Monday, June 6, 2011

I could go the rest of my life without staying at a Bed and Breakfast ever again.

Over the weekend, Team Chaos visited the Ocoee River in Southern Tennessee. As the hour was getting late, we tried to book a hotel room, but for some reason, every hotel we called was booked up. Except one. This one place with available rooms turned out to be a very pleasant B&B in Blue Ridge, GA - just across the GA/TN border.

I can not for the life of me understand why anyone chooses to stay at a B&B. Because, A: I just want to pay the fee and go to my room. I don't want to know how long you've owned the place. I don't care that each rtoom has its own unique decor. I don't want your fucking life story. I just want to go to the room, watch TV and fall asleep. But at a B&B, that's just too much to ask.

Staying at a B&B is like being a guest in someone's home, which is fine if that someone is a friend or relative, but really uncomfortable if that person is a complete stranger. And when that complete stranger's wife is cooking you breakfast while you are forced to share a table making awkward small talk with other strangers, how could anyone be comfortable? And of course, the couple who own the place are very nice. And the other strangers at the breakfast table were perfectly nice, too, but that doesn't mean I want to chit-chat with people whom I will never see again before the caffeine kicks in. I don't get the appeal. It's not like you're going to be making friends with these people. The one couple is going back to Florida, and the other is going back to some little town I've never heard of in South GA, and none of us will ever see or hear from each other again, so the awkwardness is really for nothing.

And when the lady of the house and her daughter are cooking and serving breakfast, it's a little uncomfortable to say, "I'd like un-sweet tea*" knowing that they are going to have to go into the kitchen and make it specially for you. You feel like a jerk. I'll take a regular hotel any day.

*  For those of you outside of Georgia, there are two kinds of iced tea -- Sweet and "un-sweet." "Un-sweet" is what is known in California as "iced tea." It's made of water and tea bags. Sweet tea is made by boiling sugar and water together until the water becomes super-saturated with sugar, then brewing tea with the water/sugar solution. Yes, it's very tasty, but after one sip, your teeth hurt, and by the end of a glass you're diabetic.