Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Defeat ISIS with this one weird trick!

Okay, it's actually 7 weird tricks, but Dr. Ben Carson has the solution to defeating ISIS.

Ben Carson: Destroy ISIS with these 7 steps


Guaranteed to work! Just as surely as the pyramids are filled with corn!

  • Congress must formally declare war on ISIS.

  • Yeah, because all we're doing now is dropping bombs on them. If we get a formal declaration of war, which you probably wouldn't because the only way Congress can issue a declaration of war is if the President asks for one and if President Obama asked for a declaration of war against ISIS, Congress would probably pass the "Defense of ISIS" bill, but if we did officially declare war on ISIS, then what? American soldiers on the ground in Iraq? Again? Honestly, it's been done to death.

  • The U.S. should lead the formation of a military coalition in the Middle East.

  •  With whom? Which countries do you think are going to be up for yet another coalition of the sort of grudgingly willing to fight yet another endless war in the Middle East?

  • The U.S. coalition should establish a “massive” military force of Sunni Syrian men to take on ISIS.

  • You mean like the Iraqi army we've been training for the last 10 years? The ones who saw ISIS coming and thought "fuck it, this isn't even my home town," dropped their weapons and fled?


    Granted, those were mostly Shia, because we kicked  the Sunnis out of the Army, leaving them to form ISIS, but sure, we'd probably get tons of Sunni men to go to war against their fellow Sunnis. You know, if Uncle Sam is the one asking. They'd be greeted as liberators!

  • A refugee safe zone should be established in Syria. 

  • How? How would that happen? Who would be establishing and protecting this "safe zone?" The Syrians? Their country is in shambles. If there was any zone that was safe, they'd be in it. How do you think someone is going to walk into the middle of the chaos of a civil war and say "hey, fellas? From now on, um, this section here is, like, off-limits for killing, mmkay?"

  • Congress should establish a war-time emergency visa and immigration policy.  

  • Um, "no vacancy" is not really an immigration policy. We actually have an immigration policy already. It allows for refugees to come in to the "safe zone" known as the US, provided they pass enough checks and jump through enough hoops. An emergency war-time immigration policy might be a good idea if that policy is "get these refugees in here, get them safe, then we'll sort things out," but I'm pretty sure you meant the opposite of that because you are afraid of  refugees because you are a coward.


    Oh my God, they're terrifying!

  • U.S. military personnel should patrol the U.S. southern border and designated areas along the northern border.

  • Yes, we need to stop ISIS militants from storming over the borders from their strongholds in Guadalajara and Montreal!


    Oh, God. Here they come!

  • The U.S. should designate the Muslim Brotherhood and similar organizations as terrorist organizations, and fully investigate the Council on American-Islamic Relations.

  • Yes. Let's investigate the group whose goal is to improve relations between Muslims and the West. They sound pretty dangerous.
    Also, you lost the right to do these kinds of investigations sometime between claiming that Huma Abedin was a Muslim Brotherhood mole and the fourth or fifth Benghazi sideshow.

    Huma Abedin. The Muslim extremist with the Jewish husband.