Monday, January 30, 2017

So everything is just insane now.

Soulless Trump flack Kellyanne Conway was apparently upset at the media.
I know, a dishonest right-wing hack upset at the media? Who'da thunk it?

I went on three network shows and spoke for 35 minutes on three network Sunday shows. You know what got picked? The fact that I said ‘alternative facts,’ not the fact that I ripped a new one to some of those hosts that they never cover the facts that matter.

Yeah, it's like think of all the times I didn't say "fuck" in Church.
But the one time I shout out "Halle-fuckin-lujah," and that's all anyone remembers from the whole Christmas pageant!

Yeah, Kellyanne. The one thing that everyone remembers from your appearances on TV was your stunningly amoral defense of lying. No one found your ten millionth chorus of "blame the media" to be all that memorable. Quell surprise!

Then she really starts to go off the rails

Not one network person has been let go. Not one silly political analyst and pundit who talked smack all day long about Donald Trump has been let go. They are panels every Sunday, they are on cable news every day.
Who is the first editorial writer? Who is the first blogger that will be left out, that embarrassed him at outlets. We know their names. I’m too polite to mention their names, but they know who they are, and they are all wondering who will be the first to go. The election was three months ago. None of them have been let go.

Okay, here's a better question Why haven't any of the pundits, columnists and various talking heads who predicted a quick and easy victory in Iraq been fired? Why do they still get to be on every show every day? The quagmire should have been easy to predict. In fact, many did predict just that, but they weren't welcome on TV then, and they still aren't because there is no punishment for being wrong and no reward for being right.
That should really be a much bigger concern if you actually do give a crap about media integrity or whatever it is you're pretending to care about. 
 Failing to predict Il Douche's victory is a bit different, considering how improbable that victory was. Firing journalists for getting this one wrong would be like firing sportswriters for failing to predict Villanova's win over Georgetown in 1985.

What you seem to be angry about is that journalists had enough misplaced faith in the American electorate as to assume that they would never elect an unqualified, unstable buffoon of a fascist to the highest office in the land. I think we can cut them a bit of slack on that one. Especially as long as Bill Kristol is still employed.

If the mainstream media were a thriving private sector business that actually turned a profit, which is not true of many newspapers, 20% of the people would be gone. They embarrassed, they failed to protect their shareholders and the board members and their colleagues.

 Um. . . none of that makes sense? How did they fail to protect all those people? Never mind, you were on a roll. A manic, demented roll. Don't let me stop you.

And yet we deal with him every single day. We turn the other cheek. If you are part of team Trump, you walk around with these gaping, seeping wounds every day, that’s fine. I’m here every Sunday morning. I haven’t slept in in a month.

Oh My Gawd! Okay, that may be the first true thing I've ever heard you say, that you haven't slept in a month. Speed kills, Kellyanne!

The rest of that paragraph, though. . . hoo boy!
First of all who is this "him" that you deal with every day?

And when has anyone on "team trump" ever turned the other cheek? Do you even know what that expression means?
And the gaping seeping wounds you have, those are called "witch's teats." They're what you get when you sleep with the Devil.

Insane example # 2:

Orange Julius Caesar has an insane piece of insane anecdotal evidence to back up his insane claims about voter fraud.

WASHINGTON — On Monday, President Trump gathered House and Senate leaders in the State Dining Room for a get-to-know-you reception, served them tiny meatballs and pigs-in-a-blanket, and quickly launched into a story meant to illustrate what he believes to be rampant, unchecked voter fraud.

Mr. Trump said he was told a story by “the very famous golfer, Bernhard Langer,” whom he described as a friend, according to three staff members who were in the room for the meeting.

I don't know how famous this Langer is, I had never heard of him before this.

The witnesses described the story this way: Mr. Langer, a 59-year-old native of Bavaria, Germany — a winner of the Masters twice and of more than 100 events on major professional golf tours around the world — was standing in line at a polling place near his home in Florida on Election Day, the president explained, when an official informed Mr. Langer he would not be able to vote.

Okay, so a German citizen was told that he could not vote in an American election. If this story were true, which it obviously isn't, that would be a good indicator that the system works and those attempting to vote illegally are rebuffed.

 Now, the story is just started and I already know it's not true because they wouldn't come up to this guy while he's in line and tell him that he can't vote. If he was going to be told he can't vote, it would happen when he got to the front of the line where he would have to fill out a form and show ID. No election official is going to look at a potential voter waiting in line, say "hmm, something's hinky here, I smell sauerkraut," and just walk up  to him and say "nice try, Fritz, but you can tell the Kaiser that we're a little too smart for him down in Florida!"

Gottverdamt! How did he know?

Ahead of and behind Mr. Langer were voters who did not look as if they should be allowed to vote, Mr. Trump said, according to the staff members — but they were nonetheless permitted to cast provisional ballots.

"Did not look like they should be allowed to vote? What even does that mean, he asked as if he didn't know that meant brown skin.
 Also, if you know anything about how elections work - and obviously, Hair Furor does not -  you would know that provisional ballots are never ever ever counted. Theoretically they could be under the right circumstances, but in real life they never are. If these fraudulent Hispanic voters were given provisional ballots, that's the poll workers' way of getting them to leave without making a scene. They were not actually casting their votes.

But somehow in Cheeto Mussolini's mind, this is proof positive that foreigners, the wrong kind of foreigners, mind you, not the good Germanic kind, are being allowed ton such large numbers that they swayed the popular vote so. . . um. . . I don't know the guy's fucking crazy.

Oh, and the Times was not able to get ahold of Langer, but they did talk to his daughter who had this to say about that:

“He is a citizen of Germany,” she said, when reached on her father’s cellphone. “He is not a friend of President Trump’s, and I don’t know why he would talk about him.”

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Stray Thoughts

A couple stray thoughts left over from yesterday:

1. From now on, every time Sean Spicer answers a reporter's question, that reporter should be obligated to follow up with "just to clarify, is this an 'alternative fact' or an actual fact?"

Also, it's impossible to find a picture of Spicer where he doesn't look like he's about to be thrown out of a bar. " You wanna take this outside pally? No, YOU"RE 86ed!"

2. This is how I imagine Trump naming his kids: You shall be Donald Junior, for you will carry on my legacy of greatness. Bigly! You, I shall call "Ivanka," because even as a newborn, I'm pretty sure you're going to be smoking  hot and that name sounds like an exotic porn star. .. um, I mean, Ivanka as a tribute to your mother's homeland. Yes, that's it. Your name shall be Tiffany. The name of the finest, classiest most precious jewels in all the world, for that is what you are. Because I made you, so obviously you must be the best, right?!/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/display_1004/image.jpg  You shall be known as "Barron," for you shall have wealth and power that you did nothing to earn. And you. . . I dunno, Eric? You look like an Eric I guess. Yeah, Eric's fine.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Random thoughts about he who must not be named.

Some deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots as Scott Ostler likes to say, about the Rump:          

1: I don't know whether Trump has a piss fetish or not, but it would explain why he was so creeped out by Hillary taking a restroom break during the debate.
I mean, if Trump sees urination as a sexual act (and it's fine if he does, no kink-shaming here) it might make sense that he was bothered by the thought of a septuagenarian engaging in it.To him, it would be as if she was backstage using a vibrator. He might say something like "I know what she was doing back there. Don't say it, it's disgusting. Now if she was a
-year-old Russian hooker, then sure. That'd be hot. But an old lady doing it? Yuck!"

I dunno, it's a theory.

2: I think this is the narrative to push if we want nice things:
" Trump says he's going to provide health care for all, but I don't think he can pull it off. No way can he get that past Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell. Those guys know what they're doing, they'll always be two steps ahead of him. I just don't think Trump is a skilled enough leader to get single-payer health care done."

Could work. Maybe. We definitely have nothing to lose at this point.

3: No one should ever interview Kellyanne again. Unless they begin with this one question: Can you explain to me the difference between "alternative facts" and lies? And then don't let up. Don't let her change the subject, don't let her spew nonsense, just keep asking "but how is that not a lie? Why would that not be lying? Isn't that just a lie?" etc. Do it for the full hour or until she storms off set. And then never have her on TV again. She has NOTHING of value to say.

4.   I'm already sick of this theme, the whole "see, this is why Trump got elected, it's your fault" b.s.

I think this is the best response to my queries about how ‘the other side’ sees things. Written by the admin of - On Point
“Now that we have a new asshole in the position of POTUS, here are some thoughts for those that put him in charge and what I...

So, basically you guys put a preening, incompetent, unqualified narcissistic into the most powerful office in the world and it's our fault because we hurt your little feelings? Seriously?

All right, let's go over this from the top.
"It happened because you banned super-sized sodas."
Well, that's bullshit. Super-sized sodas were only banned in one city, New York, where none of you red-state rednecks were ever going to go anyway, by the Republican mayor Mike Bloomberg. And we all agreed that this was stupid. This was the one issue in the last decade that we could all, liberal and conservative, young and old, agree on - that banning large sodas was fucking stupid. But one Republican mayor did that and no one outside of the 5 buroughs was affected at all so what the fuck is your problem anyway?

"Because you branded people who oppose same-sex marriage as 'homophobic'"
Is there another term you'd prefer? If you think that gay marriage is somehow a threat to your hetero marriage, that is an irrational fear of the gay. In other words, that is homophobia. It's pretty much the dictionary definition of homophobia.
And if you don't think that gay marriage is a threat to hetero marriage and you still oppose it just on the basis of I don't know, because it makes you uncomfortable? then maybe homophobic isn't the right word for you. Maybe "giant asshole" would be a better term.

"Because you treated owning a gun and never having eaten quinoa as signifiers of fascism."
What? What in holy Hell are you even talking about? When has anyone ever called you a fascist for not eating some trendy food that, honestly, most of us have never tried. I know I haven't. And if you want to know what the "liberal elite" think about America's quinoa fascination, just Google "problem with quinoa." You'll see plenty of articles like

Can vegans stomach the unpalatable truth about quinoa?

Ethical consumers should be aware poor Bolivians can no longer afford their staple grain, due to western demand raising prices


What your organic market doesn’t want you to know: The dark truth about quinoa

As the gluten-free food grows in popularity, some are raising questions about the human costs of its production

So I don't know who you think is condemning you for not eating it. As for gun ownership and it's relation to fascism, you lost me there too. Many of us don't like guns. Most of us are okay with law-abiding citizens owning normal pistols or rifles for home protection and/or sport. What we object to is people toting around military-style assault weapons or automatic pistols with extended magazines that can kill large numbers of people in a very short time and don't really serve any other purpose. And we object to loopholes in the law that allow criminals and the mentally ill to bypass background checks and get their hands on firearms. And when we raise these objections, it is YOU guys who generally accuse US of being fascists and trot out easily debunked canards about Hitler and gun control.

"Because you turned 'white man' from a description into an insult."

That just never happened. You need to turn off FOX. They are lying to you.

"Because you used slurs like 'denier' and 'dangerous' against anyone who doesn't share your eco-pieties."

Okay, do you even know what a slur is? A simple descriptive term is not a slur. People who deny the obvious reality of the changing climate are deniers. Just as on a baseball team, one who pitches is a pitcher and one who hits is a hitter, so one who denies is a denier. That's just the definition of the word. And describing deniers as dangerous is not a slur either, since your denial contributes to our lack of action to prevent climate change, your willful ignorance is in fact a danger to us all. And I'm not sure what you mean by "eco-pieties," but if you mean that I'd rather not see Miami completely underwater or hurricanes in Atlanta, then yes, I am possessed of "eco-piety." I'd be a dman fool not to be.

"Because you treated dissent as hate speech and criticism of Obama as extremism."

No, that's what FOX told you we did. What we actually treated as hate speech was shit like this:

And what we called extremism was the constant threats of sedition, secession and political violence.

"Because you talked more about gender-neutral toilets than about home repossessions."

No, that's what Limbaugh told you we did. What actually happened was this:

Did you think these people were demonstrating about restroom policy?
And when Obama did say that maybe there ought to be some way of helping out the people who were losing their homes, you guys started dressing up as Paul Revere and demanding your country back.

"Because you beatified Caitlyn Jenner."

No, that's what Bill O'Reilly told you we did. What we actually did was say "oh, Bruce is transitioning into a woman? Well, that's courageous of him to do it in public. Oh, wait, he's a publicity whore from a family of publicity whores and she's using her transition to get her own TV show. Oh, well, what else is on?"

"Because you policed people's language, rubbished their parenting skills, took the piss out of their beliefs."

Rubbished? Took the piss? Oh fuck me, you're not even American. Why don't you devote your energy to blaming liberals for the Brexit?

"Because you said criticizing Islam is Islamophobia."

No, that's what Sean Hannity told you we did. What we actually said was Islamophobia was this: result for no mosques

Anyway, it goes on for a bit, but if I'm understanding you correctly, you elected a racist because you were offended about being called racist. You elected an Islamophobe because you were bothered by being called Islamophobic. And you elected a monstrously unqualified, emotionally unstable sex offender because we hurt your little feelings? Fuck you. Fuck all of you. When Trump destroys this country, you're going down in flames right along with the rest of us. But at least you'll get the satisfaction of having stuck it to them damn liberals or whatever. Fuck you.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

A new record

This has to be the fastest that any ever re-written history.


Reince Priebus on John Lewis: You didn’t see Republicans questioning the legitimacy of Obama’s victory in 2008

“We need folks like John Lewis and others who I think have been champions of voter rights to actually recognize the fact that Donald Trump was duly elected.”
He called it “incredibly disappointing” and “irresponsible” for someone of Lewis’ stature to question Trump’s legitimacy as president.
“I think in fact President Obama could step up,” Priebus said, suggesting that the White House should come out in Trump’s favor.

And Priebus wasn't the only one to get all Orwellian with the recent past.

During an interview on CNN's "Newsroom" with Poppy Harlow on Saturday, conservative radio host Ben Ferguson criticized Lewis for his comments and said he couldn't believe a congressman of Lewis' stature could question the President-elect's legitimacy.
"It is unprecedented," Ferguson said. "I cannot imagine the fallout, the backfire that you would have if a Republican would have ever implied that about Barack Obama or Bill Clinton or JFK, or anyone else for that matter."

You know, I know that re-writing history is one of the GOP's specialties. I'm sure they're proud of how good they are at it, so I could see where they'd want to show off their talent for mendacity. But for fuck sake, you usually at least wait a few years before you start trotting out alternative versions of previous events like "the Iraq war was a failure of intelligence" or "The New Deal prolonged the Great Depression" or "Ronald Reagan personally kicked over the Berlin Wall." This time, they're not even waiting for it to be the past. They're re-writing the present.

 They really think that people have already somehow forgotten that conservatives have spent the last 8 years pretending to believe that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and thus ineligible to serve as President?

 And it wasn't just the nuts in the tri-corner hats waving racist signs and threatening insurrection who questioned the Presiden'ts birth certificate.  You had actual members of Congress like Steve Stockman, Ted Yoho, and Steve King proposing investigations into the legitimacy of President Obama.

 John McCain, to his credit, did not indulge in birtherism. He did, however,  make the absurd claim that ACORN was committing massive vote fraud on behalf of candidate Obama which, if it had been true, would have made his election illegitimate.

And I guess we're supposed to have somehow already forgotten that the leader of the birther movement was none other than Il Douche himself, Orange Julius Caesar, Donald Trump?

 I mean, my God! The level of shamelessness, the audacity, the sheer gall it takes to go on national TV and say something like that! It's astounding! Even by Republican standards.

Every time you think they've hit rock-bottom in human decency, they find rock-bottom's subbasement.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Sickening Tweets


First sickening Tweet comes from "Men's Rights Activist" Paul Elam:


This from a "man" who thinks he's owed an apology every time a rapist gets arrested.

Oh, but I left out the context.  The Anne Frank Center sent out a tweet pointing out that Donald Trump comparing his tribulation of being mocked on social media with the actual, literal slaughter of millions of Jews was, to say the least, in bad taste.


And this sniveling little manbaby saw their tweet and. . . was offended? I guess? Because it's been like 50 years or whatever and Jews still haven't gotten over it?
Which is ironic since Elam still hasn't gotten over the trauma of being made to take medicine when he was sick.

Men’s rights activists often cite the first time they realized it’s a woman’s world. They call these “red pill” moments, after the scene in The Matrix when the main character is faced with the decision to swallow a red pill and recognize the true nature of the world or take a blue pill and continue living a lie. For Elam, that revelation came at age 13, when his mother tried to force him to take his diarrhea medicine.
Elam’s brothers held him down on the kitchen floor while his mother screamed and hit him with a wooden spoon until a concerned neighbor knocked on the door. “I felt like I was engaged in the battle of my life,” Elam said. “I was a rebel from that moment on … I’m still that 13-year-old kid on the floor that won’t take the medicine.”

Thirteen? You were thirteen? Who has to be forced to take medicine at thirteen? By thirteen years old, most people have a rudimentary understanding of the relationship between the taking of medicine and no longer being sick. Why would you refuse to take medicine? Was it the unpleasant taste, or did you just hate the idea of no longer shitting yourself?

Several years ago, we were at our friends' for some occasion when they had to give their 4-year-old daughter some medication. This small child stated for the record "medicine yucky," then opened her little mouth and swallowed the medicine because that tiny pre-school-aged child understood that she would be sicker without it. Now I know that girls mature a bit more quickly than boys (sorry, misandry alert!) but how the fuck do you not make that connection at thirteen?

This is not a story you should tell. This is more like a story that your mom should tell when she's saying "Jesus, I tried to make him into a normal fucking person!"

Second sickening tweet comes from Congressman Randy Weber

Holy shit, that is really alarming. This is how it starts. When someone who is not just some idiot with a Twitter account, but an actual member of the federal government, believes that a member of the fourth estate should be punished for daring to disrespect the dear leader, that is a big step down a very dark road.

And forget about the rank hypocrisy of a member of a party that spent 8 years disrespecting, insulting and obstructing the current President, this is disquieting in and of itself. No authority figure, including the President, ESPECIALLY the president, is above criticism. That is one of the core American principles, that you are allowed to criticize, condemn, or denounce the President or the mayor, or the governor, or anyone. And there can be no consequences, other than being criticized, condemned or or denounced oneself.

I had more, but the computer keeps freezing up, so I'm taking that as a sign to go to bed.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Idiot has too much time on his hands

So this showed up on my Twitter feed the other day:

No, Wonder Woman is not queer. You’re just a post-modern moron

By: Steve Deace |

And you know, if you want people to read your column, start out with a juvenile insult. Oh, no wait. It's a joke. Start with a joke. Anyway. . .

The cost of being a superhero has been reflected upon in many of the recent DC and Marvel movie franchises. The mighty responsibility of being able to avoid bad things happening to good people, but minus the transcendence of knowing whether you always should and what the collateral damage will be if you do.

"Being able to avoid bad things happening to good people?" That's a superpower now? Look! Up in the sky! It's Captain Avoidance!

Turns out no matter how cool these movies are visually, their true depth relies on something that isn’t remotely futuristic or cutting edge. These are profoundly human stories. These are stories filled with soul. 

Soul? These are silly, escapist fantasies aimed at 12-year-olds for the sole purpose of making money. You may be reading a bit much into them if you think they are "stories filled with soul."

The butler Alfred tells Bruce Wayne that the duty of Batman is to “endure” what others cannot. That’s a Christ-like sacrifice.

Well, the butler was wrong. There's nothing Christ-like about Batman. He kicks the bad guys' asses. He doesn't let them kill him.

Take THAT. Pontious Pilate!

Kal-El/Clark Kent is a Mosaic exile from a doomed culture sent upstream to inspire humanity with his messianic altruism.

I'm no superhero expert, but wasn't Clark sent to Earth to save his own life because his home planet was about to blow up? Maybe he did end up inspiring humanity, but he was sent here by his father to have a chance to survive the coming apocalypse on Krypton.

All of these characters must bear their cross and suffer a Christ-like descent into hell to perform their service to humanity. That’s why their characters, even with their flaws, are cornerstones of the pop culture zeitgeist. They mirror both our Adamic frailty/sinfulness as well as the imago dei each of us possesses, which inspires us to be something more than a fallen son of Adam and a daughter of Eve.
But mostly, they're just super-neato!

Unfortunately, that may be about to change. Because, you see, progressives can’t help themselves, especially once infested with the contagion known as post-modernism. Like a swarm of locusts, they cannot stop tearing down everything that is right and just until the entire harvest of good crops has been devoured, leaving only a barren wasteland of nihilism behind.

Damn it! He's on to us!

A recent Time magazine article delved into this ever-so-shallow pool of philosophical larceny, when comic book author Greg Rucka considered the nature of Diana Prince’s/Wonder Woman’s Amazonian heritage.
“When you start to think about giving the concept of [her female-only homeland] its due, the answer is, ‘How can they not all be in same-sex relationships?’ Right? It makes no logical sense otherwise. It’s supposed to be paradise. You’re supposed to be able to live happily. You’re supposed to be able … to have a fulfilling, romantic and sexual relationship. And the only options are women.
Now, are we saying Diana has been in love and had relationships with other women? As Nicole and I approach it, the answer is obviously yes.”

Pictures don't lie!

Now this seems pretty hard to dispute. If Wonder Woman comes from a placed where only women exist (which I did not know, but apparently she does) it stands to reason that she would have had same-sex relations. I don't know how you could argue that.

So, how much question-begging do you have time for? Because that is rubbish.
Only a hell-hole mistaken for a paradise— whose real-life source material insists that men in dresses pee in women’s bathrooms — could arrive at such a conclusion. That’s just another way of saying that this author’s definition of paradise may be partaking in one of the classic blunders: paving the road to hell with fake good intentions.

Holy shit, that's some serious gibberish!

First of all, what the hell does question-begging have to do with it? In what way did Greg Rucka use the conclusion of his argument as one of the premises?

Also, how could a hell-hole arrive at a conclusion? Because if you had ever taken a high school English class, you'd be able to see that that is what your third sentence is claiming. "Only a hell-hole. . .could arrive at such a conclusion."

And trans women using women's restrooms is the source material for what? For the hell-hole?

And I'm not sure that a definition of Paradise, not being a sentient entity with any sort of agency,  is capable of partaking in anything, let alone a "classic blunder" that sounds more like intentional dissembling than a blunder of any kind and NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!

First, the upcoming Wonder Woman movie makes clear that far from being without male influence, her very life and culture is owed to the male god Zeus. Might that not be the plumb line we should operate from in deciphering not only sexual relations but all morality within this universe? I don’t seem to recall any discussion in the Greek pantheon where Zeus must first check in with Bruce Jenner before making a ruling on matters of state from Mount Olympus.

Okay. . . in the Judeo-Christian worldview, all men owe their existence to Jaweh (aka God the Father) so by your logic, all Christian men must be attracted to other men, since being created by Zeus requires Wonder Woman to be hetero and also WONDER WOMAN IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND WHOEVER WRITES THE COMIC BOOKS CAN HAVE HER LOVE FICTIONAL DICK OR FICTIONAL PUSSY AND WHO GIVES A SHIT?

Also, what the Hell does Bruce Jenner have to do with anything?

Is it Diana’s true identity to be freaky as she wants to be or not? Don’t shackle those poor Amazonians with all your self-important man-splaining. If an American kindergartener and his parents can insist, for any reason they want, that the boy is a girl, and the rest of us simply have to deal with it, then those Amazonians don’t have to fit into your obtuse categories, either. Just add another letter onto the end of the LGBTXYZ train and be done with it, you troglodyte

Freaky? What's freaky? A same-sex relationship? Pretty sure same-sex couples don't get any freakier than us heteros.

Oooohhh. . . kinky!

Also, "If an American kindergartener and his parents can insist, for any reason they want, that the boy is a girl, and the rest of us simply have to deal with it?"

Do you think that's what happens in the real world?
That just for no reason at all, just on a lark, some little boy and his parents will decide to pretend to be a girl? That they will just for no reason decide that they want to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous bigotry and hatred just for a laugh? Is that how you think this sort of thing works?
Also, the rest of us don't "simply have to deal with it," because it doesn't affect us. At all. If a small child is transgendered, it affects that small child. It's no one else's concern. Well, except for Pat McCrory.

Third, Rucka says Wonder Woman’s relationship with this world’s war hero, Steve Trevor, couldn’t possibly be uniquely characteristic of her sexuality. Why? Because if she was “only interested in men, then fans could interpret her departure from (her home world) as an attempt to pursue (that relationship).” That interpretation, he says, would undermine “both the sacrifice she makes leaving her home and her heroism.”
So if she’s straight, she’s a hypocrite. But if she’s gay, she’s Joan of Arc? Totally get it now. Wait, no I don’t. I thought love is love. Why won’t you jerks just let poor Diana be happy in her multi-world bi-curiousness? How is her not-totally gay, maybe-someday fictional marriage affecting you anyway?

Um, you're the one writing a big old screed about this fictional character's fictional love life.
And I know you're trying to be sarcastic here, but you actually seem to have inadvertently gotten this right. You're right that love is love. And if she comes from the land of the Amazons and is now dating a man, she may well be bisexual.  And you're right that her fictional relationships don't affect you anyway, so why don't you just shut the fuck up about it already?

And lastly, why cast the drop-dead gorgeous Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman if the essence of being Amazonian is more connected to homosexuality than classical notions of femininity? Why not go full Ghostbusters? Cast Melissa McCarthy, put her in a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants instead of a form-fitting suit of armor, and have her protest us to death? -

Okay, first of all, fuck you.
Second, Gal Gadot is a real person? Because damn if that doesn't sound exactly like a comic book character name!

Third, you know Melissa McCarthy isn't the lesbian in the Ghostbusters cast, right?

It's Kate McKinnon.

Kate McKinnon, who, besides being possibly the funniest person on planet Earth, is also pretty much the dictionary definition of "drop-dead gorgeous."

Does Kate McKinnon not fit into your "classical notions of femininity?"

 Does Portia DeRossi?

 Does Ellen Page?

 Michelle Rodriguez?

It may surprise you to learn that out here in the real world, LGBT people don't always conform to your tired stereotypes. Some do, and that's fine, more power to the fashion-conscious gay men and Birckenstock-wearing lesbians out there. But I can't imagine what a cloisterd life you must have lived up to this point if you think that a woman who loves women must necessarily be heavy-set and wearing sweat pants and whatever else you picture in your sad stupid little mind when you picture gay people.

I also can't imagine what in your life could have led you to the point where you're upset about the love life of a fictional, made-up, non-existent character in a comic book.