Friday, September 14, 2012

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

It's time once again for the Value Voters' Summit!

The occasion when all of the nation's most horrible wingnuts gather together to, um, do whatever it is that they do, I don't know, other than providing fodder for smart-alecky bloggers. And there's always a chance, with them all gathered in one place, that they will all be summoned up to the mother ship, or Raptured, or something.


Anyway, so the first bit of information I've seen coming out of the Summit concerns an organization called "Modesty Matters," who have decided that with all the various ills troubling society at this moment, they are going to focus on the scourge of cleavage.

They have been handing out literature at the Value Voters Summit stressing the importance of non-revealing clothing.
According to MoJo, Modesty Matters is 
A "back porch thing" run by Woolwine and his wife, Modesty Matters is a somewhat quixotic effort to "move the media back to modesty," which Woolwine believes could be a compelling nonpolitical issue that people on all sides could agree on.

Folks on different sides of the political divide may not agree on much, but they can all join together to condemn shameless hussies!

Woolwine is also distributing a "Resolution for Women," which asks women to make a number of pledges, including "I will champion God’s model for womanhood in the face of a post-feminist culture."

God's model for womanhood, hm? Interesting. Because the one He made was stark bare-assed naked. 

And it's only going to get better. Just look at some of these scheduled speakers:

 Rep. Michele Bachmann
U.S. House (R-Minn)
Speaking to the 1% of the population who believe that Michele Bachmann is fit to hold public office

Gen. William Boykin
(U.S. Army-Ret.), Former Commander, Delta Force.
The man who thinks he's fighting for God's army against the army of Allah, and so far it's taken God about 10 years and He still hasn't won, so maybe just shut up about the whole clash of the gods thing, General?

Gov. Jan Brewer, the person Arizona uses to make Joe Arpaio seem reasonable.
Frank Gaffney
President, American Center for Security Policy
and current record-holder for "Person most scared of Muslims"

Gov. Mike Huckabee
TV Host.
Along with a picture of Mike Huckabee from 10 years and 50 lbs ago.

Majority Leader Eric Cantor
U.S. House (R-VA)
The reigning "pretending these people don't hate Jews" champion.

Lila Rose
President, Live Action.
Winner 2012's "organization whose name sounds most like an internet porn site" and "Value Voters Summit participant whose name sounds most like a porn star.

Tom McClusky
Senior Vice-President, FRC Action
and professional George Costanza impersonator. 

Steven Crowder
Fox News contributor, writer, & comedian.
Isn't that redundant?

Genevieve Wood
Vice President, Marketing, The Heritage Foundation.
Why would a non-profit need a VP of marketing? Also, runner-up Value Voters Summit participant whose name sounds most like a porn star.

Dr. Rick Scarborough
Founder, Vision America.
Recently named Right Wing America's Second-favorite Scarborough.

Melissa Ohden
Saline Abortion Survivor.
Really? Is that even a thing? That's not just some cruel joke? Okay.

Gov. Bob McDonnell
Accompanied by the Transvaginal Ultra-Sounds!
If there's not a band with that name yet, there should be.

Star Parker
Author and President of CURE.
And a black lady! Neat!

Kirk Cameron
Actor and Producer.
And banana enthusiast. Seriously, ask him about bananas!

BTW, almost everything he says about the banana is also true about the human penis. Food for thought, Kirk!