Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Important News! About God and sex stuff! (Ewwww)

So apparently there is a group out there called the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

 A coalition for biblical sexuality

I know, ewwwww already, right? Their board contains these manly specimens of heterosexual manliness


  Jeff Purswell  Board Member                            Daniel L. Akin  Board Member

Editor, JBMW Board Member

It may surprise you to learn that the board includes exactly zero women!


I mean, they're only the council on "manhood" and "womanhood." Why would you need any women having their womanly input? What do women know about womanhood?

Anyway, this no doubt charming little group has issued a manifesto of sorts setting out their - I mean God's - views on the whole man/woman thing and if it's any more insightful than "boys have wieners and girls have hoo-hoos" I will be truly shocked.

Ewwwww! "Biblical sexuality?" Ewwwww! ew ew ew!!!
Image result for ew gif

Evangelical Christians at the dawn of the twenty-first century find themselves living in a period of historic transition. As Western culture has become increasingly post-Christian, it has embarked upon a massive revision of what it means to be a human being. By and large the spirit of our age no longer discerns or delights in the beauty of God’s design for human life. Many deny that God created human beings for his glory,

Wait, hold up. Are you saying God made the entire human race just to show off? Just to get some glory? And he's happy with the result? He hasn't ever said "hey look what I can make. . . oh man. Uh, look over there! I made dolphins!"

And if he made us for purposes of self-glorification, why do so many of us look like this?



I mean, come on. If you had made any of these guys, would you be basking in the glory right now?

Anyway. . .

We believe that God’s design for his creation and his way of salvation serve to bring him the greatest glory and bring us the greatest good. . . Therefore, in the hope of serving Christ’s church and witnessing publicly to the good purposes of God for human sexuality revealed in Christian Scripture, we offer the following affirmations and denials.

Article 1

WE AFFIRM that God has designed marriage to be a covenantal, sexual, procreative, lifelong union of one man and one woman, as husband and wife, and is meant to signify the covenant love between Christ and his bride the church.

WE DENY that God has designed marriage to be a homosexual, polygamous, or polyamorous relationship. We also deny that marriage is a mere human contract rather than a covenant made before God.

Oh, that's original! Yeah, totally didn't see that one coming.


You really took all the time and effort to put together this proclamation and your lead is "Yup, same as always. One dude, one lady. Exactly like we've always said." That was time well spent.

Article 2

WE AFFIRM that God’s revealed will for all people is chastity outside of marriage and fidelity within marriage.
WE DENY that any affections, desires, or commitments ever justify sexual intercourse before or outside marriage; nor do they justify any form of sexual immorality

Seriously, did you just cut and paste this from every other statement every other evangelical group has ever made on the subject?

Article 6

WE AFFIRM that those born with a physical disorder of sex development are created in the image of God and have dignity and worth equal to all other image-bearers. They are acknowledged by our Lord Jesus in his words about “eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb.” With all others they are welcome as faithful followers of Jesus Christ and should embrace their biological sex insofar as it may be known.

WE DENY that ambiguities related to a person’s biological sex render one incapable of living a fruitful life in joyful obedience to Christ.

Okay, that's one I've not heard before. But really? People who are born with ambiguous or possibly no genitalia still have to conform to your rigid gender roles? You can't even give that person a break?

Article 7

WE AFFIRM that self-conception as male or female should be defined by God’s holy purposes in creation and redemption as revealed in Scripture.

WE DENY that adopting a homosexual or transgender self-conception is consistent with God’s holy purposes in creation and redemption.

So. . . we insist that you live as God made you. Unless he made you gay or trans. Then it's up to you to cover for him and pretend you're not.

Anyway, this thing has a total of 14 articles all of which add up basically to "boys have wieners and girls have hoo-hoos and that's the way we like it!"

And you know someone is paying these grifters to put out this stupid missive about how they still believe the same things, no changes, but divided into "Articles" to make it seem important. Oh, here's a surprise - there's a "Donate" button!


Because whatever creepy families/organizations are funding these conmen aren't paying enough, they need gullible old people to endorse their social security checks over to them so that they can, I don't know, is it still the "homosexual agenda?" Is that still what they're fighting? Maybe Sharia Law or something? I don't know. But here's why they so desperately need your money:

In the months and years to come, the mission of CBMW will include distributing The Nashville Statement and developing resources to equip pastors and churches to stand firm for the Bible’s teaching on marriage and sexuality. One way you can be involved is to join us in prayer for the Lord’s blessing on our efforts, as well as to make a financial gift in support of this very important work.

So. . . they need to print up some copies at Kinko's and, um I guess buy stamps? And then pretend that "developing resources to equip pastors and churches to stand firm" is a real thing and that it is a thing that costs money?