You think you know where this is going. . .

. . . but you're wrong!

(via MPS) From Lunatic hate-monger Tony Perkins of Family Research Council comes this quote:

“Contraception is made available as if it were candy which sends a message. . .

Okay, so you think you've seen this movie before. Contraception is widely available and it's turning our innocent young ladies into giant slut-bags, etc. . .

 

 well it’s there, it must be there for a reason. . .

 Or maybe it's the one about how no young person would ever get it into his head to go out and do sex to a lady if it were not for society's evil influence, placing contraception within his grasp and what-not?

 and then we’re surprised when — this is not justification, it’s wrong, we are all responsible for our actions — but we’re surprised when people act on these outside factors that they are surrounded by.



 Oh, no wait. Maybe it's the even worse movie where a right-wing moralizer makes excuses for rapists? It's not the boys' fault that they get so tempted by the slutty temptresses, what with evil secularist society making contraceptives so readily available, how can they control themselves? One of those quotes?

Nope!

 Here's the actual ending of this Tony Perkins quote:

 

 It leads to tyranny.”

How the what? Leads to tyranny? I would've bet money he was gonna say "leads to whoredom" or "leads to fornicationville" or something that at least has some relation to the availability of sex stuff, but tyranny? Just to be sure, here's the quote in its entirety:

“Contraception is made available as if it were candy which sends a message, well it’s there, it must be there for a reason, and then we’re surprised when — this is not justification, it’s wrong, we are all responsible for our actions — but we’re surprised when people act on these outside factors that they are surrounded by. It leads to tyranny.”

 I've searched the intertubes for some context, and this is all I can find:

“It leads to tyranny,” added Perkins."This is the challenge we have when we abandon objective truth and jettison the moral law and live by an arbitrary standard that is put in place by government.”

 How exactly making birth control available has anything to do with objective truth, or what "objective truth" has to do with abandoning moral law or what any of that has to do with tyranny is anyone's guess.

Quote of the Summit So Far

Rick Santorum bemoaning the fact that their message doesn't appeal to "smart people."

(You don't say!)

Santorum: 'We Will Never Have the Elite, Smart People on Our Side'




You'd think that if you realize that no smart people agree with you, that maybe that indicates that you're wrong, but no. No, Rick will never realize that.

Picking up chicks at CPAC

One would think the mouth-breathers at CPAC would be busy discussing the super-important issues of these times like how to get the Marxist/Fascist/Islamist out of the White House, and whether to invade Iran or simply nuke them, but they were able to take a little time out of their super-important day to discuss another important topic.

Getting laid.

TPM2012

CPAC Wants To Help You Get A Hot Conservative Date

“‘I was thinking about how sexy it would be to kiss you,’” world renowned pickup artist Wayne Elise told a group of young Rick Santorum fans. “You can say that [to a girl], it’s cool.”

And totally not creepy or overly forward!

 

One tip, he noted, was to introduce sensuality into early conversations with girls — like the above quote — to keep from falling into the platonic zone with your target. 

 

Hmm, now that I know that he'd like to bang me, I'm moving him into the "maybe" zone!

“Most guys fall into the category of not being sexual enough, so that girls will easily see them as friend material and the guys have a hard time getting out of that,” he said. “I think one of my ideas that connects to conservatives is that it’s OK to wait but you definitely want to show the person you’re sexual and sensual.”

  

Be sure to tell 'em you've got genitalia! 

 

It's okay to wait? You mean like wait until your wife is bedridden

before you start poking around?

The breakout session, sponsored by TeaParty.net, was billed as an opportunity to “learn everything from how to avoid scaring away your own personal Dagny Taggart in the first five minutes of the conversation. . .

Because you'd hate to scare away one of the most unpleasant, whiny, nasty characters in all of American fiction. 

On dates, “try to outlaw questions,” Elise said, prompting some quizzical looks from participants. “Say ‘I’m not going to do any questions, I’m going to make statements.’ Why? Because statements say something about you.”

  

I love a man who expresses absolutely no interest in knowing anything about me!

Here’s a tip: “When you walk up and you’re talking to the cute girl in a group don’t just talk to the girl. Bring other people in.” In a related tactic, should you see a hot girl in a bar do not approach — instead befriend a less attractive group and then recruit them to help you seduce her. 

Excuse me, none of you are attractive enough for a hot stud like me, but I might be able to make use of you in seducing that attractive woman over there! Because family values!

Other hot pickup lines for young conservatives:

You're so hot, I'd like to knock you up and then deny you any choice in whether to have my baby!

"Hi, would you like to implement a little "trickle-down?"

You could be a great job-creator! Blow-job creator, that is!

Damn, I'd like to reform your tax code!

Let's sleep together. Fair warning, though, I don't believe in equality of outcome!

Just for tonight, let's be libertarians.

Do you believe in the right to bear arms? Because I'd like to bare your arms! (I mean boobs)

I'd like to get the government off your back, and get you on it. (on your back, I mean. I'd like to get you on your back. You know, for sex.)

The Teabaggers Have Principles!

The Tea Party is all about small government. They don't think that the government should be running your life. Here are some of the principles they hold dear (from various Tea Party websites)

All men are created equal.

The proper role of government is to protect equal rights

  As the government is of the people, by the people and for the people, in all other matters we support the personal liberty of the individual

The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.  

etc, etc, etc. . .

Yes, they are all about individual liberty. The government can't tell you how to live your life. You are the ultimate authority on how you live your life.


Well, not you!

Tea Party rally focuses in gay marriage in Iowa

by Associated Press  ::  UPDATED: 15 January 2011 |

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa (AP) — About 35 people gathered for a Tea Party rally in Council Bluffs calling for a ban on gay marriage and stricter abortion laws in Iowa.

Yeah, the power of government should totally be limited. Limited to deciding who can marry whom and whether or not women have to have babies. But other than that, they're total libertarians!

And assholes. They're also assholes.

It Begins

The Sarah Palin backlash, that is. That's what's beginning.

This just in from the Values Voters Circle Jerk or whatever they call it, where Palin did not show up because she was attending a taping of Dancing With the Washed-Up Has-Beens:

[Family Research Council President Tony] Perkins, in a bit of candor that some conservative leaders don’t always voice, called Palin “a great spokesman” and added that "she says what a lot of people think."

"But you know a lot of people sometimes realize we shouldn't say everything we think," he continued. "Maybe it is that she is more of a cheerleader and one who rallies conservatives together as opposed maybe to being their top choice for president."

Oh, snap!
No he didn't!

More from the Values Voters Slumber Party or whatever:

The annual Straw Poll of dedicated theocratic nutball voters showed Mike Pence as the crowd favorite potential presidential candidate. Who is Mike Pence? Hell if I know. But he's not Sarah Palin. And neither is second-place finisher Mike Huckabee.

So, really, who is Mike Pence? According to the Wall Street Journal, he's this douche:

Associated Press

Also, he is a congressman from Indiana, which many consider an actual state and not just a swell racetrack for racecars.

Political analysts say Mr. Pence has credibility among establishment Republicans, as well as with the tea-party movement and social conservatives, which could could make him a contender for the presidential nomination

So, he's got cred with the assholes, the loons and the self-righteous prigs.

The tea-party movement has focused heavily on government fiscal responsibility,[and wild conspiracy theories] and many of its activists distrust establishment Republicans after the federal deficit run-ups over the last decade. Mr. Pence, a five-term congressman, is one of the few elected members of Congress to speak at tea-party rallies.

And that is, apparently, a selling point.

Mr. Pence opposes abortion and gay marriage—key issues for social conservatives—and has credentials with fiscal conservatives. In addition to battling President Barack Obama's fiscal policies, he led a failed revolt against former President George W. Bush's campaign for federal prescription-drug benefits for the elderly, saying he didn't want to create new federal entitlements.

I fought to prevent old people from getting medicine! Hell of a campaign slogan!

Palin, by the way finished 5th in the poll behind Pence, Huckabee, Romney and Gingrich. She received 7% of the values vote. 7%. Looks like maybe the long honeymoon is finally over.

This Guy is Nuts! Nuts for Gay Porn, that is!

You know Tom Coburn? The nut sack from Oklahoma who says things like this:



Yeah, he's an actual Senator from Oklahoma. I know.

Anyway, turns out he's got a guy on his staff who may be even nuttier!
Introducing Sen. Tom Coburn’s chief of staff Michael Schwartz.

Here's what Mr. Schwartz had to say at the recent "Values Voter Summit."

‘All Pornography Is Homosexual Pornography’

That's right, ALL pornography is gay. You might think that pictures or videos of men and women having sex together might count as "straight" porn. But that just shows how little you know about pornography. Take it from the expert, Micheal Schwartz:

‘All pornography is homosexual pornography, because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards.”

I'm not sure exactly what that means, turning your sex drive inwards, but it seems like maybe if you look at enough pornographic imagery, you will want to start fucking yourself, which would be same-sex relations, I guess, because you are the same sex as yourself, or something, so bada-bing, you just turned gay? Maybe? I don't know, I'd better let Mr. Schwartz explain.

It’s been a few years, not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys who are like 10 to 12 years of age. But it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality.

And that’s because they don’t want to be that way.
They don’t want to fall into it.”

Ok, couple of things, Mike.
One -- yes, its true that a lot of 10-12 year old boys are kind of dickish, but I'm not sure that really goes to prove your point.
Two -- I think the reason 10-12 year old boys speak badly about homosexuality is that A) They don't really get what it is, but they know that words like "fag" and "homo" make pretty good insults.
and B) the reason they have such negative views of gay people is because of assholes like you who teach them that the gay folks are evil and inferior before these kids even get what the word gay means. (speaking from experience here, I know I was raised to have very negative ideas about the gay folks long before I knew what "gay" meant)

Three -- You were hanging out with 10-12 year old boys who kept telling you that they didn't want to be gay? How creepy a scenario is that? I have never had a boy of any age say to me "Professor, I don't want to be gay!" Coincidentally, I have never propositioned a boy of any age.

Four -- they don't want to "fall into it?" Y'know, I'm a pretty clumsy guy. I've fallen into potholes, I've fallen into snowbanks, I've fallen in with a bad crowd, but even I have never "fallen into" homosexuality. It doesn't work that way. I know you think that homosexuality is basically a bad habit that can be "fallen into" and that like a habit, it can be broken, but in the real world, it doesn't work that way.


But I digress, do go on. . .

They don’t want to fall into it. And that’s a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.

No, seriously, it isn't. That's just such a wrong thing to say on so many levels, I don't even know where to start.
First of all, it really is not such a good instinct to worry about falling into something which can not be fallen into. It's like worrying about falling through the looking glass.
Second, there is a HUGE flaw in your logic. Because the NIH has not discovered a "gay gene," does not mean that a person's sexuality does not have a genetic component. It may , it may not. Not that it matters, but genes may very well play a part. Genetic research is a very young science. But the bigger logical flaw is to leap from "homosexuality is not genetic" to "it is inflicted on people." Besides being a really offensive thing to say, it's just incorrect reasoning. One does not follow from the other.

But don't let me stop you from spewing the crazy.

“all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.

Ok, if sneaking a peek at Playboy at the age of 12 would make you gay, I'm pretty sure I'd be Liberace.

Also, bald-faced lies are probably not a good thing to teach young people. If you want to keep young guys from looking at naked women, well that's pretty much a fool's errand, but telling them it will turn them gay is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Wouldn't Hugh Heffner be gay by now? Or Larry Flynt? Or the countless men who subscribe to their magazines? Wouldn't all the subscribers have to at some point say, "Dear Mr. Flynt, Please cancel my subscription as I no longer have any interest in naked women, what with my being gay and all."

Seriously, it's beyond me how anyone listens to nuts like this.

It's Just So Predictable

It happens with such regularity that it barely even qualifies as news anymore. The more a politician talks about "family values," the more you can assume that he can't keep it in his pants.

This time, it's California Assemblyman
Mike Duval (R [of course]-Yorba Linda)
According to the Orange County register, "he has received a 100 percent rating for his “family values” voting record from the Capitol Resource Institute, an anti-gay lobbying group based in Sacramento."
So it should come as no surprise that the married Mr. Duval was caught on tape bragging about his TWO MISTRESSES. And using R-Rated language to boot.

WARNING: Audio is NSFW






If you don't want to play the audio, here's a little excerpt:

“She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday — a lot! And so she’ll, she’s all, ‘I am going up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me!’ So messy! … So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it. I like spanking her. She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I said, ‘Yeah! Because you’re such a bad girl!’