Tuesday, August 14, 2012

2012 Closing Cermonies, a couple of thoughts

I may be the only one, but I thought the opening ceremonies for the London games were a total train wreck. But they got the Ms Saigon effect by closing with Paul McCartney, so no one seems to remember the stupid choreography


Or the top-hatted men patting the grass like it was a puppy's head, then nodding contentedly as if lawn-petting were some sort of accomplishment.

No one remembers Kenneth Brannagh strutting amongst the working men as if to represent, what, the Industrial Revolution's giving rise to the wealthy industrialist douchebag?

And everyone forgets how incredibly irritating the two young people sending texts and IM's to each other while living in a house constructed of VH1 pop-up video was.

Sure, there were a couple of cool moments, like forging an Olympic ring out of molten iron, and the salute to the National Health, and Rowan Atkinson. But then there was an inflatable Voldemort and a gaggle of Mary Poppinses who completely neglected to fight him, and the whole thing was just awful.

So the closing ceremonies seemed like a good effort to right the many wrongs by concentrating on a salute to British pop music.

But then, no Stones. If you have a Beatle headlining the opening, you ought to have at least one Rolling Stone do the closing. Are you telling me that SNL can book Mick Jagger but the Olympics can't? And where was David Bowie? They played "Fashion," but would it be too much to ask that he show up to sing it himself? They did have some good musical guests, like Madness and the Pet Shop Boys, but you're touching on England's synth-pop masters and no Depeche Mode? And Annie Lenox is great, but how do you not take this opportunity to re-unite her with Dave Stewart?
You can't get Led Zeppelin back together, or Pink Floyd, or the Smiths, but the Spice Girls? Was anyone excited about a reunion of unemployed disposable pop tarts?

And speaking of disposable pop acts, why, when you are saluting bands from the Who to ELO, why in the world would you include lightweight flavor-of-the-month acts like One Direction or Jessie J? And it's not bad enough that this Jesse J person, who is I guess some sort of singer, appeared singing her own trash, but to have her join Brian May on stage to sing QUEEN? Where the fuck does she get the balls? Of course, that atrocity is nothing compared to the crime against humanity of trotting out talentless, obnoxious alleged comedian Russell Brand to do "I am the Walrus." If you felt earthquakes in London yesterday, that was rock and roll legends spinning in their graves.


Seriously, this nothing is going to do "I am the Walrus?" It was sacrilege enough to hear him covering Gene Wilder. Russell Brand taking on the Beatles? That would be like if we had the Olympics here in America and had Dane Cook come out to sing Hank Williams. Or Carrot Top do Gershwin. Or have Micheal Winslow make trumpet noises to the tune of "So What." 

There's no fucking excuse for that. Seriously, if anyone reading this is from England, can I ask you? Is having produced Russell Brand something of which England is proud? Why would they trot him out onto this international stage?

Also, if you feel the need to pat tribute to Oasis, why not get a good band to cover them? I get why you wouldn't book Oasis themselves, they might not show up, or they might show up drunk and punching each other, but the singer from that "beady eye" band was just horrible. You got the Kaiser Chiefs to cover the Who. Why not someone good to cover Oasis? And as long as you're having younger bands stand in for older bands that couldn't make it, could no one do T. Rex? Inexcusable.

And how do you not include the Kinks?
Or Elvis Costello?
Or Robert Smith?
Or Mick Jones? Between the Clash and B.A.D. Mick Jones has made a hell of a contribution to the pop music of the latter half of the 20th Century.
Why not Morrisey?
Or Richard Thompson?
Or The Buzzcocks?
Or who was more influential than Wire?
Bryan Ferry was. Where was Bryan Ferry?
Hell, for that matter, why not A Flock of Seagulls? And sure, laugh all you want, but they made a hell of a lot more impact than Jesse J or whoever that rapper was that I never heard of and no one will remember next year.

And where the hell was U2? How could you not get Bono to show up for this kind of international good will event?
Where was Rod Stewart? Why not have a Faces reunion?

And what about Elton John? If Roger Daltrey wasn't going to sing "Pinball Wizard," why not have Sir Elton? Isn't he the one who sang it in the movie?

Damn right, I was!

Where was Van Morrison?
What about Eric Clapton and Jeff Beck?

I mean, if you had to maybe bump the salute to women who look pretty on runways, or people who beat on trash cans for a living to fit in Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page jamming on one stage, orthe Davies brothers performing together again, or Ozzy Ozbourne rejoining Black Sabbath, I think we could have forgiven you.