Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Election Detritus

Just a few random things that slipped through the cracks this election year, so that we may never again speak of this election.

1. I think my favorite part of the whole Wikileaks e-mail hack-dump is how quickly it went McMartin PreSchool on us. It was a pretty short leap from "Hillary is a crooked machine politician who engages in some shady machinations" to "Hillary is part of a Satan-worshipping cult of pedophiles." And if you think I'm being sarcastic, just go to the Twitter and search for #SpiritCooking. You will NOT be disappointed.


2. Ted Nugent.

We discussed earlier the fact that Ted Nugent is, as much as anyone, the current face of the Republican party.

And of course, he played a role in this odious election cycle.

Ted Nugent speaks at Trump's Final Rally

I mean, it's not surprising. Even the relatively dignified patrician Mitt Romney sought and received the endorsement of this vile racist gun-humper. Of course, the crude, loud-mouthed pig Donald Trump would want his backing. The only thing that makes it interesting is this:

Trump hits Clinton over Jay Z's profanity at concert

Updated 5:08 PM ET, Sat November 5, 2016
Yeah, it's really just shocking that Hillary would associate herself with a guy who says four-letter word on stage.

And, of course, he doesn't see the irony.

Neither did Mrs Trump when she made this speech:

Melania Trump: Ending social media bullying would be focus as first lady

Updated 8:43 AM ET, Fri November 4, 2016

Melania Trump says she'd work to improve a social media culture that has gotten "too mean and too tough" -- riddled with insults based on "looks and intelligence" -- if she becomes first lady.


Step one, I will take my husband's phone away from him.

I mean for fuck sake, she might as well have said she would campaign against real estate development, or work for stricter bankruptcy laws or oppose bizarrely orange skin and bad combovers.

3. Tony Perkins channeled Jonathon Edwards


Tony Perkins: ‘Our Nation Is Hanging By A Thread Over A Raging Fire’ And Only Trump Will Let Christians Save It


In a conference call for Ohio pastors organized by Citizens for Community Values today, Family Research Council president Tony Perkins urged listeners to rally their congregations to support Donald Trump in the presidential election, warning that if Hillary Clinton becomes president, the nation will become a “very, very hostile environment” for Christians.

Yeah, yeah, and she's going to take away all your guns and put you in FEMA camps and blah blah blah. . . you really need to work on some new material.

Perkins, who boasted that he “wrote a large portion” of the Republican Party’s platform at the GOP convention in Cleveland this year, said that Trump’s campaign was the only Republican presidential campaign in the past 12 years not to put up a fight as he attempted to insert his hardline anti-LGBT and anti-abortion-rights stances into the party platform.

Yeah. Because he DOESN'T CARE! You can put whatever you want in the platform, he doesn't care about policy, doesn't understand policy, has no time for policy. He's gonna be too busy making America great again! According to one of his douchebag sons, he plans to delegate both foreign and domestic policy to his vice president so that he can focus on this insipid, puerile fantasy of re-making America in his gold-plated, tacky-as-fuck image of what he thinks greatness looks like.

Honest to God, if Trump is the only thing that's going to save us from this fire, I say bring on the flames and hand me a marshmallow. Because I'm pretty sure that what Tony Perkins considers plunging into hellfire is what the rest of call having an enjoyable life.

4. The right is really really obsessed with Huma Abedin.


Augh! Just look! She has the ear of Hillary Clinton while simultaneously having a scary Muslimy-sounding name and swarthy skin! She's just got to be up to no good somehow, right?

Two sure signs of a radical Muslim extremist: wearing sleeveless dresses and marrying a Jew! 

And I'm not going to even bother rehashing James Comey's ridiculous "oh we found e-mails on Huma's computa" bullshit stunt. But I did think this was funny (via MPS):

When I was a little boy, frequently I would watch “Laurel and Hardy” on television with my younger sister. The mantra of the old time comedy show was, “A fine fix you have gotten us into now, Ollie,” as the two comedy characters would blunder into one “fix” after another.

Okay, first of all, It was Ollie who would say this to Stan. And the line was "another fine mess you've gotten me into." Also, don't begin a screed by referencing Laurel and Hardy unless your screed is about the current dearth  of slapstick comedy in American movies or something. If you're writing about current events and politics and you want to be taken seriously. . . never mind, you could never be taken seriously.

The mantra of the old time comedy show was, “A fine fix you have gotten us into now, Ollie,” as the two comedy characters would blunder into one “fix” after another.
Well, the same can now be said for Hillary Clinton, the Wicked Witch of the Left, and her heretofore live-in girlfriend, Huma Abedin. 

Live-in girlfriend? You know they don't even live in the same. . . you know they're both married, right? To men? What could possibly lead you to believe that there was any kind of sexual relationship between these two married, heterosexual women?

Woah, hey! Let's not rule anything out!

The recent revelations of last Friday come as no surprise – that there are tens of thousands of unread, relevant Huma Abedin emails concerning her work, if not dalliances, with Hillary Clinton on a laptop computer jointly owned by Abedin and her now-estranged perverted husband, former Rep. Anthony Weiner.

You know, e-mails don't stay on your computer. I can go into the library, use one of their computers and read my e-mails. You don't actually "find" e-mails on a computer. Also, any e-mails between Clinton and Abedin would have already been "found" on Clinon's e-mail account.

While it remains extremely unlikely that Hillary will ever be indicted by either a Democrat or Republican Justice Department – as the establishments of both parties protect each other’s so-called elites – Huma is likely to be sold down the Nile by the Wicked Witch and her influential corrupt friends. By sharing a laptop computer with her now-spurned Weiner, Huma probably illegally gave him access to classified national security documentation and information, notwithstanding her own breach of national security protocol and criminal laws. Thus, expect the Palestinian to eventually be wearing pink prison garb – and not in the Arizona Maricopa County jail of Sheriff Joe Arpaio but in a federal penitentiary.

Sure, I jave no evidence of any wrongdoing on Abedin's part. Or Secretary Clinton's part. Or any real reason to think that there is any evidence hidden somewhere. And sure she has already been exonerated by the conservative Republican James Comey who really seems to hate her, but I think it's safe to assume that Anthony Weiner was given classified information and texted it to teenage girls along with pictures of his dick. I mean, can you you prove he didn't?

The Wicked Witch and her entourage have never been known for their loyalty. Just ask Vince Foster, Hillary’s last male lover, before she went to the other side.

Right. Because Foster was totally murdered and the D.C. police just can't tell the difference between a suicide and a dump job, not surprising considering how little experience they have investigating violent crimes. Oh, and also, he was a person associated with Hillary Clinton, so we have to assume she was fucking him.


I mean, come on! Could you resist?
 Oh, and then at some point, Hillary flipped the sexuality switch to become a lesbian. That's how it works for women, right? I've never actually met one, but I' have seen movies. So many movies. . .


5. This happened.

I don't like Brian Williams. I think he's the living embodiment of the sorry state of network journalism, cozy with political figures, glib, more of an entertainer than an informer. But this is one beautifully passive-aggressive slap of Mark Halperin.

6. This also happened

Donald Trump Tells Veterans He's 'Financially Brave'


The Republican presidential candidate was listing the Medal of Honor recipients at the rally, when he stopped and said, "Oh, they're so much more brave than me. I wouldn't have done what they did."

Okay. Wow. that's the most honest thing I have ever heard Trump say. And it's almost self-deprecating. Or at least not self-aggrandizing. Maybe his handlers have finally gotten him to act like a goddamm human being!


I know, I was just kidding.

"I'm brave in other ways," he said at the rally in Selma, a town 45 miles southeast of Raleigh. "I'm brave -- I'm financially brave. Big deal, right? These are real brave."

It's almost as if he said something positive about people who are not him and some little voice in his head said "don't forget, Donald, you're brave too!" The way he phrases his follow up "I'm financially brave, big deal." It's like he's responding to someone who is trying to cheer him up. It's like a little kid says "gosh, I wish I was big and strong and brave like these soldiers," and his mommy says "oh, little Donnie, you're very big and strong for your age. And you're very brave. Remeber thise financial things you did?" And the kid goes "financially brave. So what? No one thinks I'm brave enough to be a soldier!" And I assume the conversation in his head goes on until the little voice has once again convinced him that he is the best  little boy in the whole wide world and these soldiers probably envy HIS courage!

7. Mike "the two-bit Elmer Gantry" Huckabee set a new record for the stupidest tweet of all time:

So, Hillary is driving very dangerously, but she could actually pull through without any harm. Trump has already wrapped his car around a pole, so that is a selling point for Trump?

8. Alabama may have the worst election official ever (at least since Ken Blackwell)

Alabama elections chief says automatic registration would ‘cheapen’ civil rights leaders’ work

Five states have approved plans to allow all eligible citizens to automatically be registered to vote, unless they opt-out, and dozens more are considering following suit.
But Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill (R) opposes such a practice, calling it the “sorry and lazy way out.”
“I don’t think that just because your birthday comes around, you should be registered to vote,” he said in an interview with Brian Jenkins, the director of a documentary about America’s various barriers to ballot access.
To explain his opposition, Merrill cited the efforts of civil rights leaders like Congressman John Lewis (D-GA), Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and Rosa Parks, and other black leaders like Rep. Terri Sewell (D-AL).
“These people fought — some of them were beaten, some of them were killed — because of their desire to ensure that everybody that wanted to had the right to register to vote and participate in the process,” he said.
“I’m not going to cheapen the work they did, I’m not going to embarrass them by allowing somebody that’s too sorry to get up off their rear end to go register to vote… because they think they deserve the right because they’ve turned 18,” he continued, growing angry.

You know John Lewis is still alive. So is Terri Sewell. They're probably both on social media. You could just ask them. Ask them if it would be a validation of their sacrifice for you to make it more difficult for people to vote.
Ask John Lewis (My Congressman!) if, when he was being beaten by racist pig cops on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, he was thinking "Man, I hope no one ever makes it easy for people to exercise their right to vote!" And have a handkerchief ready in case he spits in your stupid ugly racist face. Which he wouldn't do because he is a better man then I.

And, in a close second:

A City Clerk Opposed an Early-Voting Site at UW–Green Bay Because ‘Students Lean More Toward the Democrats’

9. The KKK, which, like every other white racist organization in America, has endorsed Donald Trump (and yet, the race is close. What a country!) sent out this flyer.

KKK for Trump Bad Signs

Which is funny only because I'm pretty sure that the Klan isn't all that crazy about Poles either.

10. Super-dumb Senator Ron Johnson may be getting a little ahead of himself:

Ron Johnson Says Hillary Clinton Should Be Impeached


You have to wait for her to be elected. Then you have to wait for her to take office. Then you have to wait for her to do a thing. A thing that is illegal or that you can pretend is illegal (see: Clinton, Bill).

WASHINGTON ― Embattled Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wis.) told a local Wisconsin paper on Monday that, if Hillary Clinton is elected, she should be impeached.
“I would say yes, high crime or misdemeanor, I believe she is in violation of both laws,” Johnson told the Beloit Daily News in an interview published Tuesday.

Oh fer. . . "high crime" is not a law. "misdemeanor" is not a law. She can not possibly be in violation of both these "laws" since they are not laws. They are classifications of crimes. They differentiate the seriousness of various crimes. You can not be in violation of "high crime." That's not how it works.


So, anyway, hopefully this will be the last we shall ever speak of this election. But you and I both know it won't be.
Everybody, if you haven't voted yet, go vote. VOTE! If for no other reason than that the GOP doesn't want you to.
And be careful in the upcoming days. Trump has already primed his supporters to believe that unless he was to somehow (God forbid, knock on wood) win this election that the results will be illegitimate. And if these already rage-addicted knuckle-draggers are convinced that they've been cheated and their country has been further stolen from them (first a black, now a woman!) these heavily-armed troglodytes could very well turn violent. I feel fairly confident that most of them are all talk and no action, but there are always a few like these:

Las Vegas cop-killing couple left swastika-stamped manifesto on officer's body


Iowa Police Arrest Suspect in ‘Ambush’ Killings of 2 Officers

Three charged in Kansas plot to bomb homes, worship center for Somalis

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/state/kansas/article108367907.html#storylink=cpy

Good night and good luck.