how abortions are done. A six-month-old baby is fed into a meat grinder. You must have had some medical training, eh father?
 ”But it is just make believe.”  ”Come on Father, chill out!  Cut some slack, we’re just having fun.” And then we wonder why young students are killing their teachers and parents.  Why police are killing kids and kids killing police.  And does anyone even think about the meat market of the abortion mills?
Wow. Where to begin? First of all, only an incredibly tiny percentage of young students are killing anyone, and of those that have committed patricide or gone on school-shooting rampages, were any of them affected by gruesome Halloween displays? It's a rhetorical question, I know you don't know. I don't either, which is why I don't make any claims either way.
Second, Meat market? The term "meat market" has two accepted meanings. One is an actual market in which people buy and sell meat. Surely you aren't suggesting that anyone is buying aborted fetuses as meat? The second meaning is any place where single people congregate in order to try to hook up for naughty fun times. I can't imagine you think that's going on at abortion clinics either.
Third, there's no such thing as an "abortion mill." There just isn't. Women seek abortions after careful consideration and weighting of options, I imagine it's an extremely difficult decision to make for most of them. And the doctors who perform the abortions are caring professionals who look after the health and well-being of their patients. No one is just thoughtlessly skipping off to the all-nite abortion-mart to willy-nilly terminate a pregnancy, you dolt.

All you priest reading this blog should offer The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass on Halloween night to fight the satanic sacrifices and witch spells being cast.  The Latin Mass has so much power over satanic activity.

Oh my God. Why would it matter what language you say it in? Let's assume for the moment that this whole "satanic sacrifices and witch spells" thing was really going on. Believe me, it';s all in your imagination, but let's pretend for a moment. And let's assume that the mass has some sort of "power over satanic activity." Why Latin? Do you think that you're going to say the mass to cast out the devil and he's going to say "nice try, Father, but you said it in English, so I don't respect your authoritah!" Does the devil speak Latin? The Bible isn't even in Latin, it's in Greek and Hebrew. Even I know that and I've never been a seminarian.

Anyway, if Halloween is so terrible, what do you suggest people do instead?

Way ahead of Halloween, I start telling the people at Holy Mass, at Catechism, at the Catholic school and parents meeting that Halloween is not good and is getting worse every year (along with satan’s influence growing every year).  I tell them they can have a party with saint’s costumes and tons of candy to rot their teeth and get them hyper.  Of course, as usual, I am not popular because I do not go along with satanic fun.

Yes, that's why you're not popular. That must be it.

Hella Weenie

We don't have a lot of holiday traditions here at the Chaos Compound, but one we do observe religiously is the viewing of Hella Weenie every Halloween night. Please join us in observing this solemn tradition:

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Reasonable Congressmen Make Reasonable Requests

Reasonable Congressman Number one:

Bill Johnson (R-Handsome Devilville)

GOP Rep: Obama 'Ought To Reimburse' American People For Website

"Here's one thing I will tell you, Bill, the President ought to reimburse the American people for any cost that's associated with fixing or replacing this website. Over $400 million have been spent. It's been a flawed rollout. It's a waste of taxpayer dollars. The American people need to be reimbursed."

Perfectly reasonable. Of course the president should reimburse all the American taxpayers for any extra expenses associated with the we3bsite that a private, for-profit corporation built. Just like how the Bush Administration reimbursed all of us when their war that was supposed to last "six days, six weeks, I doubt six months" ended up running for a decade. And they happily reimbursed the treasury for the $60 billion that just disappeared in Iraq, or all the overcharges from the no-bid contracts with Halliburton. It's a generally accepted principle that all things any government agency does must cost exactly what is estimated with no overages or the President must pay out of pocket for any overruns. Everybody knows that.

Reasonable Congressman Number 2:
 Cory Gardner (R-CreepySmileton)

Rep. Cory Gardner (R-CO) had a lofty request for Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Kathleen Sebelius: exempt my entire district from Obamacare.
“I would like to submit a waiver from my district from Obamacare and hope you consider waiving it for the fourth congressional district,” said Gardner, concluding a contentious exchange with Sebelius.

Perfectly reasonable request. Everyone knows that federal laws should only apply to places where their congressman agrees with them? Or something? It's only been, what, 150 years since the Civil war? It's about time we got back to states or individual districts nullifying any laws they don't like!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Suzanne Somers should really consider just shutting the fuck up.

Remember how the Wall Street Journal was once one of the country's most respected newspapers? Me neither, but ask your grandparents, they'll probably remember.

Suzanne Somers:
The Affordable Care Act Is a Socialist Ponzi Scheme

Oh, Jesus Christ. . .

What makes this even more of a beat-your-head-against-the-wall moment is the banner the Journal put above the column by Suzanne Somers:
The Experts
Yes, in the eyes of the once-prestigious Washington Post, Chrissie Snow is an "expert" on the affordable care act.

We know Suzanne Somers is an expert on medical issues because we remember her 2009 discovery that chemotherapy is what actually killed Patrick Swayze, based on her extensive medical training and research consisting of "Hmm, he was alive, then they gave him chemo, now he's dead, ipso facto chemo killed him! I am so smart, I am so smart!"
S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!

So, I think giving her a column in what was once one of the top newspapers in the country is a really just bizarrely stupid idea, but, hey, I could be wrong. Maybe she really is an expert. Let's take a look at what she has to say on the subject.
SUZANNE SOMERS: As a writer of 24 books mostly on health and wellness and by using my celebrity to get to the best and brightest doctors, scientists and medical professionals in the alternative and integrative health-care world, I have come to the following conclusions:
First of all, let’s call affordable health care what it really is: It’s socialized medicine.

Oh, nice try! You got two whole sentences in without saying something blatantly false! Socialized medicine is what the rest of the civilized world has. I mean, we have it, too, in the form of the VA, Medicare and Medicaid, but the Affordable Care Act still has private for-profit companies providing the insurance, so totally not socialized medicine.

I’ve had an opportunity to watch the Canadian version of affordable health care in action with all its limitations with my Canadian husband’s family. A few years ago, I was startled to see the cover of Maclean’s, a national Canadian magazine, showing a picture of a dog on an examining table with the headline, “Your Dog Can Get Better Health Care Than You.” It went on to say that young Canadian medical students have no incentive to become doctors to humans because they can’t make any money. Instead, there is a great surge of Canadian students becoming veterinarians. That’s where the money is

Ooh, anecdotal evidence! Well, since that's what we're doing, Let me tell you my anecdotal evidence. A couple years ago, the missus and I went to Montreal to visit some of her relatives. At some point, the conversation turned to healthcare. They had some complaints about their system, but when I asked them if they'd like to exchange their healthcare system for the US one, they laughed and laughed and laughed. And they are what's known as "snowbirds" meaning they spend a lot of time in Florida during the winters, so they have some points of comparison. But do go on, you were saying that no Canadians are becoming people doctors anymore?

All of my husband’s cousins are doctors.

All of my husband’s cousins are doctors. Several have moved to the U.S. because after their years of intensive schooling, they want to reap financial rewards.

My God, a system in which doctors don't become as rich as they otherwise might? The horror!

Affordable care will allow for pre-existing conditions. That’s the good part for retirees. But, let’s get down and dirty; the word “affordable” is a misnomer. So far, all you are hearing on the news is how everyone’s premiums are doubling and tripling and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that the whole thing is a big mess.

See, now, back when newspapers had people called "editors" (ask your grandma) this is where that "editor" would step in and say, "Hey, wait a minute. This woman's no 'expert.' She just knows about 'all she hears on the news.' Please send her a polite rejection letter and let's get an actual expert, maybe someone who knows that rates are, in fact, going down for a whole lot of people."

 Plus, even after Obamacare is fully implemented, there still will be tens of millions of people not covered. So what’s the point? Medical care will be degraded, the costs will skyrocket, and most frightening of all, your most intimate and personal information is now up for grabs.

Is any of that true? Let's start with the "personal information up for grabs" part. That has already been debunked everywhere other than inside the FOX News bubble. Will tens of millions still be uncovered? Seems like you ought to have some sort of citation for that kind of statistic. Maybe it is true, but that's tens of millions fewer uninsured than we have now. And you want to know where they don't have anybody not covered? Think for a second, you can get this one. . . . Yes, it's CANADA!
Also England.
And Germany.
And France.
And, well, you get the picture.

But I see what you're doing there. It's a common technique used by righties when they have no legitimate argument. Obamacare won't cover 100% of the people, so let's not have Obamacare. Gun control won't prevent 100% of all murders, so let's not have gun control. Etc, etc, etc. It's really so tiresome.

So, is affordable care a good thing for retirees? Perhaps over time, it might work if you don’t get too old and you don’t get too sick, and you don’t live too long.

Well, since retirees are generally covered by Medicare, I'm not sure any of them will be affected by the ACA.

But frankly, the economic ramifications with our already swollen debt load don’t add up.

Trying to use big words is only cute when you're a little kid. You're a grown woman and it just makes you look kinda sad.

It would have been adorable if she had tried to use the word "ramifications!"

Retirees who are on Medicare will suffer the consequences of 700 billions of Medicare dollars instead being used to cover the skyrocketing cost of Obamacare. In essence, less dollars for seniors, means less service. Not fair.
Oh my God, how many times does that factoid need to be debunked?
So, yeah, heck of a job, there, WSJ editorial board! Way to flush the last vestiges of credibility you still had! I'm sure Rupert will be pleased.

Addendum: The WSJ has issued the following correction which indicates that Somers' original column must have been even more batshit insane than the version I read:
An earlier version of this post contained a quotation attributed to Lenin (“Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state”) that has been widely disputed. And it included a quotation attributed to Churchill (“Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens“) that the Journal has been unable to confirm.
Wow, I'm sorry I missed the version where she makes up quotes and attributes them to Lenin and Churchill. That must have been a doozy!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Idiotic Quote of the Day

From the thing that sits underneath Rand Paul's cheap toupee:

“Liberals have no idea of how capitalism works. They have no idea why, when you go to Wal-Mart, products are cheap, how they get from one point to the other, and how they’re distributed in such a cheap fashion.” (MPS)

NO, see, we do understand, that's why we're bothered. We know that Wal-Mart can sell things so cheaply because they pay their employees shit wages and they pressure their suppliers into having everything manufactured in Chinese sweat shops, we understand that. If we thought that Wal-Mart was just some magical place where prices are magically low because gosh-darn it, the magic of the invisible hand of the free market or whatever bullshit, I'm pretty sure we'd be fine with that.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The problem with "Responsible Gun Owners"

Is that sometimes their responsibly-owned guns end up in the hands of criminals.

Case in point:

Unsecured AR-15 rifle reported stolen from U.S. Rep. Ellmers' home

Published: October 22, 2013 

Read more here:

— U.S. Rep. Renee Ellmers’ husband reported an AR-15 rifle stolen from the family’s home in Dunn last week, according to a police report.
The weapon had been left leaning against a gun locker in an unlocked garage on Kingsway Drive, the report said.
Renee Elmers, of course, is the dipshit representative of Dipshitville North Carolina who is best known for saying that she needed to keep receiving her paycheck during the time in which she and her Republican colleagues were screwing thousands of working folks out of theirs. Also for being a real world-class dipshit.

According to the report, they had been out target shooting and brought the gun back and leaned it against the gun safe,” Pope said. “ … The garage door was left unsecured, according to the report.”

Read more here:
 Because owning a gun safe is the important part. Securing your guns inside the safe, that's really just icing on the cake.

The family was unharmed but shaken, said Thomas Doheny, communications director for Ellmers.

Oh, well that's a relief! The family was unharmed, but "shaken?" You know what other family is going to be a bit "shaken?" The family of the person who gets murdered by the criminal that YOU ALLOWED TO GET YOUR GUN!  Although they are somewhat less likely to be described as "unharmed."


“Gun safety is of the utmost importance in their household, which is exactly why she’s so upset and doesn't understand how this happened,” Doheny said.

Really? Gun safety is of the utmost importance? Oh, obviously. I mean, not important enough to take the extra, what, 30 seconds to PUT THE FUCKING GUN INSIDE THE FUCKING SAFE? But yeah, obviously safety is super-duper important to the Ellmers family.
And really? You really don't understand how this happened? Really? You didn't lock your garage door. So things got stolen out of your garage. What's the mystery? People steal things, that's why doors have locks. Of course, this wouldn't have been all that big a deal if you had thought to maybe put the fucking military-grade assault weapon inside the fucking safe like a sane person would! Of course, a sane person probably wouldn't own a military-grade assault weapon in the first place. In fact, that should be the questionnaire before you're allowed to purchase a gun. What kind of gun do you want to purchase? A military-grade assault weapon? Well then you are too crazy to own a firearm!


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Thomas Sowell is Still a Fucking Liar

For some reason, I've suddenly been getting a lot of hits on a post I, um, posted, back in August of 2009 titled "Thomas Sowell is a Fucking Liar."

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Thomas Sowell is a Fucking Liar


Apparently, someone referenced this posting on Craig's List Seattle because apparently people use Craig's List to have arguments about issues now. And four years after posting that Thomas Sowell is a fucking liar, which he clearly is, I suddenly get this comment from some "anon" as the kids say:

Anonymous said...
Yes because you lefttards have more education, experience and know-how than Dr. Sowell. According to liberal logic, since you're calling a black man a liar, that would make you racists now wouldn't it?

Who Shut Down the Government?

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Oh, Jeezus Christ, Darrell Issa, Really?

Well, with the shutdown over and the debt-ceiling crisis temporarily avoided until the next hostage-taking opportunity, Darrell Issa can finally get back to doing what the voters elected him to do: making up phony scandals to investigate!

Get rate info

Darrell Issa: Park Service chief should step down

“Three strikes and you should be out,” Issa (R-Calif.) said after a five-hour hearing in which he and other Republicans lambasted park service Director Jonathan Jarvis for closing monuments on the National Mall, as well as the agency’s earlier handling of the sequester and its decision to let Occupy Wall Street protesters camp out on federal land.

Jeezus Christ, Darrell Issa, really? Five fucking hours? You raked this poor guy over the coals for five fucking hours because, um, I don't even know why.

“He blew it on sequestration. He blew it on Occupy, and now he admits he doesn’t even think it was his responsibility to plan to mitigate [the shutdown’s harm].”

Because it isn't! It isn't his responsibility to mitigate the harm done by you and your bugfuck crazy party. It's your responsibility to not cause harm in the first fucking place! You can't intentionally cause harm and then want to fire someone for not sufficiently mitigating it.

But Issa isn’t done yet. He issued a subpoena to Jarvis on Wednesday demanding records including “all documents referring or relating to the National Park Service process for handling proposals for budget modifications related to sequestration.” Additional document requests will be coming later, his staff said.

Really? You're not done grandstanding yet? You gotta make this guy's life even more difficult? Because you don't like the way he handled the problem that you caused?Aren't you busy enough investigating the phony IRS scandal and the made-up Benghazi scandal and the fictitious Fast & Furious scandal? You can't just leave this guy alone? He's not the president, he's not a Congressman, he's basically Leslie Knope on a grander scale. Just leave him alone.
In lambasting Jarvis’s handling of the shutdown, Issa cited a column in The Washington Times that quoted an anonymous “angry Park Service ranger” as saying that “we’ve been told to make life as difficult for people as we can.”
Oh, Jeezus Christ, Darrell Issa, really? The propaganda organ of the Unification Church publishes a quote from some anonymous park ranger who, if he exists at all, seems to have an axe to grind and is probably wildly misinformed if he even exists, which he well may not and that's enough evidence of some sort of conspiracy for you to start another time and money-wasting phony investigation? Really?

“If true, and I have no reason to doubt the truthfulness of that quote. . .

Wait. . .  REALLY? You really have no reason. . . REALLY? Some anonymous dude in a shitty right-wing rag of a newspaper, and you have no reason to doubt the truthfulness? REALLY?

If true, and I have no reason to doubt the truthfulness of that quote, it is indeed disgusting and despicable that the park service would do this,” Issa said at the hearing, being held jointly by his committee and natural resources.

Really? As disgusting and despicable as shutting down the federal government because you didn't get your way? As disgusting and despicable as putting nearly a million people out of work, albeit temporarily, because you can't accept that the last election didn't go your way? As disgusting and despicable as shutting down important medical research, WIC, Head Start and Meals on Wheels because you and your party of childish assholes felt like you could extract even more concessions from the White House? Is closing the WWII memorial that despicable? Is that how disgusting it is? Is shutting down a memorial because you and your fellow teabagger morons took away the funding to keep it open as despicable and disgusting as shutting off funding to meals on wheels?Because I'm just trying to get some perspective here on what kind of actions are considered despicable and disgusting.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Stupidest Government Default Quote to date

Of course it's from Louis Gohmert, because of course it fucking is!

(Via Raw Story)

The Young Turks caught up with the Texas Republican on Friday at the Values Voter Summit and asked him if he would vote on any deal to raise the debt ceiling.
“It just depends on what it is,” he replied. “The word ‘deal’ concerns me… if it’s good for America.”

"Would you allow us to default on our debt?” a reporter from The Young Turks wondered.
“No, that would be an impeachable offense by the president,” Gohmert declared.

There just aren't enough faces or palms in the world for Louis Gohmert.

The more I learn about Ted Cruz, the more he creeps me out, Part 2 or 3 or whatever.

Ted Cruz was on the 700 Club the other day, parading his Messiah complex for everyone to admire:

(Via Raw Story)
Cruz on God’s role in the shutdown:
‘His will be done as it will be’

Yeah, because if Ted Cruz is doing something, no matter how stupid or crazy, it's because that's wht God himself wants Ted Cruz to be doing.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) said over the weekend that he had prayed to God to guide him in the shutdown fight and was sure that “his will be done as I know it will be.”

And I told you to knock this shit off!
I swear, the more I learn about Ted Cruz, the more this delusional little fucker creeps me out.

This really has got to stop

It's been going on as long as I can remember.

commercials in which human women are somehow attracted to animals.

The Geico pig has had at least two human girlfriends.

Joe camel always had a beautiful woman hanging around.

The Kia hamsters may not be dating any human women, but human women are supposedly swooning over them.

And it's not just in commercials. Racist misogynist Seth MacFarlane has his dog character Brian date several women.

And why? Any relationship jokes you want to make with Brian and his girlfriend could just as easily be done with Brian and a female dog, although that would give MacFarlane an excuse to make tons of "bitch" jokes, so it's kind of a lose-lose.

It's got to stop. It's gross, it's offensive, it's not cute or funny, it's just got to stop.

What is the message these ads want to send? That using their product will make women throw themselves at you even if you are a loathsome animal? Think about the Geico pig ad. The scenario is that the pig and a human man both have car damage. The pig gets his insurance settled quickly while the human man is stuck on hold. The woman gets so tired of waiting for her human boyfriend that she runs off with a goddamned pig. What kind of a psychotic is this woman supposed to be? She runs off with a pig?

It's got to stop.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Irony dead, Sarah palin violates its corpse

At a veteran's march which Palin and her fellow teabaggers shamelessly co-opted:

"Our vets have proven that they have not been timid, so we will not be timid in calling out any who would use our military, our vets, as pawns in a political game," Palin told the crowd.

Maybe she should have asked, um, the actual veterans?

Apparently, the original organizers of the veterans’ march are displeased with the Tea Party’s co-opting of their protest. On the Million Vet March homepage, the organizers suggest a local organizer invited Tea Party and birther groups against the wishes of the veterans:
The political agenda put forth by a local organizer in Washington DC was not in alignment with our message. We feel disheartened that some would seek to hijack the narrative for political gain. The core principle is about all Americans honoring Veterans in a peaceful and apolitical manner.

Cory Booker Might as Well Just Drop Out of the Race if He's Not Going To Adress The Issue of how Nice this Lady's Boobies Are

(via TPM)

A top aide to Republican New Jersey Senate hopeful Steve Lonegan went into decidedly not-safe-for-work territory when TPM asked why he thinks his candidate has been gaining on Democratic opponent Cory Booker in recent polls.

Oh, God. Here we go. . .

So apparently, Cory Booker has a fan who is also a stripper and also donated $100, presumably in glittery, crumpled singles, to his campaign and he "tweeted" her a message that might be seen as maybe a little bit flirtatious, maybe? And because these are the times in which we live, someone had to try and make a huge shitty deal out of this fact. The designated someone for this teapot tempest was Rick Shaftan, an aide to Booker's opponent Steve Lonegan.

Artist's rendition: Rick Shaftan
Now you might expect a Republican operative to take the pearl-clutching family values faux outrage approach to Booker having had contact with this fallen woman, but bear in mind, this is New Jersey.

"It was just weird. I mean, to me, you know, hey, if he said, 'Hey, you got really hot breasts man, I'd love to suck on them.' Then like, yeah, cool. But like, he didn't say that," Shaftan explained.

Yes, that's obviously the sort of thing any normal person would say. Because lines like "I'd love to suck on them" have pretty much a 100% success rate with the ladies! Also because why would Booker be a decent human being when he clearly has the option to be a drooling swine?

"It was like kind of like, I don't know, it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper.

Um, I think what a gay guy would say to a stripper would be "Excuse me, ma'am, you've got the wrong house." or maybe "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't Swinging Richard's!" (that's right, Swinging Richard's)

 . . . it was like what a gay guy would say to a stripper. It's the way he was talking to her. It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all.

And everyone knows there's no reason for a hetero dude to ever talk to a woman if he isn't trying to bone her!

It's just like like there was no sexual interest at all. I don't know. To me, if I was single and you know like some stripper was tweeting me, I might take advantage of the perks of the office, you know?"

Oh, yeah, clearly there's something wrong with Booker. It's like he doesn't even realize that the whole point of running for office is to get laid. Obviously it's Booker who's the oddball here.

disapoint disappoint harry potter roll eyes rolleyes disapoint disappoint harry potter roll eyes rolleyes 
This is strange. It's just weird. ... It's like, 'I don't know who she is. I don't know anything about her.' Get the fuck out of here dude. You can't follow her Twitter page and not know she's got those great breasts. How do you fucking not know?" Shaftan said.

Well, maybe, and I'm just speculating here, maybe he just read the words that she said rather than going to her profile to see whether or not she might be in possession of a pair of "great breasts?" Or maybe, and stay with me here, maybe he did notice her "great breasts" but didn't feel any need to comment on them? Because he's a human person and not a rutting barnyard animal? I know, I know, it sounds far-fetched, but I hear tell of certain men who are able to catch sight of attractive women without making gross comments about their boobies. Sounds crazy, but I swear it's true!
"It's just too odd and people they just wonder, like, who does this guy really want to work for? Who's he representing?"

Um, maybe he represents people who can think of things besides boobies all the time?

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Michele Bachmann is even weirder than I thought

And I thought she was pretty fucking weird.

(via Salon)
Michele Bachmann: Obama supports al-Qaida and “end times” are near

"We are to understand where we are in God’s end times history"

Oh, dear lord. . .

According to a new report from Right Wing Watch, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann claimed in a radio interview with Jan Markell on Saturday that President Obama is supporting al-Qaida and that this was proof “end times” were near.

Sighhhhhhh. . .  okay, fine. Go ahead, how is Obama "supporting al-Quaid" today?

Referring to the president’s earlier decision to provide small arms and anti-chemical weapons gear to a number of vetted Syrian rebels, Bachmann said:
This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists,

Oh, Jeezus Christ! Seriously?

Of course, by Bachamnn standards, this really isn't even all that weird. but wait for it. . .

. . .as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.

I'm not sure any of that was a sentence, but that's not really the point. The leaf is on the fig tree? Isn't the leaf usually on the fig tree? Aren't there generally many leaves on a fig tree? A leaf being on a tree is some sign of the impending apocalypse?

So, I guess we should all be very very afraid that the world is going to end soon? I mean that leaf is on the tree and what have you, that seems like a pretty negative prognosis, right?

“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann said. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”

Marantha? What the fuck is Marantha?

well, according to Wikipedia:

Maranatha (either מרנא תא: maranâ thâ' or מרן אתא: maran 'athâ' ) is a two-word Aramaic formula occurring only once in the New Testament (see Aramaic of Jesus) and also in the Didache, which is part of the Apostolic Fathers' collection. It is transliterated into Greek letters rather than translated and, given the nature of early manuscripts, the lexical difficulty lies in determining just which two Aramaic words comprise the single Greek expression, found at the end of Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians (1 Cor 16:22).
If one chooses to split the two words as מרנא תא (maranâ thâ), a vocative concept with an imperative verb, then it can be translated as a command to the Lord to come. On the other hand, if one decides that the two words מרן אתא (maran 'athâ), a possessive "Our Lord" and a perfect/preterite verb "has come," are actually more warranted, then it would be seen as a credal expression. This interpretation, "Our Lord has come," is supported by what appears to be an equivalent of this in the early credal acclamation found in the biblical books of Romans 10:9 and 1 Corinthians 12:3, "Jesus is Lord."

Oh. Couldn't you have just said that?

But more importantly, holy shit! She actually WANTS the world to end! She thinks we should rejoice because the world is supposedly ending. She's like a member of some weirdo death cult. No wonder her eyes look like that!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Wingnut Truckers will save America from . . . Something.

Truckers, America's foremost consumers of prescription amphetamines, are going to converge on Washington, DC to arrest the government!

No, really!

"Truckers for the Constitution" are planning on gathering ONE MILLION TRUCKERS together on DC area freeway to obstruct traffic until all the members of government come out with their hands up or something. Now, if you've ever dealt with truckers, you know how difficult it is to get ONE of them to arrive at the correct place at the agreed-upon time, so a million of them at the same time? I don't really see it happening.  In fact, the most common conversation I have with truck drivers goes a little something like this:

Hmm, I don't see you on the schedule. What time was your appointment?

Guh. . . appointment?

But according to their nutty leader, they're damn serious about doing this thing.

'Truckers for the Constitution' Plan to Slow D.C. Beltway, Arrest Congressmen

Police must detain 'accessories' to 'treason' or truckers will, organizer says

(via US News)

Earl Conlon, a Georgia trucker who is handling logistics for the protest, told U.S. News tractor-trailer drivers will circle the beltway "three lanes deep" as he rides with other participants to Congress to seek the arrest of congressmen for allegedly disregarding the Constitution.


Artist's rendition, Earl Conlon in his truck-boat-truck
The Million Trucker March or whatever actually started out with much more modest goals:
One Million Against Inflating Attendance Numbers
I'm not sure what "fuel policy" they meant to protest, probably Obama's refusal to drill here, drill now, drill, baby, drill so that oil companies could do what they would really have preferred to be doing all along, selling consumers gasoline at bargain-basement prices, because they hate making all these profits all the time, but at any rate, the million truckers quickly began to experience mission creep. Soon, the stated goal of the truckopalypse was:
 to support the truckers in a major shut down of America ion [sic] a 3 day strike October 11th thru 13th. Obamacare will be in effect and most people will be ready to take action.  The American people are sick and tired of the corruption that is destroying America! We therefore declare a GENERAL STRIKE on the weekend of October 11-13, 2013! Truck drivers will not haul freight! Workers will call in sick! Consumers will not buy or sell anything on this date! Stay home! Buy nothing!
Read more at"
Eventually, the insanity spiraled out of control and now they're a-comin' to arrest the whole damn government!
"We are not going to ask for impeachment," Conlon said. "We are coming whether they like it or not. We're not asking for impeachment, we're asking for the arrest of everyone in government who has violated their oath of office."

An when you're that big a wingnut, you believe that EVERYONE has violated their oath of office! But, perfessor, I'm sure you're asking, do these nutbag tweakers have any authority to arrest members of Congress or the Preident himself? Glad you asked, because of course they do!
Conlon cited the idea of a citizens grand jury – meaning a pool of jurors convened without court approval – as the mechanism for indicting the officials.

Ah, a "citizen's grand jury," which is not a thing, has issued a fake indictment? Well that's all the authority I need!
"We want these people arrested, and we're coming in with the grand jury to do it," he said. "We are going to ask the law enforcement to uphold their constitutional oath and make these arrests.

Um, I'm not sure that cops actually take a Constitutional oath, but whatever oath they do take most likely does not include a vow to arrest any Congressman that pisses of a few wingnuts, but hey, I could be wrong. (I'm not)
 If they refuse to do it, by the power of the people of the United States and the people's grand jury, they don't want to do it, we will. ... We the people will find a way."

No, you won't.
Of course, Conlon isn't unrealistic. He knows that he won't be able to arrest the entire US government. 
“If all I get is one or two congressmen walked out of there in handcuffs, that will be a shot across the bow that will ripple across all branches of government,” Earl Conlon, one of the organizers, told U.S. News and World Report.

See? Just one or two. Just one or two Congressmen led out in handcuffs by the "people's grand jury" or whatever. It's important to set achievable goals!
“If all I get is one or two congressmen walked out of there in handcuffs, that will be a shot across the bow that will ripple across all branches of government. … I hope they are all civil enough and brave enough to step out onto the congressional steps.”

Well, why wouldn't they be? I mean, fair is fair, they've been indicted by a made-up thing with no authority on vague, baseless charges, so why wouldn't they just surrender to a bunch of bug-eyed-poo-throwing-crazy truck drivers to be tried in some sort of fictional court that doesn't exist?

Oh, and Earl Conlon has a webpage!
Pictured: Conlon's webmaster

On that webpage, Conlon says totally not crazy things like this:
Permalink Reply by Earl Conlon on Sunday
i've always believed Obama to be the Anti Christ from the day i first laid eyes one him.. not to mention the dreams i have had for the past 15 years showing me a man in office who i've never heard of before. then comes  2008 and the dreams get more detailed and intense... you figure it out..
maybe i am crazy?

Noooooo, you? crazy? I mean, you had dreams about, um. . . a man. . . holding an office? And then. . . there really was a man. . .  in office? Obviously that's gotta be the Anti-Christ!
Holy shit, this guy should NOT be allowed behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, he's deranged!
Permalink Reply by Earl Conlon on Sunday
even if the movement is a flop it still Has already lit the flame of FREEDOM & LIBERTY..! WE WIN!!

Um, the "movement" hasn't even happened yet.
"THINK OF IT LIKE THIS:  if Obastard declares Marshal Law. we will then Know WHO and where they are.. and then we will have a clear knowledge of who supports them and WHO TO SHOOT.. "
Because it wouldn't be a right-wing gathering without the threat of gun violence against their perceived enemies. It's called sedition out here in the real world, but in Wingnuttistan, it's called Wednesday.