The Weirdest Thing I Saw Today.

So I saw this on Twitter today:

One of the anti #LGBTQ folks gathering in front of the U.S. Supreme Court for a press conference calling for the Court to overturn its marriage equality decision pic.twitter.com/sA8ttWue3U

— Peter Montgomery (@petemont) June 26, 2019

And, holy Hell, where to begin?
First of all, that's not how the Supreme Court works.
Or it isn't how it's supposed to work, anyway.
The Supreme Court isn't supposed to respond to public pressure the way that elected officials are supposed to. They aren't supposed to look at a law and say "Hmm, this law clearly violates the equal protection clause of the Constitution, but on the other hand, some people really like it, so. . . "
Also, the Supreme Court can't just decide to reverse a prior decision. Someone has to bring a case before them. Someone would have to have standing. And no one is ever going to have standing to bring a case against Obergfell because how could anyone claim to have been harmed by that decision? (And having your little feelings hurt doesn't count.)


But then I saw the web address on his shirt. WWW -dot-ThirdGender666-dot-com. And my curiosity got the better of me.

So I went there.

Hoo boy!

Welcome to the house of weird!

First of all, there's the "In the News" section which contains precisely Two entries:

1:

In the news! Jan. 2007 - Elementary school kids being taught to embrace gay and lesbian lifestyles as a healthy alternative

2:
1959 - The Third Sex, a lesbian pulp novel from 1959 opened the minds of Americans to this secret society




Ah, yes. I remember how in 1969 everyone was reading this particular potboiler and how it opened up the minds of America to. . .how many people actually read this book? 
Also, what secret society? I've never heard of any secret societ. . . oh, right. Cuz it's a secret. Duh!
Anyway, I did a bit of online research about the genre and there were several more influential lesbian pulp novels published prior to The Third Sex, notably 1952's Spring Fire,





 1950's Women's Barracks

and 1953's The Price of Salt (which was made intro the 2015 movie Carol with Kate Blanchett and Rooney Mara)

So why place so mush import on this one particular pulp novel?

What are they, chopped liver?

Probably because whatever weirdo writes this website seems kind of obsessed with the term "third gender" (hence the site's name.)

To say "I was born the Third Gender" is to curse the name of the Lord, meaning evil speaking or slander attributing some evil to God. But God is holy and can do no evil. The concept of a Third Gender is an attempt to demean the plan, throne, sovereignty, and supreme power of the Creator. To dehumanize yourself and deprive yourself of human qualities, personality or spirit is inhuman and inhumane.

Wow, that's quite a leap! I don't know how one gets from "I was born 3rd gender" to "I curse thee, Jehovah, I curse thy holy name!" Also, I don't think, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think most LGBT people refer to themselves as being "Third gender." Am I wrong, LGBT readers? The gay men I know refer to themselves as men. The lesbians I know refer to themselves as women. Also, I don't really get how it demeans the power of the creator to imply that he is capable of creating more than two genders. I mean, I make a pretty good chicken cacciatore and a decent pork lo mein, but if someone said "you also make chicken parm," I don't think I would feel demeaned by that. But, maybe that's why he's God and I'm not.

. . .Yet!

Then there is a section entitled "FACTS."

It begins like this:

Let's keep it simple. God is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. 

Okay. I mean there are certainly a lot of people who would dispute that - Buddhists, Hindus, Jains, atheists, agnostics, Unitarians, Scientologists. . . but that is a statement that would be assumed to be a solid fact by most Christians who, I assume, are the intended audience. So nothing too crazy yet.

. . .Yet!

 Consider the Tree of life: oxygen, water, and food. Oxygen is a colorless, tasteless, odorless gas in the atmosphere that comes from plant life. The odorless gas mixes with the clouds to produce rain water. 

Yeahhhhh, that is NOT how rain works.
At all.
I mean, you got the "clouds are involved" part, but other than that. . .

The rain comes down from the sky to insert life into mother earth, from God the Father. This God created process reveals the nature of how God designs and implements extremely complex methods that accomplish His intentions. He performs the impossible, then steps back for creation to enjoy. God's handiwork, his fingerprint, is recognizable and can be seen over and over. The Tree of life is a reproductive process, a spiritual sex, if you will, which yields the fruit of the earth. It's the seed from our spiritual Father.

Oh dear GOD! Are you saying that rain is. . . EWWWWWW!!!!
I mean, that seems like blasphemy to me. And also Ewwwwww!!!!
I will never look at rain the same way again.

Human sex from the womb is called holy by the Lord 

No. That is not where sex happens. It happens a bit South of the "womb." (Or sometimes South and around the corner, but that's none of my business.)

Also, when did God call sex "holy?" I went through 12 years of Lutheran schooling, I've read most of the Bible, and I don't remember anything positive in there about sex. You really need to cite a particular chapter and verse if you're going to make a claim like that!

A man inserts his penis into his wife's vagina, the genital canal, and a baby is born. 

I think there's a few steps in between. That's why the process generally takes several months.
Also, the term is "birth canal." Not "genital canal."

In the cycle of life, the man becomes the father, the wife becomes the mother and the cycle continues. The reproductive system to create a living being's sexual genitalia is clearly produced in the fruit of the womb. The baby is a boy or a girl.

A: that's gibberish.
B: you do know about hermaphroditism, right? (Is that a real word?) Somethimes babies are born with both male and female parts or sometimes with what is referred to as "ambiguous genitalia." Which is sort of a what you might call a "thied gender" sort of situation.

What is sexism or what is a sexist? Sex is only between the male and female. To convert good (God's design) to evil (your own perversion of sex) is satanistic. To speak or act as oral or anal intercourse is sex is blasphemous and profane.

Mp. That's not what sexism is. That's not what a sexist is. Also, sign me up for a little profane blasphemy this weekend, eh?

Why did God give them brimstone and fire in Sodom and Gomorrah? Because he knew that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender sinners would degenerate God's original intent for sex.

Okay, now that is just patently false. There is no ambiguity on this point. It is stated quite clearly what the "sin of Sodom" was:

Ezekiel 16:49-50 New International Version (NIV)49 “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. 50 They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen.

Eh, I bet it was probably the gays!

Defend the planet or destroy the planet. Let's start with protecting defenseless children from satan. 

Honestly, I think we should concentrate on protecting defenseless children from I.C.E.

Let's start with protecting defenseless children from satan. Adam Adam, Eve and Eve. The power of love is to tell the truth. The power of hate is to stop the truth. Let us get high on love, not getting high on hate. 

So. . . is it Adam and Adam, then? I thought it was supposed to be Adam and Steve?  Or is it Eve and Eve? So many possibilities!

 

In conclusion, this question is posed, which you can answer by clicking on the provided link:

Do homosexuals strengthen the planet, or weaken the planet?

Write me so we can talk about it.

- Minister Leroy

Go ahead. I'm sure he'd love to know your thoughts on the subject.

Good News For a Change

Trump Evangelical Adviser Says You Don’t Need Flu Shots When You Have Jesus

“Inoculate yourself with the word of God,” says Gloria Copeland.

Halle Freakin' Lujah!

A controversial minister linked to President Donald Trump said flu shots aren’t necessary when you have Jesus.

“Inoculate yourself with the word of God,” urged Gloria Copeland

: (  It won't fit in the syringe : (

“Well, listen, partners, we don’t have a flu season,” Copeland said

Well that's just true. There's four seasons: Fall, Winter, Spring, and Summer. Ipso facto, there is no season of "flu."

“And don’t receive it when somebody threatens you with, ‘Everybody’s getting the flu.’ We’ve already had our shot: He bore our sicknesses and carried our diseases. That’s what we stand on.”

**sigh** That is NOT how it works.

Seriously, do you think that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, left his throne in Heaven, came to Earth for 40 miserable non-heavenly years, and allowed himself to be killed by slow torture so you wouldn't get the fucking flu? The whole point of Christianity is that Jesus came to earth to for some reason get punished for the sins of everyone else even though he didn't do anything wrong because God has a weird idea of what justice is and someone needed to die if He was gonna start letting people into Heaven. The goddamm flu doesn't enter into it.

Where in the Bible does it say that Jesus died for your immune system?

She said the faithful who don’t have the flu can ward off the infection by repeatedly saying, “I’ll never have the flu. I’ll never have the flu.”

Wait. Seriously? Do you have to click your heels three times while you say it?

 

Why you had the power to not have the flu allll alonggg! 

All you had to do was repeat this idiotic phrase over and over!

You know, like in the Bible!

For those who are ― somehow ― sick anyway, she offered a prayer. 

“Flu, I bind you off of the people in the name of Jesus,” she said, “Jesus himself gave us the flu shot. He redeemed us from the curse of flu, and we receive it and we take it, and we are healed by his stripes, amen.”

 Oh.
 Sure.
Speak directly to the flu.
I'm sure that must be awfully effective.

 

 All those little nubs are ears!

So, the good news?
Looks like we might start thinning the herd a bit.

Screwy Louie is Really Screwy

This is actually worth watching. Pour yourself a couple fingers of good Kentucky bourbon and revel in this.  Just marvel at the fact that this is a grown man with an education and this is actually what he thinks.





So, first of all he refers to a man who "doesn't know which he is" by which I assume he means a transgendered man. I really am shocked that in 2016 anyone is still going with the "oh, he's just confused" approach to LGBT folks.
And where in the Hell does Screwy Louie come up with the idea that throughout our history, trans men have been "loved and encouraged?"

 Even in our supposedly enlightened age, I'm pretty sure that LGBT people still face a sickening amount of  undeserved opprobrium, mockery, and violence. What time in our history is Gomer referring to when the dominant cis/het culture looked at their LGBT brethren and sistren with love and understanding, taking pity upon them while trying to help them find their way out of their confusion? Up until very recently, one could be jailed for being homosexual or transgendered. I mean, one still could in a lot of horrible places, but a generation ago, one could in civilized countries like England.  (Sexual Offences Act 1967)

 Then he rues the fact that "we now have a government that says 'forget what the Bible says., forget what Moses says.'" Well good! That's what they're supposed to do. This is not a theocracy. We don't stone disobedient children or make rape victims marry their attackers anymore either. (well, most of us don't)

And as far as Jesus saying "what God has joined together let no man put asunder," that's an argument against divorce. It has nothing to do with gay marriage, or transgendered people or whatever the hell he's on about.

Oh, but we haven't even gotten to the really stupid part yet.

First he claims that the founders believed that Jesus was part of the Holy Trinity. Honestly, this is an argument we need to stop having. Because, if you want to believe that the Founding Fathers were devout Christians, you can find plenty of examples of Founding Fathers who were devout Christians. If you want to believe that the Founding fathers were deist intellectuals, you can find plenty of examples of Founding fathers who were Deist intellectuals. The Founding Fathers couldn't agree on much, that's why the Constitution is littered with things known as the "Great Compromise," the "three-fifths compromise," etc. They were not a monolithic group. It's stupid to say that the founders believed something or didn't believe it. Because on pretty much any subject, some believed it and some didn't. Hell, these bastards couldn't even agree on whether black people should be counted as human beings.

Also, in the time of the Founding Fathers, people believed that the best cure for any ailment was to open up a vein and drain out some of that faulty blood. Would you like to resume that practice, or do you enjoy having modern medicine?

Then he makes the weird argument that if you don't believe in God, you should be worried about what will happen when you meet God. Which is something like Woody Allen saying that he is an atheist but is afraid that God is going to punish him for it. Only not clever. Just weird.

But that's still not the really stupid part.


At about the 2:00 mark, Screwy Louie starts talking about what if an asteroid was coming to destroy earth like it did to the dinosaurs which, I guess I have to give him credit for realizing that dinosaurs were real and didn't die off in the Flood. But what if we had to go to Mars like Matt Damon?

Okay, first of all, if there was a humanity-destroying-sized asteroid headed toward Earth, instead of sending Matt Damon to go colonize Mars, why not just send Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to blow it up?






And if you could put 40 people on a spaceship, how many would be same-sex couples? Really?
Okay, number one, I wouldn't put any couples on that spaceship. Because if the goal is to perpetuate the species (and honestly, what have we ever done as a species to deserve to be perpetualted?) but if the goal is to populate Mars, you're going to want a whole lot more women than men. because if watching Judge Judy has taught us nothing else, it's that one man can easily impregnate multiple women. So I'm thinking maybe like 25 women and 15 men? So basically, I want Mormons.

 

I'd send everyone in this picture to outer space right now, asteroid or no asteroid.

Also, I'm pretty sure if the survival of humanity depended upon it, gay men and lesbians could spend the occasional evening together for reproductive purposes. Most of the gay folks I know have had hetero relationships at some point and I'm pretty sure that human life wasn't hanging in the balance. Hell, I know one gay man who fathered 2 wonderful children before he finally couldn't take living that lie anymore. So if he could do it, I'm pretty sure gay astronauts could close their eyes and picture Brad Pitt for the few minutes it would take to save the human race. Hell, if you strand two straight guys on a desert island with no women, they'll be banging each other by sundown. Pretty sure it could work the other way 'round, too.

Then he seems to think that someone has "abolished" the first words of the First Amendment, and I'm not even sure how that would work, but the first words of the First Amendment are: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. 
Now, Louie was just saying, like a minute ago, that our government is ignoring the words of God and Moses and Jesus which is exactly what the government must do in order to fulfill the words of the First Amendment, so I'm really getting confused now. 







Also, no one is prohibiting the free exercise of religion. It's not even worth going into, but in the USofA, you can practice whatever religion you want. You know this, you lightbulb-headed old hick.


Oh, and the US was founded by the grace of God? As an instrument to bless the world?  I gotta think the Almighty must have regretted that move once he saw what we did to the Native Americans and people we kidnapped from Africa.




We've had enough blessings, thank you.

And he ends with the best closing line ever. "This nation. . . is still a fact!"
Yes, Gomer. It is. This nation really is still a fact. Now maybe go have a lie down?

Creepy religious fanatics are creepy.

So, apparently, fundamentalist creep Vaughn Ohlman - founder of the "Quiverfull" movement made famous/notorious by the loathsome Duggar clan, has a new project.





Which you know is creepy and gross, because who is it that is not being allowed to marry? It's not like this group was started a few years ago to promote the legalization of same-sex marriages. These people believe that the only reason for people to marry is to pump out as many babies as possible. So who in the breeder community is not being allowed to get married? If you said "underage girls," give yourself 1000 points and an airsickness bag!

Although, in their defense, this is the headline on their homepage:

Note: Contrary to vicious internet rumors we do not support or in any way condone child sexual activity of any sort, child marriage, or any other illegal activity. Nor do we support or condone forced marriages. We believe that parents should NOT seek a spouse for a child where that child has not actively sought for the parents to do so.

Okay. That sounds good. No children getting married.

But what about, say, tweens?

Do you support child marriage? No. Marriage is for men and women not boys and girls.
At what age do children become men or women? It varies. Every child matures physically at different rates. Mental, emotional and spiritual maturity vary even more.

So, you can marry a child as long as you say she's not a child. As long as you can say "hey, she's very mature for her age, you can marry a high-school freshman. It's kind of like how you can torture prisoners as long as you say that whatever you are doing is not torture. "Sure, I waterboarded this guy, but I'm saying that waterboarding isn't torture, so therefore I have not committed torture! Case dismissed!"

Also, if you go to the webpage concerning their arranged-marriage summer camp or whatever, you will be treated to this:

The page you requested is not available.

We are in the process of completely rewriting our site.

As a result of being picked up by the national media, and being misquoted, a lot, (and lied about), we decided it was best for our tiny ministry to focus on saying exactly what we mean and to take down the hundreds of blog posts and articles which attempted to explain, discuss and explore

Fortunately, Raw Story has some quotes from the page from before it was taken down where they explain their standards for who is too young to be pushed into an arranged marriage and who is old enough to get to breedin'!

 1.  The ‘youth’ ready for marriage has breasts. A woman who is to be married is one who has breasts; breasts which signal her readiness for marriage, and breasts who promise enjoyment for her husband. (We believe that ‘breasts’ here stand as a symbol for all forms of full secondary sexual characteristics.)

So a pretty good percentage of middle-schoolers are apparently grown women able to marry in the eyes of these sick fuckers godly men of God.

But don't worry, they aren't going to force any little girls to marry without their consent.

Do you support forced marriages? No we do not. Betrothal (called arranged marriage by many) is for those who agree with it.

 

 Yeah, you say no forced marriages but. . .

Scripture speaks of the father of the son “taking a wife” for his son, and the father of the bride “giving” her to her husband…. It gives example after example of young women being given to young men, without the young woman even being consulted, and often, in some of the most Godly marriages in Scripture, the young man is not consulted….

Some use the idea of “consent” to deny the very relevance of the action of their authorities to bind them in covenant, as if a covenant was of no effect whatsoever and all that matters is what the person themselves decide. Others consider a covenant to be something substantial but that it is not really binding until the person themselves “consents”.

In contrast, our study of Scripture has shown that the Word of God considers a covenant made by an authority to be meaningful and binding upon those under his or her authority. Biblical consent is not the “consent” of dating or courtship. It is not a “veto” power. It does not presume to cast judgment over their father’s actions. And so, a lack of consent of the individual concerned is a choice of disobedience, a breach of a vow and of a relationship.

So, no one's going to "force" you to marry, but your consent really means nothing, and if your father has picked out a groom for you and you don't agree, then you're basically defying God Himself and I hope you enjoy Hell!

Bride price: What is it, and why is it important? Wouldn’t a bride price be like selling your daughter? A “bride price” is anything paid or given by the man or his representative at the time of his betrothal or receiving his bride.

 And that's something that you obviously don't condone, right? Right?

Scripture certainly teaches about it, but it is not mandated, however,

 Oh, Jeezus! I guess that's the best we can expect from you. At least purchasing your bride is not mandatory. 

it is not mandated, however, except in the case of a couple of laws. 

 

The bride price plays a significant function: It shows the woman’s value, and the point isn’t that the father gets the money but that he keeps it for his daughter, if her husband should ever abandon her.

Yeah, nothing shows how valuable you are as a person like putting an actual monetary price on the purchase of you. Money that will be kept in trust for the day that you are no longer fertile and your husband trades you in for a newer model, because God knows you aren't capable of getting a job and taking care of yourself. And I'm guessing that alimony and child support probably are foreign concepts in your community.