Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Shitty Conservative Responses to MLK Day

Every year conservatives hold a contest to see who can say the shittiest thing on Martin Luther King, Jr Day.
Generally, these statements take the form of scolding today's people of color for not behaving in a way that the imaginary Republican version of MLK would find acceptable. "What would Dr. King think if he could see. . ." they tut-tut at, say black people protesting police violence. "Oh, Dr, King would turn over in his grave if he saw NFL players peacefully taking a knee in protest," they admonish.

This year, they have really outdone themselves. Starting at the top, President Cartman turned in a dismissive, flippant throw-away statement that, in previous years, might have won handily. Taking all of 30 seconds out of his busy day to drop off a wreath at the King memorial, President McCheese addressed reporters with, and I'm paraphrasing a bit here, "nice weather we're having. Thanks for coming. See ya!"

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That display of contemptuous, surly and ill-bred impertinence should have been the bottom of the barrel. But, as we have so often been reminded, the barrel has no bottom.

And, as if to prove the bottomlessness of the barrel, the N.R. Fucking A. chimed in with this Tweet:

Because, yeah. If Dr. King had had a pistol in his belt, he could have defended himself from a sniper firing at him from a distance.
I mean, it's not like James Earl Ray walked up to Dr, King at high noon and shouted "Draw Varmint!" Dr. King having a gun would not have done him any good. By the time he realized he needed to defend himself, it would have already been too late. That's why the Good guy with a gun theory is bullshit. The bad guy with a gun will always get the drop on the good guy because the bad guy knows there's going to be a shooting. The good guy doesn't.

Also, if the NRA actually cared about the right of black people to defend themselves with firearms, they would have said something, anything about licensed gun-carrier Philandro Castille being shot by cops for exercising his 2nd Amendment "rights." They might have had some reaction to Mareissa Alexander being arrested and convicted of aggravated assault for firing a warning shot in as "stand your ground" state. A warning shot! They should have been all over this. Had Ms Alexander been white, is there any doubt they would have brought every possible pressure to bear on Florida lawmakers to get her released? And they have the balls to come out on MLK day and claim they are fighting for the rights of "EVERY law-abiding citizen?"

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So that was monumentally shitty. But next up to the plate was a seasoned pro, Vice President Mike Pence.

here he is, defending Cheeto Mussolini's idiotic wall proposal:

. . . honestly, you know-- you know, the hearts and minds of the American people today are thinking a lot about it being the weekend where we remember the life and work of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior. One of my favorite quotes from Doctor King was, "Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy." You think of how he changed America. He inspired us to change through the legislative process to become a more perfect union. That's exactly what President Trump is calling on the Congress to do.

Wow. Invoking Martin Luther King to defend a racist boondoggle. That takes some fucking brass!

Ordinarily, at this point we'd say "no more calls, we have a winner!" But this is no ordinary year.
And our next contestant is no ordinary lunatic.

Our final entry comes from the ironically-named Lori Saine.

Here she is commenting on the arc of history:

“We have come a long way on that arc since the Reconstruction, since whites and blacks alike were in nearly equal numbers lynched for the crime of being Republican,” Rep. Lori Saine, R-Firestone, said.

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I honestly don't know what is more preposterous, the claim that white people were lynched at the same rate as black people, or that anyone was ever lynched for the crime of "being a Republican." I mean, I know white conservatives will go through the most strenuous mental gymnastics to cast themselves as the victims but holy God! Shouldn't your bullshit at least be the tiniest bit plausible?