Friday, June 4, 2010

How Many Ways Is This Wrong?

Sarah Palin is an asshat

Way this is wrong #1: "Extreme Greenies." Seriously? People who would like to not have large swaths of the planet ruined by crude oil are "extreme?" Really? The ELF is extreme, in as much as they are a real organization. They set shit on fire. That's extreme. Wanting to find an alternative to our national oil addiction, not so much.

Way this is wrong #2: "Greenies" are amphetamine pills. Environmentalists, no matter how extreme, are "Greens." Also known as "responsible adults," "people who give a damn," or "the non-retarded."

Way this is wrong #3: "safe onshore places" No. No, that is not what you said. You said "Drill Baby, Drill," and "Drill Here, Drill Now," you never ever ever said anything about not drilling offshore. You are just lying. Show me where you said "Drill in safe onshore places, Baby, Drill in safe onshore places!" When did you ever say "Drill here, drill now, don't drill over there in the water, that would be unsafe!"

Way this is wrong #4: "safe onshore places" Drilling for oil is never safe anywhere. Oil & Gas Driller is currently ranked the 14th most dangerous job in America,
right after police officer and firefighter. And it's not like spills don't happen with onshore oil drilling, have you seen today's Juneau Empire? Here's a quick excerpt:
ANCHORAGE - Alaska and Alyeska officials say the crude oil spill at a pipeline station near Delta Junction apparently was held within a lined, bermed containment area.
The Department of Environmental Conservation says about 56,000 gallons of pooled oil from the estimated 210,000 gallon spill has been removed.

Way this is wrong #5: Sarah Palin saying that this oil spill/gusher/fuckstorm/whatever proves that she was right is just so absurd. It's like if someone found a knife with OJ's fingerprints on the handle and Nicole's blood on the blade and OJ said "see, I told you I didn't do it." This doesn't support your position, Sarah. You have it entirely backwards. This is exhibit A in the "Sarah Palin was dead wrong in public about drilling for oil" case.

Way this is wrong #6: "Now do you see?" You know, I don't mind being condescended to by someone smarter than me. If Steven Hawking wants to come by and talk down to me about science, I wouldn't feel bad at all. But when someone so obviously, demonstrably, laughably stupid as Sarah Palin takes that tone, it makes my head want to explode. That was my biggest complaint about George Dubya, too. If you're going to be condescending, you could at least be right. Remember when he said something about "People who disassemble," then smirkingly added "that means they don't tell the truth!" wanted to grab him by the lapels, shake him and scream NO IT DOESN"T!!! DISASSEMBLE MEANS TO TAKE APART! DISSEMBLE MEANS TO MISLEAD OR DECEIVE!" It's one thing to get the wrong word, that could happen to anyone, but to stand there smirking, acting like you're going to help us out with the big words when you got the word wrong is just unforgivable.

So that's six. Six ways that I can think of off the top of my head in which Sarah Palin is wrong within a two-sentence missive. That's really kind of impressive. It can't be easy to be that many kinds of wrong in under 30 words.