Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Glenn Fucking Beck

I was going to complain about Beck being a moron and defending the bonuses at AIG. But then I see this: http://crooksandliars.com/node/26723

Beck starts out by raising fears about Russia (Um, Glenn, the Cold War is Over), then goes completely over the edge talking about FEMA prison camps. First he says that he was tired of hearing about them and wanted to debunk these rumors. But then he did a lot of "research" and found that *gasp* he COULDN'T debunk them!!!! I don't know how you can be unable to debunk something as patently absurd as FEMA prison camps, it should be like debunking the tooth fairy or martians. (Now even i'm sick of the word "debunk." I will try not to use it again in this post)

Now, it's one thing to say that he can't technically disprove the existence of these prison camps, but by the end of the interview, he's referring to them as though they are established fact! Glenn, you idiot! This is an old militia movement conspiracy theory. This is black helicopters, new world order, UN communism nonsense. No sane person believes this. But you know who does believe this crap? People like Timothy McVeigh. People like the Montana Freemen. People wh run around in the woods with automatic weapons preparing for a war against the US government. And when these crazy motherfuckers see someone like you on TV, on a major news channel, talking about htis kind of stuff, it just confirms their delusional beliefs. This kind of irresponsible chatter just encourages these lunatics.

Sorry this post wasn't funny, but there's nothing funny about this kind of thing.

Here, how's this?

One Big Happy

At a time when newspapers around the country are cutting back, or even shutting down altogether (R.I.P. Seattle Post-Intelligencier) many of them continue to purchase newsprint and use it for this: annnnddd, pause for laughter. . . . . . . .

Hold for applause. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .

Are you done laughing yet? Good, because I am going to reveal to you the secret of writing your own "One Big Happy" strip.


Just follow this simple template:

have the little girl mis-understand some common expression:

Or, just copy a page from “The Big Book of Cornball Jokes that were Old When Your Grandfather Told Them” and add cheesy, cloying illustrations:

Oh, the hours of fun and profit you'll make from this hackery!

But don't forget to offend an ethnic group if you can.

I believe the theme of that strip was: Italians, sure they're loud and inconsiderate, but once you get to know them, they're fun to dance with!

And now, the crowning acheivement (experienced hacks only) combine an offensive stereotype with an innocent misunderstanding for comedy GOLD!
See, it's funny because Italian men are so lecherous and horny that they think every woman they see (including, apparently, elementary school girls) is Bellissima! Ouch! My gut just busted! It busted from laughing so hard!