Sunday, June 30, 2013

People are still letting Louie Gohmert say things in public.

Usually, when Louie Gohmert speaks, all I hear is "tell me again about the rabbits, George." But when you see his comments in print, hoo boy, this guy . . . I mean, how has no one from the Republican leadership taken him aside and said "Louie, baby, sweetheart, we luv ya, you know that. We like the way you vote as if you had just awoken from a 150-year coma, we get it. But seriously, you need to stop saying things where other people can hear them. Just stop saying things, any things. You're making us all look bad."

 My cat's name is Mittens!

Exhibit A: A few days ago, Gohmert went on the radio to make the case that kids don't need sex education because they'll figure it out on their own eventually, an idea that was almost immediately undercut by a grown woman from Gohmert's home state claiming that rape kits prevent pregnancies. (remember?)

Here's a bit of what he had to say:
Let the kids be innocent.  Let them dream. Let them play. Let them enjoy their life. You don't have to force this sexuality stuff into their life at such a point. It was never intended to be that way. They'll find out soon enough

Yes, they'll find out about the birds and the bees the way people have been finding out for generations, when the doctor says "congratulations, it's a boy!"

Hey, how did that get in there?
They'll find out soon enough.  And, in fact, ... mankind has existed for a pretty long time without anyone ever having to give a sex-ed lesson to anybody.
And without any outside help at all, the human race has managed to develop syphilis, chlamydia, HIV, and teenage pregnancy! So I've got tot think we've pretty much got this whole sex thing down pat!
And there is a natural law that parents should be involved in education, they should know about, they should be part of the training - that's a law of nature; 

Yeah, Newton's laws of thermodynamics are laws of nature. Parents being involved in education is just, what, a custom? Tradition? A bad idea that doesn't work? (At least when it comes to sex-ed, parents have proven themselves woefully  unqualified)
. . . that's a law of nature; Alan Keyes was just talking about it this weekend when we were together
Alan Keyes the lunatic? Or Alan Keyes the self-righteous asshole? Oh, wait, they're the same guy! Would this be the same Alan Keyes who disowned his daughter? Because that's definitely the guy you want parenting advice from!
Yeah, that's a guy who knows what he's talking about!
Oh, but wait. It gets nuttier!
And it reminds me so much of the summer that I was an exchange student in the Soviet Union back in the Seventies and I was shocked when they were saying 'no, the children don't belong to parents, they belong to the state.' And if any parent said anything in front of their children negative about the wonderful Soviet Union, then we will take their children away and give them to somebody more deserving.  And I just thought how horribly shocking that was, that of course parents were the ones who love the children, not the state. And I thought thank God that we don't have that in our country.

Okay, that was actually pretty sane. The Soviet Union was terrible, good thing the US isn't like that, fine, no problem. Except that somehow, the idea that kids should get sex-ed reminds you of Soviet totalitarianism?  How's that?
And now I’ve seen this coming with a lady from MSNBC saying “hey, children belong to the state” … and it just sent chills because it took me back to the Seventies when that’s what the Soviet Union used to say and we know how well that worked out.

Apparently, this is in reference to Melissa-Harris Perry who said this, in an MSNBC promo:
"we have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families and recognize that kids belong to whole communities.
"We have never invested as much in public education as we should have because we've always had a private notion of children; your kid is yours and totally your responsibility. We haven't had a very collective notion of these are our children," Harris-Perry opined.

So, saying that the community has an obligation to educate the children of that community, that's apparently the same thing as saying children are the property of the state? I would think that he's purposely twisting her words there, but I'm pretty sure he's actually nutty enough to believe what he's saying.
Give me all your babies!
Exhibit B: Gohmert opines on the Supreme Court's  DOMA decision
“For them — I don’t know what kind of cloistered walls this court has been behind,” he opined. “They were not aware that the most wise man in history, Solomon, said there’s nothing new under the sun. And this isn’t new, and it’s been tried over and over. And it’s usually tried at the end of a great civilization.”
Okay, couple of notes, here Lou. Um first off, if Solomon was the wisest man in history, and he had like 700 wives and a few hundred "concubines," then I think the point you're making here is that the wisest man in history completely eschewed "traditional marriage." Unless you're saying that "traditional marriage" encompasses the thousand-woman harem, then maybe don't cite Solomon in your "traditional marriage" argument?
Second thing, has this really been tried "over and over?" Really? Because we've kind of been pushing the idea that marriage has always been a boy-girl thing and saying that every civilization throughout history has always practiced "opposite marriage," so if you're going to contradict our conservative bullshit narrative with your own bullshit narrative, we're going to need some historical citations.
And third thing, you're saying that these civilizations are already at their end when same-sex marriage has been tried. See, we're really pushing the idea that it's the trying of same-sex marriage that would cause great civilizations to collapse, not the other way around.
So maybe you could toss some sort of irrelevant historical gibberish onto your argument that would be so nonsensical that people will forget the other nonsense you just spewed? You know, the Bachmann technique?
“I would remind you of the document that allowed the United States to claim its independence and be free as recognized by England, the Treaty of Paris (1783),” the Texas Republican continued. “And if you look at that document, you will see big, bold letters at the top. Because put yourself in the place of the Americans. What would you make Britain swear under that they would be so afraid to go back on their word?”
“Well, what our founders came up with were these words: ‘In the Name of the most Holy & undivided Trinity.’ That’s why it started that way, and they did not believe that even the adversaries in war would the nerve to go against that.”
Perfect! Thanks, Louie baby!
Now never speak in public again!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Catching up

Posting has been a bit spotty lately because SOMEONE has been hogging the computer. Apparently SOMEONE thinks her job search is more important than my blog hobby! Whatever!

So now's my chance to catch up with some recent events.

1. Right-Wing justices explain their Voting Rights Act decision:

I believe in original intent, and clearly the founding fathers never intended
 to allow minorities to vote!
Hey, the US Chamber of Commerce says "overturn," I overturn! It's not up to me!
Hey, I get to vote, so I don't really see what the problem is.
Oh, and SCOTUS also ruled that the government can't tell you who you can or can't marry, much to the delight of Libertarians everywhere.
Haha, just kidding, Libertarians are complete hypocrites:

Rand Paul Channels Santorum On Gay Marriage: 'Does It Have To Be Humans?'

And in Non-SCOTUS news:

Man Chalks Pro-Health Care Message On Sidewalk, Gets Arrested For Writing ‘Derogatory Remark’

Rick Santorum now running Christian movie studio

Monday, June 24, 2013

Today's WTF Moments


Zimmerman's Defense Attorney Tells Knock-Knock Joke During Opening Statements, Gets No Laughs From Jury

Ladies and germs of the jury. . .is this thing on?

"Sometimes, you have to laugh to keep from crying," West said. "So let me, at considerable risk, let me say: I'd like to tell you a little joke."
West told the courtroom: " I think you're the perfect audience for it, as long as if you don't like it … you don't hold it against Mr. Zimmerman."
" Here's how it goes: knock, knock. Who's there? George Zimmerman. George Zimmerman who? All right, good, you're on the jury."
The joke didn't elicit any laughs. West asked: "Nothing? That's funny."

Seriously? You're presenting a defense in a murder case and you think  "this material's awfully dry, better open with a joke?"
And it's not like the joke made some point about the case. It's not like the joke was "knock knock - who's there? - Well, if you don't know who's there, that's reasonable doubt!" Are you, like the rest of us, so disgusted by Mr. Zimmerman that you're trying to throw the case? WTF?


New Jersey flags flying at half-staff today for James Gandolfini
By | The Sideshow – 7 hrs ago

'Ay, oh, not fa nuhthin' there, Jersey, but whaddafuck is up with the fuckin' flags, uh?
Seriously, you're flying flags at half mast for James Gandolfini? For what? For his part in cementing New Jersey's reputation as a cesspool of corruption and violence?


Jeezus, New jersey, the guy was an actor. An Actor! What are you going to do when someone important from New Jersey dies, like Springsteen? Drape the entire state in black velvet? Actually, that would probably be a good idea anyway!

Hey, you know why James Gandolfini was in Rome? To find someone who speaks English correctly!

Seriously, though, James Gandolfini was a terrific actor and probably a nice guy and he should rest in peace, but flags at half-staff? WTF, New Jersey?


 Sponsor of New Texas Anti-Abortion Bill Thinks Rape Kits Are Contraceptives
By Alexander Abad-Santos | The Atlantic Wire – 6 hrs ago

Laubenberg then explained that there was no need for such an amendment, because Laubenberg erroneously believes that rape kits eliminate the possibility of conception through rape and incest. Laubenberg said:
In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out ...
Okay, first of all, ewwwww. . . . "cleaned out?" What the fuck do you think a rape kit is? For fuck's sake, at least watch an episode of Law & Order before making laws regarding rape and babies.

Secondly, while it may not surprise you to learn that Launberg is a Republican, it surprised me to learn that she is a woman.

Rep. Jodie Laubenberg (© Harry Cabluck/AP)


 So, how's theat whole "re-branding" thing workin' out for ya, Republicans? Seems like having women take the point on discussions of reproductive health is goin' gangbusters!

Seriously, Texas Republicans, WTF?


Oh my God. Liligers!

Liligers with mommies!


Liligers with regular kitties!


The first "liligers," the offspring of a lion and "liger" have been born.


Sunday, June 23, 2013

Rick Perry is Shockingly Stupid

 Gov Rick Perry, shown here giving the two-fingered ignorant douche salute, has issued a renewed declaration of a state of emergency for Texas.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry extends drought emergency in most of state

By CNN Staff
-- Texas Gov. Rick Perry has renewed a drought emergency in more than 200 counties throughout the state, authorizing "all necessary measures" be implemented to aid response efforts.
"Prolonged dry conditions continue to increase the threat of wildfire across many portions of the state," the governor's proclamation said this week.
 "These drought conditions have reached historic levels and continue to pose an imminent threat to public health, property and the economy."
Low rainfall and record high temperatures have reduced water supplies and aquifer levels, threatening many parts of the state, the proclamation said.
(emphases added)
So, one might be tempted to think that this constitutes an admission on the governor's part that yes, indeed, climate science is real, the global climate is indeed continuing to heat up. But no. No, Perry doesn't see the inherent contradiction between his proclamation that his state is experiencing "record high temperatures" and drought conditions of "historic levels" and his bedrock belief that climate science is “all one contrived phony mess that is falling apart under its own weight” and that "we have been experiencing a cooling trend, that the complexities of the global atmosphere have often eluded the most sophisticated scientists. . ." (source)
He really doesn't see it.

The fact that Texas has been in a drought-and-heat-related state of emergency since July of 2011 has no bearing on his apparently faith-based belief that global warming can't be real because Al Gore believes it and fuck that guy! 
Oh, but don't worry, he's got a plan for dealing with the worst drought since the dust bowl:
Which, by the way, is his answer for pretty much every problem that elected officials ought to be dealing with:
Because when you really think about it, if everybody can just pray to the Almighty to fix everything, why do they even need Perry?
If I may paraphrase Louie DePalma, I wish Rick Perry was a little bit smarter just so that he could realize how stupid he is.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Welcome to the 15th Century!

(Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse)

Just when you thought the religious right couldn't get any more retrograde, this shows up:


And yes, this is exactly what you're afraid it might be, a new movement in which "Christian" men are encouraged to physically "discipline" their wives. It's called "Christian Domestic Discipline" and it's basically a way for domestic abusers to convince themselves that they're doing God's work.

This is an excerpt from an article on some weirdo website called "Black Christian News Network One" :

'Christian Domestic Discipline' - Is This Really a 'Christian' Form of "Fifty Shades of Grey" or Domestic Abuse?

On a pain scale of one to 10, Chelsea ranks the epidural-free birth of her child as a six. Her husband's spankings? Those are an eight.

Now any normal person would move out, call the police, and/or shoot the bastard in the crotch herself, but not "Chelsea!"
But this isn't domestic abuse, Chelsea says. This is for Jesus.

Oh hell no! You're not pinning this on me!
Chelsea and her husband Clint, who asked that I use only their first names, belong to a small subculture of religious couples who practice "Christian Domestic Discipline," a lifestyle that calls for a wife to be completely submissive to her husband. Referred to as CDD by its followers, the practice often includes spanking and other types corporal punishments administered by husbands--and ostensibly ordained by God. While the private nature of the discipline makes it difficult to estimate the number of adherents, activity in several online forums suggests a figure in the low thousands.

Thousands?!?! There are THOUSANDS of these sick, dysfunctional relationships out there? This is un-god-damn-believable!

Clint was in the room while I talked to Chelsea. They do everything together, including running their blog, Learning DD, which chronicles their exploration of domestic discipline. When Chelsea gets flummoxed by a question, she asks Clint for guidance in a voice so high-pitched that it belies her 28 years: "Honey, how long does the spanking usually last?" (About 5 minutes, Clint says.)

Okay, I'm a little ashamed to admit that I learned this from Dr. Drew, but from what I understand, when a grown woman has a voice like a child, that indicates some childhood trauma. If she sounds like a 6-year-old, the trauma happened when she was around 6 years old. If she sounds 12, the trauma occurred around age 12, etc. Think of any woman you know with a little girl voice. I guarantee you there was some trauma in her childhood. It might be as seemingly minor as her parents divorcing or it might be as horrific as sexual abuse, but something went horribly wrong in this woman's childhood. Which would explain why she finds herself attracted to abusive men and probably even feels as if she deserves the abuse. And now some religious scumbags have found a way to exploit her self-loathing in the name of God. Wonderful!

When a wife breaks her husband's rules--rolling her eyes, maybe, or just feeling "meh," as one blogger put it--that can equal punishments which are often corporal but can also be "corner time"; writing lines (think "I will not disobey my master" 1,000 times); losing a privilege like internet access; or being "humbled" by some sort of nude humiliation

Nude humiliation. Shoulda seen that one coming. This has nothing to do with religious belief, this is just some sick pseudo-consensual S&M fetish being justified with some weird Biblical veneer. I understand that there are couples who are into S&M, and as long as both parties are into it and everyone involved is a consenting adult, then what the hell, have at it. But that doesn't seem like what's going on here. This seems like the type of situation where the husband is abusive and both he and the wife have found some way to rationalize the abuse so that he can feel like he's not an evil bag of scum and she can feel like she's not really a victim of abuse and that this is really just a type of love. The highest form of "godly" love.

 Some practice "maintenance spanking," wherein good girls are slapped on a schedule to remind them who's boss; some don't. Some couples keep the lifestyle from their children; others, like CDD blogger Stormy, don't. "Not only does he spank me with no questions asked for disrespect or attitude in front of them, but I am also required to make an apology to each of them," she writes.

I just. . . I don't even know what to say to something so horrific. Other than that someone needs to call CPS and have these children removed from this home. "Stormy" is an adult, if her particular pathology causes her to want to stay in this fucked-up situation, that's her choice, but how the fuck do allow your children to be involved in the ritual humiliation of their own mother?

And it does really seem like maybe at least some of these women are into it, maybe because they've been brainwashed, or maybe because they have terrible self-esteem issues, I don't know. But there are "DD" blogs (Domestic Discipline) with posts like this:

(Warning, decent human beings will probably find this disturbing)

January 25, 2008

Or this one, published in the "Doubts and Difficulties" section:

Spanks Too Hard?

Dear Group,
. . .I *think* he spanks very hard.  When it's punishment, it's always bare bottom with a wooden paddle. . .  But bare-bottom hurts so much more that I can't stand it.  I am always sobbing by the time it's over and feel very sick.  Yet compared to what some other ladies say they get I don't think it's too much.  I never have bruises, just a very sore red bottom for a few hours, which he says is not too much.  He says I'm a grown woman and my butt can take a lot and that if he just gave me a few "paddy cakes" I wouldn't learn anything.  In a way I think he's right, but I know I don't want it.

We have talked about and prayed about it, and he says it's because I haven't really submitted to his judgment.  That he would never really hurt me, but that we decided together before we were married that spanking would be something that was used, and now it's my duty to submit to it.  But all I know is that I have come to hate this, yet I want him to be happy and I really do feel that I did agree and promise before God to obey him.  He's agreed to consider using other discipline too, like writing lines, but when he assigned something like that to me lately, I felt so resentful, I just hated it.   He grounded me recently from the computer, and I couldn't wait to sneak on as soon as he went to work.  When he got home I lied about that too. 
I think really he's right.  I don't want to submit. I know that if we didn't have this relationship, I would NOT feel this resentful towards him.  If I could just say ( like some of my friends do) "Hey I got another speeding ticket.  Oh well."  and that's the end, it would be fine. 
I never should have agreed to any arrangement where I was expected to submit, but I do love him and don't want a divorce!  Help, what do I do?

Which "Emma" answered:

Might I suggest that you're narrowing your focus too much? You seem to be just focusing on the spanking, without looking at the big picture of what your husband is trying to do for you through loving discipline. As a godly man, he has seen you err and loves you enough to correct you for that error. It's not easy for a man to see his wife kicking and crying in distress, knowing he is the cause of her pain. And yet he is doing that because he loves you. Afterwards, you are unlikely to repeat the offense, and doesn't that reticence make you a better person? --Posted by: Emma

I can't read anymore of this. It's just too awful. If you want to read more about this sickening phenomenon, there's a good article on JEZEBEL.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Okay, I'm Back! What'd I Miss?

It's good to be back!
Oh, who am I kidding? I would've given my left arm to stay on that beach in Aruba. But return to the real world I must. And have. Oh, God, I hate it here! Someone come save me!

Anywayyyyyyyy. . .
So what did I miss whilst I was gone?
Oh, no. Wait. First let me tell you, dear readers, what I learned while on vacation.
1. The thong is back!

At least in Aruba it is. Good God a'mighty, I thought we'd seen the last of them back in the '90's, but apparently not! Dear readers, dear kind, gentle readers, I can not tell you the horrors I have seen lo these past several days. They were everywhere!!!!

Dear sweet lovely readers, I implore you. Spread the word. People must be made aware that whether you are young, pretty and fit or "normal," we don't need to see that much butt. It's too much! Whether your buttocks look like a statue of a Greek goddess's caboose or like a strip of cloth between two grocery bags full of golf balls, we don't want to see it. Especially if you have small children whose faces are at butt-height. No one wants to watch your children's future nightmares.
2. My fear and loathing of the Iguana may technically qualify
 as a full-blown phobia.
Look out! There's one now!
Not cool, internet. Not cool..
I know it's not rational. I'm pretty sure they're relatively harmless, and they certainly don't seem aggressive, but I will walk 20 feet out of my way to go around one. Because, come on. Look at them! they're obviously pure evil! I mean, Jeezus, their tales look like fucking king snakes! And what kind of non-evil creature has that sort of thing dangling from it's chin?
 Don't kid yourself, he'd peck your face off as soon as look at ya!
I think that in the hierarchy of evil animals, obviously the alligator is Satan. And that makes Iguanas his demon minions.
Canine Hitler? Probably.

And these vile, loathsome creatures are as ubiquitous as bare buttocks at the Holiday Inn Palms Beach. Some people even feed them.  Most small children aren't even afraid of them, which makes me feel a bit like a coward, but mostly like I'm just smarter than these small children who are about to have their souls taken from them.
How may I serve you, my dark Lord?
Kill my parents? Yes, master!
3. I'm really glad we don't pay for HBO
I'm not saying they don't have some good stuff. I hear Game of Thrones is supposed to be quite compelling.  But none of the good stuff is ever on when we are in a hotel with HBO. I didn't get to see "Girls," so I'm still not sure whether I'm supposed to love or despise Lena Dunham, which makes me feel like less of an engaged citizen somehow. (Tiny Furniture was pretty good) No, we get "True Blood." Good God, what a ridiculous show. And not because it's about vampires. I have no problem suspending disbelief for a good show. I'm a big fan of The Walking Dead and Orphan Black. And I loooooved Carnivale. But the episode of True Blood we tried to sit through, which, by the way was voted a fan favorite or viewer's choice or whatever, so it's not like we just caught them on a bad night or something, this was supposedly one of the best episodes, and I totally lost control of that sentence about 20 words ago.
Anyway, it's just a bad show.  Just bad writing. You can do a show about vampires. You just can't have a "vampire terrorist" fighting for "vampire rights" by killing a reporter on TV. And you can't have a character find out that she has faerie anscestry and that puts her in danger because faerie blood is the most delicious type of blood to a vampire. It's just too stupid!
And you don't deserve Christopher Meloni!

Also, HBO has Bill Maher who, as previously noted, is a prick. A smug, self-impressed little prick. I happened to see a minute of him doing a one-on-one interview with someone I didn't recognize when the subject of Jay-Z came up. Maher said he likes Jay-Z because "him and his girl" don't get into any trouble or something like that. Oh, I'm sorry, Bill Maher, when you say "his 'girl'" are you referring to worldwide superstar Beyonce'? Is that who you you're referring to, you misogynistic little asshole? Beyonce'?  The international super-platinum phenomenon? That's the "girl" whose name you can't bother to remember? God, I can't stand Bill Maher! (And a special welcome to those of you who found this page by using the search term "Bill Maher Is A Dick")
So what did I miss? I think I'm going to wait another day to find out. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be happier not knowing.

Sunday, June 9, 2013


We're going to be out of town for about a week. I can't imagine there will be any blog postings. Maybe Twitter if our hotel has wi-fi.

Se ya, suckas!

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Military Rapes are Everyone's Fault. (Except the Rapists')

You might think, when you hear about one person raping another person that the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the first person, the one doing the raping. But that is only because you are a "normal person" who lives in the "real world." Let's take a visit to the right-wing parallel universe and see who is actually to blame in that dimension.

1. Khmer Rouge Feminists:
Michael Savage and Allen West

And here you thought that strong women were "feminazis!" No, that was yesterday. Now they're Femi-Khmer-Rouge-ists.
Savage, who hosts Cumulus Media Networks' Savage Nation, began the segment by playing audio of Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) talking about changing the military chain of command in sexual assault cases. After saying Gillibrand "sounds like a college chick at a dorm," Savage told guest West: "When I watch these Khmer Rouge feminists try to take over the military, this looked like an attempted coup to me, Colonel West."

West replied: "Nah, you're absolutely right and that's a big concern that I have because when you start to get -- you know, I understand civilian oversight of the military. We all understand that as all officers who served in uniform. But when you start to have this interjection of, you know, political, you know, will against, you know, the military, good order and discipline, where you start to try to usurp the commanders' authority and I guess replace it with some type of political, legal officers, and things of that nature. Then the next thing you know, it goes from just dealing with this, you know, sexual assault thing to, you know, making decisions on the battlefield."

Savage and West went on to discuss whether sexual assaults in the military are actually a problem. When West said that "there may be a problem, without a doubt, with sexual assault," Savage interrupted by claiming that sexual assault claims can include men asking women out for "a beer." He then asked West, "how many of them are fraudulent claims? We don't know, do we?"

See? Women are making up claims of sexual assault whenever they are asked out on dates so that civilian oversight of the military can . . . um, something. Something bad, I guess. But it involves 'chicks' taking over the military and putting it under civilian control which is totally not what the Constitution says!

2. Pornographers:
Senator Jeff Sessions

During the recent Washington DC hearings on sexual assaults in the military, Sessions had this salient point to bring up:


SESSIONS: Mr. Chairman, I’d just add a letter, a document here that was given to me from Morality in the Media. Pat Truman used to be in the Department of Justice. I knew him when he was there. He points out that, a picture here of a newsstand and an Air Force base exchange with, you know, sexually explicit magazines being sold. So, we live in a culture that’s awash in sexual activity. If it’s not sold on base, it’s right off base. There are videos and so forth that can be obtained, and it creates some problems, I think.

And as we all know, pornography is totally not readily available to the civilian public which is why no one is ever raped outside of the military! And obviously the soldiers aren't to blame, because once a young man has been exposed to a copy of Hustler magazine, he can't possibly be expected to behave like a civilized human being. If any one of you out there ever accidentally saw a picture of a naked lady you'd turn into a rutting animal too. Which is why pornography is illegal in this country!

3. Hormones:
Senator Saxby Chambliss

The young folks that are coming into each of your services are anywhere from 17 to 22, or 23,” Sen. Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga., said at a Senate Armed Services Committee meeting on military sexual assaults. “Gee whiz, the level -- the hormone level created by nature sets in place the possibility for these types of things to occur. So we've got to be very careful of how we address it on our side.”

Because anyone who has ever had contact with a 17-23-year-old male and says she wasn't raped is just a damn liar! Every 17-23-year-old male is so awash in hormones that he is physically unable to prevent himself from assaulting any woman within groping distance. Gee whiz! Everyone knows that!

 4. The Gays:
Mike Huckabee and Gen. Jerry Boykin (Ret)

Family Values!
And now here's a song about fucking underage groupies.


Huckabee: General, there has been such a rash of sexual assault in the military and it’s become virtually epidemic. I wanted your assessment, do you think this has anything to do with the fact that we’ve so liberalized the policies of everything from women in combat, the whole conception of the separation of the gender, as well as saying we’re not going to have any restrictions on homosexuals in the military? Does that have anything at all to do with this?

Boykin: Well I think it has everything to do with it, Governor. We have seen, if I may use this term, a sexualization of our military with social engineering. One of the things that most of the people don’t realize is in a recent survey there are actually more men that have been sexually assaulted than women. We are trying to violate the laws of nature, failing to recognize that these young men and women are at the peak of their sex drive when we try to mix the genders for reasons that to me are illogical and in doing so what we are doing is we are inviting this kind of behavior,

Okay, to be fair, it's not just the fault of the gays. It's also because we've made this crazy decision to have men and women in the same place. Everyone knows that men and women must be kept separate at all times, lest the men be unable to resist the temptation of female flesh and act on their lust in the most violent inhuman way imaginable. That's why we should follow the example of Saudi Arabia where women are kept separate from men and no sexual assaults ever take place and everyone's happy!

5. The Gays AND The Womens:
Frank Gaffney


 We’re hearing a lot about sexual assaults in the military and the like, it’s not to defend that by any means but it is to say if anybody is surprised that by putting more women and for that matter homosexuals into the military you are not going to get as a result that kind of unacceptable behavior is fatuous, it’s irresponsible, it’s malfeasance, is what it’s amounts to.

I'm not sure what 'homosexuals" have to do with the rape problem, but generally it's a safe bet that they're to blame for pretty much everything in this parallel universe.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Fuck You, Neil Munro

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you with John Holmes' mummified penis, fuck you.
You have the indecency to write this:

Those broader problems include stress and sadness, which are medically dubbed “anxiety” and “depression” by professionals. . .Americans have typically responded to stress and sadness by urging stoicism, hard work, marriage, prayer and personal initiative, and by stigmatizing unemployment and passivity

in your assholish little article for the pathetic Daily Caller?  What the fuck do you know about depression and anxiety?

Let me tell you a little something about depression. Depression is NOT sadness. Sadness is what you feel when your dog dies or your girlfriend breaks up with you. Depression is an all-consuming emptiness, a dark void in which there is no hope. You have no idea what you are talking about unless you've been there. I've been fighting the demon for as long as I can remember, and it is a daily struggle to go through the motions of everyday life.

The best analogy I can come up with to explain it to people who haven't experienced it is this: imagine being hungry. Extremely hungry. You open the refrigerator and there is all kinds of food inside. You got pizza, you got lo mein, you got turkey and stuffing, every kind of food you can imagine. And none of it looks good. In fact, you don't think you could really stomach any of it. And when you do try to eat something, you find you have no taste buds. Whatever you do manage to eat is bland, dry and tasteless and doesn't help your hunger. So you eat enough to stay alive and hope that next time therfe will be something in the fridge that tatses at least a little pleasant. That's what life is like with the demon. Zoloft helps. But the demon never goes away. And you think the problem is that there's not enough stigma? Fuck you, you ignorant piece of shit.

For a better description of depression by a better writer, check out Hyperbole and a Half.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Jackass of the Day

Today's outstanding jackass: Judge Edith Jones!

Federal judge accused of making racial comments

June 4, 2013, 6:42 pm
Jones is accused of saying that certain "racial groups like African-Americans and Hispanics are predisposed to crime," and are "prone to commit acts of violence" and be involved in more violent and "heinous" crimes than people of other ethnicities.

Sure, because it's not like judges are supposed to be un-biased or anything!

Holy shit! Did she actually say this out loud?

Her comments were not recorded, but five students and one attorney who were in attendance signed affidavits on what was said.

Okay, then. So she's a huge racist. Yawn. What else ya got?

The complaint also states that Jones said defendants' claims of racism, innocence, arbitrariness, and violations of international law and treaties are just "red herrings" used by opponents of the death penalty

Innocence? You know, I could give you "international law" or "arbitrariness" maybe, but innocence? Innocence is a red herring? Isn't innocence kinda the main thing? Does she mean that defendant's claims of innocence are always lies? Because that at least has some sort of logic to it, even though it's demonstrably false, but how is innocence a "Red Herring?"

red herring: noun

something that distracts attention from the real issue

Examples of RED HERRING:

The argument is a red herring. It actually has nothing to do with the issue.


. . . and that claims of "mental retardation" by capital defendants disgust her. The fact that those defendants were convicted of a capital crime is sufficient to prove they are not "mentally retarded," the complaint alleges Jones to have said.


Federal court clears way for execution of mentally disabled Georgia man


Supreme Court Outlawed Executing Mentally Retarded, But Texas Does It Anyway

And um,

Scalia Denies Stay, Allows Execution of Mentally Retarded Man in Texas

But sure. Yeah, the mentally disabled are never executed. Not in this great land of ours.

Oh, but it gets worse.

Okay, maybe not worse, but just as bad.
According to Think Progress: "she wrote a dissenting opinion claiming that a woman who “was repeatedly propositioned, was groped and grabbed, [had] pornography [] placed in her locker, and [had] other employees broadcast[] obscene comments about her over the company’s public address system” did not experience sexual harassment."

I guess she was never harassed in the same way that the mentally disabled are never executed?
  She also said the death penalty provides a public service by allowing an inmate to “make peace with God,” citing an article called “Hanging Concentrates the Mind,” according to the Austin Chronicle.
I feel so at peace!

 But, also according to TP, she is a frequent recipient of something I was unaware of, judicial junkets.
This is a very disturbing practice in which judges attend corporate-sponsored "legal education" activities before ruling on cases which affect those corporations.
After all, the Center found instances where judges traveled to seminars paid for by oil companies, the American Petroleum Institute, or the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and later issued rulings favoring some of those same sponsors. . .   And, there is nothing illegal about having the trip paid for by corporations who in some cases are also litigants before the federal courts.

Because if corporations are allowed to buy the Congress, Senate, White House and regulatory agencies, why should the courts be any different?

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Having a gun makes you safer!

Because without an AK-47, how would you protect yourself from your elderly father who has his hands in his pockets. HIS POCKETS!

Murder suspect told 911 operators he ‘had to shoot’ his father
Posted: 12:23 p.m. Tuesday, June 4, 2013
The Henry County man who police say shot and killed his father at the family’s auto parts business last Wednesday told 911 operators that he killed his father after the older man threatened him.
So I guess the old man had a gun pointed at the son? Or a knife? Or something?
“He came in here wanting to fight me, and had his hands in his pocket and I didn’t have no choice but to shoot him,” Morgan told the operator.
No choice! What else could he do? I know if my dad ever comes at me with pocketed hands, well, I'd sure want to have a military-grade assault weapon at hand!
Asked by the dispatcher where in the body his father was shot, Morgan replied, “I shot him wherever I could hit him.”
The operator asked if the victim was breathing, and Morgan said, “no, he ain’t; he’s dead.”

And here comes the really salient part:

The operator then asked Morgan to look and see if his father’s chest was rising.
“I shot him with an AK-47; there ain’t no way he’s breathing,” Morgan said.

Because I gotta think that if this nut had been armed with, say a deer rifle or a revolver, maybe the old man might still be breathing. Maybe he would have survived one shot to the gut, but instead, his moron son "shot him wherever he could hit him" with a goddamm AK.

How long are we going to allow mentally unstable idiots to arm themselves with military-style weaponry just because the cowards in DC are afraid of hurting the feelings of guys like this?

Monday, June 3, 2013

Good songs Spoiled

Sometimes, an otherwise good song can be spoiled by an ugly bit of lyrics. here are a few examples.

1. That's The Way The World Goes Round - John Prine

Mostly, this is a pleasant song about how "you're up one day, the next you're down." However, the first verse is about a guy who's "a pretty nice fella but kinda confused" which sounds okay until this part:

He starts in drinkin', gets a big red nose
Beats his old lady with a rubber hose



Holy shit! Where the hell did that come from?
And you know, it would be one thing if this guy was the villain of the story, but Prine has already established that he's a "pretty nice fella," which he definitely is not if he's beating his old lady with a rubber hose. And the next line is

then he takes her out to dinner and buys her new clothes.
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

Like that's just one of those things that happens! You know, on the one hand, he's violently beating this woman, but hey, on the other hand, he's taking her out to dinner and buying her clothes, so I guess it all evens out!

2. Jack Straw - The Grateful Dead

Like most songs with lyrics by Robert Hunter, I have no fucking idea what this song is about. Except that it concerns a man named Jack Straw from Wichita. But it's mostly a perfectly fine song, although there are a lot of crimes committed within it. But for some reason, the song both opens and closes with the line:

We can share the women, we can share the wine.

What does it even have to do with the rest of the song? Hell if I know. But it seems like you could have come up with some line that doesn't involve passing women around like some sort of commodity, like bottles of wine.

3.  Getting Better - The Beatles

As the title implies, this is a song about things getting a bit better all the time. And most of the lyrics are about little innocuous things like:
I used to get mad at my school
The teachers who taught me weren't cool

But basically, he's getting over his anger issues, and everything's getting better, and Isn't that nice? Except:

I used to be cruel to my woman
I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved

No. You don't get to just drop that in there in verse 3 like it was just another foible. Oh, I was really frustrated in school, oh, yeah, and I committed a bunch of domestic abuse, but hey things are much better now!
Seriously, look how frivolously the entire domestic violence issue is tossed aside:

I used to be cruel to my woman
I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved
Man I was mean but I'm changing my scene
And I'm doing the best that I can (Ooh)

 I admit it's getting better (Better)
A little better all the time (It can't get more worse)

4. Slip It In - Black Flag

Musically, this is a great song. This is Black Flag at the height of their powers, a perfect demonstration of the raw power of LA hardcore.
Unfortunately, the entirety of the lyrics is a combination of slut-shaming and date-rape apologia.

For instance, here's the chorus:

You say you don't want it
You don't want it
Say you don't want it
Then you slip it on in
So, saying you don't want it is just a type of foreplay?  Or a pretense to be ignored?  The girl repeatedly says that she doesn't "want it," but don't worry, she'll give in eventually. And you wanna know why? 'Cuz she's loose! Seriously, in 1984, Henry Rollins was using the perjorative "loose!" (I don't know why I had the impression Henry Rollins was kind of an enlightened, progressive guy.)
Check this shit out:

You're loose
Put your brain in a noose
The next day you regret it
But, you're still loose
And the song climaxes with the denunciation
You're not loose, you're wide open!

I'm running out of Jon Stewart GIF's.

5. Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel

I feel strange including a Billy Joel song on a list of "good songs," as I usually find his stuff to be, as the French say, "shitty." But this is the one song of his I can stand, it's got a great beat and you can dance to it, Dick. And the lyrics are even pretty sharp and clever. Unfortunately, the entire song is Billy mocking his girlfriend's deeply-held religious beliefs in order to pressure her into having sex with him.

Come out come out come out Virgina don't let me wait,
You Catholic girls start much too late
Sooner or later it comes down to fate
I might as well be the one.

Really? You might as well? What girl could resist that kind of smooth talk?

Obviously, this isn't as offensive as some of the other songs, but I still feel like I should be offended.