Saturday, October 20, 2012

Another reason to weep for the future of America

Glenn Beck has his own line of designer jeans. Not kidding. Glenn Beck is selling jeans which seems like a great idea since his main demographic looks like this:

Can't wait to see the Glenn Beck audience struttin' around in their designer skinny jeans!
Glenn Beck announced Monday morning the release of 1791 Denim, a new line of jeans made entirely in America. The jeans are the latest from 1791, a clothing line launched by Glenn in 2011.
The team at 1791 has been working on the jeans for close to a year, something unheard of in the fashion industry. 
But completely normal in the incompetent-fashion-industry.

The jeans were conceived by Glenn, who has been involved with the new jeans in every step of the process from the stitching, to the buttons, and to the quality of the rivets. Tim Didonato, 1791 Designer, has been the point man on the design, working with Glenn to make sure his vision for the new line was executed. He has been branding all of the labels on the back of the jeans by hand, as well as managing all of the details of the look of the jeans.

The look of the jeans could be best described by the word "jeans." They look like jeans. They stole the rivet idea from Levi's, and the blue denim from Levi's and, well. . .

Is that really "fashion-forward?"

The idea for the jeans came in 2011, when Glenn was doing research for an episode of TV focused on the fashion industries use of advertisements that celebrated the protests in Europe and the Middle East. Glenn found that jeans, an iconic American product, were no longer being made in America.

What a scoop! You actually did research to find out that shit doesn't get made in America anymore?  In 2011, you were just blissfully unaware that everything is now made in China? What a fine, fine journalist you must be!

Rather than sit back and complain about yet another industry going overseas, Glenn decided to do something about it and tasked the nascent 1791 clothing line, staffed by only Tim and LJ, with making a new line of jeans that would be made entirely in America. And they had to do it as soon as possible – since that is the only deadline that Glenn ever gives his employees.

And in Beck's world, apparently,  as soon as possible means work on it for over a year. Also, I'm not sure what impression I'm supposed to get from that line, that ASAP is the only deadline Glenn ever gives. Am I supposed to be impressed that Glenn is such a tough s.o.b. that he will accept nothing less than as soon as possible? Or is it supposed to be that Glenn is such a cool boss that he doesn't give any actual deadlines, he just tells his employees to get it done as soon as they can?

Here's the depressing part:

Temporarily SOLD OUT

They're sold out. People are buying these. So you can look forward to seeing a lot of guys looking like this in the near future:

Also, because they are "sold out," they don't show a price on the website. According to HuffPo, though they retail for $129.99. What a bargain!

Things I Should Have Said At Work Today

1. Why, yes. Yes, this is all done. I just enjoyed doing that task so much that I decided to do it a second time just for fun, which is why you see me doing it right now.

2. Directions? Sure. Take 285 to Cobb Parkway, exit North. You'll see a Target store on the right. Go in there and buy a fucking GPS because you are a professional truck driver and being able to find your way from one place to another is a big part of your job description. You're welcome, see ya soon.

3. Really? Do you mean to tell me that there is a Redbox location that YOU were unaware of? Alert the media!

4. Don't take this the wrong way, but that is not my fucking problem and I couldn't give less of a shit.

5. Hmm, maybe it would help if you asked me the same fucking question a fourth time. Maybe I've just been accidentally saying no when I meant yes.

6. Aah, isn't that cute? You're such a big helper! Never mind that I just said I didn't need any help because this is a one-man job. The important thing is that you're helpin' daddy!

7. I can't believe that radio station has been on for four hours and this is only the third time I've heard that song that goes "no lie, no lie, no lie-ee-i-ee-iii. . ." That should really be played at least every minute of every day because it's totally not the worst song in the history of recorded music, and that history includes "Friday" by Rebecca Black.

8. How was my lunch? I'm so glad you asked! Let me regale you with tales of the sandwich. Pull up a chair and I'll try to draw you a mental picture, oh if only I'd remembered to take an Instagram of side of coleslaw.

9. I quit.