Friday, April 17, 2009

Tea parties

So the tea parties are over, for now. Apparently, it will be July 4th when we next see this group of wingnuts out in force. But who are the "teabaggers" and what do they want? Let's take a look:
In addition to the usual conspiracy buffs, the rage-a-holics, the tragically misinformed, and the the willfully ignorant, there are a few particular breeds of folks who populate these gatherings.

You have, of course, the Chronically confused--for instance, those who oppose any cuts to the military, and also oppose the taxes with which the military is funded.

You have the "birthers," those who refuse to believe that President Obama was born in the U.S. even though his Hawaiian birth certificate is available on the internet for anyone who wants to see it.

You have your religious fanatics:

and those who would prefer no income to having their income be taxed.

But what do they want? There seems to be some confusion over what exactly they are for and against. It reminds me of the scene in "The Wild One" where the guy asks Brando "what are you rebelling against?" and Brando shrugs and answers "what do you got?"

Lets see if we can sort out some of their positions, shall we?

OK, Clearly they are anti-environment,


Pro-free market, anti-free loader

Pro-founding fathers and Anti-fascism.

They are clearly in favor of the truth being proclaimed courageously

and clearly opposed to being trod upon.

They firmly oppose socialists working in cahoots with Wall Street

And firmly support ridiculously unrealistic tax schemes.

They stand firmly against Big Business, Large Labor Unions, and tiny, underfunded associations of homeless advocates.

They are for deliberation

And against correct spelling.

They are opposed to living in 18th century Colonial America,

But would like to live in an era before the federal reserve bank came into existence

They care about little porky things, and want Chuck to be aware of this.

They are in favor of long, long, boring books.

And against having a coherent point.

They enjoy pointing out obvious facts

And hate being trampled by a pig.

They love wearing costumes

and making kids hold up signs they couldn't possibly understand.

But Most of all. . . . . .

They're just batshit fucking crazy!

Oh, and dicks. They're also total dicks.