Friday, June 26, 2015

Another abstinece-only success strory!

So the queen of "traditional family values" is soon to have yet another conceived-out-of-wedlock grandchild.

Big News

 I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. . . But please respect Tripp’s and my privacy during this time. I do not want any lectures

Oh, you don't want any lectures? Said the woman who made a buttload of money giving abstinence lectures. I'm sure a lot of the kids who were forced to sit through them didn't really want any lectures either.

I'm sure President Obama wasn't really looking for a lecture from a little nobody like you when you posted this snide little shot:

While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads.  In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage.  Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.
Yes, kids must have both parents in the home, says the woman who will soon be raising two small children with zero fathers in the home.

At the end of the day there’s nothing I can’t do with God by my side, and I know I am fully capable of handling anything that is put in front of me with dignity and grace.

Dignity and grace? Well, there's a first time for everything!!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/alg-resize-bristol-situation-jpg.jpg

My little family always has, and always will come first.
Tripp, this new baby, and I will all be fine, because God is merciful.

 Um, yeah, you'll be fine because there's a bottomless supply of wingnut welfare. There are probably still some people who will pay you to moralize about abstinence, there will be book deals and reality TV shows and God knows what else.

Also, remember this?

Put a Ring on It

April 18, 2012 by
Have you ever heard of “shacking up?”  Now, people describe living together with a more complimentary phrase: “a trial marriage.” And apparently, it’s all the rage:

Um, no one has used the phrase "trial marriage" since the Carter Administration. And living together isn't exactly "all the rage," it's just something people do.

In fact, you may have even recently heard rumors I’m living with my boyfriend. . .
Here’s the thing.  It’s not true. As I mentioned before, I recently bought a home across the lake from my parents’ house.  While it’s under renovation, I’m actually living in an apartment on their property.  Rest assured — there’s no way on earth my mom and dad would allow a guy to spend the night here with me.

In a wine-cooler-soaked tent at  a campground, sure, but not here!

But even if I weren’t temporarily living on their property, I wouldn’t move in with someone. Why? Well, new evidence reported in the New York Times suggests what the Bible has already told us: living together before marriage does not lead to happiness.

Sure, you're much happier if that bum goes back to his own place after knocking you up!

These so-called “trial marriages” hurt men, women, and children.  So, all of you girls who’ve said yes to sex in the wrong context know this: you don’t have to say yes to living with someone in the wrong context too.
I guess it’s unanimous.  Because now we have the Bible, the New York Times, and even Beyonce suggesting the best way to secure relationship success is to… “put a ring on it.”

Yeahhhh. . . by my count, there've been two fellas now to put a ring on ya. And yet. . .

But don't worry. None of this is your fault. Because you're a conservative, so nothing can ever be your fault.