Monday, June 4, 2012

Chuck Norris Dildo Update

Every now and then I like to check in with Chuck Norris to see whether he's still a dildo.


President Bill Clinton vs. Gov. Scott Walker and me

Exclusive: Chuck Norris warns of left agenda to sweep country with recall elections

Yup! Still a dildo!
 A dildo with an incredibly over-inflated sense of self-importance.

Wisconsin Democrats, Washington elite and insiders, and liberal special interests have joined together to fight for the recall of Gov. Scott Walker in Wisconsin in Tuesday’s election. But last Friday, when I saw them also send in the big guns, former President Bill Clinton himself, against Gov. Walker, I knew I had to enter the ring, too.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Bill Clinton, two-term President of the United States of America, balanced out by Beardy McPunchandkick.
You really think you're the Republican equivalent of Bill Clinton? One of the most successful presidents of the latter half of the 20th Century vs the star of the worst post-Small Wonder television show of the 1990's, that seems like parity to you, does it? 

Gov. Scott Walker is not a RINO, or “Republican in name only.” He walks his conservative talk. He refuses special interests.


Totally NOT a special interest group!

Gov. Walker is standing against the assault on conservative values, which includes helping people bear their own responsibilities. 

If  he's helping them bear their own responsibilities, then they really aren't bearing their own, um responsibilities, right? Or is that part of the "assault" against which he is standing? Is he against helping people bear their own responsibility? Your ghost-writer could not have been less clear.

But there’s a bigger reason that Pres. Clinton came out to Wisconsin to engage in the battle to recall Gov. Walker: Democrats, liberals and progressives like him know that as Wisconsin goes on Tuesday, so possibly goes the nation in November. 

Possibly? As Wisconsin goes, so POSSIBLY goes the Nation? What a bold prediction!

 Walker’s recall is not just about Wisconsin; it is about national reform. It’s about living within our means. It’s about taking back our republic.

It's about fucking over teachers. And cops. And firefighters. . .

In the short 18 months that Gov. Walker has held his gubernatorial position, his bold reforms have helped eliminate Wisconsin’s $3.6 billion deficit without raising taxes, lower property taxes for median-valued homes and create more than 23,000 jobs since January 2011. 

Wow, 23,000 jobs! Or as Bloomberg puts it:

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, which churns out reams of national and state employment data every month, has shown Wisconsin losing 33,900 jobs in 2011. The numbers, which aren’t adjusted for season variation, were among the worst of any other state. The state also ranked 42nd out of 50 states in economic health in 2011, according to the Bloomberg Economic Evaluation of States. 

But when you've been kicked in the head as often as Chuck Norris,  33,000 jobs lost and 23,000 gained probably seem to add up to the same thing.


On an un-related subject, while reading Chuck Norris's cretinous column on Wing Nut Daily, I kept seeing this ad, warning of four things which are "Destroying Men!"

I don't know what the other three are, but if they're as frightening as Tiffanie here, I'll take my chances!