Monday, May 30, 2016

Charlie Daniels is a very silly man.

So Charlie Daniels has a message. A message for the EyeYa-Toll-Ah and the terrisits.

First of all, I love how this is presented as a message to the Ayatollah. I picture somewhere in Tehran, a harried aide rushing into the office
"your holiness, a message! From Charlie Daniels!"
"You mean that fiddle player who had a couple hits back in the Seventies? Assemble my advisors!"

And then he says "you may have met our fresh-faced, flower-child president and his weak-kneed Ivy-League friends." To which I assume the "terrisits" would respond "you mean the guy who sends drones to bomb the fuck out of  our people every day? The guy who sent the SEALS in to put a bullet in bin Laden's eye? That fresh-faced flower child?"

Also, why is "fresh-faced" an insult? Because the President washes his face and is clean-shaven, that's supposed to mean he's somehow deficient in some masculinity or something? Did you mean "baby-faced?" Also, why is "Ivy League" only an insult when it applies to Barack Obama or Bill Clinton, people who actually earned their way into our country's most prestigious Universities? Why isn't it an insult for Yale legacies?

"But you haven't met Amerrrrica! You haven't met the Heartland."
Oh, God. Here we go with the Sarah Palin "real America" bullshit.

"the people who will defend this nation with their bloody, calloused bare hands"

Yeah, okay. Let me just stop you there. That won't be neceessary. I don't know if you're aware of this, but we actually have an Army. And a Navy, and Air Force and a Marine Corps. Your bare-knuckle defenses will definitely not be needed.
Why I'll give that Ayatollah a sound thrashing!
I'll certainly give him what-for, eh?

And if Iran were to invade the United States, they would come with guns and bombs and what-not, so your bloody bare hands wouldn't stand much of a chance, but thanks anyway.

"You haven't met the steelworkers, or the hard-rock miners."

Do we still have steelworkers? Isn't all our steel production done overseas now?

Also, I don't know what you think "hard-rock mining" looks like, but nowadays, it looks a lot more like this:

. . .than this:

"or the swamp folks in cajun country that can wrestle a full grown gator out of the water."

First of all, is that even true? I mean, I know there are guys who wrassle gators. But they do it on dry land. I wouldn't think you could get a gator out of the water, he's going to be much more agile in the wtaer than a person. But either way, your gator-rasslin' skills will not really be relevant if there is either an invasion or a terrorist attack. No one was looking at the carnage at Ground Zero thinking "if only someone from swamp country had been here to rassle those planes away."

 "you haven't met the farmers, the cowboys, the loggers, the truck drivers"

The truck drivers? I work with truck drivers every day and they are not an intimidating lot. Half of them can barely reach the steering wheel over their third-trimester beer bellies. These are guys and gals who make a living sitting down. They can barely walk from the cab to the receiving door without getting winded. Truck drivers! Please.

Also, are there still cowboys? Are there still cattle drives going on in this country?
Doesn't count.

"you don't know the mountain men who live off the land."

Is that still a thing? Are there still wild men living off the land up in the mountains? I mean, Eric Rudolph did it for a while, but I assume the terrorists do know him, being in the same line of work and all. Or maybe Charlie thinks that the Revenant took place in modern times?
Wait, so DiCaprio didn't really fight a bear?

"or the brave cops who fight the good fight in the urban war zones."

Okay, the less said about that the better, but Charlie, we all know what you mean when you say "Urban."  Dog whistles really ought to be a bit more subtle.

You know, when this started, I figured Charlie was still stuck in the Seventies, still mad at the Ayatollah. But now I think maybe he is in an eralier century all togetenr.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

NBA lookalikes

Watching the Western conference finals between the Golden State Warriors and the Oklahoma City Thunder, I can't help but notice some look-alikes.

Warriors assistant coach Luke Walton

Looks like Ben Affleck

Warriors center Festus Ezeli

Looks like Luther star Idris Elba

Thunder center Enis Kantor

Looks like Freddy Mercury

Warriors forward Mo Speights

Looks like George Foreman
Thunder forward Kevin Durant

Looks like The Wire actor Wood Harris

Warriors Guard Klay Thompson

Looks like Jay Sherman's son Marty with a goatee

Warriors head coach Steve Kerr

Looks like Neil Patrick Harris 

Thunder center Steven Adams

Looks like Captain Morgan 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Bad Ads - Infiniti

I assume, and correct me if I'm wrong, that for a young LGBT person, coming out to one's parents is probably one of the scariest, most gut-wrenching things you can do. Knowing that your parents may reject you, may disown you, may treat you with contempt. . . I can't imagine how much nerve it would take. One woman I know told me that when she came out, her mother said "you sicken me." They've since repaired their relationship, but still, that had to be an unimaginably hurtful thing to hear.

So to take something this fraught with emotional hazards, so angst-filled and use it as a cheap joke to sell your cars is sinking pretty damn low.

And even if it weren't offensive, it's just a really stupid ad. Why in the hell would the father be upset by his son's choice of  rich-guy douchemobile?
Goddammit, we're a BMW family, how dare you turn your back on your heritage?
If he had told his father he was converting to Islam or something. It's a fucking car, who would possibly be that butthurt over a fucking car? 
Who has two thumbs and hates you for your choice of auto? This guy!

And there is nothing in this ad to recommend the Infinit. They don't ever say that it outperforms the BMW or is more reliable or holds its resale value better. It's just this idiotic idea that "just because your father drives a Beemer doesn't mean you can't buy an entirely different luxury sedan. Oh, sure, it's likely to upset the old guard, the traditionalists will never accept it, but you're the new Pepsi generation and you don't have to play by their stuffy old rules." which no one has ever thought ever.
No one is sitting around with $50k burning a hole in his pocket thinking "man, I wish I had the guts to buy an Infinit! But I'm not a courageous man, I'll probably just by a BMW so no one gets upset. Damn this middle-child syndrome! When is it MY turn to be happy?"

Also, fuck you, Infiniti, for trivializing the "coming out" experience. Taking a flippant, jocular approach to what is often (I assume) an extremely painful and highly anxiety-filled moent in many a young person's life is just really shameful.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Bowling Green Babies

Saw these in a park in Bowling Green, KY. If anyone knows what kind of duck that is that has polka-dotted babies, please let me know in the comments.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Cumberland Falls

Overview of Cumberland River, Daniel Boone National Forest, Kentucky.

Cumberland Falls.