Sunday, February 28, 2010

Interesting Logic

In an apparent attempt to accelerate its death-spiral from relevance, the Atlanta Journal Constitution recently gave a guest spot on its op-ed page to one Jonathon Zimmerman, author of “Small Wonder: The Little Red Schoolhouse in History and Memory.”

And being a purveyor of phony nostalgia evidently qualifies you to speak on recent First Amendment rulings.

The case had to do with a girl posting negative comments about her teacher on the internet, but the interesting part is this:

If we really care about protecting free speech, we need to teach our kids some basic principles of civility.

And that means we sometimes have to restrict their speech — even on the Net.

If we really care about protecting free speech, we must restrict speech.

Wow. I had to let that rattle around my skull for a minute. Because I'm thinking I must be misunderstanding something. But no. Apparently, Jonathon Zimmerman's plan for protecting free speech is to have less free speech.

I could see making an argument for restricting what kids can say on the internet. I don't agree, but I could understand making an argument based on "free speech is not absolute, one can't yell 'FIRE!' in a crowded theatre," or whatever. I could understand that. But to argue that limiting free speech is necessary in order to protect free speech? I don't even understand that logic.

Not to be outdone in the insane logic department, Charles Krauthammer weighed in on the same AJC op-ed page with this gem:

Charles Krauthammer: Modernity may carry lethal impact

which makes the basic argument that "so what if Toyota kills a few people now and then, cars are fricking awesome!"

So, mostly just dickish pro-corporate, anti-regulation claptrap from one of the kings of claptrap, but in the middle of this screed, he poses this:

The questions are: How do you distinguish the idiosyncratic failure from the systemic — for example, the single lemon that came off the auto assembly line versus an intrinsic problem inherent in that model’s engineering?

See, that's actually not difficult, Chuck. Distinguishing between a problem in one car and a problem in many cars is about as easy a distinction as one can make.
And then, this:

And don’t imagine that we do not coldly calculate the price of a human life. In 1974, the speed limit was lowered to 55 mph to conserve oil. That also led to a dramatic drop in traffic fatalities — approximately 3,000 lives every year. This didn’t stop us, after the oil crisis, from raising the speed limit back to 65 and beyond — knowing that thousands of Americans would die as a result.
The calculation was never explicit, but it was nevertheless real. We were quite prepared to trade away a finite number of human lives for speed, and for the efficiency and convenience that come with it.

Okay, it is true that companies like Toyota do coldly calculate the price of a human life. They add up how much it would cost to fix a design flaw versus how much they might lose in lawsuits if some of their customers die. (Same as Ford did with the Pinto, and all the SUV makers did with rollovers)
But the speed limit story is not an example of this. The speed limit story is an example of consumers making an informed choice to accept the increased risk of driving faster in order to gain the convenience the faster speed would supply. With Toyota, the company decided to force a risk on uninformed consumers who gained nothing from unwittingly accepting this risk, in order to increase profits for Toyota.
Do you really not see the difference? In one case, Joe says "I'm in a hurry, it's worth it to me to take the risk of driving faster." In the other case, Mr. Toyota says "I want to make more money. It's worth it to me to put Joe at risk of death or injury if it increases my stock price. h, and by the way, DON"T TELL JOE!!!"

But I think today's George Will extravaganza of nonsense might beat both of them.
Will writes a column about the new update coming to the DSM. Of course, this update hasn't been released yet, so Will is forced to sneer at changes that he heard may possibly be included in the new version:

The revised DSM reportedly may include “binge eating disorder” and “hypersexual disorder” (“a great deal of time” devoted to “sexual fantasies and urges” and “planning for and engaging in sexual behavior”). Concerning children, there might be “temper dysregulation disorder with dysphoria.”

And then the topper:

Another danger is that childhood eccentricities, sometimes inextricable from creativity, might be labeled “disorders” to be “cured.” If 7-year-old Mozart tried composing his concertos today, he might be diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and medicated into barren normality.

Ooh! Good point! Except that the incredible amount of concentration, focus, and dedication required to produce a concerto, or any piece of serious music, is pretty much the exact opposite of the type of behavior which would indicate a diagnosis of ADHD.

But, hey. Why let logic stand in the way of a good zinger aimed at the "intellectual elite?"
(To which, by the way, you used to belong, Mr. Will.)

Friday, February 26, 2010

The IOC Sucks

Because they apparently don't realize how fucking cool the Canadian Women's hockey team is:

Canada's Sarah Vaillancourt, left, and Tessa Bonhomme. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

IOC to investigate Canadian women's hockey team for celebration

Come on! Are you serious?

Does this picture not make you seriously want to move to Canada?

Gilbert Felli, the IOC's executive director of the Olympic Games, said that drinking in public was "not what we want to see" from athletes at an Olympic venue. The organization will investigate the actions and will speak with the international hockey federation and Canadian Olympic Committee and ask them to "act accordingly."

Come on! This ain't figure skating. It's hockey, a rough, rowdy boisterous sport. This sort of behavior should be totally acceptable for hockey.
Plus, look how cool they look.

You wouldn't want to party with these chicks?

They just beat the rest of the world at Canada's national sport, on Canada's home ice in front of a bunch of cheering Canadians, and you're going to give them crap about celebrating?

The IOC: Taking the fun out of sports singe 1894.

Oh My God, This is So Wrong!

I know I shouldn't be laughing, but it's just so funny. In any other context, I would find the word "f____t" completely unacceptable and offensive. Bu I'm juvenile enough to find this freakin'

And the family's name is DOODY? Awesome!

(via Wonkette)

Monday, 27 January, 2003, 14:42 GMT
Family of faggot fans fly the flag
The Doody family
The Doody family hope to raise profile of faggots
A West Midlands family is playing a central role in the quest to raise the profile of a forgotten British dish - faggots.

The Doody family from Wolverhampton has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.

The family will be touring the country extolling the virtues of the dish, which is best-known for its links with the Black Country.

The Doody family were chosen to front the campaign after impressing judges at the Savoy Hotel in London in November.

Faggot facts
Faggots were called "savoury ducks" in the Middle Ages
Faggots were named after the Latin word for bundle
Faggots were originally made with pig's liver and offal
Faggots are now made from pork liver and pork
Fans have published the Good Faggot Guide
They displayed their fanaticism for the delicacy during quizzes, role-plays and mock commercials.

"The nation knows that the Cornish pasty, Yorkshire pudding, haggis and fish and chips are great British dishes, but all too often the faggot is left off that list," said Janet Doody.

Her husband Fred added: "It's unfair because faggots were a British delicacy long before any of the others.

"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."

The family, including Lewis, 13, and Grace, 7, eat faggots twice a week, with mashed potato and mushy peas, and will be launching the awareness campaign on Tuesday at Liverpool University, followed by visits this week to Nottingham, Leeds, Sheffield and Birmingham.

The competition was organised by faggot producer Mr Brain's Faggots.

Carrie Prejean is a Traditional Girl.

Dammit, I wish Carrie Prejean would quit making me aware of her existence!

She's in the news again: has learned exclusively that Prejean, famous for her conservative Christian views and opposition to same-sex marriage, is living with Boller in his Del Mar, Calif. home.ome.
A source close to the couple confirmed to that Carrie has indeed moved in. “She’s living there. He’s remodeling the house and she’s helping him.”

Yes, Ms Prejean has taken the principled stand that only heterosexual, one man / one woman couples should be allowed to shack up and, to use the Old Testament phrase, fornicate.
You know, like God intended. What could be a better defense of "traditional" marriage than an as-yet-unmarried couple co-habitating?

"hey, at least I'm not some horrible lesbian," said Ms. Prejean. "Old Testament laws don't apply to today's modern world, except the stuff about homos! God really hates that homo stuff!"

(quote fabricated, obviously)

Also, only decent, God-fearing hetero women are allowed to expose their nipples in public.

And I really have to agree with her on this point. If I see one more heathen, atheist, lesbian nipple on a public beach, well. . . wait what were we talking about? Boobies? I think?
heeheeeheee, "boobies!" That's a naughty word!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The revolution starts to devour its own.

There have been conservative "revolutions" before.
We've seen "revolutions" based on cutting taxes
View Image

and "revolutions" based on cutting welfare
View Image

but this teabagger revolution is a whole new breed of nuts.
Previous conservative movements were led by people may have been senile
View Image

or morally bankrupt
View Image

but they weren't just baboon-ass crazy.

So, it seemed inevitable that the teabagging revolutionaries would start turning on each other like Robespierre on Danton sooner rather than later.

And now it begins. The teabaggers have already begun attacking their erstwhile poster boy Scott Brown. just check out some of these comments from, a website created to promote Brown's candidacy:

A vote for more stimulus? Are you kidding? What a joke!

Sir, you will have a very short career in the Senate!

Brian, you are so right! He is a traitor and it took only 3 weeks to show his true vision of being the "voice of the people". What a shame...

Yes. He has already shown that he is just another pure politician with no values or beliefs. First supporting the old crony John McCain and now supporting more fraudulent stimulus.

After three weeks and contradicted one of the very basics he ran on and you expect us to call it a compromise? He sold out. He sold out quick, he sold out cheap and after selling out he has no intention of looking back.

And on his Facebook page:


Ask Walter Huston

Mr. Huston, what medal did Lindsey Vonn win in women's downhill?

Caption this picture

Okay, that's what I thought. Thanks.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Two Charts

I think the second one explains a lot about the first.


This is why we can not have nice things like health care
Source | 97 Clicks mike | Politics | 0 comments | Score | 02/23/10 12:41

Holy Crap! This Guy is an Actual US Congressman!

Rep Steve King (R-Iowa) can't stop smiling and smirking as he empathizes with the murderer who flew a plane into the IRS building.

Today's Townes Van Zandt Cover

A strange version of "Lungs" by Swedish singer Annika Fehling:

And the Original:

Tiger's Got a Lot of Women Mad at Him.

I really had planned on spending the rest of my life not thinking about or mentioning Tiger Woods. And it should have been easy since I have no interest in the sport of watching paint dry, I mean golf. But then this happened:

Tiger Mistress Jamie Jungers: "That Apology Is Crap"

"An apology, one that was meaningful and that meant something, and I didn't hear none of that," James said. "He's so selfish; it's not about anybody but him. It didn't feel like it was real.

Monday, February 22, 2010

New Rules for Olympics

After seeing the Russian ice dancers' take on Aboriginal folk dancing, it's clear something has to be done.

"At times, Shabalin led Domnina around by her ponytail. They mugged, stuck out their tongues and mimicked the hand over mouth gesture that was once associated with American Indians."
(Yahoo News)

And it's not like they were just somehow unaware that this was going to be offensive:

When the Russian pair did the Aboriginal dance at the European Championships in January, they drew criticism from Aboriginal leaders who found the dance and costumes offensive. Domnina and Shabalin toned down their costumes and removed their face paint, but made no changes to their Aboriginal dance.

And why do this at all? Because the ice dancing officials decided that this year's theme for the original dance was to be "folk dancing." Now one might think that the Russian pair might choose a Russian folk dance, but no. So apparently it falls to me to make new rules for future Olympians.

Rule #1: No ice dancer may ape any culture other than their own. That should have gone without saying, but apparently not, because the American pair saw "Slumdog Millionaire" and figure they knew a little something about the culture and traditions of India.

Rule #2: If you have a son and a daughter who are both into ice dancing or figure skating, you are required to make them choose other partners, because this:

IMG_4820 by Shine Like Stars.

Wacky figure skating photos

is just un-fucking-acceptable.

It is not possible for John Kerr to be gay enough to make titty-humping his sister acceptable.
I won't have it.

Rule #3: Biatholon will no longer be ski, stop, shoot, ski, stop, shoot. Participants will now be required to shoot while skiing. Preferably with a gun in each hand like a John Woo Movie.

Rule #4: Ski jumpers need to do something while they are in the air. Ski jumping is insanely dangerous, but the ski jumpers make it look so easy it seems kinda boring. You're up in the air for like five fucking minutes, do a trick. Or shoot something. I don't know, do something to make us appreciate your skill.

Rule #5: During individual figure skating, all skaters are on the ice at the same time. They should be knocking each other over like Battling Tops.

If it's good enough for short track, it's good enough for figure skating.

Least Surprising Headline of the Day

From the Washington Post:

Obama offers new health-care plan; GOP slams it as 'government takeover'

Because they will slam you no matter what you do, Mr. President.

If you killed a bunch of terrorists, these nutbags would find a way to slam you for that.


Shit, I was just kidding.

Bush Official Criticizes Obama For Killing Too Many Terrorists

(from the Huffington Post)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Lindsey Vonn uses UVEX ski goggles.

For the back story, see:

Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn uses Uvex ski goggles. She used them when she won both gold and bronze at the 21st winter Olympic games in Vancouver.

Pass on this information to everyone you know. Put it on the Facebook or the tweeter or the MySpace. Let's make sure everyone knows that Lindsey Vonn

Used Uvex ski goggles

when she won Olympic Medals

in the Vancouver Olyimpics.

The IOC may be able to stop UVEX from mentioning this totally true fact in their ads, but what are they going to do, sue me?

Really? They would?

Oh, shit!

I mean, bring it on!