Sunday, December 30, 2012

I know, I know.

I've been very neglectful of my duties lately.

We've just started watching the Walking Dead and Downton Abbey on Netflix streaming, and it's taking up all of our free time here at the Compound.

We only have a bout 2 episodes of the Walking Dead left, so I should be back to blogging soon.

If you're interested, I am doing bad jokes and whatnot on the Twitter: @akaProfessorCha:

See you soon.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Great! One more thing to worry about!

Now I have to worry that I might lose my job because of my irresistable attractiveness?

Can You Be Too Sexy For Your Job? The Iowa Supreme Court Says Yes

 You can be too sexy for your job, at least according to the Iowa Supreme Court, which just ruled that a dentist in that state was within his rights to fire an assistant whom he and his wife deemed too attractive. In a 7- 0 decision, the court ruled that it is lawful for employers to fire employees whom they find to be “irresistibly attractive,” even if there are no performance-related grounds for termination. 


That can't possibly be right, can it? How is that legal? You can't discriminate against an employee based on her appearance, can you?

Discrimination based on appearance is permitted in the vast majority of states,


 There must be more to this, right? She must have been hitting on her boss, creating a distraction with her flirtatious behavior?

While Ms. Nelson was not alleged to have engaged in flirtatious behavior with her boss, James Knight, Knight reportedly told Nelson’s husband that he feared becoming too attached to Nelson and being tempted into initiating an affair with her.


(Not that it's germane to the topic at hand, but how did  Nelson's husband not kick this guy's ass?)

 Okay, but she must at least have been dressed inappropriately for a professional office, right?

That either gets you fired or a raise!

While her former boss claimed her clothes were so tight he couldn’t look at her without being aroused, Nelson said the only outfit she wore to work was standard scrubs worn by many nurses and assistants in dental offices. 


Nelson, 32, worked for Knight for 10 years, and he considered her a stellar worker. But in the final months of her employment, he complained that her tight clothing was distracting, once telling her that if his pants were bulging that was a sign her clothes were too revealing, according to the opinion. 

Oh, and she's the problem here?
 How is she not suing for harassment?

Nelson filed a lawsuit alleging gender discrimination, arguing she would not have been terminated if she was male. She did not allege sexual harassment because Knight’s conduct may not have risen to that level and didn’t particularly offend her, Fiedler said.
Knight argued Nelson was fired not because of her gender, but because her continued employment threatened his marriage. A district judge agreed, dismissing the case before trial, and the high court upheld that ruling.

Wow! So you can be fired if your boss thinks he may not be able to keep his hands off you, even if you have not given any indication that you would allow him to place his hands on you or that you would have any interest in having an affair with him, so if he did try putting his hands on you, he would be committing a sexual assault. You, you can be fired for his lack of impulse control?

This is very worrisome to those of us who are irresistibly attractive. Sure, my boss is a married man, but when you're as irresistible as me, that's no guarantee. I'm definitely going to have to dial down my attractiveness until the courts decide to join the 21st Century, or at least catch up to the 20th.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Here's an Idea

Here's an idea. Next time Wayne La Pierre or any other massacre-enabling gun nut holds a press conference, no one show up.

Don't report on it.

Don't treat this malignant vermin like he has anything of importance to say.
He has only the importance we choose to give him. If we stop pretending that he has something to add to the public discourse, he shrivels up and blows away in the breeze.

Wayne LaPierre had a press conference yesterday. Don't bother asking what he said, he said what he always says. Everything except for guns is responsible and what we really need is more guns. What a scoop! Good thing a bunch of reporters showed up to cover that!

How many reporters would show up if the president of NAMBLA held a press conference to discuss the reasons why so many kids have been molested recently? No one would show up, except hopefully the police to cuff him and haul himm off to jail with a nightstick protruding from his ass.
How many reporters would show up to a press conference held by the grand wizard or dragon or pig-fucker or whatever of the KKK? That's how many reporters should cover a press conference by the head scumbucket of the NRA.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

We need to start calling bullshit on these people.

Starting with bullshit like this:

There's Little We Can Do to Prevent Another Massacre

That is a lie. There is a lot we could do. We could do what Australia did after the Port Arthur massacre. We could do what Britain does. There's lots we could do. There has just been very little that we have so far been willing to do.

And bullshit solutions, like the one that Ms McArdle suggests:

  I'd also like us to encourage people to gang rush shooters, rather than following their instincts to hide; if we drilled it into young people that the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run at the guy with the gun, these sorts of mass shootings would be less deadly, because even a guy with a very powerful weapon can be brought down by 8-12 unarmed bodies piling on him at once.

Holy shit! You want children rushing directly into the hail of gunfire? Because they're going to be able to somehow pile on top of him? Maybe this might work if he was firing some old-timey weapon that had to be  cocked and loaded between shots, but a Bushmaster AR-15 spits dozens of bullets in a matter of seconds. The kids would be mowed down like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan!

And we especially need to call bullshit on the NRA. And those politicians who support them. Like Joe Manchin:

Wed Dec 19, 2012 at 01:30 PM PST

Sen. Joe Manchin: 'I'm so proud of the NRA'

“These are my friends,” Manchin, who previously served as governor, said of the NRA. “They’re good people. They’re hurting. They’re in pain the same way as every American about what happened to these twenty little children. 

That is a lie. The NRA doesn't feel a goddamned thing about those dead children. If they did, they wouldn't have been fighting tirelessly to perpetuate the conditions that ensure that these sickening slaughters will happen again and again and again.

It's possible that the NRA may have at one time been a legitimate organization representing hunters and "sportsmen" who were concerned that guns might possibly be banned, but today they represent no one but weapons manufacturers and they care about nothing but those companies' profits.  They do not care how many innocents are killed. Check out this little chart from Think Progress. (link) Every time there's a gun massacre, the NRA responds by trying to increase the proliferation of guns.

You say they are "hurting?" Whenever there's a massacre like this, gun sales go through the roof. That's no coincidence. The NRA and their enablers exploit these tragedies to gin up more paranoia amongst the gun-toting community. Either you better get you some more guns so you can defend yourself against the maniacs, or you better get you some more guns before the evil guv'mint comes to take them away! Hurting? They're laughing all the way to the bank!

We need to stop pretending that the NRA is a legitimate advocacy group.  They don't even represent their own membership. About 3/4 of NRA members are in favor of closing the gun-show loophole, for instance. The NRA will fight tooth and nail to prevent this. Because all they care about is selling more guns. They Do Not Care how many people die as a result of their lunatic policies. They will turn this entire country into a Peckinpah film if it increases their profits.

We need to start treating NRA membership the same way we treat membership in the Klan. Any sane, decent person who is currently a member should be strongly encouraged to tear up their card, renounce their membership, and not give another red cent to these death mongers. We need to get to the point where NRA members are ashamed to admit it in decent company. We need to get to the point that an NRA bumper sticker is looked at with the same disgust and loathing as an Aryan Nations tattoo. We need to call bullshit on this entire gun culture. And it needs to start now.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Insane Overreaction of the Day

Since the shootings in Connecticut last Friday, a lot of people have come up with ideas for making the country a safer place. Sadly, most of these ideas can be summed up in two words: MORE GUNS!

I know I feel safer!

But a police chief in Arkansas has come up with the most insane idea so far. (second-most-insane if you count Megan McArdle)

His idea? More cops on foot patrol.

That doesn't sound crazy, does it? Well, I kinda left part out.

"[Police are] going to be in SWAT gear and have AR-15s around their neck," [Police Chief Todd] Stovall said. "If you're out walking, we're going to stop you, ask why you're out walking, check for your ID."

Instead of "more cops on foot patrol," I should have said "going full Gestapo."

ARMED AND INQUISITIVE: Paragould plans patrols like these in 2013. 

Stovall said while some people may be offended by the actions of his department, they should not be.

Oh. You're right, I shouldn't be offended. I should be horrified.

"To ask you for your ID, I have to have a reason," he said. "Well, I've got statistical reasons that say I've got a lot of crime right now, which gives me probable cause to ask what you're doing out. Then when I add that people are scared...then that gives us even more [reason] to ask why are you here and what are you doing in this area."

So, you get people all riled up about how much crime you have, then use the up-riling to justify turning your town into 1960's Leningrad?


Mayor Gaskill wholeheartedly endorsed the plan. . . "[Residents] may not be doing anything but walking their dog, but they're going to have to prove it," Gaskill said.

And when you can't prove that all you're doing is walking your dog, and honestly, how could you possibly prove that, then what? I'm going to assume shoot on sight because, well, this town seems to be run by horrible horrible people.

I wonder what the city's attorneys told the police chief and the mayor about this insane little plan?

Tellingly, Chief Stovall admitted that city officials did not consult any attorneys while drafting their draconian plan. Stovall even admitted that there isn't much, if any, difference between his plan and martial law. "I don't know that there's a difference," he confessed.


So, what reason could you possibly have for enacting a plan that you admit is basically martial law?

"This fear is what's given us the reason to do this," Stovall explained. "Once I have stats and people saying they're scared, we can do this."


Might want to steer clear of Arkansas for a while!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Meet Your Newest Senator

So South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley 


has named a successor to teabagging nutbag Jim DeMint.
And it is not Stephen Colbert.

It's Congressman Tim Scott of SC's first district.


Take two.

It's Tim Scott!



Okay then.

So I don't know anything about this Tim Scott, and I'm guessing many of you are in the same boat. So let's see what we can learn about him. Let's start with his website.

 In a way it's sorta admirable that he hasn't scrubbed his website of this:

The Constitution grants all law-abiding Americans the right to bear arms, regardless of what some would lead you to believe. Our Second Amendment right is a fundamental freedom and a cornerstone of our democracy. 
in the wake of recent tragedies. Well, not admirable, but at least he's consistently a gun-humping asshole.

Although, it's odd that if you click on the "2nd Amendment Rights" link (which is first on the list of issues)the one article that comes up is this:

2nd Amendment Rights

This Week in Washington

Apr 17, 2012 Blog
This week the House will take up the Small Business Tax Cut Act (HR 9), introduced by Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA). This bill will extend a 20 percent tax cut to American small businesses, which breaks down to more than 77,000 South Carolina...

Even if you click on this:
All you get is the same article, also ending at the elipses, so we'll never know what's to become of 77,000 South Carolina something or others.

Congressman Tim Scott has "American Values." What are they? Let's let him explain:

American Values

Our nation was founded by those who believed in faith and freedom. Too often, Americans who are proud of their faith and the values it instills find themselves under attack. Government should be protecting our right to religious freedom, not assaulting it. 

He bravely stands up to non-existent threats to religious freedom. That's impressive.

I cosponsored two pro-life bills which have now passed the House of Representatives, the No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act and the Protect Life Act.

Boldly proposing legislation that does the same thing as the Hyde Amendment! Which is still in place, so this bill accomplishes nothing.

 I also supported legislation, the Respect for Rights of Conscience Act, to repeal part of the national health care reform law that violates the freedom of religion granted to us by the First Amendment.

Repealing the part that doesn't exist! Brilliant!

Government is already overreaching into our homes and businesses

 I also support traditional marriage, and spoke out against the President’s decision to no longer allow the Department of Justice to defend the Defense of Marriage Act in court.  I absolutely believe in keeping the institution of marriage as one solely between a man and woman.  

Government is already overreaching into our homes! We must get them to overreach into those people's homes instead!

I regard all life as sacred, and am proud of our values and traditions.  For this reason I will remain steadfast in my commitment to protect the unborn and continue to take a stand in defending traditional and religious values. 

He regards all life as sacred. Hmm, I wonder if that might end up seeming ironic at all. . .

Tim Scott also supported the GOP-dominated state legislature's proposal to slash the state's entire HIV/AIDS budget, including funding to the critical AIDS Drug Assistance Program. South Carolina has the 8th highest HIV rate in the nation.

What else?

Voted NO on removing US armed forces from Afghanistan.

Of course he did. What better way to show your belief in the sanctity of all human life than to support the continuation of senseless death and carnage.

Maybe by co-sponsoring pro-gun accumulation legislation?

Official Summary

1/24/2012--Introduced.Prohibits the use of federal funds to require a person licensed to deal in firearms to report information to the Department of Justice (DOJ) regarding the sale of multiple rifles or shotguns to the same person. 


Justin Amash R-MI

Oh, dear.

So, meet the new nut. Same as the old nut.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Creepy Ads

Anyone else think this guy is marrying the mom to get at the daughter?

I'm pretty sure the "open-heart-surgery" necklace is meant to be a romantic type gift, even though it is a  butt-ugly tacky piece of costume jewelry. And he's giving the little girl the same one as the mom? And telling her about how glad he is that she came into his life? While sitting on the swingset? I think he's about to ask her to go steady!

The ad for "Dream Lites" seems designed to give me nightmares.

First of all, that is the spookiest song I've heard since the "One, Two Freddie's coming for you" song from A Nightmare on Elm Street. And then the animal projects some disembodied face onto the ceiling, grinning its hideous grin down at the child, just waiting for him to fall asleep.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Orange County is the Missouri of California

Todd Akin isn't the only asshole who thinks he knows things about womens' bodies and "legitimate rape."

Calif. judge says victims' body can prevent rape

"I'm not a gynecologist, but I can tell you something: If someone doesn't want to have sexual intercourse, the body shuts down. The body will not permit that to happen unless a lot of damage is inflicted, and we heard nothing about that in this case," Johnson said. 

Not a gynecologist. Or a halfway-decent human being, apparently.

I wonder if there's any way he could make this worse?

That tells me that the victim in this case, although she wasn't necessarily willing, she didn't put up a fight. And to treat this case like the rape cases that we all hear about is an insult to victims of rape. I think it's an insult. I think it trivializes a rape.

So, if the rapist holds a gun on his victim so that she has to not fight back in order to survive, that doesn't count?

Is that what happened in this case?

Johnson made the comments in the case of a man who threatened to mutilate the face and genitals of his ex-girlfriend with a heated screwdriver, beat her with a metal baton and made other violent threats before committing rape, forced oral copulation, and other crimes.

So, I assume that this horrible disgusting person has been removed from the bench? Disbarred? Tarred and feathered?

 The California Commission on Judicial Performance voted 10-0 to impose a public admonishment Thursday, saying Superior Court Judge Derek Johnson's comments were inappropriate and a breach of judicial ethics.

Oh, God Damn It! Seriously? An admonishment?
 Is it maybe that he made these disgusting comments but then threw the book at the rapist anyway? Please be that.

Johnson said he believed the prosecutor's request of a 16-year sentence was not authorized by law. Johnson sentenced the rapist to six years instead, saying that's what the case was "worth."

I give up.

Idiotic Quote of the Day (non-school-shooting-related)

Because I don't want to think about guns and kids getting killed anymore, a reminder that Steve King (R-Idiculous) is still the looniest idiot in Congress (Sorry, Ms Bachmann)

“I believe that it’s a lot bigger than Watergate, and if you link Watergate and Iran-Contra together and multiply it times maybe 10 or so, you’re going to get in the zone where Benghazi is,” Mr. King said. “I don’t think the public has any idea, and I tell you, I don’t either, of the chronology of the events — what took place, and who was where doing what and why. And all the way down through — we still haven’t seen an autopsy report on the ambassador yet. Simple questions that you would ask in the first 24 hours have not been asked yet.”

I don't have any idea what happened, but I know that it is 10 times worse than Watergate multiplied by Iran-Contra. Wow! Just stunning. Just let that sink in for a moment. Can you imagine a stupider thing anyone could possibly say on any subject?

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Horrible Gift Lists

These are from the list of "Coolest Gifts for Men" from Men's Health:

Nike+ FuelBand

Charge it up via your USB port and the exterior lights up into a glowing LED display. Then set your fitness goals for the day. From that point forward, every movement you make counts as “fuel” as an accelerometer built into the wristband measures your energy expenditure. When it’s glowing red, you’ve got work to do. When it’s green, you’ve earned the right to relax.

Great. Or, you could just realize that you're a grown man and this is America and you can relax whenever you goddamm want, and you don't need a fucking electric douche bracelet telling you when you've "earned" that right.

Happy Socks

Yes, we know—usually nothing says "lame Christmas gift" like a pair of socks. But Santa has never seen ones like these. As we said in How to Spice Up a Black Suit, below-the-ankle flair is an easy way to show off your style—and this four-pack from Happy Socks can make even your least style-savvy relative look suave. Feet don't fail you now. $29

Perfect for the obnoxious boob in your life!

Helo TC iOS Helicopter

It’s hardly the most productive use of your iPhone, but it might be the most entertaining. Griffin’s Helo TC model helicopter turns your phone into an infrared control panel used to steer the indoor miniature RC chopper using a simple, on-screen joystick. The coolest feature: “Recordable” routes that allow you to program a flight pattern—over the couch, through the kitchen, around the dog, and on top of the fridge—and then “play them back” hands-free to the bewilderment of your friends. $50

 I thought this was a list of gifts for grown men?

Stevenson Skull Cap

We've come a long way from the wharfs—but the whole dock worker look hasn't lost its cool. For a major step up from the usual wool cap, consider this model from denim stalwarts Stevenson Overall Co.. Manufactured in Japan, these hats were hand-dipped in Indigo dye (which will impress any of your younger relatives), with cotton stitching and threads spun from a hand-powered loom. In other words, they were made with great care to look badass. Mission accomplished. $150

Sure, if you want to spend $150 for a hat that looks exactly like the $5 Wal*Mart hat. And if you have any relatives who are impressed by hand-dipped indigo dye, disown them immediately.

Coach Leather Gloves

Those $5 drugstore mitts your dad's been rocking for the last few winters just ain't gonna cut it any more. It's time for an upgrade. Get him these cashmere-lined deerskin gloves from Coach, which will instantly elevate any outfit he wears them with while providing luxurious comfort and warmth. Hell, it may even get him excited to go out and shovel the driveway. $148

The ideal gift for the effete, foppish dandy in your life. And if you spent $148 on gloves and he's wearing them to shovel snow, he's just asking for it.

The Art of Shaving Kit

Shaving shouldn't just be a routine—it should be a pleasurable ritual.

Perhaps it should be, but it isn't. And never will be. And really shouldn't be. No ritual involving sharp blades should be pleasurable. No one enjoys a bris.

This four-component kit from the Art of Shaving (a brand that appeared in the 2012 Men's Health Grooming Awards) has got the goods, including a protective pre-shave oil, moisturizing cream, soothing aftershave, and a brush to make sure any skin type stays smooth even after all that scraping. And that’s something every man on your list can appreciate. $60

Every man except ones who exist.

Hot Wheels Video Racer


Grown. Men.

DeltaFIT Speed Shred DVD Set 

We all know how the holidays can add on some extra pounds. So what better way to get back into shape for the New Year than with DeltaFIT Speed Shred, the all-new workout series from Men's Health metabolic training expert B.J. Gaddour?

It's the gift that says "you're fat and gross. Get moving, fatty!"

American Standard Stratocaster


Okay, Yes. God, yes!

Virginia Foxx Goes Christian Bale on Staffers

(via MaddowBlog)

Last week, there was a bit of a stir surrounding Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) upbraiding a House staffer riding with her in a "members only" elevator. Foxx reportedly said to the staffer, "This is a 'members-only' elevator; can you read?" before demanding the aide exit at the next floor.

As it turns out, the article brought out others who faced similar treatment (via Jamison Foser).
One tipster recalls it was either the first or second week of his congressional internship in October of last year when he was running an errand to a committee room, and still had a "healthy fear of the members-only elevator."
But after seeing a parcel deliveryman hop on one of the lifts in the Longworth House Office Building, our source stepped on, too. The deliveryman got off on the next floor, and that's when Foxx got on.
Our insider says the congresswoman asked if he had seen the "members-only" sign outside the elevator before demanding his name and the office he worked for.
The aide added, "She walked up to a [Capitol] police officer and told on me for riding on her elevator, and he was as dumbfounded as I was."

Then another House staffer said he, too, was reprimanded by Foxx in the members-only elevator, in which she asked whether he could read and demanded his congressional ID.


For the record, the signs at the elevators say they are reserved for members of Congress "during votes." 
Foxx, according to The Hill report, didn't care. 

I swear, Virginia Foxx is such a nasty person, if it were possible to take a photograph of her soul, it would look like Virginia Foxx!

 I know, it was a long way to go for that joke, but I've been waiting a while to use that one. Finally Virginia Foxx got her horrible self back in the news!


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The War on Christmas is So Gay!

Bill O’Reilly Blames Gays For The ‘War On Christmas’

Sure, Bill. The gays guys, they just hate Christmas! Nothing a gay  guy hates more than a holiday with music, bright lights, and colorful decorations!

Hmm, maybe you meant the lady gays? You know, the Gaydies?

Noooo. . .  not them either. They seem to like Christmas too. So why would the gay folks be leading the made-up War on Christmas? Which, of course, is not at all real. Certainly not very, very real.

MCGUIRK: The war on Christmas is very, very real, and if you ask me, in addition to some grouchy misanthropic heathen atheists it has to do — at the root of it — with two things — abortion and the gay rights agenda, because Christianity is against those things. It’s subtle but that’s why it’s so pronounced in recent years.
O’REILLY: Hundred percent agree. I absolutely agree 100 percent that the diminishment of Christianity is the target and Christmas is the vehicle because the secularists know the opposition to their agenda (legalized drugs is in that as well) comes primarily from the Judeo-Christian traditionalist people.

Oh, sure. Now it makes sense! Because gay people like to get lots of abortions!

You know, gay people, this probably isn't the best battle plan you could have chosen.

How does this work? "we'll get people to start saying "Happy Holidays, and  get the Manger scenes out of City Hall.  Soon people will forget about the whole baby Jesus part of Christmas other than when they hear about half of the Christmas songs or attend church services or see all the Jesusy decorations people put up on their front lawns. After a few decades, people will surely abandon their religion and we'll be free to take all the drugs and have all the hot gay sex we want!"

It might have been easier to let corporate America continue to wring all the religion out of Christmas in the name of profits and maybe concentrate on, oh I don't know, pointing out all the sexual abuse committed by clergymen? Maybe that might be an easier way to "diminish Christianity?"


Or maybe you don't meet in secret cabals scheming up ways to destroy all that Bill O'Reilly holds sear. maybe you're busy living your lives, working your jobs, spending time with your friends or whatever. I don't know, I'm not some sort of expert. But whatever you're doing it's driving Bill-O crazy. Keep it up!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Antonin Scalia is somewhat similar to a pig-fucking imbecile.

Scalia: It’s ‘effective’ to compare homosexuality to bestiality and murder

Scalia was explaining to a question by a gay student, Duncan Hosie, who asked the conservative judge why he considers it necessary to draw parallels between laws banning LGBT sex and laws banning bestiality and murder.
“I don’t think it’s necessary, but I think it’s effective,” Scalia replied,

Yes, it is effective. Just like robbing folks is an effective way to get monies. But robbing is still considered a pretty shitty thing to do.

It might also be "effective" to compare Antonin Scalia to a pig-fucking imbecile. I'm not saying that Antonin Scalia is the same thing as a pig-fucking imbecile, it's just a rhetorical device. I'm just saying that Antonin Scalia is analogous to a pig-fucking imbecile.

What the hell is it going to take to get this pig-fucking imbecile off of the bench?

Monday, December 10, 2012

So What Did I Miss?

We're back in the good ol' U.S. of A, did I miss anything interesting while I was gone?

Oh, let's see. . .

God damn it, Wanda Jackson played Atlanta's Terminal West while we were in Mexico! Fucking figures!

What else?

Jim DeMint is resigning? I have to assume he's being investigated for something, no way he just gives up his Senate seat for, what, a change of scenery?


 “I’m leaving the Senate now, but I’m not leaving the fight. I’ve decided to join The Heritage Foundation at a time when the conservative movement needs strong leadership in the battle of ideas,” DeMint said in a statement.

So, sure he's going on wingnut welfare, but he could have done that any time. Something's gotta be coming down the pipeline.

 also. . .

Tucker Carlson's egregious vanity project the "Daily Caller" does super-serious journalism slut-shames Taylor Swift.

Wow, Taylor Swift really gets around


  After a summer of stalking the Kennedy family by holding hands with high schooler Conor Kennedy, country singer Taylor Swift, 22, reportedly fell very swiftly (get it?) into the arms of One Direction’s Harry Styles, 18, when things ended with the Deerfield Academy junior in October. 

For a woman-child who paints a picture of innocence in all her A-line dresses, high necklines, blonde bangs and saccharine-sweet lyrics, Swift really gets around.

Here is a roundup of Swift’s (alleged) boyfriends over the past few years, ranging from the barely legal pool to much older and more disgusting  – (cough) John Mayer (cough).

Why is it anyone's business whom she dates? No explanation is forthcoming from the sad gossip-mongers at the Daily Caller.

 Swift was then linked to Taylor Lautner, who is the target of many a gay rumor since he just sort of gives off that vibe, and Cory Monteith, who is also the victim of many a gay rumor since he stars on “Glee.” (He now dates “Glee” costar Lea Michelle.)

Because what goes better with slut-shaming than a side of homophobia?

Then there were the Jake Gyllenhaal photo-ops of 2010, when Swift and the older actor were seen holding hands a lot and drinking coffee

Holding hands AND drinking coffee? What a scandal! 
In Salt Lake City.
In 1952.

“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is allegedly about Gyllenhaal, because apparently he did not want to simply “hit it and quit it” (as the kids say) and kept trying to get back together with her even though he didn’t like her lousy music. (Again, can you really blame the guy?)

First of all, no the kids do not say "hit it and quit it." Secondly, what did this girl ever do to you? This really feels like a personal grudge.

Honestly, how is Taylor Swift's love life more of a scandal than the fact that she appears to be made of something other than human flesh.

Japanese sex robot?
And speaking of ridiculous non-scandals, the Republicans are still trying to manufacture a scandal out of the thin air of Benghazi. 

Apparently, they've decided to narrow the focus of their war on women to a war on one particular woman, Susan Rice.

In the movie version, she'll be played by Maya Rudolph
If I understand correctly, the "scandal" is that Ms Rice said something which may have not been exactly true in an interview, which had the consequences of , um. . . hmm! I don't know what bad things are supposed to have happened as a result of Ms Rice's repeating what the CIA told her to say. 

But why let that stand in the way of a good smear campaign? Usually when you hurl accusations at someone, it's at least clear what it is she's being accused of, but whatever! 

And in a stunning display of shamelessness, Dan Senor surfaced to criticize Susan Rice on the Sunday bull session:

Dan Senor, the former spokesman for the Provisional Coalition Authority, or whatever it was called. The face of the Iraq debacle, Dan Senor. Questioning someone's credibility. Wow!

What else?

Oh, Newt Gingrich has found a new grift:

It had to happen: A start-up company is offering rides to the moon. Book your seat now — though it’s going to set you back $750 million (it’s unclear if that includes baggage fees).
Everything will be automated and controlled from Earth. It’ll be like taking a train, the company said.
The company’s board of advisers includes former speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who during the Republican primaries early this year said that as president he’d establish a permanent moon base by 2021.

Gingrich has to be smart enough to see what a dumbfuck business model this is, a moon-tourism company? Selling $750 million tickets? Ridiculous zillionaires can already buy their way on to a Russian space ship, but sure, there's probably a whole bunch of potential customers who haven't yet done it. This business should be belly-up within the year, but Newt will have lined his pockets with "advisory fees" and God knows he isn't putting up any of his own money.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Fleeing the Country

We're gonna flee like McAfee!

Yes, Team Chaos will be temporarily relocating to the sunny shores of an undisclosed location South of the Border. (hint: it rhymes with Schmexico).

We'll be back as soon as the heat dies down, or Monday. Whichever comes first.

Meanwhile, please enjoy los gatos en los sombreros:


Viva Mexicats!

Republicans Continue to Be Presidents of Fantasyland

Via PPP:

49% of GOP voters nationally say they think that ACORN stole the election for President Obama. We found that 52% of Republicans thought that ACORN stole the 2008 election for Obama, so this is a modest decline, but perhaps smaller than might have been expected given that ACORN doesn't exist anymore.

 (emphasis added)

49%! Pretty much HALF of all Republican voters in the nation believe in the paranoid fantasy dreamed up by the McCain campaign even though the scenario is now literally impossible. This is why Republicans can not be reasoned with. They are not reasonable people. They are delusional paranoid fools who live in a virtual reality of their own making. They live in a world where the fact that the average temperature increases every year is no reason to think that global warming isn't a dastardly hoax being played by evil liberal scientists. They inhabit a reality in which the most ineffectual organization on the planet, the UN, is on the verge of flying their secret black helicopters into every city in the world to whisk people off to FEMA camps in the desert. They exist in a universe where you can balance the budget by bringing in less revenue. They believe that America is the greatest, most powerful country in the history of the world, but if we cut one fucking dime from the military budget, we will be utterly defenseless against the scary Muslims.
These folks are crazy, and the sooner the President realizes that he can not reason with lunatics, the better.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Bad advice from awful women

First up: marriage advice from Michelle Duggar, because when I think of the term "happy marriage," I immediately think of an empty-headed baby factory whose husband is so gay that he makes sure to impregnate her every time they mate so that he doesn't have to do that again for at least 9 months!

Michelle Duggars Tips For A Happy Marriage: Husbands Are Commanded To Govern Their Wives

Is it just me or do they look an awful lot alike?

So, yeah, her advice is pretty much as creepy as you might expect:

A Husband Needs A Wife Who Accepts Him As A Leader And Believes In His God-Given Responsibilities”: Husbands are commanded to govern their wives; God works through a man’s decisions — good or bad; Bad decisions reveal his needs and allow the wife to appeal and demonstrate Godly character; The more a wife trusts her husband, the more careful he will be in giving her direction; Never ask others for counsel without your husband’s approval; reassure your husband that you understand and believe that he is your God-given leader.

 She even has some sort of a workbook with fill-in-the-blank questions about being a good Stepford wife:


Although, one might amend  that to read "A painfully insecure man wants to prove his manliness.


1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Mental
4. Emotional

And some are just weird:

1. ____________________is killed by self-sufficiency.
2. Whoever controls the _______________controls the ______________ . 

(insert your own filthy sex joke here)

 And some area little frightening:

A wife may avoid temporary consequences by taking matters into her own hands, but doing so will ultimately cause destruction (Proverbs 14:1).

Okay, I'll bite, what does Proverbs 14:1 say?

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.


Reading this passage from a sane perspective, as I am wont to do, it seems to be saying that women should try to be, you know, wise. And not foolish. Which seems like good advice for women or men.  I don't see anything here about not taking matters into one's own hands. In fact, I would venture to say that based on this passage, a wise woman should take things into her own hands, but a foolish one should probably not.

And then some is just sad:

A husband needs a wife who will continue to develop inward and outward beauty: How can you become more of the wife of your husband’s dreams?; discover and  conform to your husband’s real wishes; explain your hairstyle to others on the basis of your submission to your authority


Of course, if this was my hairstyle, I'd try to blame it on my husband too.

So, yeah. Discover and conform to your husband's real wishes. Because why be who you are? Why have a personality of your own, when you can just be some sort of sad puppet?

If you have a strong stomach, you can read the whole thing here:

Then there's Suzanne Venker, the author of How to Choose a Husband and Make Peace With Marriage, which is an odd title, since someone who is looking to choose a husband has probably already made her peace with marriage, or else why the search for the husband?

Suzanne describes herself thusly:

I am a wife and mother who writes. A lot. I’ve spent the past thirteen years, while at home with my children, examining the culture and its social agendas as it pertains to sex, marriage, gender roles, and the work and family dilemma.
Because the best possible place to do this kind of sociological research is at home with a bunch of dumb kids!
 And who knows more about the "work and family dilemma" than a stay-at-home mom? 
The purpose of my work is to offer a perspective I believe is commensurate with the way most women think and feel about their lives


[kuh-men-ser-it, -sher-] 
1. having the same measure; of equal extent or duration.
2. corresponding in amount, magnitude, or degree: Your paycheck should be commensurate with the amount of time worked.

Before I became a writer, I was a teacher. I was so shocked by what I witnessed in public schools that I quit and wrote my first book, or started to anyway (my first marriage was falling apart at the time, so the project fell by the wayside),
That marriage and motherhood has been so devalued in this country is the reason I took to the computer once again. All of my books examine the demise of the American family since the 1960s
So, your marriage failed. So obviously it's society's fault for de-valuing marriage and allowing the demise of the American family. 

So you may be wondering by now "is this a book that I really need? Well, thankfully Suzanne has a handy quiz to help you determine just that. If you answer "yes" to 5 or more of these questions, damn right you need her stupid book!

1. Deep down, do you feel superior to men?
2. Are you nicer to your girlfriends than you are to your husband or boyfriend? (Another way to answer: Is your behavior and demeanor the same with your guy as it is when you’re with your girlfriends?)

So, if you're a rude, arrogant lady you're already 2 for 2 in the needing the book score.

 4. Do you secretly believe you deserve to be married to Brad Pitt? And that if you were, your life would be better?
Suzanne's book is ideal for the extremely delusional!
 6. Do you have sex very quickly when you’re in a relationship? Or when you’re not in a relationship at all?
Buy my book, you whore! Otherwise you'll just keep on enjoying your sexuality all over the place and won't have time to read awful self-help books.
9. Be honest: Are you looking for tall, dark, and handsome as opposed to smart, stable, and kind? Or perhaps all of the above?
Do you have standards? Are you not eager to settle for short, pale, and ugly? Because that's the only man you deserve, not one that you're attracted to! Because as we've already established, you're a rude, arrogant whore!
10. Are you open to the idea of living with a man?
 If you're still not sure whether this book is right for you, just click on the "read an excerpt" link


Which takes you to this gem:

Read an Excerpt From How to Choose a Husband

Coming Soon


Sure, she's already all over FOX promoting this book, but it still seems like it might be a bit too early to post an excerpt.


Finally, here is the book description from presented without further comment:

It's been forty years since the sexual revolution, and the women of America have everything they want. Everything, that is, except a husband. Women may be schooled in the art of sex, but they have failed in the art of love.

That isn't surprising. The modern generation is living in a culture that isn't the least bit interested in helping them get hitched. For decades women have been taught to sleep around indiscriminately, to pursue an education and career at all costs, and to never depend on a man. As a result, women delay marriage indefinitely or ignore it altogether -- as though marriage has no bearing on their happiness. As though it were a nice idea, or nice accompaniment, to an otherwise satisfying life.

This is an unprecedented worldview. Until recently, women have always mapped out their lives according to what they considered their most important role: wife and mother. Today, women plan their entire futures around big careers. Husband and children come last.

In How to Choose a Husband, social critic and bestselling author Suzanne Venker says American women need a detox. If they want to be happy, or just plain satisfied, they must do a 180 when it comes to their attitude toward sex, courtship, and married life.

If they do, marriageable men will reappear -- and women will find the love that eludes them.