Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Crazy Candidate of the Day

Today's Crazy candidate is Nevada's own David Lory VanDerBeek.

Nevada’s Next Governor David Lory VanDerBeek

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Like most of you, I had never heard of David VanDerBeek before today, when his political party came up in a story about pompous free-loader Cliven Bundy deciding that even the teabaggiest factions of the Republican Party weren't sociopathic enough for him, so he's joining the "Independant American Party of Nevada" because why even make any pretense at relevance?

Anyway, David VanDerBeek, or "The Beeker" as I assume he likes to be called, is running for governor of Nevada. And why wouldn't he be considered a legitimate candidate, given that he is the man who has posted stories like this one:

VIDEO Missile Used In Texas Fertilizer Plant Explosion? Nevada Governor 2014 David Lory VanDerBeek

So why should you vote for the Beekester? well, let him explain in his own words, which are quite well-written,assuming that English is not hos first language:

VanDerBeek for Governor for you means a great career and income, world-class education, world-class healthcare, retirement in comfort and prosperity with your loved ones, and preservation and expansion of personal freedoms. Governor VanDerBeek will take office after the 2014 election in Nevada and has the support of the entire USA and around the world in restoring Constitutional law, natural rights, the rule of law, and freedom in all choices.

You may have thought that he was a complete unknown, but he has the support of the ENTIRE USA! And also of "around the world."

Most importantly, VanDerBeek for Governor means the Government based of  [sic] the Constitution, NOW and FOREVER, in defiance of all opposition and all tyranny.

Now, one might assume that he has some sort of an editor or proofreader looking over the copy before it gets posted to his official campaign website, but one would apparently be wrong.

Let's have a look at D-Van's platform positions, shall we?

My platform can be summed up in one phrase: Restoring Your American Dream. VanDerBeek for Governor means Restoring Your American Dream. The top priority of my campaign is to focus on those truths which will help you find a great career and income, get a world-class education, get world-class medical care, and retire in comfort and prosperity with your loved ones.
[emphasis in original]

So, you're saying that your plan is to undo the damage of the Reagan and post-Reagan years? Re-invest in our schools and infrastructure?  Go back to having affordable, first-class public universities? Increase Social security benefits? Just kidding, of course that's not what you mean.
Let's see the specifics:

1.Restore Nevada Lands to the People. The American people are being herded physically into the cities, because the federal government is stealing state lands in the name of various projects. 

Right. People don't move to the big cities because that's where the jobs are, or because city life is more interesting than farm life. No, it's obviously because the government owns too much barren wasteland in Nevada. And also the government is physically herding people into cities? I thought they were supposed to herd us into FEMA camps? Anyway, if the government would just quit owning land, everyone in Nevada would just run out and start their own farm, obviously.

2. Nevada State Bank.  All taxes that are taken in by the State will be funneled back into Nevada businesses in the form of low interest loans as is done in North Dakota who is enjoying record surpluses while lowering taxes. North Dakota is the only State that never suffered a recession and has the highest per capita income in the nation because of their stable financial system

Oh, that's why the economy in North Dakota is doing well. Here I thought it was the oil and gas booms they're currently experiencing, but obviously it must be the way they loan money to businesses. Although, I must say, that if all taxes taken in by the state are used for business loans, those businesses are going to have a hard time moving product to market with no roads. And they'll probaly have a hard time finding qualified job applicants when there are no schools. but details, details. . .

3. Multi-Currency Free Market System. While the State government is required to pay all of its debts in gold and silver, any thing free citizens deem of value in the free market can be used as a currency when the parties agree. This will facilitate an explosion of economic activity.

Is that what's been holding back the explosion of economic activity? The fact that people have been, up until now, required to use actual money? The economy will skyrocket once we can begin buying things with twigs and pebbles!

4. Nevada to Stop All Payments to the IRS. It was shown conclusively by President Reagan’s Grace Commission Report that ZERO of the taxes collected by the IRS on income return to the citizens in the form of services or benefits.

Where would you come up with this?
I don't have time to look up the Grace Commission, but I really don't need to.  Because no matter what the Commission may or may not have said, just look out your  fucking window. That's a fucking highway. It was paid for by monies collected by the IRS. You know what else is paid for by monies collected by the IRS? Oh, just the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Marine Corps, the FBI, the CIA, National Parks, the Coast Guard. . . how the fuck do yolu think those things get paid for? Private donations?

All of the taxes are consumed by the IRS bureaucracy and paid as interest to the private banskters behind the Federal Reserve bank. Nevada residents will no longer send any further payments to the IRS because there is no purpose in doing so

Well, not being arrested might be considered one purpose for doing so.

 Nevada law enforcement will be employed in arresting any agent of the federal government who attempts to collect IRS taxes from a Nevada resident. 

Oh, well. Problem solved, then. I'm sure local PD will be perfectly happy to get into a war with the Federal Government so that Nevadans can willfully violate federal law. Why wouldn't they?

America was built without an IRS or an income tax.  

And the circumstances today are precisely the same as they were in 1789.

The IRS is just a collection agency for the Federal Reserve, which is not federal and has no reserves and is just our national branch of the global banking cartel. We must just STOP paying them. We will bring economic warfare against the IRS and collapse it. 

It's good to set realistic goals.

 5. Replace and Phase Out All Taxation.

Right. Achievable, measurable goals.

7. Nevada Energy Independence. . . Once Nevada has recovered its stolen lands from the federal government, the state government will be able to lease and sell those lands to energy developers. Nevada will only give rights to Nevada-based energy companies to explore and develop our reserves of oil, coal, and natural gas in clean ways that preserve the sanctity of our land and wildlife. This will create jobs and keep the money in Nevada. At the same time, Nevada can encourage alternative energy sources such as solar and Tesla towers.

What could possibly go wrong?

 8. Minimize Business Taxes and Regulations and Eliminate Corporate Welfare.

 Minimize? You've already given up on replacing and phasing put ALL taxation?

14. Expansion of the Second Amendment. We must preserve the 2nd Amendment right to bear arms first, because it protects all of the rest of our rights. Freedom grows out of the barrel of a gun. As Governor, I will not enforce any of Mr. Obama’s gun regulations. I have taken the Oathkeepers oath and my own greater oath that I will fight to preserve  History shows that tyranny and mass murder by the government always follows disarmament of the people. If Obama sends police to take guns by force, there could be another civil war.

 Wow. where to begin? First of all,"Freedom grows out of the barrel of a gun?" You're paraphrasing Mao?

Second "I will not enforce any of Mr. Obama’s gun regulations.?" That'll be easy since there are exactly fucking ZERO.

Third "I have taken the Oathkeepers oath and my own greater oat?" The hell you have. there is no greater oath than the oath of the oathkeepers! Wait, did I say greater? I meant more insane.

Fourth "the right of Nevadans and all Americans to bear arms according to the original intentions of the founders in the Constitution." Great, so you will support the right od=f well-regulated militias to keep and bear single-shot muskets. No objection.

 Fifth " History shows that tyranny and mass murder by the government always follows disarmament of the people?" [Citation needed]

Sixth " If Obama sends police to take guns by force, there could be another civil war?' Be careful what you wish for. If you think your county sheriffs are going to stand a chance against the greatest military power the world has ever seen, I just don't know what to tell you, except that it's lucky for you that President Obama has shown ZERO interest in taking your guns.

Anyway, it goes on and on, but I'm getting tired. Let me just sum up by sayiong that if you live in Nevada and are completely bug-eyed. poo-throwing insane, consider casting your vote for David Lory VanDerBeek.! Then get professional help.

See more at:

Monday, May 26, 2014

Apparenly, the Mall was Fairly Empty

Video captures President Obama on D.C. stroll surprising parkgoers

"The bear is loose," the president joked, during walk around the Ellipse

President Obama took a stroll through the Ellipse in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday morning, en route to a meeting at the Department of the Interior. Along the way, he stopped to shake hands with a few tourists and locals who happened to be in the right place at the right time. 

Gosh,didn't all the American Spring participants get in his way?

 Reaction GIF: laugh, clapping

How did he manage to walk along the elipse with all those millions of patriots demanding his resignation?

Reaction GIF: laugh, Louis C.K.

I mean, I realize that probably ony a million or so were going to hang around for the long run, but still. That doesn't leave much room.

Reaction GIF: laugh

Bad Ads - Miller High Life

Forget for a moment what a shitty product this is. The fact that no one with functioning taste buds would ever pay money for this carbonated mop water unless the bar was sold out of everything else, the aquarium was empty, and the dog is guarding his water dish.Even if this was a goodproduct, this is just an awful ad.

The whole point of this ad is that everything in this guy's life is a really shitty version of the things he's talking about. His view of the park is actually a sidewalk. The country club is a dive bar. His butler is some stupid smelly dog.
 So when he says that he drinks "the Champagne of Beers," what are we to think except that the Miller beer he's actually drinking is really a pale substitute for good beer.

Which it is.

So, points for truth in advertising, I guess.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I stand corrected

THIS is the most ridiculous homophobic comment ever:

Kevin Swanson Warns 'This Whole Lesbian Whatever' Has Turned People Into 'Feces-Eaters'
Submitted by Brian Tashman on Wednesday, 5/21/2014 2:35 pm -

Um, what?

Not seeing anyone eating any poop here.

Maybe. . .
Nah, look at those teeth. They've obviously never eaten any poop.

So who's doing all the poop-eating?

On Monday, “Generations Radio” host Kevin Swanson warned that “this whole lesbian whatever, the Neronic agenda” — the term he regularly uses to describe the LGBT rights movement — has helped plunged society into “dysfunctionality” and turned people into “feces eaters.”

Oh, so it's not the lesbians who are eating the poop, they're somehow causing society in general to go around eating poop? Damn you, you devious lesbians, always one step ahead of us!

“There’s not just divorce: people are eating their own feces, there’s incest everywhere,” Swanson lamented. 

Oh, and incest too? Okay, lesbians, you win! We'll give you whatever you want, just please stop making us eat poop and fuck our sisters!

He said that only churches like his can draw the feces-eaters back to God: “There’s a contrast between the feces-eaters and the church and I think the feces eaters look at the church and go, ‘Whoa, they don’t eat feces, they’re different, they’re weird.’

 Oh, my God, I was just saying that the other day. Our neighbor invited us to his church and I asked him "your denomination does eat poop, right?" and he says "no, we don't ever eat any poop," and I'm all like "woah, weirdo cult alert!"

Yes they do see the church as weird and our communities will see our churches as weird, but some will say, ‘But they’re doing better than we are.’”

Doing better than the incestuous poop-eaters? Ha! I'd like to see that!

By the way, this guy refers to a "Neronic agenda?" What the fuck does that even mean? I actually thought it was "Necronic" and had something to do with death, but according to RWW, it refers to the Roman Emporor Nero for some bizarre reason.
Following a discussion of how same-sex weddings are “Neronic weddings” as they were developed by Nero. . .
Um, I did what now?

Is there any truth to that? Who fucking knows? The only scholar of ancient history I know is my father-in-law, and I'm not about to call him up and open that whole can of worms, so I'm just going to assume it's total bullshit. If it were true, I don't really think it would be at all relevant, either. Should we give up the violin because Nero played one? 
Just think what we'd have to give up because of Caligula! 

Nope, still no poop!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Most Laughable Homophobic Comment Ever?

And I know that there is nothing funny about homophobia, but sometimes its practitioners are just soooooo ridiculous that I can't help but laugh.

Case in point,  Florida (of course) State Representative Charles Van Zant
(Presumablyno relation to Townes. Or to Little Steven) who offered up this gem:

These people, that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state education and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you.

The part that makes me laugh is the "as homosexual as they can possibly be" line. Because I picture some sort of gayness coach saying things like "Okay, so you're attracted to members of your own gender, that's great. But I know you can be more homosexual than that. Come on, kid you can do it!"


Keep working. . .. 

Getting there. . .

C'mon kid, I need you to be as homosexual as you possibly can! 

Yeah! I knew you could do it!

Oh, by the way, the thing that's going to make Florida's children all turn as gay as they possibly can be? Common Core.

No, really.

Or, more specifically, the company that will be administering the tests.

Rep. Charles Van Zant says testing company promotes homosexuality

Lawmaker stands by comments in interview with Channel 4

I don't know how creating testing materials is supposed to turn kids gay. I could see how a paranoid troglodyte might think that a teacher could slip enough pro-gay propaganda into class materials to somehow influence little hetero kids into thinking "girls sure are purty, but have I ever really given dick a chance?" But how the testing company is supposed to do that is beyond me.

A state lawmaker from Clay County claims the company charged with creating new state standardized tests in Florida promotes homosexuality.

“Please, go on their website. Click the link to what they’re doing with youth and you will see what their agenda really is," said Van Zant. "They are promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda and even name it 2-S, as they define as having two spirits. The Bible says a lot about being double-minded."

It does? double-mindedness? That's something that comes up a lot, does it? Because in all my Bible-studyin' years, I don't remember that term ever coming up. But okay, I'll click the link, why not?
American Institutes for Research

LGBT Youth

Adolescence marks a time of tremendous opportunity for positive growth and development as young people transition into adulthood. Exclusion, rejection or bias can make this journey perilous. A disproportionate number of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth experience physical and emotional abuse at home, in school and in their communities simply because of their identity.

 Ooh! What a controversial stance! Many LGBT youth get treated shitty by people? That translates into "soon you will all join us on the dark side, by which I mean the gay side, bwah hah hah hah!!" ?

A new guide provides information for educators, human service providers and allies about supporting the health and well-being of children and youth who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex and/or two-spirit (LGBTQI2-S) and their families. 

Or, in other words. . . 
Join me, and together we will rule the Castro!

 Also, it may be worth noting that they pretty specifically do not call homosexuality "S-2" or "two spririts. That is mentioned as a seperate category of being "intersex." Which is pretty different, I think. I mean, I'm not the biggest expert in what the scary non-breeder people are up to to try and destroy America, but I'm pretty sure that intersex and gay are two separate things.

Anyway, it may shock you to learn that while the AIR website says many positive things about treating LGBT youth like decent human beings, nowhere on the page does it mention anything about how to turn straight kids gay, let alone how to get them to be as homosexual as they can possibly be.

D'oh! Why did I provide a link to a page that shows how full of shit I am?
 Oh, right. Florida!

Van Zant confirmed he made the comments at an event two months ago, although he did not know he was being recorded on video. He said Common Core could introduce homosexuality to children, something he said should be left to parents to discuss with their kids.
“I don't think that has any place being introduced in Florida schools,” Van Zant said.
And neither does science! Or History. Or  Geography. The only textbooks we need are the Bible and everything by David Barton! 
Who, perhaps not coincidentally, looks like the guy who kidnapped Helena on Orphan Black.

Anyway, here's the video, via Think Progress, in case you don't think that anyone could be this fucking weird and stupid.


Monday, May 19, 2014

I haven't kept up with the news lately. . .

. . . has Barack Obama resigned yet?

I mean, I'm sure that by now there must be at least 10 or 20 million patriots swarming the Mall in DC demanding his ouster, and. . .

Best comment: Shame on you for 'shopping out the other 29 million 


Oh, I see.

But surely there must be a bunch more in other parts of. . .


So, which million of you guys are going to be the ones to stay for the long haul?

And the best part is, those people who did show up? They're surprised by the "dismal turnout!"

Jackie Milton, 61, who came all the way from Texas for the protest said he was disappointed with the numbers. “It’s a very dismal turnout,” Milton told The Washington Post. “It ain’t no million. And it ain’t looking like there’s going to be millions,” he said.

So how does this happen? How do people really get their hopes up that millions and millions of people are really going to show up to demand the resignation of most pf the government? Granted, these are the same people who were completely stunned when Mitt Romney lost the election to Barack Obama even though ALL the polls predicted exactly that. But how does that happen?

I suppose  that's what happens when you live in the FOX News /AM talk radio bubble. Because in the bubble, everyone, absolutely everyone just hates hates HATES Barack Obama. And absolutely everyone knows that he is just constantly violating the Constitution on myriad uncountable and unexplainable ways. Everyone in the bubble knows that the future of the Republic is in danger if these darn liberals like Barack Obama and Mitch McConell aren't immediately removed from office. 

And if 100% of the folks in the bubble think this way, it's only reasonable to assume that something close to 100% of ALL people must think that way, it's just simple statistical analysis. So, let's say maybe 90% of 300 million people, and maybe only half are able to make it to DC, I suppose some folks can't afford cars because of Obama's job-killing policies, that means that. . . um, carry the one. . about . . . 135 million people who could be reasonably expected to show up.

Or maybe this many?


Thursday, May 15, 2014

American Spring!

Did I mention that we were going out of town? 'Cuz I kinda feel like I forgot to mention that we were going out of town. We're taking a week to check up on our operations in the Florida panhandle. So there might not be any more posts until next week unless it starts raining again. Because of course it rains while we're here because nothing good can ever happen in Florida.

If the unpleasant weather continues, maybe we'll head up to DC and take part in the "American Spring." What a rush it will be this friday when literally MILLIONS of brave patriots dressed like Patrick Henry with AR-15s descend upon the mall in Washington to demand the resignation of the so-called "president" of the "United" "States," and then he'll totally have to give in because, seriously, you guys, there are going to LITERALLY be MILLIONS of people showing up this time. For real this time!

The "Operation" is being headed up by some retired Colonel named Harry Riley. Here is part of an interview in which he explains the whole dealio:

Mort: How did you come up with this idea of an ‘Operation American Spring’?

Col. Riley: I, and believe “we the people” have been agonizing for more than five years, watching the deterioration of America at the hands of unscrupulous politicians

Interesting how, up until 5 years ago, politicians were totally scrupulous! I wonder what changed. . .?

I realized we face much the same abuse that our Founding Fathers were experiencing. A Crown exerting a heel of pain on our early citizens, much like Barack Obama and other betrayers are imposing on America today.

 Damn that Barack Obama, constantly quartering soldiers in our homes and issuing writs of attainder!

For more than five years, “we the people” have been writing, calling, faxing Congress, the media, screaming in Town Halls,marching, rallying, demonstrating, petitioning, all to no avail.

How could our elected officials possibly not have responded to our totally sane screaming at town hall meetings?

 We have no faith in the ballot box any longer, as many believe this sacred secret box has been compromised.

Also, many believe that the moon landing was fake and that professional wrestling is reral.

Mort: Your [sic] hoping 10 million people will show up for OAS, isn’t that kind of high?

Kind of high? Don't you mean kind of low? Only 10 million people? Showing up to demand that the duly elected and re-elected president resign his office? For the high crime of pissing off guys with Gadsen flags? Who wouldn't show up for that?

Mort: Your hoping 10 million people will show up for OAS, isn’t that kind of high?

Col. Riley: In less than 30 days of the call for the massive “movement to action” in Washington, D.C., nearly every State in America, every political persuasion, rich, poor, every color, all ages, men, women,  liberal, conservative, independent, unemployed, et al are now mobilizing to participate in this peaceful, non-violent, cause in the search for constitutional restoration for America. 

Oh, clearly all those people are currently "mobilizing." Why wouldn't they? Just like last time when all those millions of truckers showed up and shut down the freeways, and Barack Obama came up with his hands up and . . . oh, they didn't? Well, this time is sure to be different! Because, um . . . FREEDOM?

We have well over 1 million militia members mobilizing; bikers, truckers, hunters, Tea Party groups

Aren't they gonna be a little busy this weekend, riding ATVs over sacred American Indian archeological sites?

Mort: OAS will be using civil disobedience in the hopes of shutting down D.C., why hasn’t anyone else thought of this?

Yes, no one else has ever thought of using civil disobedience to -- really? No one? I mean, my God, the fucking million trucker debacle was just a few months ago. Using civil disobedience to try to shut down DC and failing miserably has definitely been thought of before.
Col. Riley: There is a time for all things under heaven………God willing, now is the time for this massive, gigantic effort as a last stand before America moves into a more devastating condition. Americans are long suffering and patient, but God has made a way for freedom and liberty loving Americans to answer the call in defense of our nation.

Yeah, actually the Bill of Rights made that way about 200 years ago, what with the right of people to peaceably assemble and petition for a redress of grievances and what-not. But sure, let's go with the whole God has chosen this moment in history to blah, blah, blah. . .thing.

Mort: The ‘Truckers Ride for the Constitution’ was a total failure, what is different about Operation American Spring?
Col. Riley: We learn from every event……I don’t agree the the Truckers effort was a total failure

Right. The 2007 Miami Dolphins season was a total failure at 1-15. But they did manage to eke out one win, The Trucker thing was whatever a total failure minus one win would be called.

Mort: Let’s say OAS is successful in shutting down D.C., what happens then?

Then let's say that Bigfoot rides in on a unicorn and performs a duet with Elvis Presley who was just beamed down from the mother ship. Then what?

Col. Riley: A shut down will impact government, it will impact commerce, it will make people mad, some will welcome it, some won’t. . .  It is unclear how this will all unravel but we are calling for the removal of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi, and Eric Holder as a start toward constitutional restoration. 

Oh, is that all? Well, why didn't you say so? Oh, I'm sure that all those people would be perfectly willing to resign, once they realize how much you really really don't like them. Of course, they may be a bit conflicted about that, seeing as how their actual constituents keep re-electing them over and over, but I'm sure a million doofuses in triangular hats will outweigh the votes of millions ofpeople from their actual districts or states.

What is actually surprising about this group is that, for all their faux-military terminology "Operation," " the mission," etc, they are actually asking their millions of imaginary friends to show up un-armed!
(from their silly, stupid website)
Concept of Operations: Phase 1 - Field millions, as many as ten million, patriots who will assemble in a peaceful, non-violent, physically unarmed (Spiritually/Constitutionally armed), display of unswerving loyalty to the US Constitution and against the incumbent government leadership, in Washington, D.C., with the mission to replace with law abiding leadership. Go full-bore, no looking back, steadfast in the mission.

Phase 2 - One million or more of the assembled 10 million must be prepared to stay in D.C. as long as it takes to see Obama, Biden, Reid, McConnell, Boehner, Pelosi, and Attorney General Holder removed from office.

Good to go with the assumption that at least 10 million people are going to show up for this, with at least a million with no jobs to go back to. Because otherwise this whole idea just seems kind of silly!

Phase 3 – Those with the principles of a West, Cruz, Dr. Ben Carson, Lee, DeMint, Paul, Gov Walker, Sessions, Gowdy, Jordan, should comprise a tribunal and assume positions of authority to convene investigations, recommend appropriate charges against politicians and government employees to the new U.S. Attorney General appointed by the new President.

What better way to show how much you value the Constitution than by having a rogue group of nutsos "assume positions of authority" as decided by some ad-hoc "tribunal?" That seems totally Constitutional!

*All actions in Phase 2 & 3 will be consistent with the U.S. Constitution.
Oh, of course. I mean, that really goes without saying. It's just like how it's okay to rob a bank as long as you say that your robbery is totally within the bounds of the law against robbery.

Please bathe this effort in prayer as there is no personal agenda or gain save liberty, freedom, and restoration of constitutional government for "we the people".
--Harry Riley, COL, USA, Ret

Well, that's a new one. "bathe" in prayer? Okay, sure. I was almost done here anyway, I'll just go sign off now and start bathing things in prayer.

Friday, May 9, 2014

I saw this a couple weeks ago

and I'm still not over it.

[Tucker]Carlson also pointed out that he preferred the Grateful Dead to rap music because it was “wholesome.”

Fuck you, Carlson. Don't you ruin the Dead for me. This is worse than the time that teenage me was playing some record and my mom walked by my room and said "oh, I like this song." Because no one wants to like any music that their mom likes but at least my mom wasn't a shit-eating little prick like Tucker Carlson.

And by the way, I know that a lot of the FOX/talk radio assholes are doing it for the money, but Tucker Carlson has never had to do anything for the money. He was born with a silver spoon up his ass, he's just horrible for the fun of being horrible.

And he's saying that the Grateful Dead are "wholesome?" Where does he come up with that? Has he ever heard any of their lyrics?

 I come in from Memphis
where I learned to talk the jive
When I get back to Memphis
be one less man alive
Good Mornin Mr. Benson
I see you're doin well
If I had me a shotgun
I'd blow you straight to Hell

or how about

And it's three days ride from Bakersfield and I don't know why I came
I guess I came to keep from payin' dues
So instead I've got a bottle and a girl who's just fourteen
And a damn good case of the Mexicali Blues
. . .
I went down to those dusty streets, blood was on my mind
I guess that stranger hadn't heard the news
'Cause I shot first and killed him, Lord, he didn't even draw
And he made me trade the gallows for the Mexicali Blues


One of them cowboys, he starts to draw,
And I shot him down, Lord he never saw.
Well I grabbed a bottle, cracked him in the jaw,
Shot me another, oh damn he won't grow old.
In the confusion, my uncle grabbed the gold,
And we high-tailed it down to Mexico.

I love those cowboys, I love their gold,
I loved my uncle, God rest his soul,
Taught me good, Lord, Taught me all I know
Taught me so well, I grabbed that gold
And I left his dead ass there by the side of the road.


Got a wife in Chino, babe
And one in Cherokee
First one says she's got my child
But it don't look like me

I set out running but I take my time
A friend of the Devil is a friend of mine

 Wholesome? God, Tucker Carlson is an idiot!

You think you know where this is going. . .

. . . but you're wrong!

(via MPS) From Lunatic hate-monger Tony Perkins of Family Research Council comes this quote:

“Contraception is made available as if it were candy which sends a message. . .

Okay, so you think you've seen this movie before. Contraception is widely available and it's turning our innocent young ladies into giant slut-bags, etc. . .

 well it’s there, it must be there for a reason. . .

 Or maybe it's the one about how no young person would ever get it into his head to go out and do sex to a lady if it were not for society's evil influence, placing contraception within his grasp and what-not?

 and then we’re surprised when — this is not justification, it’s wrong, we are all responsible for our actions — but we’re surprised when people act on these outside factors that they are surrounded by.

 Oh, no wait. Maybe it's the even worse movie where a right-wing moralizer makes excuses for rapists? It's not the boys' fault that they get so tempted by the slutty temptresses, what with evil secularist society making contraceptives so readily available, how can they control themselves? One of those quotes?


 Here's the actual ending of this Tony Perkins quote:


 It leads to tyranny.”

How the what? Leads to tyranny? I would've bet money he was gonna say "leads to whoredom" or "leads to fornicationville" or something that at least has some relation to the availability of sex stuff, but tyranny? Just to be sure, here's the quote in its entirety:

“Contraception is made available as if it were candy which sends a message, well it’s there, it must be there for a reason, and then we’re surprised when — this is not justification, it’s wrong, we are all responsible for our actions — but we’re surprised when people act on these outside factors that they are surrounded by. It leads to tyranny.”
 I've searched the intertubes for some context, and this is all I can find:

“It leads to tyranny,” added Perkins."This is the challenge we have when we abandon objective truth and jettison the moral law and live by an arbitrary standard that is put in place by government.”

 How exactly making birth control available has anything to do with objective truth, or what "objective truth" has to do with abandoning moral law or what any of that has to do with tyranny is anyone's guess.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Ted Cruz is at it again!

Hey, everybody. Pay attention, now. Totally not-delusional weirdo Ted Cruz has issued a very super-important report that is totally serious, you guys. Seriously, for real!

And you can see how important it is because he went with this cover:

instead of his first choice:

  Anyway, it is entitled:


Because apparently it can be expanded beyond what Bush expanded it to? (but that didn't count because "keeping us safe" and "war on terror" and "fredommmmm!!!!")

And after a long, self-important introduction, which I will spare you. . . oh, hell, I had to read it, so do you! Here's just a little taste.

Of all the troubling aspects of the Obama presidency, none is more dangerous than the President's persistent pattern of lawlessness, his willingness to disregard the written law and instead enforce his own policies via executive fiat.

In the more than two centuries of our nation’s history, there is simply no precedent for the White House wantonly ignoring federal law and asking others to do the same.

Except for that one guy who decided habeus corpus was optional and that warantless wiretapping was only illegal  unless he really really wanted to, and that torture was perfectly fine as long as you didn't call it torture. . .

"Enhanced Fondling." Perfectly legal!

anyway, then he lists the various categories of supposed misdeeds:

Governing by Executive Fiat
National Security
Executive Nominees and Personel
Free Speech and Privacy
Other Lawless Acts
Other Abuses of Power

Let's have a look at a few of these totally illegal lawbreakings, shall we?

1. Disregarded 1996 welfare reform law in granting broad work waivers for work requirements of Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF).

Wow, right out of the gate! That's a lie. Or Mr. Cruz is stunningly misinformed, either way it is just not true. And this is the Very first misdeed on the misdeed list! You'd think you'd begin with actual wrongdoings before you have to resort to blatant falsehoods to pad out the list.

5. Extended federal marriage benefits by recognizing, under federal law, same-sex marriages created in a state that allows same-sex marriage even if the couple is living in a state that doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage.

Um, okay, at least that one is true, but how is it an "abuse of power" or "lawlessness" or whatever? It has always been the case that a marriage that is legal in Michigan is legal in Mississippi is legal in Maryland. The fact that some fucktard bass-ackwatrds states choose not to recognize valid legal marriages from other more enlightened states doesn't change that. If the President has decided to honor the principle of equal protection under the law, I don't see how you can say he's doing anything wrong. He's just doing something you don't like.

1. Falsely portrayed the Benghazi terrorist attack as a spontaneous protest against an anti-Muslim YouTube video, and then lied about the White House’s involvement

Wow, I can't believe he waited this long to go to the #Benghazi, Behghazi, Benghazi!!!
#Benghazi    #tcot

I'm pretty sure that it is not a crime for the intelligence community to say "let's not let the terrorists know that we know it's them, because strategy."  Also, the huge demonstrations which the terrorists used to aid their attack absolutely were spontaneous protests against an anti-Muslim video. Also, fuck you, Ted Cruz. Never heard a peep out of you when Dubya was lying about WMDs. Those lies cost thousands of American lives. "Lying" about Benghazi, and there's no real reason to think that these were even lies, cost exactly zero. But which one are you assholes holding hearing after hearing about, hmm?

4.  Killed four Americans overseas in counterterrorism operations without judicial process.

Oh my God, how are you not leading with this? How is it that on your list of misdeeds, killing 4 Americans without due process is NUMBER FOUR in SECTION TWO? Where are your priorities? This is the only one that seems like an actual crime. (And if it isn't, it should be.) But to you, it's apparently an afterthought, tucked in between "Failed to enforce the Magnitsky Act" and "Continued to give Egypt aid" You have some seriously fucked-up priorities, Cruz.

Then we get in to what is really the most super-illegal impeach-now category of high crimes:
2. Delayed the individual mandate for two years.

So, he did what the Republicans had begged/demanded that he do?  Impeach!!!
Also, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but in our system (not the Canadian system with which you're familiar) the Executive Branch is in charge of implementing laws. If the executive decides that a delay ion implementation is necessary, that's his perogative. He has to administer the laws, hence the phrase "Obama Administration) 

4. Extended the deadline to enroll in Obamacare.
See above.
Also, you are really getting desperate if extending a dealine is one of your "abuses of power!"
 I mean, you could hardly get more ridiculous than that!

 9. Illegally required people to violate their faith via the Obamacare contraception mandate.
 Oh, I stand corrected.
Enforcing the law of the land is illegal now? It's illegal if some uptight Bible-thumpers are uncomfortable with aspects of the law? What about the law that says that Rastafarians are not allowed to smoke pot even though it is part of their religion? What about the law that says you can't be a bigamist even if your brand of Mormonism is totally okay with that? What about fuck you, you don't get to impose your religious beliefs on your employees?

10. As of May 2011, over 50% of Obamacare waiver beneficiaries were union members (who account for less than 12% of the American work force).
Um, that is a statistic. Not a scandal. 
I don't know whether it's true, and since the source you cite for this claim is the Washington Times, I doubt that it is, but either way, a statistic is not a crime.

1. Illegally targeted conservative groups for heightened IRS scrutiny. 
Jeezus, how many times does that need to be debunked? 

1. Aided drug cartels instead of enforcing immigration laws—as found by a federal judge. Border Patrol agents, multiple times, knowingly helped smuggle illegal immigrant children into the U.S.
What? The border patrol helping drug cartels? And helping the drug cartels by smuggling children. . . what? Where the fuck would you even come up with so insane an idea?

Stephen Dinan,

 Border Patrol helps smuggle illegal immigrant children into the United States  Wash. Times, Dec. 19, 2013.
Oh, of course.
You do know that the Moonie Times is not a reliable source of. . . oh, never mind. Of course you don't.

2. Illegally sold thousands of guns to criminals, in the operation known as Fast and Furiousand then refused to comply with congressional subpoenas about the operation

How many times does THAT need to be debunked? Seriously, that is NOT what happened. And F&F wasa program initiated by the Bush Administration. And the drug dealers were able to buy weapons of war in Arizona because gun nuts like you have eviscerated Arizona's gun laws to the point that pretty much anyone can buy an assault weapon there.
3. Dismissed charges filed by Bush Administration against New Black Panther Party members who were videotaped intimidating voters at a Philadelphia polling station during the 2008 election.

True. Of course, that had a lot to do with the fact that there was no complaining witness. No one reported being intimidated by the Panthers who were legally observing the polling station. But other than that, yeah. Scandal!

4. Argued for expansive federal powers in the Supreme Court, which has rejected the Administration’s arguments unanimously 9 times since January 2012
  How is that a "Lawless Act," exactly?
Pleading your case in court? That's lawless now? Better go arrest every lawyer in America!

5. Sued Louisiana to stop school vouchers and keep low-income minorities trapped in failing schools.
It's unlawful to file a lawsuit? I mean, shit, it has the word "law" right in it! Right before "suit!" How can that be lawless? 

Any way, there are so many more, but who has the strength? The point is, Ted Cruz is a nutty, stupid piece of shit with no soul, no conscience, and very little grasp of reality.