Since taking office I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news - it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 2, 2018
So what other tragedies have been averted due to the quick thinking and bold decisive action of Orange Julius Caesar?
1. Zero Americans have been mauled by tigers this year.
Outside of zoos.
2. No parents had their children stolen and replaced with changelings in all of 2017.
3. Zero incidences of radical Amish terrorism.
4. No American tourists were drowned in the Court of Neptune Fountain, as far as we know..
5. Poltergeist activity down 53 percent!
6. A complete eradication of pizzeria child sex rings.
7. Chemtrails replaced by pine-scented air freshener.
8. Treasured American actor Ashton Kutcher 100% un-murdered during the entire year.
9. The embdiment of evil, the Los Angeles Dodgers, were prevented from winning a single World Series championship in all of 2017.
10. Zero attacks from the dreaded moon men!