Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Pat Boone Wears the Crazy Pants

Pat Boone is a ridiculous person. And by ridiculous, I mean deserving or worthy of ridicule, not amusing or preposterous. This is a guy who once had a thriving career doing gawd-awful covers of Little Richard and Fats Domino songs for whites-only radio stations to play on air. Because someone at the record company would hear a song like "Long Tall Sally" and think "Dang! that's a great song. If we could just get someone to suck all the excitement and fire out of it, you know, whiten it up a bit, we could sell this to the Potsie Webers and Ralph Malphs of the world. Now who do we know that could do that? I know! This douche!"

When his singing career petered out, Pat went into the Christian Broadcasting racket. Then, desperate for a gimmick, he took a bunch of heavy metal songs, drained them of the excitement and power and everything that had made them enjoyable, smeared their lifeless husks onto a CD, and went on a publicity blitz dressed as a gayer Rob Halford.
Then he put on the crazy pants. How crazy? Check out this and this. Seriously, if you have a couple minutes, it's worth it.
But here's the latest example of Pat's Looney-Toons take on current events:

Mr. Obama, Show Us Your Birth Certificate

Monday, June 29, 2009 12:47 PM By: Pat Boone

Yep! He's a birther!

I know; this suspicion, this question about whether Barack Hussein Barry Soetoro Obama was actually born in the United States as the Constitution explicitly demands has been circulating for months

OK, hold on. Let me stop you right there. New rule. Anyone mentioning Barack Obama's middle name is not to be taken seriously. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to confuse your ignorant readers into thinking that there is some sort of connection between Barack Obama and Sadam Hussein. That's just pathetic. You might as well draw a connection between Adolph Hitler and Adolph Rupp.Or imagine a line from Benito Mussolini to the town of San Benito, CA.

Hell, by your logic, the person most qualified to run for president is former Oakland Raider Lincoln Kennedy.

New rule #2: anyone who finds it at all relevant that a young Barack Obama may have gone by "Barry" is to be considered an idiot with zero credibility. Why would that matter? Why is it even worth mentioning? Is it relevant that Ronald reagen sometimes went by "Ron" or "Ronny"? Is it important that Dwight Eisenhower was often referred to as "Ike"? Is it important that someone who was christened Charles Eugene Boone went by "Pat"?

Or Do you think that listing his full name, his erstwhile nickname, and his stepfather's surname makes it look as if he has a bunch of aliases like some nefarious underworld character?
Okay, now that we've established a couple of ground rules, please do go on with your nonsense.

a widely known and experienced investigator, Dr. Jerome Corsi, flew to Kenya in search of a certificate of birth he had reason to believe existed there.

Yeah, Jerome Corsi is widely known. He's widely known as the libelous hack who co-authored the John Kerry smear-job "Unfit for Command." He is also widely known for promoting the baseless "theory" that petroleum is not a fossil fuel, but is produced by chemical reactions under the earth's crust. He is also known for accusing then-president George W. Bush of planning a "North American Union" which would supplant the USA and use the "Amero" currency instead of the dollar or peso. So, yeah, that's the guy you want to be citing to back up your claims.

Many, who know more than I do about what actually happened, notably the United States Justice Foundation, have surmised that baby Obama's mother, about to have her child in Kenya, had booked a flight to Hawaii but was prohibited from flying because delivery was so imminent. But soon after baby Barack was born, USJF theorizes she flew with him to Oahu and obtained some kind of "record of birth" as if he'd been born there.

So, the USJF surmises this, do they? Not only do they surmise, but they also theorize? Well, that's good enough for me! Oh, hey, I surmize that Pat Boone is a drug peddler. I theorize that he needs the money to keep up his enormous collection of kiddie porn. Officer, arrest this man!

Why is this so important?

If, by the end of his first term, Barack Obama were proven to have been an illegitimate president, history might just hold him accountable for:

  • Dismantling America's free markets (he's done no such thing)
  • Taxing the higher-earning middle class into despondency Despondancy? Really? You're saying that letting Bush's tax cuts expire for those making over $250K is going to lead to "despondancy"? It's going to put the upper-middle class in a bad mood? Oh, history will judge him harshly!

  • Spending and taxing the nation into bankruptcy (because the nation was in such great financial shape when he took office!)

  • Imposing socialistic, government-run health care (God forbid we should join the rest of the civilized world)

  • Granting amnesty to multiplied millions of illegal aliens (he's done no such thing. You're thinking of Bush Senior)

  • Seriously weakening our military and encouraging our enemies (you're an idiot)

  • Enacting crippling and fraudulent "global warming" laws (what the hell do you people have against science?)

  • Promoting abortion and same-sex "marriage" into permanent legitimacy (abortion has been legal since 1973. So far, Obama has sadly stood behind the "Defense of Marriage Act")

  • Throttling religious speech with phony "hate crimes" legislation
    (If your religion is affected by hate crime laws, you really ought to look into finding a new religion)

  • One thing for sure: This is not going away. More and more people are determined to get the truth, and will press to get it. Why should the president and his team stonewall this legitimate and proper request. Is there indeed something devastating to keep hidden?

    You know why this isn't going away? because people like you are fucking crazy! It takes about 2 minutes to see Barack Obama's birth certificate online. Any numbskull can do it. But nincompoops like you just say "oh, that's fake," and then demand to see the "real" one.
    Guess what, you've seen the real one. there isn't any realer one. barack Obama could produce a videotape of his mother giving birth to him on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, and you wouldn't be satisfied. So the rest of us are just going to ignore you now.

    Even we think you're crazy!

    And by the way, who the hell publishes op-ed pieces written by Pat fucking Boone?
    I guess their target market is people who look at the issues of the day and think, I'm not sure about this Obama fellow, I'm going to wait to see what Pat Boone has to say. Maybe Leif Garrett will weigh in on the matter. Where does Neil Diamond come down on this issue? And which candidate have the Osmond Brothers endorsed?, huh?