Monday, June 28, 2010

Texas is still crazy!

Texas has problems, just like any other state. There's crime, there's pollution, and having a section of your state lie along the Gulf Coast right about now has got to be somewhat worrisome. But when the Texas GOP released its platform, they zeroed in on the real problems facing their state. Making sure that no one gets a blowjob or sees a naked lady.

edc_Pole_Dancer_1940322.jpg Pole Dancer image by cherokee_Maiden
Here are a few excerpts: (The entire document can be found here)

Pornography – We urge our governmental bodies to enforce laws regarding all forms of pornography. We urge more stringent legislation to prohibit all pornography including virtual pornography and operation of sexually–oriented businesses.
But where will the RNC hold their fundraisers?
We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.

Maybe someone who is a little more versed on the subject can enlighten me here, but I don't believe that Congress has such authority.

(and yes, sodomy does include oral sex, even between married couples. We ain't havin' none of that in Texas!)

Further, we urge Congress to withhold Supreme Court jurisdiction in cases involving abortion, religious freedom, and the Bill of Rights.

Again, I'm pretty sure that they can't do that. Otherwise, couldn't they just pass unconstitutional laws and forbid the courts to review them?

Our policy [on Israel] is based on God’s biblical promise to bless those who bless Israel and curse those who curse Israel and we further invite other nations and organizations to enjoy the benefits of that promise.

And that's just a sound basis for a foreign policy. Also, individual states don't really have a foreign policy, but what the hell, you've already gone this far off the deep end!

We oppose a one-world government in direct opposition to our basic principles and eroding our sovereignty. We oppose the implementation of one world currency.

Also, we oppose allowing Earth to join the Federation of Planets.
We Believe in:
1. Strict adherence to the Declaration of Independence and U.S. and Texas Constitutions

Okay, the Declaration is not a legal document, it was an exercise in public relations, but if you want to adhere to it, you might want to know that for a lot of people the "pursuit of happiness" includes occasional sodomy.

3. Limiting the expanse of Government Power.

We want to limit Government Power. Also, the government should have the power to decide what couples may or may not do in bed. And the power to shut down strip clubs and ban X-rated movies.

Constitution in Public Schools – We believe that all state-funded schools should read and teach the constitutions of the
United States of America and the State of Texas.

That's going to be a little hard to do without mentioning Thomas Jefferson!

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Conscience Clause – We believe that doctors, nurses, pharmacists, any employees of hospitals and insurance companies, health care organizations, medical and scientific research students, and any employee should be protected by Texas law if they conscientiously object to participate in practices that conflict with their moral or religious beliefs,
including but not limited to abortion, the prescription for and dispensing of drugs with abortifacient potential, human cloning, embryonic stem cell research, eugenic screenings. .

Let's set aside for the moment that human cloning and eugenics screenings are not really in the realm of the um, things that might happen. If you're going to let people do only the parts of their jobs which they don't find objectionable, does that mean a Muslim deli clerk can refuse to handle pork products. "sorry, folks, chicken and beef only until Jim-Bob gets back from his smoke break!"
Could a Boeing employee decide that he only wants to work on civilian aircraft because he finds warfare offensive to his pacifist beliefs?

Companion Animal Welfare – We support legislation to license and regulate large-scale commercial dog and cat breeding
facilities to ensure the humane handling and care of dogs and cats in those facilities.

Okay, who the fuck snuck that one in there? Was it you, Berkeley Jim?
Ethics in Broadcasting – We call upon the Federal Communications Commission to revoke broadcast licenses of stations
that air programs and advertisements in violation of existing laws and FCC guidelines. We further oppose reinstatement of
the Fairness Doctrine and any similar concept, which would limit outlets for free speech.

We are also strongly opposed to having any sense of irony, apparently.

Oh, Texas! We can always count on you to make everyone else seem sane by comparison.