Friday, April 9, 2010

Who's Stupider? Tournament of Champions Edition

Recently, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin joined Sean Hannity on his crap show, which is sort of the equivalent of Stevie Ray Vaughn and Jimmy Page joining Jimi Hendrix on stage, if they all forgot to bring guitars and just sat around saying stupid shit that made no sense which, given the ammount of drugs ingested by these three, is actually fairly plausible.

But anyway, this meeting of superstars of stupid gives us the opportunity to play

Who's More Stupid?

Let's go to the transcript!

First up, Sean Hannity:
HANNITY: Alright. So I have to tell a funny story as we get started here. I'm interviewing Congresswoman Bachmann and I said to her — I said, Congresswoman, you know, you are the second most hated Republican woman in the country. We know who gets the most press. And she goes no, I would like to think of it as I'm the second most loved Republican woman in the country.

Okay, that story is not funny at all, so calling it a funny story is in itself stupid. Well done, Sean! Unfortunately, Ms. Bachmannis really the one who comes off looking stupid in your story, so that's a point for each of you!

Ms. Palin, you're up next. Care to comment on the "reload" controversy?

PALIN: Absolutely. It's a ginned up controversy I think by too many in the media making it sound like we're inciting violence. We are not. We want people to have their voices be — made known their arms are their votes this November.

All right, that assault on syntax is worth one point, and we're all tied up!

HANNITY: What do you think the reaction would be if things that were said about either of you were said about either Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama or Nancy Pelosi? Would there be a difference?

Well, it wasn't your turn, Sean, but that question was so profoundly stupid, that it earns you two points! As if horrible, hateful, offensive things weren't said about Ms. Clinton, Ms. Obama, and Ms. Pelosi just fucking constantly! That's going to be hard to top! Ms. Bachmann?

BACHMANN: I think you'd see some alternative cable stations blow up. I think — I think they'd be very, very upset about that. We all know that there's a double standard.

Ooh, judges can we accept that?
I'm being told that that statement was either a paranoid delusion, or an outright lie. Not stupid. Assuming that the audience is stupid, but not actually stupid in and of itself! Sorry!

You're up, Sean!

HANNITY: Is this about Western European socialism? Is this an appeasement mentality the president has adopted, Congresswoman?

Nicely played! European socialism and appeasement have nothing to do with each other, and neither are part of this healthcare bill! Impressively stupid question? Ladies, who has a stupid answer?

BACHMANN: Sure it is. And it's even more than that. This is the most radical president, the most radical speaker, the most radical Senate leader we have ever seen in the history of the country. And the American people are out-of-pocket rejecting everything that they're putting forward.

Well done! That is just wrong on so many counts, that it earned you a bonus idiocy point!
Ms. Palin?

PALIN: No. No, I don't think it's within him. I don't think it's within his DNA. He would have already done that through Obamacare. He would have moderated a little bit and compromise. He did not do that.

Ooh, I can't tell if you're actually stupid enough to believe what you just said or if you're aware that the opposite of that statement is actually true! I'm going to go ahead and give you the point based on your past record of obliviousness and willful ignorance!

You're up, Sean!

HANNITY: What do you think — what are the odds because I've spoken to a lot of people. For example, Karl Rove who I admire a lot and I think he's one of the greatest political analysts. He knows every district in the country.

Rove? Karl Rove who's been wrong about every election since 2004? Greatest political analysts? Now that's a stupid statement! You're back in the lead!

And now, the lightning round!

And the subject is National Security!

HANNITY: But the president apparently now is going out there and — report out today that there's no such thing as radical extremism.

And the president is saying that if there is a biological, chemical attack against the United States of America or any type of cyber attack, major cyber attack, if it is a country that is part of nonproliferation treaty, that America has taken nuclear weapons off the table.

Sorry, that's just a lie! No point. Ms Palin?

PALIN: It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. No administration in America's history would, I think, ever have considered such a step that we just found out that President Obama is supporting today.

Forgetting that Ronald Reagan negotiated the same sort of arms reduction treaties with Russia when they were still our sworn enemies? Spectacularly stupid, considering that Reagan is your hero and idol!

PALIN: I don't know but we miss Ronald Reagan who used to say when he would look at our enemies and say, no, you lose, we win.

Bonus point!


BACHMANN: Well, I just — I want to thank Governor Palin for breaking the barrier by being a woman as a vice president on the ticket.

Oh my God, that is amazingly stupid! Getting Sarah Palin mixed up with Geraldine Ferrarro? Absolutely pathetic! We have a winner! Michele Bachmann is the champion of stupid once again!

Um, Ms. Bachmann? That means you won.

And the people of Minnesota's Sixth District lose.