Thursday, May 21, 2009

Harry Reid

With friends like Harry, who needs enemies?

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid declared in press conference today that he will not support GITMO detainees being held in the United States. Reid said that he supports Obama’s plan to close GITMO, but will not support, “terrorists to be released in the United States.”

Jeez, Harry! Come on! No one is talking about releasing terrorists anywhere, let alone releasing them into the U.S. You gotta stop watching FOX! Do you really think that President Obama would just let terrorists loose to wander the streets of America? How do you explain this position of yours?

Reid was asked why the Senate wouldn’t fund the closure of GITMO
He said,“I agree with President Bush.

Oh Good God Almighty! It's worse than I thought! You agree with Bush? The man who was wrong about, um, everything?

“I agree with President Bush. I agree with John McCain. I agree with Barack Obama.

Yeah, that doesn't really work. That's like saying "I'm a devout Baptist. And also a Hindu. And a Mormon." Oh, right. You are a Mormon, aren't you? What does that church do to its followers' minds?

Reid noted, however, that “many Americans have concerns about terrorists coming into our community.”

Yeah, unless your community is a Supermax prison, that's not really going to be an issue.

Oh, check out this exchange:
REID: I’m saying that the United States Senate, Democrats and Republicans, do not want terrorists to be released in the United States.

QUESTION: No one’s talking about releasing them. We’re talking about putting them in prison somewhere in the United States.

REID: Can’t put them in prison unless you release them.

What? Do you have any idea how prison transfers work? It's not like when your company transfers you to a different branch. They don't just tell you when to show up and who to ask for.

This is how they transport a garden variety criminal.

Not even a high-priority offender. So, yeah, I think that the U.S. Dept. of Homeland Security could handle transferring prisoners into US prisons.

U.S. Prisons can handle guys like this

You think they can't handle these guys?

Hey Reid, guess what?


It's Atlanta's own THE COATHANGERS playing live at Georgia State!

Health Care

While trying to make the case for keeping Guantanamo Bay open as a detention center, Republican Sen. John Ensign said of the detainees, “They get better health care than the average American citizen does.”

The sad thing is, he may be right.

Imagine if we ran other vital services the way we ran healthcare. I think it might go a little something like this. . . .(picture gets wavy). . . (dream sequence harp music). . . .

OPERATOR: 911, What's your emergency?

CALLER: Someone's breaking into my house!

OPERATOR: May I have your account number please?

CALLER: Look, I need the police!

OPERATOR: And I'll be happy to assist you today, sir, but I am going to need your account number.

CALLER: Oh, God! It's um, 54A-65293

OPERATOR: Great now how can I help you?

CALLER: I need the police! Someone's breaking into my house!

OPERATOR: Ok, I'll be happy to send an officer out to you. How do you want to take care of the co-pay today?

CALLER: Can't you just bill me?

OPERATOR: Sure, we can do that. Let me just verify your address.

CALLER: 1705 Maple Drive.

OPERATOR: Okay, got it. Now is the intruder armed?

CALLER: I don't know!

OPERATOR: Okay, I'm going to need you to find out, because if an armed response is required, I'll have to check your policy and see if we can cover that today. Normally, for an armed response, there is a 20% deductible.

CALLER: Hurry, he's in my house! And he has a gun!

OPERATOR: Great, so that clears up that question. Now since he is carrying a firearm, that's going to require a 2-officer response. Let me see who we have in the area. Officer Jenkins, no he's not taking any new referrals. Seargeant Thomas, not without a referral from a primary patrolman. See, the problem is that there just aren't a lot of officers we can use with your basic policy.

CALLER: Never mind, I've already been sodomized and murdered.


Let's have a nice round of applause for the not-ready-for-single-payer players!

Manufactured Outrage

In an apparent attempt to prove that the left can gin up a fake controversy as well as the right, Keith Olberman, the Huffington Post, and others are just OUTRAGED! by this comment from Gov. Rick Perry's spokesman:

Carney said he agreed the Republican Party needed to attract new voters. But, he added, "that doesn't mean you take your principles and throw them out the door and become a whorehouse and let anybody in who wants to come in, regardless."

And since perry's opponent in the primary is the undeniably female Kay Bailey Hutchison, some people are acting as if they really believe that the "whorehouse" reference is a misogynistic shot at Ms. Hutchison.

Hey, Keith. Remember how we all rolled our eyes when Republicans tried to paint Obama's "lipstick on a pig" reference as a sexist jab at Sarah Palin? Remember?
Remember how stupid and desperate and disingenuous they looked? Well, now you're kind of doing the same thing. So quit it!
Now let's speak of this no more.