Friday, September 30, 2011

My New Least Favorite Player

Ladies: Rocco Grimaldi requests you cover up for God

Ladies: Rocco Grimaldi requests you cover up for God
Ladies: Rocco Grimaldi requests you cover up for God 

That's right, ladies, before you put on an outfit, ask yourself if what you're wearing is helping to serve your brothers (i.e. any male-type person). Because if you aren't wearing it to better serve us, then I just don't see why you would be wearing it at all. And neither does God. God hates boobies!

My New Favorite Player

Antonio Garay: The nose tackle who drives a Hello Kitty smart car

Antonio Garay: The nose tackle who drives a Hello Kitty smart car

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Textbook Publisher is Basically Just a Big Old Terrorist

Islamic example in Cobb School lesson angers critics

A firestorm in the blogosphere, ignited by a Cobb middle school's' use of curriculum materials defending Islamic precepts, has brought threats against a Roswell curriculum publisher.

Well, if they were defending Islamic precepts, then, um. . . . Okay, I don't really get what that means.
What kind of pro-Islamic propoganda was being forced on the kids?

The assignment by a teacher at Campbell Middle School, which asked students to write on the issue of dress codes, included a fictional two-page letter ostensibly written by a 20-year-old Saudi Arabian woman. In it, the character writes approvingly of wearing the Islamic veil -- and of her fiance's multiple wives and the law of Sharia.

Okay, that's a little weird, but it doesn't really seem like the sort of thing that would inspire threats.

Last week, Cobb parent Hal Medlin complained about the letter from Ahlima to the school and to Channel 2 Action News and other media. The issue was taken up by conservative blogger Pamela Geller, among others.

Ohhhhhh....Pam Geller! Here we go!

On her Atlas Shrugs web site, Geller said Cobb schools were guilty of  "insidious subversion,"  "Islamizing public schools," and "shilling for jihad."

Also guilty of insidious subversion: American Idol, the neighbor's cat, and Disneyland.
Here's a bit of Pam Geller's commentary from her stupid website:

Last week, we found that schools across Georgia were Islamizing the curriculum by selling misogyny to children.  They were using a lesson plan that glorifies the cloth coffin that Muslims dress women in, as well as polygamy:
My name is Ahlima and I live in Saudi Arabia. ... Perhaps two differences Westerners would notice are that women here do not drive cars and they wear abuyah. An abuyah is a loose-fitting black cloth that covers a woman from head to toe. I like wearing the abuyah since it is very comfortable, and I am protected from blowing sand. ... I have seen pictures of women in the West and find their dress to be horribly immodest. ... Women in the West do not have the protection of the Sharia as we do here. If our marriage has problems, my husband can take another wife rather than divorce me, and I would still be cared for. ... I feel very fortunate that we have the Sharia.
Okay, that is pretty offensive, although the large number of ellipses, I have to assume that there is some context missing. Still, presenting Sharia law as  a positive thing for women is pretty insane. But it does seem like a pretty huge leap from that to "the Muslims are taking over!!!" A huge leap for a normal person, but not for Pam Geller who is pretty sure that everybody is in on the plot to Muslimize America. Everybody, including Rick Perry. Yes, that Rick Perry:

It is good to see other influential voices on the political landscape calling out Rick Perry on the Islamic propaganda and whitewash curriculum he instituted in Texas. Props to Tom Tancredo for calling Rick Perry out on his proselytizing program in the public schools.

Perry’s close ties to Muslim groups led the political blog Salon to headline a recent story: “Rick Perry: The pro-Sharia candidate?” Evidence in support of that theme comes from Gov. Perry’s refusal to support legislation sponsored by Texas Republican legislators to outlaw Sharia law in Texas.

So now, because of this ludicrous paranoid pants-wetting, people are getting death threats. 

Wednesday, InspirEd Educators released a statement saying it "has received what the police have classified as hate email and phone calls, and the company and its staff have been threatened and discussed with threatening language on various websites and blogs."

Instead of pointing out the problems with this part of the curriculum and getting it changed, these people are making threats.  Because nothing shows your hatred of terrorism like trying to terrorize people.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Help Support "Occupy Wall Street"

You can click HERE to send a pizza to the wall Street protesters.

Or you can mail money orders or non=perishable supplies to:

The UPS Store
Re: Occupy Wall Street
118A Fulton St. #205
New York, NY 10038
Money orders only please, cannot cash checks yet. Non-perishable goods only. We can accept packages of any size. We're currently low on food.

Also, Occupy Wall Street has compiled a list of nearby eateries from which you can order food to be sent to the demonstrators. (LINK)
 If these folks are going to be able to keep up this occupation long-term they're going to need outside support.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Observations about Fall TV promos.

Watching football over the weekend, we were bombarded with promos for the new Fall TV line-up. Here are a few observations:

 1. Last Man Standing 
Ooh, Tim Allen's triumphant return to prime-time television? There must be literally tens of people eagerly anticipating this one! And it's a show about how men and women are different? What a fresh, original concept!

 2. Whitney 

Boy, this Whitney person better be awfully damn charismatic, because they are clearly banking on her likability to such a huge extent that they haven't bothered to write any jokes. When "your breath is crazy bad" is one of your big laugh lines, you have a serious problem. When manufacturing a situation in which Whitney accidentally sort of moons her boyfriend's parents is considered what, clever? edgy? ribald? whatever, your show is in big trouble. I honestly don't see why anyone would bother to tune in to this show. 

Oh. Okay, but still. How many horrible sitcom jokes are even  teenage boys going to sit through in hopes of seeing a little leg?
I would say that this show has no chance of succeeding if I hadn't been so wrong about

3. GLEE. 
Yes, apparently Glee is coming back for another season.  The big joke in the promo involves a teacher asking the class what is the capitol of Ohio and a student answering "O." It's like the kind of joke that would have been printed in Highlights magazine in the 70's. 
I watched one episode of Glee, well not the entire episode, I'm not a masochist, because it was getting a lot of buzz its first season and I really like Jane Lynch, but holy shit was that show terrible! It's just several minutes of stale sitcom humor broken up with gawdawful variety-show song and dance numbers. You could play this show to captured soldiers to get them to give up state secrets, but I'm pretty sure it would violate the Geneva conventions.
So how can a show this objectively horrid become so popular? I blame the Disney Channel. I think we have a generation of young people who grew up having their intelligence debased and their tastes molested by shows like High School Musical who think that Hannah Montana was a legitimate form of entertainment and the Jonas Brothers were a rock & roll band. 
4. Terra Nova.
If I understand the premise, a group of people go way back in time to sort of get a do-over on the whole human race thing so maybe humans won't screw it up so badly this time? But if you were going to do that, go back in time to the dawn of humanity, wouldn't go to a post-dinosaur era? It just seems like common sense. Rebuilding civilization would be hard enough without constantly having to run from giant carnivorous lizards.
Also, if your promo is going to contain the line "like nothing you've ever seen," shouldn't it be required to follow that line with "unless you saw Jurassic Park. Or Land of the Lost.  But assuming you missed both of those, then yeah, this will be like nothing you've ever seen!"

5. Person of Interest

Maybe the dumbest premise for a show I've ever heard. Apparently the creepy nerdy guy on the left has access to all the Homeland Security spy equipment and can somehow know when someone is about to be involved in a violent crime. That would be dumb enough, but here's the kicker: he doesn't know whether they are going to be the perp or the victim! That's some pretty shitty spying, there. You can't tell whether the person of interest is minding his own business about to be attacked or is doing this? 

Seriously, either I am completely misunderstanding the premise of this show or this show is goddammned retarded.

Oh, and speaking of retarded, I know this is a movie, but holy shit:

Did someone really just make an action movie based on Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots?

Also, the people who made this movie know nothing about fight fans. They aren't interested in seeing two robots fight, they want to see blood. They want to see pain. They want to experience sadism vicariously. This may be the stupidest movie ever made.

Monday, September 26, 2011

If by "Rejoice," you mean "catch fire" then, sure!

This is the same nutbag that claimed birds were dying because of Don't Ask Don't Tell being repealed:

Okay, if you're going to accuse Native Americans of cannibalism, you really need to have some sort of evidence for that. My degree is in American History and granted, I didn't exactly go to an Ivy League school, but I have never heard anything about native Americans practicing cannibalism. But even if that were true, a curse on the land? How would that even work? Instead of punishing the people who committed the offense of cannibalism, God punished the acreage on which the crime took place? So that totally different people living there many years later have to live under a curse for someone else's crimes? Is that what you're saying?

"we found some areas that were very, very violent because the former culture was a murderous, violent area, like in Texas here and all of the coast around Houston. . ." 

So, if I'm understanding this, the violent criminals of Houston are not really to blame for their crimes. Their crimes are due to the previous inhabitants having been a violent culture? So, I guess, open the jails and let everyone out, 'cuz it's not their fault?

"So there’s been a lot of prayer over that in Houston, Texas, they’ve done a lot of intercession over that and broke the curses on the land."

Um, have you been to Houston lately? I don't think any curses have been broken. 

Houston: Curse-free since 2011!

We just had a prayer meeting in Houston a little a week ago, the governor of Texas, really as an individual instigated this, and 35,000 people showed up to pray and it was only a prayer meeting called within three months, three month period of time. So what happened? The land is starting to rejoice, you see, because of that prayer.

You do know that Texas is on fire, right? 

Pictured: Rejoicing!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Supporting the troops

Booing a man who is risking life and limb in some godforsaken desert in service of his country? You stay classy, Republicans.

Also, santorum's answer makes no sense. He seems to think that all the troops should be celibate an that the repeal of DADT gives gay soldiers special permission to boink.

Also, it's really strange to see the righties bemoaning the loss of DADT when just a few years ago, they were screaming about this policy destroying the military. Now the military can't survive without it?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Yesterday's Aborted Santorum Post

Rick Santorum is fucking crazy.

But you already knew that.
The only reason I mention this is because it has been brought to my attention that this blog is the number one result for the search term "Rick Santorum is Fucking Crazy."

Check it out: Rick Santorum is Fucking Crazy

Anyway, as we all know, being fucking insane is the least of Rick Santorum's Google-related problems.

Santorum asks Google to clean up search results for his name

September 21, 2011|By John D. Sutter, CNN
On Tuesday, the socially conservative politician lashed out at Google, saying the company could get rid of the sexual references to his name on the search results if it wanted to -- and perhaps would do so if he were a Democrat.

Yeah, maybe they could but maybe it's just too damn funny!

 Also, Google is a business. They are in the search business to make a profit. Do you think that they should lie to their customers? When someone searches for Santorum, their job is not to promote your campaign or spare your feelings, their job is to present the most popular results in order of popularity. If they eliminated the results that are gross, they would be lying to their customers. It would be like presenting the baseball standings and just leaving off the Yankees because Red Sox fans might be offended. You can't say that what you're presenting is an accurate list of the baseball standings.

"I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they'd get rid of it," he told Politico. "If you're a responsible business, you don't let things like that happen in your business that have an impact on the country."

God, you're such a Republican! Do they automatically give you lessons on playing the victim when you sign up with the GOP?
First off, really? You really think they would delete something offensive about Biden? They don't even remove the racist shit people post about President Obama.

It took me like 5 seconds to find these.

Second, there isn't anything like that about Joe Biden because he's never said anything as vile and despicable as your gay-bashing rants.

Third, "an impact on the country?" "An impact on the country?" How do you figure this has any impact on the country? Do you think that this is why you're losing? You think you'd be leading the primaries if not for this? Do you think people are saying "Say, I like that Santorum fella, I believe I'll Google him to learn more about his policy positions. . . Oh my God! Here I thought that Santorum was a right-wing religious nut former senator, but now I come to learn that he is actually a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex! Well, I agree with his domestic policy positions, but I just can't bring myself to vote for a  frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. That just wouldn't be right!"

Do you think that's why you're not winning? Take a look at the guy who is leading:
He has basically the same positions as you on pretty much everything, from hating the gays to hating the government to loving the fetuses, but he looks like this:

Whereas you, with the identical platform, look like this:

Imagine you're a voter. Imagine that you were given a choice between two ideologically identical candidates, one who looks like this:

and one who looks like this:

Who are you going to choose? Be honest, now.

Of course you choose Governor Handsome. Why wouldn't you? 

Please stop saying things. Please God, make my daddy stop saying things!

I'm pretty sure the original post was way funnier, this was the best i could do from memory.