Thursday, January 30, 2014

Crazy Candidate of the Day - Dr Chaps

Gordon Klingenschmitt, or "Dr. Chaps" as he calls himself, candidate for Colorado state assembly, used to be a Navy Chaplain. He claims to have been honorably discharged from the service, but, a few seconds of Googling brought up this (source):
He was actually charged with disobeying an order and kicked out of the Navy for attending a political rally in front of the White House in March 2006 dressed in his Navy uniform, a violation of military regulations. Dozens of media reports over the years have since debunked Klingenschmitt’s dishonest statements about the nature of his court-martial.
Via Irregular Times, Captain Norm Holcomb (a fundamentalist Christian himself), says:
I was the dishonored ex-chaplain’s supervisor for the past 2 years. I found him to be totally untruthful, unethical and insubordinate. He was and is contemptuous of all authority. He was not court martialed for praying in Jesus’ name. I sent him out in uniform every week to pray at various ceremonies and functions. He always prayed in uniform and in Jesus’ name. He was never told that he could not pray in Jesus’ name. In fact, the issue of prayer had nothing at all to do with his dismissal from the Navy. He disobeyed the lawful order of a senior officer. I am sure that you understand that Navy Regulations forbid any of us, regardless of rank or position, to appear in uniform in support of any political or partisan event.
[...] He appeared in direct support of a political event, demonstrating contempt for the order of his Commanding Officer and Naval Regulations that we all swear that we will abide by…. The ex-chaplain is a man without honor and you have accepted his story and in doing so you have had “the wool pulled over your eyes.”

So, technically, his discharge may have been "honorable," but come on.

Gordon 'Dr. Chaps' Klingenschmitt - Anti-Gay, Pro-Gun Preacher - Runs for Colorado House.

If you're having trouble sleeping, go to his website and watch his zzz-inducing video, where he rambles on and on and on about his supposed accomplishments for almost nine fucking minutes!

Here are some of his "qualifications."

M.B.A., created two corporations, met payroll, patent applicant, inventor, entrepreneur
Patent "applicant!" Because, you know, not just anyone can apply for a patent. . . oh, wait!

Also, claims to have created two businesses, does not give name of either.

As a Navy Chaplain, took a stand for 1st Amendment Religious Freedom to pray "in Jesus' name."  Vindicated by Act of Congress ('06)

See above.

Pro-Life: Organized Personhood initiatives in 5 states affirming that Inalienable Rights Trump lesser "rights"

Also capitalizer of random Words.

 opposed Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, Defended DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act), Opposed ENDA infringement

 What does ENDA have to do with marriage? Hey, who knows? That's like asking why someone would use so many different fonts on one resume! Some things are just mysteries.

And Dr. Chaps is not afraid to stand up to those dastardly liberals, either:

Gordon Klingenschmitt will stand up to the liberals in Denver to:
DEFEND your First & Second Amendment rights, and the WHOLE rule of law!
CUT unnecessary tax increases illegally imposed without a vote of the people!
REVERSE the trend of full-time jobs being converted to part-time jobs!
PROTECT the elderly and innocent children from abuse and fetal homicide!

Yes, he will protect the WHOLE rule of law. Except for Roe v. Wade.
And the Affordable care act.
And any judicial decisions forbidding discrimination.
And taxes.
And, well you get the picture.

But more importantly, Dr. Chaps will stand up to those liberals who are, um, converting your full-time jobs into part-time? Are they really, um, are they doing that? It's not private businesses doing that? The private businesses with whom government must never interfere and on whom government must never put any regulations? Dr. Chaps is going to tell those private businesses that they have to make you full-time again? For freedom?

 Let's take a look at some of  Dr. Chaps' positions on important issues of the day. shall we?

On marijuana legalization:

"There is a demonic spirit of drunkenness," Klingenschmitt said, "but this drunkenness, this desire for pleasure where we invite these spirits into us ... and why do you think you have hallucinations? These spiritual visions that you have are not just biological; they're actually demonic"

Oh, that explains a lot:

 Of course, marijuana doesn't actually cause hallucinations, but if it did, you can bet they'd be demonic!

On the Affordable Care act? Here he is on the Ed show.

I think?
Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Obamacare takes healthcare away from, a half a billion dollars was taken away from old people, from Medicare to fund basically a slew of people who refuse to get jobs. …

John Fugelsang: . . . So I’d like to ask the chaplain if I could, Jesus never at any point in the gospels condemns abortion even though people were terminating pregnancies at the time. He does however come out quite frequently against killing the sinner through the death penalty. So have you sir ever once protested your tax dollars being taken to fund state sanctioned killing. …
Chaplain Klingenschmitt: Jesus said in Mark 15 that if anyone disobeys or dishonors his mother or father he should be put to death. Jesus said in Luke 17.

 So, I guess we'll be having the death penalty for smart-alecky children, then?

Here's his stance on ENDA, the employment non-discrimination act I mean the Death to Christianity! Act.

“If ENDA becomes law, Christians will be bankrupted in all 50 states, ordered to choose between obedience to God (refusing to participate in sin) and remaining in business. The First Amendment guarantees our freedom from such burden. The Government is now ordering you: Forsake God or starve to death. I pray that I would choose bankruptcy, starvation, even death, before disobedience to God.”

That seems a reasonable objection.

I mean, it's common knowledge that every act passed by the federal government is designed to in some way bring harm to Christians. That's why there are no Christians in the halls of Congress ever.

Well, this is not the first place and it may not be, sadly, the last place that Christians are punished by law for exercising their religious conscience objections,” the ex-Navy chaplain said. “We do see a demonic spirit of tyranny and persecution — and anti-Christian persecution, which violates our ability to obey God.”

Oh, of course, demons! I should have known!

Top Congressional Advisor

And what is his stance on the NSA spying on Americans? Well, he's against it, surprisingly. Although maybe not so surprisingly, when one considers the current occupant of the White House.

As “Dr. Chaps” explained today, there is a “Satanic, evil spirit” of “hiding” and “secrecy” that is behind the NSA program, just as there is a demon of tyranny that is using President Obama to oppress Americans. “Father in Heaven, we pray against the domestic enemies of the Constitution,” [Gordon] Klingenschmitt proclaimed; “against the demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant and that demonic spirit is oppressing us” (source)

Of course! Now it all makes sense!

So, if you live in whatever horrible part of Colorado this assclown is trying to represent, and you're not too busy hallucinating on the pot, be sure to head to your polling place on election day and vote for absolutely anyone else who is on the ballot.

P.S. He also just makes shit up:

The most recent evidence of this fact is the story of Derrick Hayes, a high school runner in Texas who was allegedly disqualified from an event for thanking God after winning a race…Hayes and his family admit that he was not disqualified because of his faith…But just because the supposed victim of this tale of persecution admits that it is not true, that is not about to stop “Dr. Chaps” Gordon Klingenschmitt from using it in his latest prayer update or his “Pray in Jesus Name” television program where he claimed that Hayes was disqualified because “demonic spirits” had possessed the race officials.