Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Stand For Christmas! Or don't. Whatever.

So apparently, the war on the "war on Christmas" has begun! And the latest volley comes from a website called

This site allows you, the shopper, to post reviews and comments about various stores and their level of pro-Christmasiness or anti-Christmasitude.

Here is a sample of some comments on the site, which I will try to translate
into sane English.

Comment Date: Dec 2 2009 8:22 AM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: When did a Christmas tree become a 'Great tree'? When it appeared at Macy's. They won't get my patronage.

Translation: If you aren't using our Lord and Savior as a marketing tool to boost profits, you'll get none of my money!

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 8:06 AM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: Me and my family shop at Dadeland Macys in Miami Florida.The Salespersons are very friendly and Christmas Focus.I am a very Aggressive and Bold person for CHRIST any store that i spend my money in they better tell me Merry Christmas or a VOID will be following in seconds.

Translation: And the Lord said to his disciples: "Go ye into all the world and scream my name in the faces of retail clerks, lest thou have to void thy transaction."

(On a side note, I really don't get why this person rated Macy's as Christmas-Offensive when he says that the salespersons are "very friendly and Christmas focus."[sic])

Comment Date: Nov 24 2009 2:37 PM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: Shopping CHRISTmas friendly stores is very important to me. I do not believe that CHRISTmas advertising should begin until after Thanksgiving. The day to celebrate the birth of Jesus has become far more too materialistic, and seems to become that way more each. year. Loacally the CHRISTmas decorations, songs, etc. began before holloween. Absurd and disgusting. Thank God for Focus on the Family and all you do. God Bless each and everyone at Focus. Myrna

Translation: Retailers MUST invoke the name of Christ in their marketing! But Goddamn it, don't you invoke his name before Thanksgiving. God hates it when you make too big a fuss over his birthday. It makes him feel all self-conscious and reminds him that he's another year older, and who likes that? In summary, I want to see CHRISTMAS plastered all over every store in the mall, but boy is it a shame how Christmas has gotten so commercialized!

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 4:13 PM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: I just watched the commercial for GAP, I was truly repulsed when they mentioned that we should liberate and how they put Christmas next to solstice. Pretty much what they said was we need to break free and do what we feel is right which goes against everything for this Christmas season. Please go to youtube and watch the commercial if you haven't already seen it. I will NEVER step foot into one of their stores or any store affiliated with them. They have completely lost my business and my families too.

(note: how many families do you have? And how did they all get lost?)

Translation: Christmas is about strict conformity! Liberation is the enemy! War is Peace! Freedom is Slavery!

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 3:46 PM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: Very offended by the recent advertisement. How dare they suggest we celebrate what we want? This is a Christian nation.

Translation: You will celebrate what you are told to celebrate, and goddamn it you will do it with a smile!

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 12:29 PM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: I will never buy anything with their name on it or wear it. They are truly offensive in their year round marketing that is corrupting our youth with the lack of modesty they sell.
(note: this comment refers to The GAP)

Translation: Why don't these perverts sell burkas? I mean seriously, just look at these whorish outfits:
When I was a young lady, we wore nun's habits until our wedding night and that's the way we liked it!

Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 11:57 AM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: Happy Solstice? Since when is Wicca an equal of christianity or judaism?

Translation: How can you compare some Stone-Age Celtic mythology to our glorious Bronze-Age Israeli mythology?

Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 4:03 PM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: I was very pleased to find 2 tables of Christmas books displayed. I would like to see this closer to the front door but at least there were the tables set aside. Thank you.

Translation: No matter what you do, I'm going to find some way to feel slighted.

Comment Date: Nov 29 2009 8:11 PM
Rating: Christmas-Negligent
Comment: When I paid for my Christmas shopping, I said, "Thank you and have a Merry Christmas!" To which the cashier simply said you too.

Translation: No matter what you do, I'm going to find some way to feel slighted.

Comment Date: Nov 25 2009 12:41 PM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: They sure do have a lot of titles with "Christmas" in them, but they are accompanied by cursing or other inappropriate words. Absent in the store in totality is any mention of Christmas. Lots of "Christmas alternative" holiday items also. Ugh.

Translation: They have lots of christmas stuff, but no Christmas stuff! Also, the Christmas stuff which they do have (yet also don't have) all have 4-letter words in the titles. "How the Fucking Grinch Stole Christmas," "Rudolph the red-dicked reindeer," "A Child's Christmas in that shit-hole Wales." etc. Also, they have Jewey Channukkah crap, which disgusts me.

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 8:48 AM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: Thank you, Home Depot for the big Merry Christmas greeting painted across your front entrance windows. We as Christians are only sharing our dollars at stores where the corporate executives recognize Christ as the reason for the holiday. Thank you again and may God continue to bless your business and your employees.

Translation: I have no idea that the founders of Home Depot, Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank, are both Jewish.

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 6:49 AM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: had heard chrismas carols while shopping in the store

Translation: I don't know how to spell Christmas, nor do I realize that "Christmas" is a proper noun and, as such, should be capitalized.

Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 5:58 AM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: I love the bags "make Christmas count." The Christmas advertising made me want to buy more at K-mart just because they aren't afraid to call it what it is! Great job K-mart!

Translation: I don't realize that I'm being played. I will give K-Mart even more of my money as long as they continue to manipulate my religious convictions!

Comment Date: Nov 29 2009 12:19 AM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: The K-mart in Fairfield, Calif. has been playing Christmas Music, with the words of Christmas and even Glory in the Highest by Michael W. Smith. I hope that K-mart would tell those who would complain to go shop somewhere else or offer them earplugs,so those of us who truly treasure our Christmas are not deprived.

Translation: Fuck everyone else. These are the songs I like, and you can like it or lump it.

(note: No one complains about music being too Christmassey. And when people like this complain about things being less than sufficiently Christian/Christmassey, I would love it if someone offered them earplugs or invited them to pound sand.)

Comment Date: Nov 28 2009 11:39 PM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: Love the Christmas carols celebrating the reason for our celebration as well as "Christmas" used throughout the store as well as employees who are friendly, attentive and not afraid to wish me "Merry Christmas". I tell EVERYONE to shop here! (K-Mart)

Translation: Friendly and attentive employees? I don't know where I was, but it sure as hell wasn't K-Mart!

Comment Date: Nov 29 2009 12:43 PM
Rating: Christmas-Negligent
Comment: 11/29 Ad: "Every Season starts at Dick's" That's all: no Holiday, no Christmas. no Dick's.

Translation: I find it hilarious that there is a store named Dick's!

Comment Date: Nov 25 2009 8:41 AM
Rating: Christmas-Negligent
Comment: Other stores are too commrcial as well. All are most interested in making money rather than the real meaning of Cristmas

Translation: I don't understand how capitalism works.
Do you mean to tell me that retail stores are in business to make money? Not to spread the Gospel? Well, I never!

Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 1:02 PM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: I shopped at JCPenney on Black Friday after researching their use of Christmas. I was very pleased with their use of Christmas in their ads. I appreciate and am proud to shop at JCPenney!

Translation: JC Penney is still in business? Holy Crap!

Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 1:40 PM
Rating: Christmas-Friendly
Comment: As a platinum card holder, I received a gift in the mail from Dillard's wishing me a Merry Christmas. I almost fell over and I am thrilled to shop there this Christmas. I was more excited about them wishing me a Merry Christmas than the gift.

Translation: That's right, I said PLATINUM card holder! Platinum! That's better than gold! I'm so fucking awesome!

Comment Date: Dec 1 2009 7:46 AM
Rating: Christmas-Offensive
Comment: Last week, I read through a Crate and Barrel catalog to see what their stance was on Christmas. I was amazed that the catalog was chocked full of Christmas themed items with no mention of the word "Christmas". This was made more eery because they seemed to try not to use "Holiday" either. Very bizarre.

Translation: Everything frightens me!