Friday, October 1, 2010

Terrible Ad Campaigns - Miller Lite

Ok, first of all, this is a terrible product. Do you have any idea how many beverages a place would have to run out of before I would pay for a Miller Lite? Oh, the only beer you have left is Miller Lite, huh? Do you have any seawater? No? Any bile? How about spoiled milk? No? Okay, give me a Miller lite.

But that's not really the point. The point is the stupid "Vortex Bottle" ad:

If you're going to hang your hat on the bottle having grooves, you really ought to have some sort of explanation for how those grooves make your beer more palatable. You can't just say, "What's so special about the bottle with grooves? Why, it has grooves! Grooves, my friend, grooves!" as if we're just going to get how the grooves make your swill tolerable.

Because, seriously, there is no amount of grooves that are going to help this product. You can run this stuff through any conduit, any sluice, any Rube Goldberg contraption you want, and the taste ain't gonna change.

You could pour this carbonated mopwater through Scarlett Johansson's cleavage and it wouldn't become any less objectionable. How stupid is your target market that they're expected to fall for this? Hey, neato! The bottle has spirally grooves! That's sure to make the beer taste better somehow. Oh, modern bottle technology, is there any beverage you can't improve?