I haven't kept up with the news lately. . .

. . . has Barack Obama resigned yet?

I mean, I'm sure that by now there must be at least 10 or 20 million patriots swarming the Mall in DC demanding his ouster, and. . .

 

Oh. 

Oh, I see.

But surely there must be a bunch more in other parts of. . .

Oh.

So, which million of you guys are going to be the ones to stay for the long haul?

And the best part is, those people who did show up? They're surprised by the "dismal turnout!"

Jackie Milton, 61, who came all the way from Texas for the protest said he was disappointed with the numbers. “It’s a very dismal turnout,” Milton told The Washington Post. “It ain’t no million. And it ain’t looking like there’s going to be millions,” he said. 

So how does this happen? How do people really get their hopes up that millions and millions of people are really going to show up to demand the resignation of most pf the government? Granted, these are the same people who were completely stunned when Mitt Romney lost the election to Barack Obama even though ALL the polls predicted exactly that. But how does that happen?

I suppose  that's what happens when you live in the FOX News /AM talk radio bubble. Because in the bubble, everyone, absolutely everyone just hates hates HATES Barack Obama. And absolutely everyone knows that he is just constantly violating the Constitution on myriad uncountable and unexplainable ways. Everyone in the bubble knows that the future of the Republic is in danger if these darn liberals like Barack Obama and Mitch McConell aren't immediately removed from office. 

And if 100% of the folks in the bubble think this way, it's only reasonable to assume that something close to 100% of ALL people must think that way, it's just simple statistical analysis. So, let's say maybe 90% of 300 million people, and maybe only half are able to make it to DC, I suppose some folks can't afford cars because of Obama's job-killing policies, that means that. . . um, carry the one. . about . . . 135 million people who could be reasonably expected to show up.

Or maybe this many?

 

Teabaggers Face New Threat.

MANATEES!

 

Oh no, wait. I mean. . .

Manatees.

 

First these aquatic plants, next your freedom!

Yes, the new scariest, most dangerous threat to the teabaggers' liberty is manatees. Or, technically, federal protections for manatees.

Tea party members tackle a new issue: manatees

By Craig Pittman, Times Staff Writer
In Print: Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A Citrus County tea party group has announced that it's fighting new restrictions on boating and other human activities in Kings Bay that have been proposed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.  

Hmm, that doesn't sound crazy yet. People opposed to restrictions on their activities. But I'll bet they don't go one more sentence without it turning looney.

"We cannot elevate nature above people," explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. "That's against the Bible and the Bill of Rights." 

The Bible and the Bill of Rights. Well, buckle your sanity belt, it's going to be a bumpy night!

You know, I'll give you the Bible. there is probably a passage in there somewhere that says people are more important than animals, I sure don't have time to read the whole book to find out, so I'll just concede the Bible. But the Bill of Rights?To  which amendment specifically are you referring? Where does it say that "the right of the people to run over large aquatic mammals with outboard motors shall not be infringed upon?"

Right after the right to openly threaten armed insurrection!

Last week, Mattos, who says she has 800 members signed up on her group's website, and other tea party members picketed outside a public hearing on the new rules. Because they weren't allowed to bring their signs inside, she said, "my anger took over" and she sent a sharply worded e-mail to thousands of tea party members across Florida, urging them to write to Congress to block the Fish and Wildlife Service. 

A sharply worded e-mail? That's what happens when your anger takes over?

 

J/K LOL!

To Mattos, what the agency has proposed will erode private property rights. She predicted they will prevent people who own waterfront land from tying up boats at their docks "because you can't have anything that interferes with the manatee because they'll get trampled on." 

Who will get trampled on? The manatees?  The people who interfere with manatees? Will the manatees be doing the trampling? I don't get it.

Current regulations have helped boost the manatee population from 100 to 500, so clearly they're sufficient, Mattos said. In fact, in her view, the manatee rules tie in to global development issues.

"We believe that (federal regulators') aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit. … As most of us know, this all ties in to the United Nations' Agenda 21 and Sustainability." 

Agenda 21? Do I dare peek down that rabbit hole?

 

I wouldn't recommend it!

Oh, what the hell. Maybe just a quick Google search.

UN Agenda 21 - Coming to a Neighborhood near You

By Scott Strzelczyk and Richard Rothschild

Most Americans are unaware that one of the greatest threats to their freedom may be a United Nations program known as Agenda 21. The United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs, Division for Sustainable Development created Agenda 21 as a sustainability agenda which is arguably an amalgamation of socialism and extreme environmentalism brushed with anti-American, anti-capitalist overtones.  

Oh, my!

Is the Soros-Sponsored ‘Agenda 21’ a Hidden Plan for World Government?

(Yes, Only it Is Not Hidden)

 Oh, dear!

AGENDA 21 - SUSTAINABLE MEDICINE + SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT = DUTY TO DIE!!  "If you think globalism, Agenda 21 and "community plans" only concern the environment under the noble banner of "saving the earth"... YOU COULD VERY WELL END UP "DEAD" WRONG, as in "dead as a do-do bird!"
Sustainable Medicine + Sustainable Development = Duty to Die
The UN global agenda and "Global Management System" is ALSO about the medical mafia and "sustainable medicine" under the rubric of "sustainable development", better known as

POPULATION REDUCTION.

Dr. Kavorkian was just the initial volley to condition the masses concerning "quality of life".
These qualify of life issues concern not only the "right to die"... but the requirement that you DO!

 Oh, my stars!

Always listen to the rabbit. Always listen to the rabbit.

The Citrus County tea party group's website says Agenda 21 is "designed to make humans into livestock." 

Mattos said she enjoys showing off the manatees to her grandchildren, but she had little use for the Save the Manatee Club, explaining, "If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now." 

  

Soon, Soon my dear!

How to tell if you have too much time on your hands

If you have the time to engage in teabaggery of any sort, you probably have too much time on your hands.
But if the precious freedom you feel compelled to defend is the freedom to use incandescent bulbs. . .




. .  .You should probably consider getting some sort of hobby.

Teabaggers In Action - Volume Three

Today's teabagger is South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley:

 
Seen here practicing her "adorable child" look.

Firswt of all, she spells her name "Nikki." Generally, that spelling is reserved for sex industry workers and the  bass player of Motley Crue.



But that's not the real issue. I'm pretty sure spelling doesn't count for much in South Carolina conservative circles.

But here's a fun story about Gov. Haley:

Gov. Nikki Haley replaces Darla Moore

I know, I know, who's Darla Moore?

Well, up until recently she was a member of the board of trustees for the University of South Carolina.
Go, Cocks!



Not only was she a member of the board, she was also a major patron of the school. In fact, their business school is named the Darla Moore School of Business. So, it's probably safe to say she was comitted to the University and felt pretty passionately about it.

But don't take my word for it:

Miles Loadholt, chairman of the board, said Moore's contributions to the university have been priceless.

"The importance of Darla Moore's philanthropy cannot be overestimated," he said in a statement. "Her constant push for excellence not only at a state level, but in a global context, will be a standing legacy and among her many contributions to the university."

 

 So why replace her? Well, there are two reasons. The first is that Ms. Moore hurt the governor's wittle feelings. (sideways frowny-face)
 

 

As Haley explains events, Moore lost her seat basically because she didn’t express sufficient interest in keeping it. She didn’t return Haley’s calls, as the governor tells it, and when Haley tried to meet with Moore, there was a three-week wait.



The governor told me she couldn’t wait. She has only one voting member on the board and, says Haley, “I have to pick one who will report to me and return my calls.” (source)

 

How very mature of you, Madame Governor!

The second reason? To reward a campaign donor.

Haley tapped Lexington lawyer Tommy Cofield to replace Moore,
Cofield and his sister Amy Cofield donated a combined $9,000 to Haley's gubernatorial campaign, according to the State Ethics Commission. (source)

So, sure it's fine to be an extremely generous donor and an asset to the University for over a decade, but how does that enrich me personally?
 
So much for the teabaggers getting in there and cleaning out corruption, eh?
 
By the way, here is Ms. Moore's response to her removal:
 

Her response to Haley’s insult was to offer the university another $5 million for an aerospace research center to be named for fellow Lake City star Ronald McNair, an African American astronaut who died in the Challenger explosion in 1986.

Yeah, I could see where you'd feel like you needed to get rid of her!

Nice work, South Carolina Teabaggers!



Teabaggers In Action - Volume II

Good job, American electorate! These are the guys you put in charge!

Florida Governor Rick Scott:

 

For one thing, look at the guy! Who votes for something that looks like this?


I know, it shouldn't matter what he looks like, but come on! there's got to be some limit.

But anyway, Governor Rick Scott has introduced a plan to subject both welfare recipients and all state employees to mandatory drug testing because, you know,

FREEDOOOOOOOOM!!!!



So what would make this libertarian, small-government teabagger decide to drug test everyone? Hmm, I don't know. Unless it's because he owns a chain of clinics that do drug tests?

Gov. Rick Scott’s drug testing policy stirs suspicion

By Stacey Singer / The Palm Beach Post, Fla. (MCT)

One of the more popular services at Solantic, the urgent care chain co-founded by Florida Gov. Rick Scott, is drug testing, according to Solantic CEO Karen Bowling.
Given Solantic’s role in that marketplace, critics are again asking whether Scott’s policy initiatives -- this time, requiring drug testing of state employees and welfare recipients -- are designed to benefit Scott’s bottom line.

Hmmm. . .  nothing suspicious there!

In his defense, Scott has divested himself of his Solantic holdings. He gave them to his wife. Seriously.

The Palm Beach Post reported in an exclusive story two weeks ago that while Scott divested his interest in Solantic in January, the controlling shares went to a trust in his wife’s name.

 

What? No Good?

And this isn't the first time Scott has proposed a Solantic-friendly state policy:

. . . This raised a groundswell of concern and questions about his health policy initiatives, especially his push to move Medicaid into private HMOs. Solantic does not take Medicaid but does business with private Medicaid HMOs.

It really shouldn't be surprising. When you elect someone to run the government whose core belief is that government is bad, it's not all that shocking that they would see no problem with using their position of power to swindle the government. After all, they've been very clear about their complete lack of respect for government, why would you not expect them to see a government position as a giant grifting opportunity?

So, good job, Florida teabaggers. You asked for it, now you got it. Enjoy.

The Teabaggers Have Principles!

The Tea Party is all about small government. They don't think that the government should be running your life. Here are some of the principles they hold dear (from various Tea Party websites)

All men are created equal.

The proper role of government is to protect equal rights

  As the government is of the people, by the people and for the people, in all other matters we support the personal liberty of the individual

The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.  

etc, etc, etc. . .

Yes, they are all about individual liberty. The government can't tell you how to live your life. You are the ultimate authority on how you live your life.


Well, not you!

Tea Party rally focuses in gay marriage in Iowa

by Associated Press  ::  UPDATED: 15 January 2011 |

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa (AP) — About 35 people gathered for a Tea Party rally in Council Bluffs calling for a ban on gay marriage and stricter abortion laws in Iowa.

Yeah, the power of government should totally be limited. Limited to deciding who can marry whom and whether or not women have to have babies. But other than that, they're total libertarians!

And assholes. They're also assholes.

Oh My God, It Just Never Stops With These People!

Now trash collection is too "socialist" for these insane idiots.

'Tea partyers' oppose changes to Fountain Hills trash collection

Edward Gately - Nov. 7, 2010 07:04 PM
The Arizona Republic

A decision by the Fountain Hills Town Council to hire a single trash hauler and begin a curbside recycling program has been met with angry protests from residents who accuse town leaders of overstepping their bounds and taking a leap toward socialism.

last week, a flier was circulated around Fountain Hills with an ominous icon and the phrase, "The Hills Will Have Eyes," and that claimed the "Fountain Hills Green Police" checked residents' garbage and recyclables, and as a result, "you are wanted for questioning."

On Thursday, a divided council approved a five-year contract with Allied Waste Services to be the single hauler and begin a recycling program. Residents currently can choose among five haulers and the town has no curbside recycling.
That single issue generated a nearly five-hour public hearing and council debate that went past midnight.

Peter Bardow, an opponent, said the issue isn't about politics, but about taking away his and other residents' right to choose their own trash hauler. "I feel like you're forcing homeowners-association regulation and homeowners-association enforcement on me," he said.

The Darling of the Tea Party Scene II

The Darling of the Tea Party
Act I
Scene II
Enter Sarah Palin surrounded by Todd, Bristol, Track, Piper, Trigg and the other one.

Sarah:
I am the queen of all the bees
I an the leader of the tea parties
The champion of God and guns

Chorus:
And we are her husband and her daughters and her sons,
Her husband and her daughters and her sons!

Sarah:
When at a tea bag rally
I'm the lily of the valley
For the spotlight's glare I never shun

Chorus:
And neither do her husband or her daughters or her sons!
Her husband or her daughters or her sons!

Sarah:
But when the press comes near
I simply disappear,
And run off to the land of the midnight sun

Chorus:
Or hide behind her husband and her daughters and her sons,
She hides behind her daughters and her sons!

If Gilbert & Sullivan Were Alive Today

The Darling of the Tea Party
Act I
Scene I

Christine O'Donnell enters and walks to center stage.

Behind her is a chorus dressed in tri-corner hats waving "don't tread on me" flags.

Christine waves to the chorus and begins to sing.

When I was a girl with big '80's hair

I told people not to touch themselves down there.

That mean Bill Maher seemed to take offense

And everybody had a laugh at my expense.

Everybody had a laugh at her expense.

I didn't seem to notice that they laughed at me,

And now I am the darling of the Tea Party!

She didn't hear the audience go "hee hee hee"

And now she is the darling of the Tea Party!

Orchestra: dum-didee dum-didee dum-didee dum-didee

When the primary race had reached culmination

I found myself with the nomination.

Headed to the college for the big debate

I didn't understand the thing 'bout church and state


I grasped so little they rewarded me
by making me the darling of the Tea party!





She understood things so infrequently

That now she is the darling of the Tea Party!

So wingnuts of tomorrow you should study my case

There is no greater asset than a pretty face.

Don't go to Oxford if you want to get ahead

Go on late night television shows instead.

Go on Real Time with old Billy Maher instead

Just smile and advocate theocracy

And you may all be darlings of the Tea Party!

Signs From a Parallel Universe

Since my internet has been acting up lately (hence the spotty posting) I only just found out now that there was a 9/12 teabagger rally. Which makes sense. I mean, I remember Glenn Beck talking about how he wanted people to remember how they felt on 9/12, which was, as I recall, frightened, angry and confused. And what better group to commemorate anger fear and confusion than the teabaggers.

Here are a few pictures of teabagger signs that I found here:



Eeeeeewwwww! Don't tell Christine O'Donnell!

Edit Stats Delete

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See, in the parallel universe these people live in, there was zero national debt on January 2009. Every cent of debt owed by the US was incurred under the current administration.

In the parallel universe, no previous administration had ever collected taxes.

In the parallel universe, this is not considered child abuse.

In the parallel universe, mispronouncing an existing word counts as cleverly coining a new one.

Well that's great, but in our universe, He wasn't on the ballot.

Both have 18 letters? Well, that proves it!

Also, "Tea Party" "Ignorant" Both have 10 letters!
"Sarah Palin" "A Huge Fraud" Both have 10 letters!
"Tea Partier" "White Trash" Both have 10 Letters!

I stand ever at the ready to. . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh, my God. Please, please, please, someone take this guy seriously. Chuck him into Boston Harbor or San Francisco Bay, or Lake Michigan, really any large body of water will do.

In the parallel universe, This guy's taxes went up. In our universe, they went down. His universe must really suck!

Oh, what subtle wit! What a clever fellow you must be. You may not be able to comfortably call the President a N---er, but you can gracefully, indirectly reference the "N-word" on your sign. Well done!

In the parallel universe, Barack Obama is the one who pushed through the Patriot Act, authorized warrantless wiretapping, and declared habeus corpus to be optional.

I'm sorry, you're a smart ass crack, and what was the other part?

Huh? What the? Obama wants to do a colonoscopy? On the taxpayers? Wouldn't that be a good thing, maybe catch a serious health problem in its early stages?
Apparently, in the parallel universe, proctology and anal rape are pretty much the same thing?
I guess?

My brain is senile? And then I took some drugs that cured my senility? That seems pretty good.

And by "robbing my piggy bank" I of course mean lowering my stupid, inbred pig-woman of a mother's taxes!

Yeah, Fuck you for canceling Brooklyn South!

Yes. Yes, this is astroturf. Any other questions?

Okay, I will. I will research "quiet Jihad."

Ooooh, it's the idiot Pam Geller. At least, when I typed quiet Jihad into Google, everything that came up was Pam Geller-related. But I said I would research it and I will. I'll let you know what I find out about this silliness.