Thursday, May 14, 2009


Is there anyone who home-schools their kids who isn't a paranoid survivalist, a religious fanatic, a white supremacist, or some combination of the above? Who else would want to keep their kids from seeing or interacting with the outside world? Want to see an example of their paranoid, hate-and-fear-based reasoning? Look no further than this article by the ironically named Charlie Butts and Jody Brown:

Calif. school day would honor homosexual pioneer
The California State Senate is poised to vote on a bill making an official "homosexual day" in every public school
Ok, so right away, you know that's not true. There is not going to be "homosexual day" in any school. So to what does this refer?

It would be called "Harvey Milk Day" in honor of the openly homosexual San Francisco Board of Supervisors member who was shot and killed in 1978

Ok, so see, you were lying. Sentence One of your article was a lie. And if I've learned anything from Judge Judy, and I have, it's that if you start out by lying to me, I'm not going to be inclined to believe anything else you say.

Randy Thomasson of says the legislation designates just another day to indoctrinate children in the tenets of homosexuality.

Right, just like when they started observing Martin Luther King day, and everyone turned black!

Oh, any gay readers, could you maybe fill me in on what your "tenets" are? Cause I seem to be missing them. To me, you just seem like everybody else, but in better shape.

"That's why we've called California parents to get their kids out of the government schools and into the sanctuary of homeschooling or a good church-schooling instead," he shares.

Ah, there it is! Yes, let's home-school the kids. Sure, they'll come out thinking that the world is seven thousand years old, and the sun revolves around the world, but by God, our sons are going to like titties, and our daughters are not!
But wait, you say, home-schooled children are actually very well educated? What prestigious group of academics is making this assessment?

Home schoolers get 'A' from marketing exec

Marketing exec? What marketing exec?

Josephine Nicholas is the CEO of Published Daily, a firm started by her brother and run with the help of two other siblings. All four were home-schooled.

Oh, isn't that just adorable? Josie and her siblings are running their own little business that no one's ever heard of and is probably headquartered in their parents' garage! How sweet! Well, surely she's qualified to make judgements about education!

The lovely, and not at all insane-looking Josephine Nicholas

Josephine says, according to research, home schoolers typically score higher and are more ambitious than their peers.

Um, Josephine, if you're going to cite "research," it's customary to include a footnote, or endnote, or something which refers to said research, like who conducted the study, their methods, etc. No, no, it's OK! I understand. See, that's the sort of thing they teach you in real school. You had no way of knowing.

"Once they're graduating -- and many of them are actually graduating younger than their peers -- and as they graduate they're moving into society in general," she notes.

Yeah, mom getting tired of "teaching" you is not actually the same thing as "graduating." Anyone can graduate early if your fake school has no actual requirements. I could home-school Professor Junior and let him "graduate" once he learns to spell his name. But that wouldn't really count for anything.

as they graduate they're moving into society in general," she notes. "Whether it's going and getting a job and really being productive in the work force, or actually many of them are creating their own jobs and creating jobs for others by starting their own businesses."

Wow, moving into society in general! What an accomplishment! And getting jobs, and being productive in those jobs! My God! That level of acheivement is hardly ever seen from grads of actual school! Although, in their defense, graduates of real school would probably know how worhtless this type of anecdotal evidence is. So that's something.

Randall M. Kessler

I know, I'd never heard of him either. But a couple days ago, the Atlanta Journal Constitution, in a bid to speed up their plunge from respectability, gave Mr. Kessler a slot as guest columnist. This is the headline for the treatise up with which he came:

Other states’ gay divorce can affect us

OOOOHHHH, I'm scared already!
How would we be affected?

What happens if a gay couple marries, adopts a child and then divorces, all in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage, but then they move to Georgia? If the custodial parent seeks to enforce a child support award against the other parent, what does the court do?

If it enforces it, then hasn’t the court, and thus the state, recognized same-sex marriage, by enforcing the terms of the same-sex divorce? If it does not enforce the order, aren’t we then harming the most innocent victims, the children who need the support?

You're right, family law attorney Randall M. Kessler, it makes way more sense to deny a large segment of the population their basic equal rights than for, say, Georgia to join Vermont, Massachusetts, and IOWA in the 21st Century. Let's continue a program of discrimination, lest things get too confusing! (oh, and nice touch with the "think of the children" theme!)

What else you got?

If one party was awarded a house that happens to be in Georgia would that divorce order be enforced in Georgia? If so, wouldn’t Georgia then be recognizing, at least by implication, same-sex marriage?

If not, aren’t we sending a message to Vermont or whichever state granted the divorce that we would not enforce their orders? And could this mean that Vermont might retaliate and not enforce orders of our state?

Oh, my God! Vermont might retaliate! Are you fucking serious? Is this something you really imagine happening? A moron judge from Georgia decides not to uphold Constitutional law for fear that it might, like, give aid and comfort to the gay people, so Vermont declares shenanigans?

Doe it concern you at all that the only images I can find to illustrate your ideas come from animated cartoons?

Are you sure you should be practicing law?