Screwy Louie is Really Screwy

This is actually worth watching. Pour yourself a couple fingers of good Kentucky bourbon and revel in this.  Just marvel at the fact that this is a grown man with an education and this is actually what he thinks.





So, first of all he refers to a man who "doesn't know which he is" by which I assume he means a transgendered man. I really am shocked that in 2016 anyone is still going with the "oh, he's just confused" approach to LGBT folks.
And where in the Hell does Screwy Louie come up with the idea that throughout our history, trans men have been "loved and encouraged?"

 Even in our supposedly enlightened age, I'm pretty sure that LGBT people still face a sickening amount of  undeserved opprobrium, mockery, and violence. What time in our history is Gomer referring to when the dominant cis/het culture looked at their LGBT brethren and sistren with love and understanding, taking pity upon them while trying to help them find their way out of their confusion? Up until very recently, one could be jailed for being homosexual or transgendered. I mean, one still could in a lot of horrible places, but a generation ago, one could in civilized countries like England.  (Sexual Offences Act 1967)

 Then he rues the fact that "we now have a government that says 'forget what the Bible says., forget what Moses says.'" Well good! That's what they're supposed to do. This is not a theocracy. We don't stone disobedient children or make rape victims marry their attackers anymore either. (well, most of us don't)

And as far as Jesus saying "what God has joined together let no man put asunder," that's an argument against divorce. It has nothing to do with gay marriage, or transgendered people or whatever the hell he's on about.

Oh, but we haven't even gotten to the really stupid part yet.

First he claims that the founders believed that Jesus was part of the Holy Trinity. Honestly, this is an argument we need to stop having. Because, if you want to believe that the Founding Fathers were devout Christians, you can find plenty of examples of Founding Fathers who were devout Christians. If you want to believe that the Founding fathers were deist intellectuals, you can find plenty of examples of Founding fathers who were Deist intellectuals. The Founding Fathers couldn't agree on much, that's why the Constitution is littered with things known as the "Great Compromise," the "three-fifths compromise," etc. They were not a monolithic group. It's stupid to say that the founders believed something or didn't believe it. Because on pretty much any subject, some believed it and some didn't. Hell, these bastards couldn't even agree on whether black people should be counted as human beings.

Also, in the time of the Founding Fathers, people believed that the best cure for any ailment was to open up a vein and drain out some of that faulty blood. Would you like to resume that practice, or do you enjoy having modern medicine?

Then he makes the weird argument that if you don't believe in God, you should be worried about what will happen when you meet God. Which is something like Woody Allen saying that he is an atheist but is afraid that God is going to punish him for it. Only not clever. Just weird.

But that's still not the really stupid part.


At about the 2:00 mark, Screwy Louie starts talking about what if an asteroid was coming to destroy earth like it did to the dinosaurs which, I guess I have to give him credit for realizing that dinosaurs were real and didn't die off in the Flood. But what if we had to go to Mars like Matt Damon?

Okay, first of all, if there was a humanity-destroying-sized asteroid headed toward Earth, instead of sending Matt Damon to go colonize Mars, why not just send Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck to blow it up?






And if you could put 40 people on a spaceship, how many would be same-sex couples? Really?
Okay, number one, I wouldn't put any couples on that spaceship. Because if the goal is to perpetuate the species (and honestly, what have we ever done as a species to deserve to be perpetualted?) but if the goal is to populate Mars, you're going to want a whole lot more women than men. because if watching Judge Judy has taught us nothing else, it's that one man can easily impregnate multiple women. So I'm thinking maybe like 25 women and 15 men? So basically, I want Mormons.

 

I'd send everyone in this picture to outer space right now, asteroid or no asteroid.

Also, I'm pretty sure if the survival of humanity depended upon it, gay men and lesbians could spend the occasional evening together for reproductive purposes. Most of the gay folks I know have had hetero relationships at some point and I'm pretty sure that human life wasn't hanging in the balance. Hell, I know one gay man who fathered 2 wonderful children before he finally couldn't take living that lie anymore. So if he could do it, I'm pretty sure gay astronauts could close their eyes and picture Brad Pitt for the few minutes it would take to save the human race. Hell, if you strand two straight guys on a desert island with no women, they'll be banging each other by sundown. Pretty sure it could work the other way 'round, too.

Then he seems to think that someone has "abolished" the first words of the First Amendment, and I'm not even sure how that would work, but the first words of the First Amendment are: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. 
Now, Louie was just saying, like a minute ago, that our government is ignoring the words of God and Moses and Jesus which is exactly what the government must do in order to fulfill the words of the First Amendment, so I'm really getting confused now. 







Also, no one is prohibiting the free exercise of religion. It's not even worth going into, but in the USofA, you can practice whatever religion you want. You know this, you lightbulb-headed old hick.


Oh, and the US was founded by the grace of God? As an instrument to bless the world?  I gotta think the Almighty must have regretted that move once he saw what we did to the Native Americans and people we kidnapped from Africa.




We've had enough blessings, thank you.

And he ends with the best closing line ever. "This nation. . . is still a fact!"
Yes, Gomer. It is. This nation really is still a fact. Now maybe go have a lie down?

Very Serious People

These very serious people all hold positions of responsibility and must be taken very seriously when they address very serious issues.

Very Serious Person #1:
SC Governor Nikki Haley

  

There are two people in the world who spell their name "Nikki."

One of them is the governor of South Carolina.

SC governor defends Confederate flag at Statehouse: Not ‘a single CEO’ has complained

Wait, that can't be right, can it?

 “What I can tell you is over the last three and a half years, I spent a lot of my days on the phones with CEOs and recruiting jobs to this state,” the governor noted. “I can honestly say I have not had one conversation with a single CEO about the Confederate flag.”

Oh, Geez. . .

Nikki, bubula, you're not supposed to say things like that out loud. You're supposed to pretend that you give a shit about the opinions and feelings of people, even those little non-CEO people, um what do ya call 'em. . . oh, yeah voters!

Okay, so that was one slip. I'm sure everything else she had to say was about very serious ideas and. . .

Haley said that she had tried to improve the perception of the state by ordering employees to answer the phone with the phrase “it’s a great day in South Carolina.”

  

Oh fer fuck sake. . .

That's how you improve your state's image? By having your employees recite some bullshit tagline when they answer the phone? Do you really imagine that anyone is calling the state, hearing "It's a great day in South Carolina" and thinking "it is? Well, heck I'm a gonna bring my whole durn business down thar if the days are really that great! It's rainin' cats & dogs up here in North carolina, Im a headin' down south right now! Pack up yer things, ma - we'se a movin!"

This is like how Chic-Fil-A makes their employees say "it's my pleasure" every time the serve a customer. * No one believes them. Everyone knows they're being forced to say that. It's not like customers are thinking "oh, it's her pleasure? Well, shoot then I guess I don't feel so bad about the miserable minimum wage in this state. If I'd  only known that this cashier is doing this job for her own enjoyment!"

But, really, even if people are fooled by your employees insincere catchphrase, do you really thin that erases the history of slavery and racism that the Confederate flag represents? Don't you think that even with this exercise in P.R. genius, people might still be reminded of the more shameful parts of your state's history when they see that flag?

“But we really kind of fixed all that when you elected the first Indian-American female governor,” she insisted. “When we appointed the first African-American U.S. senator, that sent a huge message.”

  

You stop that, Judge Judy! Stop laughing! Nikki Haley is not to be laughed at. She is a very serious person!

Just as serious as Very Serious Person #2:  Jeb Bush.

Jeb Bush does not currently hold a position of responsibility, but he used to be Governor of Florida and has, well not exactly thrown his hat into the ring, but he is holding his hat in his hand and pacing around the ring waiting for someone to finally ask him to throw it in.

You can tell how serious Jeb is just by his answer to this question about an actual important issue:

Progress Michigan: Do you think Secretary Land should support the Paycheck Fairness Act?
Bush: What's the Paycheck Fairness Act?

 

 You know, I'm sure that there are a lot of folks out there who don't know what the Paycheck Fairness Act is. But none of those people is qualified to be the President of the goddamned United States of America!

Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying? Saying very seriously?

Progress Michigan: The Paycheck Fairness Act is a piece of legislation that would ensure women receive the same pay as men...equal pay for equal work.
Bush: Equal pay for the same work, not for equal work—I think that's the problem with it. I think there's a definition issue.

Whoah! Hold it right there!

Am I misunderstanding you, or is your position seriously that women doing the same work as men is not the same thing as women doing equal work? Is that really what you're saying? Like if a male accountant is doing the same job as a female accountant, that's not equal because of course the female accountant's work would not be as good? 'Cuz, um, boobs? Or something? Are you really trying to imply that? Because that's what I'm hearing.

Progress Michigan: So you don't think Secretary Land should support it?
Bush: I don't know. You'd have to ask her.

Really? You'd have to ask Secretary Land what YOUR OPINION is on whether she should support the Fairness Act? Now that's a serious thinker! No wonder he's considered "the smart one."

  

George was "the cute one." Neil was "the mysterious one."

And of course, no discussion of very serious people could be complete without

 Very Serious Person #3: Louie Gohmert

Discussing the very serious subject of the miniscule possibility DEAD CERTAINTY!!! that there could be an Ebola pandemic in the US, Gohmert offered this analysis:

“You know, it’s a shame that the CDC head, Frieden, is apparently the commander of the Democrats’ new war on women nurses,” Gohmert opined. “Because, goodnight, they set them up, and then they throw them under the bus.”

  

What???

Now, not being a very serious person myself, I really don't understand what the fuck any of this is supposed to mean, but apparently the head of the CDC, at the behest of the Democratic Party, is purposely infecting nurses with Ebola? Because the Democratic Party hates women nurses? I guess that makes sense, I mean why wouldn't the Democrats hate a group made up largely of women who are union members?

“The idiot comes out and says that clearly she had violated protocol,” the Texas congressman continued. “At least in football, they have to tell you what you violated.”

Umm. . . okay. Football. Sure. That just could not be more germane. Whenever anyone doesn't behave the way a football referee would, it's safe to say that person is an idiot. 

And on that note, I think that's about all the very serious people I can take right now. 

 

*Yes, I used to eat at Chic-Fil-A. No, I don't any more. They say they've stopped contributing to anti-gay groups, but the damage has been done. To my arteries.

Louie Gohmert is a Fucking Liar

Louie Gohmert blasts Claire McCaskill ‘ignorance’

By LUCY MCCALMONT | 10/3/13 12:51 PM EDT

“My heart breaks for somebody with the ignorance of Claire McCaskill. Having served in the Army active duty ’78 to ’82, having been spit at in uniform, having been ordered not to wear my uniform off post because of the threats to people in uniform, I understand. I’ve stood with families when there was no camera anywhere in sight, anywhere with just a handful of people,” Gohmert (R-Texas) said on Fox News’s “America’s Newsroom.”

Okay, let's just take a look at a couple of things Gohmert said there.

First:  "having been spit at in uniform"

That never happened. He's lying. That whole "soldiers getting spit at" thing is an urban legend. If it had happened, it certainly wouldn't have happened between 1978 and 1982. Vietnam was already over when Gohmert served. Do you know what would have happened if some hippy had spit on a soldier? A hippy getting his ass kicked by that soldier and every other soldier within shouting distance. Hippies may have been high a lot, but they weren't stupid.

Second: "having been ordered not to wear my uniform off base because of the threats to people in uniform"

That is also a lie. No Army officer is ever going to order his troops to act the coward. And pretending to be a civilian because of some sort of vague threats against "people in uniform" is the act of a coward. I can't imagine any Army office would allow that, much less order it.

 

 

He'd kick your ass for even considering it!

 

 

Of course, even if either of those things were true. what the hell do either of them have to do with Gohmert having "stood with families when there was no camera anywhere in sight, anywhere with just a handful of people?”
Who knows? Louie Gohmert is not only a fucking liar, he's a goddamm imbecile.

Who Had Louie Gohmert?

 

Every time there's a highly-publicized bout of gun violence like there was last night, I hold an imaginary pool with the various people who live inside my skull a' la Herman's Head as to which scumbag will be the first to say that the real problem was not enough guns. Today's winner: whoever put their money on idiot douchenozzle Louie Gohmert.

Gohmert also said the tragedy could have been lessened if someone else in the movie theater had been carrying a gun and took down the lone shooter.
"It does make me wonder, with all those people in the theater, was there nobody that was carrying a gun that could have stopped this guy more quickly?" he asked.

Yes, this seems like the perfect time to argue for more guns being carried into more places. Stay classy, Louie!

Of course, it wasn't only the lack of guns to blame, it was also the lack of Jesus apparently.

During a radio interview on The Heritage Foundation's "Istook Live!" show, Gohmert was asked why he believes such senseless acts of violence take place. Gohmert responded by talking about the weakening of Christian values in the country.
"You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of terror like this takes place," Gohmert said.

 Yes, the ongoing attacks, which are taking place only in the fevered dreams and paranoid fantasies of the Heritage Foundation types, are obviously the real culprit here.

"People say ... where was God in all of this?" Gohmert said. "We've threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God's name, they're going to be jailed ... I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don't want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present."

So if I'm understanding you correctly, God let this happen because we hurt his feelings? We said he couldn't come to our high-school graduation so he was off pouting instead of stretching out his protective hand over Colorado? Is that what you're saying? Really? And this is the Almighty, right? The creator and ruler of the universe?  Acting like petulant child. Is this what  you really think God is like? And this version of God is the one you worship, huh? Wow.

Teabagger rally is too disgusting even for other teabaggers

How disgusting would a Teabagger rally have to be before other teabaggers steer clear of it?

Mass Coalition’s April 15th Patriots Day Rally on the Common
April 16, 2012
 Last week in a statement, the Greater Boston Tea Party appealed to members not to attend the event on the Common. The statement said the Mass Tea Party Coalition appears to focus mainly on social issues, including opposition to gay marriage and abortion.

Well, that's putting it mildly, seeing as how these hate-mongers were invited to speak:
(source)

Rev. Scott Lively of Abiding Truth Ministries, one of the two Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) anti-gay hate groups that were invited to speak. The other certified anti-gay hate group invited to speak was Mass Resistance.

Lively is widely credited for sowing the seeds that created the “Kill The Gays” bill in Uganda, and amplifying anti-gay hate on the African continent. Lively is a “professional worldwide hunter of homosexuals and top proponent of ‘gay cure‘,” as Scott Wooledge at Daily Kos today described him.

Mass Resistance is perhaps among the most radical and fringe of the 18 groups featured on Southern Poverty Law Center’s anti-gay hate groups list, which is saying a lot. In 2006 and 2007 they pushed a repeal of Massachusetts’s marriage equality:

The group proposed language that lumped sexual orientation (which includes heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality) in with criminal behaviors like bestiality and polygamy. During legislative testimony supporting the amendment, Camenker falsely claimed that no homosexuals died in the Holocaust and that the pink triangle the Nazis forced imprisoned gays to wear actually signified Catholic priests.

So it seems that these speakers were so objectionable as to even scare away Boston's main teabagger group, who at long last does seem to have at least a shred of human decency. You know who doesn't, though?
This guy:

 

Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Massengill, seen here lionizing Andrew Breitbart

 No, seriously, check it out (link)

Louie Gohmert apparently has no compunction about appearing on the same bill as the person who said:

"Even though probably the majority of homosexuals are not oriented towards young people, there is a significant number that are, especially the men…male homosexuality has historically been not adult to adult it has been adult to teenager"

And the guy who says:

The Big Lie technique (like other remnants of Nazism and the Nazi movement) has been a focus of the homosexual movement since it coalesced in the late 1980s

Because Louie Gohmert knows no shame, has no sense of decency, is absolutely morally bankrupt in the depths of his rancid, repugnant soul. Much like his hero, Andrew Breitbart.
Seriously, what the fuck is a United States Congressman doing on a dais with venomous, lying hatemongers like Scott Lively and Brian Camenker? I know Gohmert has no dignity personally, but what of the reputation of the US Congress? Oh, right. Never mind.

Speaking of the Boston Teabagger Rally:

At yesterday’s Tea Party rally in Boston, protesters from Occupy Wall Street and Join the Impact MA shouted down Uganda’s “Kill the Gays” architect, Scott Lively’s, address to the crowd about the dangers of “faggots.” During the non-violent culture clash Boston’s police stepped in to rough up the young queers and their supporters. Photographer Paul Weiskel captured this young man getting choked for holding a dangerous object - a pink wig. Here’s his account of the incident:

    Hi, This is a picture of me. The “pale violet material” I’m holding was a wig I was wearing that a Tea Partier had just knocked off my head. I was asking the tea partier to explain to me why he thought it was okay to knock my wig off (“My hand slipped”, he replied sarcastically) when the officer came up and said something along the lines of “okay, take your shit and get out of here” and shoved me a few feet. I turned to him and said “Don’t push me”. he replied “Don’t push you?!” then did this. You can decide yourself if this was deserved or not.

(source)